Disclaimer: Yeah I wish I owned Glee LOL
AN: This is a once off addition to this story. And also to update everyone I found out I am having a little BOY! All is going well, baby is healthy and no abnormalities that they could see in scans so come March 2011 I should have a tiny little baby to play with. This chapter is just to celebrate my news so here it is! Also sorry if the spelling and flow isn't great but I am pregnant and a little dopey right now haha
In Which Puck Decides He Hates Dopplegangers
Puck liked guy day. There was nothing better than hanging with his friends, drinking some beer and playing some Xbox. Puck and Artie had crashed Finn's house and right now they were chilling and drinking their beers. Now that Puck had Artie it was even easier to look sad and pathetic outside the 7/11 until some poor schmuck took pity and bought them some beers. Best idea Puck ever had. It was totally worth the two hour lecture Rachel gave him about inappropriate use of their friends' disability.
"So San made me watch The Vampire Diaries and there are two of the lead chicks now," Finn explained excitedly, nodding his head and licking his lips with approval and Artie looked at him in confusion while Puck smirked.
"What?" Artie asked completely lost and Finn made a gesture with his hands.
"It's like double hotness."
Artie was silent for a long moment.
"I know I say this a lot to you Finn but...I...don't...under...stand...what...you...are...saying," Artie said slowly in exaggeration and Puck rolled his eyes.
Of the couples that had gotten together in Glee during the years only he and Rachel, Artie and Quinn and Finn and Santana had gone the distance to last till Senior Year. Brittany and Tina split when Brittany decided she was bi-sexual and wanted to date boys again. Kurt and Mike had broken up because Mike couldn't put up with Kurt's admittedly needy nature. Matt and Mercedes broke up when Matt's parents moved him across the country. They were all good friends still and Puck was sure that there were random hook ups between some of them that were kept secret but no one really judged. They were one big, happy, incestuous family. They had newcomers, Sam Evans was one who had immediately clicked with the group and had dated Mercedes then Brittany before ending up with Mercedes again. See, incestuous.
"Elena is the lead chick, but she has like a twin vampire named Katherine. She is super-hot and now there are two of them," Puck explained for Artie's benefit.
"Oh," Artie nodded in understanding adjusting his glasses before he grinned and looked at Puck tauntingly, "How do you know that?"
"The same way you know what happens every episode of One Tree Hill," Puck retorted easily and Artie's smile dropped. The two boys knew way too much about each other thanks to Quinn and Rachel still living together.
"Touché," Artie muttered his defeat and Puck smirked. That would teach him.
"Could you guys imagine? Two Santana's," Finn broke into their conversation smiling wickedly and Puck nodded taking his mind to what Finn was quite clearly thinking.
"Two Rachel's," Puck echoed him.
"Two Quinn's," Artie nodded approvingly and the three boys all looked at each other and grinned.
So Puck really did like guy day; but he missed Rachel and she was taking longer than usual on her shopping trip with Santana and Quinn. Shut up, he loved her and all that. Puck didn't really think it could be classified as stalking if you were looking for your girlfriend at the mall. He was about to give up when he saw in the distance the familiar head of hair and the side curve of her face. Puck perked up and ran after her; planning to call her name when he had a better idea. Puck secretly followed Rachel through the department store she had disappeared into and eventually she stopped and bent over to look at some shoes. Puck smirked; this was too easy. Puck reached out and slapped her butt, leaving his hand on there and giving a squeeze as well for good measure.
"Hey there sweet cheeks," he said in his sleaziest voice and Rachel stood up slowly then turned to face him, her face bright red with embarrassment. Puck's mouth dropped open.
Sweet mother of God, that wasn't Rachel...it was Rachel's mother. And his hand was still connected to her ass.
"Noah it's so nice to see you again," Miranda said politely trying to inch away from his hand and Puck just continued gaping at her, unable to believe that he had just cracked onto Rachel's mother and squeezed her ass.
"What on Earth?" Rachel's voice came from behind them and Puck immediately wrenched his hands back and placed them in surrender position, palms facing Rachel who was standing with her hands on her hips and her right foot pumping up and down.
"I thought she was you!" Puck tried to explain and Rachel raised an eyebrow though it looked like she was trying not to laugh. Santana and Quinn were behind her and laughing like a couple of hyenas.
"You thought i was my thirty something mother?" Rachel asked him narrowing her eyes and Puck shrugged and then smiled winningly.
"Babe, you guys look identical from far away, and she has a great looking ass for someone her age."
"Thank you," Miranda accepted the compliment quietly and Puck gave her a wink before turning his attention back to Rachel.
"Just think, when you are your mother's age you will have a great ass too," Puck told her confidently placing an arm around her shoulders and Rachel just lost it as she started giggling.
"Noah, what will I do with you?" she chuckled through her laughter and Puck kissed her nose.
"I can think of a number of things," he replied lewdly and Rachel just laughed harder slapping his chest.
Puck relaxed. Crisis averted. And free pass for grabbing Miranda's ass. Nice.
Puck arrived at school Monday morning feeling like he had forgotten something. Monday's Rachel's dad's liked to drive her to school so he usually waited for her at her locker. He loitered casually around Rachel's locker waving at Finn and Santana as they strolled by hand in hand but then the bell rang it was time for class. Puck frowned at the empty hallway. Rachel was never late for class. He started heading to his first class when heard footsteps and smelt the familiar scent of Rachel's shampoo. He turned the corner and saw the door to the girl's bathroom closing and he grinned mischievously, there she was. Puck strolled into the girl's bathroom and walked over to the only cubicle that was occupied.
"Babe I missed you this morning, why don't you come out and give me some love?" Puck cooed suggestively knocking on the door and there was a long silence. Puck frowned and knocked on the door again.
"Rach? Rach I know you're in there it's just me, come out."
The cubicle door swung open and Puck gaped in shock at the figure covered in pink mush which was definitely not Rachel Berry.
"See something you like Puckerman?"
"Coach Sylvester?" Puck managed to choke out and Coach Sylvester stormed out of the cubicle and stood with her arms folded across her chest, her eyes narrowed at him suspiciously. Puck couldn't help but stare; the woman looked like she had been slushied. There was pink congealed gunge down the front of her tracksuit and some and even made its way onto her face.
"Care to tell me why you are skulking around in the girl's bathroom before I have you reported for sexually harassing me?" Coach Sylvester demanded and Puck held back the vomit that threatened to come up at the thought of sexually harassing Coach Sylvester.
"I thought I smelt Rachel's shampoo, its strawberry," Puck told her feeling more than a little stupid and he and Coach Sylvester stared at each other for a few moments, both clearly embarrassed to be caught like this.
"I forgot to put the lid on my strawberry protein shake," Coach Sylvester muttered then she poked him in the chest, "If you promise not to mention to anyone I spilled my shake on myself, I'll forget I saw your ugly mug in the girl's bathroom, deal?"
That was the best thing Puck had heard all day.
"Good now get lost," Coach Sylvester spat at him and Puck happily did as told.
Puck struggled through his classes until lunch still wondering why he hadn't seen his girlfriend or at least heard Rachel's voice all day. After his run in with Coach Sylvester all he wanted to do was hold onto his girl. Puck perked up at the sight of Rachel's tanned legs in her patented short skirt standing near Santana's locker and he hurried over and wrapped his arms around her waist.
"Babe, you have no idea how glad I am to see you," he murmured nuzzling her neck and Rachel slapped at his hands cursing in Spanish as she struggled to get away from him. Wait, Spanish?
"Puckerman get your hands off me before I break them off."
"What the? Santana?" Puck pulled away from her like he had touched fire and Santana turned to face him rolling her eyes. Puck was more confused than ever, "Why are you wearing Rachel's clothes?"
Santana rolled her eyes again like it was such a chore having to explain herself but Puck felt that this whole situation kind of needed an explanation. Santana was a Cheerio and always wore her uniform, that she was dressed in normal clothes was weird enough but she was wearing Rachel's clothes.
"Some loser bumped into me in the lunch line and spilled his spaghetti all over my Cheerio's uniform, Rachel was the only one who had spare clothes so I broke into her locker and took them. I swear these are like leftovers from Sophomore year, look how short this skirt is," Santana tugged at the skirt awkwardly and Puck hid a smirk deciding not to point out that her Cheerios' skirt was just as short if not shorter and way more revealing. Chicks hated it when guys actually made sense.
Puck was still confused, if this was Santana then where the hell was Rachel? Santana turned back to her locker and started inspecting herself again, this time looking a little more approving.
"You know, I always thought Rachel's style was really ridiculous but I kind of like the short skirt and knee socks thing, makes me feel like I should be getting spanked with a ruler," Santana chuckled giving a smirk before using a ruler to playfully spank herself and Puck shuddered.
"You're disgusting," he told her bluntly and Santana's smirk became even more evil.
"Like you haven't done it to Rachel," Santana countered and when Puck's eyes widened in shock Santana gave him a smug look, "Yeah Puck, girls talk."
Rachel told Santana and the girls about their naughty time? This was too much, Puck needed to go hang out with dudes before he found out what else the girls talked about. Puck turned to go find Finn when Santana spoke again.
"I think I'm gonna break up with Finn."
Puck stopped and turned back to face Santana who had a sad look on her face. It was weird to see such a vulnerable expression on her, she was usually so confident.
"Why?" Puck asked curiously. Finn and Santana had seemed fine, he didn't know they were having problems, Rachel would have told him if they were since she, Santana and Quinn were all buddy-buddy now. Santana gave a rueful smile.
"Watch," was all she said gesturing down the hallway that was starting to fill with teens heading to their lockers for their next class. Luckily they had an extra Glee rehearsal instead of afternoon classes. Puck didn't know what he was looking for until he saw Finn's hulking figure coming through the crowd that parted for him like he was a giant in munchkin land. Brittany appeared at his side greeting him with a bright smile and Finn turned to her and this look came over his face. Like he was so happy to see her he might just burst. Like everything she said and did was amazing. Like he was in love. Puck turned back to Santana who was smiling sadly, "It's the look. It's that dumb look you get on your face when you see Rachel and when Artie sees Quinn. It's the look. Poor Finn, I don't think he even realises the way he feels about her and Brittany is just as clueless. In a way they are perfect for each other."
"San..." Puck started to say but then he stopped. What could he say? This just all round sucked. And the worst part was Finn didn't even know that he was doing it; that he was falling for Brittany. Santana gave his arm a gentle pat.
"Don't worry about me Puckerman, I'll be fine but when I break it off with Finn I want you to explain to him why. You know he'll be confused," Santana chuckled easily though there was a pain behind her eyes. Puck gave her a small smile.
"I'll speak Finnish for him."
"San!" Finn called Santana's name excitedly and Puck and Santana turned to watch him come towards them. Puck noted that look on Finn's face as he looked at Santana. Love, adoration, attraction, but Santana was right. Finn had been giving Brittany the same look as well.
"Hey Finn listen," Santana paused to look at Puck for the briefest moment before looking back at Finn, "We need to talk."
Finn threw Puck a confused look but dumbly followed his girlfriend to the nearest quiet corner. Puck decided to leave them to it and go seek out Rachel in the choir Room since Glee would start soon and she was always early.
Puck entered the choir room and saw Rachel sitting at the piano plucking some keys. He started to smile but then stopped. He had been mistaken so many times today that he didn't want to be further humiliated so he cautiously approached 'Rachel' and placed a hand on her shoulder.
"Rach?" he asked and 'Rachel' turned and... "Ahh!"
Puck hoped that sounded manlier out loud than it did to his ears. It was definitely not Rachel. This was a thirty something woman with mousy brown hair, thick rimmed glasses, braces and freckles.
"Guess again sweet cheeks," the woman drawled lazily adjusting her glasses, "Brad is sick and I'm filling in today, I'm Celeste. But I can be anyone you want me to be."
Puck from then on swore he would never say 'sweet cheeks' ever again. Celeste flashed him a dry smile that Puck struggled not to shudder from then she turned back to the piano. Puck turned around to find Rachel standing behind him, looking perfect and smiling sweetly.
"Noah..." she didn't get to say anything else because Puck grabbed her face between his hands and kissed her soundly.
"Babe, I have had the worst day, everyone I thought was you wasn't you, where the hell were you all day?" Puck demanded feeling a little pissed off since it kind of was her fault he had been mistaking people for her all day since he hadn't seen her.
"I had a dentist appointment this morning remember? But I had a bad reaction to the anaesthetic so daddy took me home to sleep it off, I sent you a text message, don't you check your phone?" Rachel asked him raising an eyebrow.
Puck felt monumentally stupid.
Rachel gave an amused smile.
"So who did you think was me?" she asked coyly and Puck shook his head.
"Babe you don't want to know," he assured her glancing quickly over at Celeste before focusing back on his girlfriend, "But as far as I'm concerned one Rachel is definitely enough for me."
Rachel laughed and threw her arms around his neck and Puck figured he may as well go in for the grope since Glee hadn't started yet. They were interrupted by Finn storming into Glee looking like he wanted to kick a chair.
"What did you say to San? What did you say to her?" Finn bypassed Rachel and started pushing Puck in the chest. Puck clenched his fists but restrained from reacting violently knowing that Finn was just pissed off that San probably broke up with him.
Rachel couldn't work out what on earth happened. One second everything was perfect with Noah and the next Finn was yelling and pushing and she didn't know what to do.
"Finn! Stop! What happened?" Rachel pushed Finn's chest with surprising strength and, not expecting the attack, Finn stumbled backwards off balance.
"Santana broke up with me," Finn told her angrily and Rachel sighed and pressed a hand to her forehead before turning back to her boyfriend.
"Noah, tell me you didn't have anything to do with this," Rachel said to him, though she was certain that nothing Noah said could actually affect any decision Santana made. If Finn had been thinking clearly he would have known that too.
"I didn't Rach," Noah told her bluntly and Rachel nodded then looked over at Finn who relaxed his tense shoulders.
"So what happened?" Rachel asked Finn using a gentle voice and Finn shrugged like he didn't know what happened either. One second they were perfect and the next she was dumping him.
"Finn you like Brittany," Puck decided to speak up again and Rachel turned to look at him in disbelief. Was he serious? Finn didn't like Brittany, he was in love with Santana, he had been for more than two years.
"What? I do?" Finn asked Puck unsurely and then looked down at the ground with his eyebrows furrowed as he tried to think if he really did like Brittany and hadn't realised it.
"Santana noticed, and she wants you to be happy," Puck was telling Finn and Rachel screwed up her face in confusion. This wasn't right.
"But I was happy with her, I'm always happy with her, so what if I like Brittany, I love Santana," Finn protested collapsing into the nearest chair and Puck went over to sit next to him.
"I know you want that to be true but she doesn't think it is, I saw you look at Brittany and I don't think its true either," Puck tried to be as gentle as possible but Finn was immediately on the defensive.
"Don't tell me how I feel, I love her," Finn spat at Puck and the two glared at each other. Rachel held up her hands to interrupt them. If she wanted to get to the bottom of this she would have to go to Santana. Boys made absolutely no sense.
"Finn, let me talk to her okay?" Rachel implored and Finn nodded still glaring at Puck.
"And stop glowering at Noah this instant," Rachel snapped stamping her foot and Finn automatically dropped his eyes to the ground.
Satisfied that there would be no more fighting Rachel flounced off to find Santana passing a couple of Gleeks on her way out. They had freshmen and sophomores and juniors now though the original eleven were still as close as ever. Rachel was glad that Glee would still live on after they had graduated.
Sure enough, she found Santana sitting in a cubicle sniffling. Rachel smiled on the inside; if Santana was upset about breaking up with Finn then she didn't break up with him because she didn't love him. That was one question answered.
"San," Rachel whispered softly and Santana jumped to her feet and pushed passed her to the mirror.
"What do you want Berry?" Santana sneered unkindly brushing at her face quickly, as though embarrassed to be caught crying and when Rachel raised an eyebrow at her rude behaviour Santana bowed her head sheepishly, "Sorry that was rude."
"What's this Noah is saying about Finn liking Brittany?" Rachel decided to get straight to the point and Santana sighed helplessly.
"He gets this look when he sees her. It's 'the' look Rachel, the love look."
That's what all this was about? The way Finn looked when he sees Brittany? Rachel held back a laugh and instead took Santana's hand.
"Let me show you something, come on," Rachel started tugging Santana out of the bathroom and she followed along without resistance until she realised that Rachel was leading her to Glee.
"I don't want to go in there," Santana dug her heels into the hallway floor and shook her head and Rachel rolled her eyes.
"Just come in," Rachel said more sternly and Santana followed her into Glee avoiding eye contact with Finn then Rachel pointed to the chair next to her, "Sit."
Santana did as told obediently. Rachel made sure they had a good view of both Puck and Finn. Puck looked over at her and raised his eyebrows questioningly and Rachel just smiled and shook her head.
"Why are you making me do this?" Santana whispered to her harshly and Rachel gave her knee a comforting pat as they could hear voices coming down the hall towards the glee room. Rachel gave a knowing smile before leaning over towards Santana.
"Watch Noah's face when he looks at Quinn," Rachel advised Santana who frowned but did as told.
Quinn walked into Glee pushing Artie along and both Rachel and Santana watched Puck's face as he greeted Quinn. His face softened a little, and his smile was wide and friendly, his eyes fixed on her with a look of love and adoration. Santana gasped in shock grabbing Rachel's arm tightly.
"He's giving her the look. Aren't you angry or worried?" Santana asked Rachel wondering how she could look so at ease with the way Puck was looking at Quinn and Rachel laughed.
"San, of course Noah loves Quinn, he has the same look on his face when he looks at you, or any of the other girls in Glee. He loves you all. But I know he's in love with me," Rachel made sure to emphasise that sentence before looking pointedly at Santana, "Finn feels the same way about you."
"Oh," Santana's sad look broke into an embarrassed smile, "I feel kind of stupid."
"You are kind of stupid," Rachel retorted and Santana gave her a mockingly hateful look.
"That's just mean Berry, wherever did you learn to be such a bitch?"
"From a good friend."
Santana leaned over and hugged her. Rachel looked back over at Finn who was staring at Santana looking like a child who got told that he couldn't play with his favourite toy anymore...which kind of made sense.
"Will you go put Finn out of his misery now?" Rachel asked her and Santana looked over at Finn and smiled warmly.
"Yeah, thanks Rach," Santana said squeezing Rachel's shoulder before launching herself across the room and into Finn's lap. Finn looked surprised at first but as soon as she planted a kiss on him he didn't care about anything else.
Rachel sat there feeling mighty proud of herself and Noah came to seat himself beside her with an arm around her shoulders.
"You are a genius," he complimented her, kissing her temple.
"I know," she agreed then she gave him a stern look, "Just do me a favour? Next time one of the girl's has a problem, try not to help."
Noah gave her a wink and a salute.
"Aye aye captain."
An: So not the longest chapter but this has been sitting here half done since I found out I was pregnant and I had a free moment this morning so I thought I might as well finish and post it. I won't be updating this in the near future which is why its complete but I hope you all enjoyed this extra little chapter. Baby did, or he just likes kicking my belly button, either way, hope you liked it!
BTW: has anyone noticed how weirdly creepy Schue is getting season 2? I'm not sure he means to be but when he did toxic in the Brittany/Britney episode I was like…awkward. And then he decided to be Rocky which meant that he would have been doing Toucha-Touch Me with Rachel in the play…very very awkward. I just found that really, really odd, although I wasn't opposed to seeing him with his shirt off LOL