Beach Blanket X-Men

Author's Note: It has come to my attention that many people get tired of the constant angst ridden nature of everyone's favorite mutants. So here is a moment of levity.

"I'm the best there is at what I do. And what I do at the beach is hang ten."

"You always go on with all 'dat crap Wolverine," Gambit challenges. "How 'bout you put you're money where your mouth is?"

"I bet ya ten bucks I can outsurf ya Cajun," Wolverine responds.

"You're on Wolverine," Gambit comments. "dis Cajun grew up in the big easy and he knows a t'ing or two about surfin'."

"I bet I can out surf you both," Forge responds.

"I thought your tribe lived in the desert Forge?" asks Wolverine.

"They sure did," Forge answers.

"Dis is gonna be de easiest money I ever made," comments Gambit.

Cyclops and Phoenix are walking together along the edge of the waves spending a rare moment together. "Hey Scott, do you see that?" Phoenix asks pointing towards a small figure flying high in the sky.

Cyclops turns his head, "Yeah it's some guy flying in the sky."

"Yeah he's dressed in red and blue with a big 'S' on his chest," Phoenix comments.

Cyclops responds, "Don't worry about it. It's our day off."

"Hey," a voice shouts, "You two. We are a little short on extras right now. I am Tommy Neil a television producer. Would you two like to be stand-ins for a taping of Baywatch?"

"Baywatch?" asks Cyclops.

"You don't know baywatch?" Tommy snorts. "Ya know skimpy bathing suits. Pamela Anderson. Lifeguards. None of this rings a bell. It is only the most popular TV show in the world."

"No, but you look familiar," comments Cyclops. "Weren't you the drummer for Motley Crue?"

"Why does everyone ask me that?" comments Tommy Neil. "Look do you want to be an extra or not?"

"Sure," Phoenix laughs. "Sounds like fun."

Out in the ocean three eager combatants eagerly await their wave to victory. Slowly the big wave moves towards the contestants. They jump up on their boards simultaneously. Gambit starts to ride the wall of the wave but he goes up to far and slips off of his board and falls into the drink. Wolverine lasts longer but just as he's about to come out of the pipeline the wave crashes on top on him and sends him into the drink. Forge sails through wave unscathed and peacefully glides back toward the coast. Minutes later Forge collects 20 dollars from both Wolverine and Gambit.

After walking on the beach a short ways further Cyclops and Phoenix finally arrive at the set of Baywatch. Tommy Neil who claims that he was not the drummer for Motley Crue takes them up to meet a large man holding a surf board.

"Tommy," The man shouts. "Check out this cool surf board I just bought. I got it from some weird Indian guy for 500 bucks. But, check this out it actually surfs by itself. I thought it would easier buying this than trying to teach the models how to surf."

"Man you got that right," comments Tommy. "Most of them can't even tie their shoes. David, I would like for you to meet Scott and Jean."

"David," asks Cyclops. "David Hasslehoff?"

"Yep that's me."

"Cool man. Jean we're talking with Mr. Night Rider. Damn that show was cool. Be straight with me man. Did you have some weird mutant power that made that car talk or what?"

"No it was just a TV show."

"Too bad. I heard a song of yours on the radio once. Man I didn't know you were a pop vocalist too?"

"Yeah, I'm a big hit in Germany."

"Oh I bet you are. How about in the US?"

"Um, I gotta go now."

Another man walks up to Scott and Jean as David Hasselhoff leaves. "Hello, I'm Vince Lee the director of Baywatch. And no I never was the vocalist in Motley Crue so don't ask!!!"

"Yeah but I could have sworn I've seen you in a…." Jean starts.

"Charges are still pending," Vince Lee comments. "I am not at liberty to discuss that case. However, I find that that kind of violation of my private life…"

"Just tell us what we need to do," Cyclops sighs.

"Well first you are going to have to take off those glasses. They clash with the swimsuits."

"I'm sorry but I can't do that," Scott smiles. "They are special corrective lenses."

"Then get the hell off of my set," Vince Lee yells.

Jean glares at Vince Lee and says, "You sure talk big for someone with your lack of …………. stature." And with that Scott and Jean walk away from the set of Baywatch happily.

On another part of the beach Colossus and Shadowcat are tanning in the warm summer sun. Suddenly a short skinny guy with glasses stands in front of Colossus.

"Hey you," the little man challenges. "Last time I was here, you flexed your muscles at my girlfriend, kicked sand in my face, and took her away from me."

Colossus stands up and looks menacingly down at the little man. "And what are you going to do about?"

"Well," the little man answers. "I tried diet, exercise and weight lifting to get stronger but that didn't work. Then I accidentally was exposed to large doses of gamma radiation. Hi I'm Bruce Banner. But you know me better as The Hulk."

Tiny Bruce Banner transformers into the large green behemoth, Colossus attempts to swallow in a dry throat. The Hulk picks up Colossus and tosses him a mile into the air. Colossus crashes head first into the sand and gets buried up to his toes. The Hulk turns back into Bruce Banner.

Bruce turns to Shadowcat and asks, "How would like to spend some time with a real man?"

Shadowcat smiles and says, "I would love to."

Bruce and Shadowcat walk hand in hand off into the sunset.

The X-Men gather together to head back home.

"I still can believe Forge won the bet," Wolverine groans.

"Oh I can," Cyclops looks over at Forge with a grin. "Forge was just having a profitable day."

And with that terrible pun behind us we proceed on our way to better stories and better times.