Al: Umm, Nina you talk. I'll go hide behind the wall of non-related writing that I really need to stop working on and update this.
Nina: Finally, you get it! I've only been telling you to calm down with that writing forever! Don't get me wrong I support your personal writings in every way just God, calm down girl. And why do you want me to talk for you?
Al: waves frantically at direction of mob of readers. So is that a yes you'll talk?
Nina: Regrettably yes. But I'm not saying a speech just the disclaimer. Got that?
Al: Nods head in agreement
Nina: Here's the disclaimer, now go knock yourself out reading this awesomeness.
Disclaimer: No we do not own Full Metal Alchemist or Ouran High School Host Club. No No No, if we did there would be a show about this story line and it would not be posted on Fan Fiction. ;P
-Al and Nina
P.S- sorry about the long authors note/conversation.
"Ed, what's that?"
"That." Honey pointed at Ed's leg. "What is that?"
"Huh? What you talking about?" Ed pretended to be confused and looked behind him.
"That!" Honey said frantically. "What on Earth is that?"
"You okay there Honey? I think you're seeing things." Honey opened his mouth to object when a certain blond interjected.
"STOP IT YOU TWO! YOU'RE GIVING ME A HEADACHE! I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU THINK YOU'RE SEEING HONEY!" Tamaki screeched, his face growing red.
"Well, I wanted to know what Honey was seeing." Kaoru whispered to his brother and Haruhi behind his hand.
"I just want to know what he's ON!" Hikaru replied causing the other two to burst into laughter.
"STOP IT!" Tamaki had obviously heard them. "IF IT MATTERS SO GOD DAMN MUCH TO YOU FINE! HONEY! WHAT DID YOU THINK YOU WERE SEEING?" The blond pivoted on the harness to face the small teen.
"I have a bad feeling that that rope is going to break and he's gonna fall flat on his face." Haruhi gently hissed to the twins causing the subdued laughter to reignite with gusto.
"I thought I saw something shinny on Eddy"
"I think this one might be a little tired!" Riza butted in, coming over to tap sympathetically on Honey's shoulder but her attempt at sympathy failed because she was still holding the guns.
"Ed why don't you go up stairs and turn on the lights so that this young man here can see that everything's fine."
"Sure mom." Ed was up the stairs and in his room before they ever heard his reply. Riza turned from the empty space that was once Ed to Honey and pretended sweetly. "I'm sorry I seem to have missed your name."
Smart Ed real smart grab the shirt but forget the pants. Real smart you freaking dumbass. Damn damn damn, where are my pants, hah! There you are you little buggers. Ed snatched a pair of black pants off the floor. Noticing that the pants were beside his laundry pile Ed tentatively brought them up his face and sniffed them. They seem fine… Who am I kidding they stink! Where are my clean pants?
"Ed? You going to turn on those lights?" Riza called. Ed jumped at her voice. Giving his room one final futile look over he quickly pulled the smelly pants on and darted into the hallway.
"Right! I'm on it!" Ed spun I a circle three times before he noticed the light switch beside the upstairs security panel. Some help that was. Ed thought bitterly as he flipped the lights on. It wasn't even ON? Who in hell left the system OFF? Ed let out a low growl of disgust at the situation as he began to walk down the stairs.
When Ed got back down the stairs Honey looked suspiciously at him, though in the dark Honey wasn't certain of what he saw he was positive that something was off. Not noticing anything out of the ordinary Honey put the reflection to a trick of the light, or lack there of.
Riza was not happy as a matter of fact she was pissed beyond belief. She was so pissed she could've and probably should've shot them right there in the hallway. They had no idea how lucky they were that Riza had amazing self-control. Taking a deep breath Riza put both of the guns on a table. Riza noticed the white glove on Roy's left hand and walked over to him. Somehow Riza managed to give the appearance of a tired wife looking for support from her husband while in fact she was clawing the gloves away from Roy. Successful, she put them in her pocket and leaned against Roy gently, her arms crossed. Roy seethed in quiet anger, at Riza, Ed and this group of idiots that stood before him as he wrapped his hand around Riza's waist. Ed watched to two in mild disgust before remembering they were supposed to be married. Idiot, idiot, idiot. It is way too early for this. Ed yawned and rubbed his eyes.
"Can I call the cops or what mom?" Ed questioned threateningly. The faces of all the host members visibly paled and Haruhi looked a little faint but quickly pulled herself together.
"Hi Mrs. Mustang, I'm Haruhi Fugioka. I go to school with Ed. So does everyone else here though only Koaru and Hikaru are in class with us, they all know him from the host club." Haruhi stopped to breath for a moment and wringing her hands rushed onward. "We're really sorry about all this, please don't call the cops on us. It was just supposed to be a joke. You see, when people join the host club, they have this habit of breaking into their house as a sort of," She paused again, looking for the right word. "Initiation ceremony." Haruhi finished, her pale face growing red under Riza's gaze.
Host Club? This is the host club? This group of bumbling idiots is the host club? Riza could have fainted; when Ed had said that they were a bunch of idiots she hadn't actually thought he was being accurate. Though to give the cross-dressing girl some credit she didn't seem that bad but what the hell was she thinking joining a host club and cross-dressing in the first place? Riza stared almost vacantly at the group.
"Let's just go sit in the kitchen okay." Riza picked up her guns and moved swiftly toward the kitchen. "Well come on you lot." She said over her shoulder once she reached the archway to the kitchen. The host club and her family rushed after her, she looked quite intimidating in the half-light of the kitchen. Ed switched on the light as he entered and sat down on his customary stool at the counter.
"So this is the famous Host Club. Ed has told us a lot about you. You seem to be able to piss him off without much effort." Riza pulled some coffee grounds out of the cupboard. "Coffee anyone?" They all nodded.
"But then again, this kid is always pissed off." Roy injected while messing with Ed's hair. Don't freak. Don't freak out Ed come on. Hold it together here Ed. "It must be because he's so short he doesn't have any personality." Roy continued to taunt Ed. You could almost see the steam rising from Ed's ears.
"Roy!" Riza said sharply, not needing to look over her shoulder to know what was happening. "Stop that." Roy gave a little pout and moved away from Ed to sit on the counter. The Host club watched the exchange in mild amusement but didn't dare smile. They were still too fearful of Riza's guns.
"Major Mustang." Kyoya spoke lightly and pushed his glasses further up his nose. "If I may ask. Why does your wife have guns when she is no longer in the force?" Roy, Riza and Ed stopped moving and began to fidget uncomfortably like a child caught in a lie. Riza glanced at Roy in slight panic; she couldn't save them this time.
"Ah, well you see the guns are mine. They are stored in our room." Roy swallowed quickly. "You made enough racket on the roof that she was able to grab them before coming down." Kyoya nodded absently at the disjointed response. To Kyoya nothing about this family made sense. Not the genetics, not the behavior, not even their responses. Nothing seemed to make sense. He had never even heard of Mrs. Mustang's family.
"I'm so glad we've sorted that out. Now, WOULD SOMEONE LIKE TO HELP ME GET DOWN FROM THIS THING?" Tamaki screeched from the hallway causing Riza to jump slightly as she filled the coffee pot with water. Haruhi walked over and grabbing a dishcloth began to wipe up the spilt water.
"Who wants to go cut him down?" Roy pulled a pocketknife out of his pocket and glanced around at the group of idiots and Riza. Ed hopped off his seat and grabbed the knife.
"I just wanna see his face hit the ground." He said and walked off to cut the rope. A moment later they could hear the two arguing.
"Wait, what are doing?" Tamaki squeaked.
"I'm going to cut the rope what does it look like." Ed retorted.
"You'd better catch me." Tamaki demanded crossing his arms and Ed snorted at how stupid the creepy blond looked hanging from a hole in the ceiling with his arms crossed and a bandage on his nose
"Fat chance of that." Ed began to cut the rope and it snapped from Tamaki's weight.
"Oops." Ed walked back into view and gave the knife back to Roy. They could hear poor Tamaki grunting and cursing as he got up off the ground.
"Kyoya! Daddy's bleeding!" Tamaki hollered.
"You wouldn't happen to have any band-aids would you Mrs. Mustang?" Kyoya turned to Riza and fixed her with a questioning gaze. Riza wordlessly opened a drawer beside her and pulled out a package of band-aids.
"If it's from the glass you might want to clean it out first." She said handing them to Kyoya. "And please don't tell me he called himself daddy."
"Regrettably yes ma'am he did. And apparently I am the mother to add insult to injury." Kyoya tapped his chin. "I've yet to determine why he felt the need to start calling himself that." Riza opened her mouth to speak then closed it again. She looked over at Roy who looked caught between horror and amusement.
"Let's just get past this before we begin anything else. You lead the way." She signaled for Kyoya to walk ahead of her. "Someone take care of the coffee would you." She said over her shoulder as she walked out.
Several hours later they were scattered around the kitchen in an awkward silence. Ed was disgusted to be sitting beside Tamaki who looked quite unamused himself. Of course, Tamaki was more unamused by the fact that his shredded hands made it terribly difficult to eat the bacon and eggs Riza had made for them. They had all finished eating save Tamaki who was slowly, very slowly eating.
"So." Riza said leaning back in her chair. "Who's parents am I calling for rides and who's going to the police station with Roy?" A she looked around the room she could see them all look away from her. "I thought so." She picked up the phone and began to dial.
Evil grin of I'm gonna torture you. No, sorry just it's getting late and I figured that you deserved something. So here it is, it won't be that big of a cliff hanger because you won't be waiting um… 7 months for a chapter again. I swear on my grave that it won't be seven months. But in my defence, in that seven months the chapter has changed dramatically and I think it's a lot better than it was (and it's also finished) so anyway R&R you know the drill and the more you review the more Al will want to update! Don't kill us.
That wasn't very nice! Oh well. Lots of Love to you all
-Al and Nina
P.S.- I think Tamaki lost his voice with all that yelling ;P