Chapter 10: The Only Exception Part II
I awoke the next morning with a slight headache but nothing unmanageable. It was officially Christmas vacation, so my high trivial school life couldn't get any better right now. Two full weeks away from school. Hell yes. I absolutely loved this time of year, waking up to snow outside my window and the house decorated in red ribbons and wreaths. Each morning it was essential that I drank hot chocolate and watched old Christmas movies with Alice. It was something we built a tradition on.
This morning I sat in front of the TV watching 'A Christmas Carol' with Alice, as usual. Later on that day I would be saying goodbye to Bella before she left. She would be spending her vacation thousands of miles away in Florida with her mom.
So much was running through my mind that enjoying the movie wasn't possible. I had Alice tuned out because she went on and on about the 'fabulous' party from last night. And some party it was…I was beginning to think that whatever happened in Rosalie's bedroom was all just a dream that my intoxicated mind made up. I mean, really how did that truly happen? We didn't even get caught; it was practically unbelievable.
I wanted to text Rosalie. Maybe say 'what's up' or 'did you sleep well.' That wouldn't be giving it away would it? Like I wouldn't sound like a complete dork, because what do you say to a girl that you were getting sexual with? I had no experience in this so I did what a coward would and didn't text her.
I spent the afternoon wrapping my Christmas presents. I didn't get much but it was enough, and then I headed over to Bella's early. I helped her finish packing in an awkward silence. I didn't know what to say to her considering I crossed a line in our relationship that she doesn't even know about. I didn't want to hurt her, or burden my sins on her especially during a holiday.
I would tell her when she gets back though. Explain to her how the man she loves and once knew to be perfect went behind her back, kissed another woman, touched another woman, got intimate with another woman. But I would never include Rosalie's name. That would hurt Bella far too much. Two people she trusted, believed even hated each other, committed such acts. And Rosalie didn't need to be dragged into the mess anyways. I would take all the blame. It was my decision to continue whatever it was we have going on when she warned me beforehand.
"Is there something wrong?" Bella asked, pulling me back from planning how I should break up with her.
"You sure? You've been awfully quiet," She persisted.
"Just a lot on my mind," I shrug my shoulders, picking up her suitcase and taking it out to the car.
"You can tell me anything Edward," She assures me. I look down at her, and I could tell I was worrying her.
"It's nothing. I'm just going to miss you," I lie. Well partially lie. I was going to miss her somewhat.
"I love you," She hugs me goodbye, and I couldn't even answer back so I just kissed her on the forehead and then opened the car door to let her in and watched as she drove away.
The next few days I spent at home, reading, wrapping presents, doing absolutely nothing. It was just two days before Christmas, and the snow wouldn't stop pouring for nothing. I still hadn't spoken to Rosalie, but she made no effort in trying to contact me either. It was just the way we were. With each step into a new territory for both us it was scary and exciting. Our strong feelings for each other couldn't be put into simple words like love. I eventually planned to tell her that I did love her though. But it was still too soon and she wasn't the one to flaunt her feelings of love for people.
"Are you sure you don't want to go Edward?" Alice asked as she twirled in her dress. Mike Newton was having a little Christmas party at his place, and I already told Alice for the billionth time that I didn't want to go. My excuse was that I didn't want to go without Bella because she wasn't here, but the real reason was that Rosalie was going to be there, with Emmett. And of course I didn't want to feel like a third wheel to their group.
"No, it's fine. You know I don't really even like Newton anyways," I make a silly face, and she rolls her eyes. Just then the doorbell rings.
"Oh my god, they're here already. Edward can you get that, I just have to get my shoes and jacket and I'll be right down." She skips off up the stairs, as I lazily make my way to the door. Just as I open it a snowball comes hurling at my face before I even had the chance to realize to duck.
"Merry Christmas!" Emmett yells as he laughs. I should have known. I wipe the stinging snow of my face and go to tackle him.
"Hey guys knock it off before you break something," Rosalie says nonchalantly, and I instantly freeze. She's here. I now regret that I didn't text her before. I feel all sorts of awkward now.
"Well I heard Edward's been hiding inside wasting his break away so I'd thought I'd bring a little outside, inside." Emmett grins at his accomplishment.
"You still have some snow in your hair," Rosalie points out, and I try shaking it out.
"All gone?" I ask, raising my eyebrow, but not so much that it looks suspicious, because Jasper and Emmett was there.
She takes a few steps towards me and brushed the arm of her coat over my hair and backs away. "All gone," she states.
Alice joins them and they leave. I think I was holding my breath the whole time, because I exhaled when the house was finally quiet again. Well that went well. We didn't say much, but I could tell in her eyes that she hasn't forgotten. That want is still there, but she does so well at hiding it.
I wish I could kiss her, hold her in front of my friends, be the one taking her to the party. I already made up my mind that I wanted her, maybe from the very beginning when I first laid eyes on her I knew that I wanted her. Ridiculous, I know. But these feelings I have for Rosalie grow stronger every day, and there's nothing I can do about it. We were fated.
A couple of hours later I fell asleep on the couch in the family room, the house completely dark. I'm startled awake I hear footsteps and talking. My parents are home. I get up to clean the mess of food I've made.
"Edward. I thought you were asleep," my mother comes over to help me.
"Alice still isn't back yet? I worry when she goes to parties without you. You never know what kind of things teenagers do nowadays." Like drugs, sex, and alcohol? I smirked to myself. I have to admit I've done it all, well accept the sex part, but I was close to having sex, a few times.
"Alice is responsible. I trust her." I responded. Knowing Alice is as pure as can be. She doesn't do drugs, or drink, which is why she's always the designated driver but I don't think she minds, and as far as I know she doesn't have sex. She even told me she wanted to wait for marriage, and I loved her for that. She's brave and very mature for her age, and I wish I could say the same thing for me.
"She gets it from her brother," my mom pats me on the back and leaves with my trash. I feel guilty. My parents have no idea of the type of guy I really am becoming. It annoys me when people think Edward Cullen is such a good guy, he does great in school, he comes from a great family, he has a girlfriend, and he's just so perfect. I hear it all the time, but it's all an act to cover my flaws...
I head upstairs to my room when my phone rings.
"Hey Edward," It's Emmett. "Could you come pick us up at Newton's? Alice and Jasper ditched us for a movie and dinner when they saw how rowdy the party was getting, but now Rosalie's wasted and she keeps complaining about going home."
"Yeah sure, I'm on my way." I run back downstairs, tell my parents it's an emergency and leave in my Volvo.
When I arrive I see what Emmett meant. Newton's place was a mess, and crowded. Beer cups everywhere and the smell of pot lingered in the air. I felt relieved that Alice didn't stay; this wasn't a place for her. I look around the place and my eyes spot her. How could her perfectly wavy blonde hair not stand out anywhere? I shove through people making my way over to her, and when she sees me her watery red eyes light up.
"Edward!" She yells as she throws herself to me, almost tripping and falling to the floor when I catch her. "Fuck," She says as I bring her back to her feet and steady her. She's completely wasted. "You came to get us. Fucking thank god, get me outta this shit hole," she slurs her words as she grabs hold of me and pulls me away.
"Where's Emmett?" I ask her, as she thinks about it for awhile.
"I dunno. Just get me home," She whines. It was interesting seeing her this way. Almost vulnerable, completely wasted and lost. She continued to whine and she yell out obscenities. I panicked, and Emmett was nowhere in sight so I gently grabbed Rosalie's arm and headed towards the door. She shut her mouth once she realized we were leaving. I opened the passenger door to let her in.
"I'm just going to find Emmett. You'll be okay in here, by yourself?" I wasn't sure if I should leave her alone. I didn't want to come back to vomit all over my dashboard.
"Oh I'll be fine. I'm not a fucking kid Edward."
"You don't think you'll throw up?"
"Please. I'm no pussy, I can hold my own," She complained. I hesitated for awhile. I wasn't sure if I trusted her judgment, but it's not like I had anything just in case she did need to vomit. I closed the passenger car door and quickly went over to the driver's side, opened the door and stuck the key in the ignition. It felt below zero outside in the snow, and the car was starting to drastically cool off and I didn't want to leave her out here in a freezing cold car, so I turned the heat up full blast and dashed back inside to find Emmett. It didn't take long to find him, considering he was the one walking around yelling 'Rosalie.'
"Oh hey Edward. I think I lost Rosalie. I left her right here when I went to bathroom and now she's gone." Emmett ran his hands through his hair, looking panicked.
"She's already out in the car." I patted his back for reassurance. He really seemed worried that he might have lost her. I wondered how much he cared for her, surely not more than I do, but still…I could see it in his eyes.
Thankful Rosalie didn't vomit all over my Volvo. In fact when I came back she was happily singing along with the radio, full blast. I couldn't help but chuckle at her care freeness. She loved to sing, which I found out from past experiences. She continued to sing with the radio as I drove to Emmett's house, dropped him off, and drove to her house.
I helped her out the car, and hooked my arm with hers as I walked her to the door.
"Well, I guess this is the part where we kiss each other goodnight, right!" She exclaimed as she wrapped her dainty arms around my waist, squeezing me against her. She trailed her hands up to my neck where she began rubbing circles into my skin. Her mouth was dangerously close to mine and I could just taste the alcohol rolling off her tongue.
It caught me a bit off guard. I hadn't meant for anything like this to happen, I was just dropping her off. She clearly was intoxicated and I didn't want to take advantage of that, of her, but I wanted her lips on mine, her face crushed against mine, her body up against mine.
"What'sta matter Edward?" She noticed my hesitation and backed away.
"I…I uh can't do this, at least with you like this," I mumbled. Rosalie looked at me clearly confused at my refusal.
"That never stopped you before!" She sang as she approached me again, playfully poking me in the ribs. I tried my best not to laugh at her ridiculousness and gently grabbed her by the arms and stepped backwards making more distance between us. Suddenly she gasped, like she just had an epiphany and gave me the scariest smile. "You've turned gay on me! Edward how could you! I knew you were too perfect. I always fall for the wrong guys," She pouted and I couldn't not laugh at her predicament.
Did she just admit that she fell for me? I shouldn't be getting my hopes up, she doesn't even know what she's talking about. But still…that got me thinking.
"I think I should make sure you get to your bed safely," I said as she practically tripped through the doorway but I caught her just before she landed right on her face. For someone so confident and poise, she sure was clumsy as heck when she was drunk.
"Don't say stuff like that Edward. You're gay and I might get the wrong idea," She laughed as I realized what I just said. Great. I didn't mean it like that. I just wanted to make sure she didn't stumble and pass out. I wondered if she was really buying into me being gay. I wasn't gay but I didn't object, it's not like she'll remember what she said to me by tomorrow.
She insisted she walk without my guidance, but I followed closely behind her just in case.
"It's so fucking hot in this house! I swear my parents keep it at 100 in here." She threw off her coat and her shoes. I wasn't sure if I wanted to pick up her belongings because that would mean leaving her side, so I thought I'd just put them away on my way out and followed her past the living room when a voice called her name.
"Rosalie, is that you? Where's your brother? And who's guy that with you?" Her father asked her as she just kept moving towards the stairs.
"I don't know where Jasper's at. And don't worry; Edward's gay so he won't be trying to get in my pants. Goodnight dad!" She yelled back at him. I hurried after her, not wanted to see her father's reaction to that. I hope he didn't suspect anything, but Rosalie did tend to be frank on a normal basis, so maybe that's how she talked with her dad normally, and not because she was totally wasted. I hoped.
Once we got into her room, more of her clothes were thrown off her body and I nervously turned around trying to be polite but also because if I surely watched her get undressed there be no stopping me at denying her anything she wanted to do with me. I was only human.
"Alright Edward, you can stop being so polite by not watching my undress. I don't mind, because you're gay and all, but you can come tuck me in now"
I turned around to find her under the covers looking at me like an expectant child waiting to be tucked in. I walked over and began tucking her in and when I reached over to tuck in her other side I was caught off guard when she leaned up and kissed me smack on the lips.
"What are you doing?" I quickly pulled away.
"Making sure that you're 100 percent gay," she said as she grabbed my head and yanked me back to her lips. It was hard to not resist as I was getting caught in the moment. The alcohol from her tongue should have told me to stop, but I pressed further against her, pulling the covers off that was in our way.
"See, I knew you weren't gay. I secretly love you too much for that to happen," she whispered into my ear. It took me a few seconds to register what she had said. I didn't think she actually loved me, but I sure did love her. I think it was just the alcohol getting to her.
"I'm sorry. I can't do this Rosalie. I have to go." I pulled away fixing my clothes back in place, zipping up my pants Rosalie somehow managed to undo. I left her room just hoping she wouldn't follow. As I was making my way down the stairs, I saw Alice and Jasper walk through. My eyes followed Alice's as she assessed the situation: Rosalie's coat and shoes sprawled out on the floor, and then my red cheeks and disheveled hair.
"What the hell Edward!" Alice yelled at me in full of disappointment. She stormed out as I followed, eyeing Jasper as he said nothing but I could tell he was disappointed too.
"Alice wait! It's not what you think."
"Yeah right, that's so original Edward. You promised!" She yelled again and got into her car and quickly drove off. I hopped in my Volvo and took off after her. This was just a big misunderstanding. Nothing happened, and plus Rosalie wasn't in her right mind. When I got home, Alice had already stormed off into her room and locked the door. I didn't try talking to her anymore. She wouldn't listen or believe what I said.
The next morning I woke up dreading the confrontation with Alice. I took my time getting out of bed, thinking of what to say to Alice. I could just tell her what really happened for once. Really, I was only trying to be responsible by making sure Rosalie went to bed safely. I made my way downstairs for breakfast, carefully taking each step at a time, postponing each second till I had to face Alice.
"Would you like some coffee? I think it's supposed to help with hangovers. I'm not sure." I heard Alice ask someone in the kitchen and I paused on a step. Surely it wasn't who I think it was…
"Yeah, thanks. That would be nice. I haven't partied like that since we moved here but I kind of needed that release, you know. I promised myself that this was going to be a new start for me and it hasn't been going so well though."
I ran down the few steps left and into the kitchen to find Rosalie standing in the middle, hair tied up, sweat shirt and sweat pants on, no makeup on.
"Uh, hey," I muttered.
"Hey. I just came over to tell Alice what really happened last night. Jasper told me what they thought happened, and even though I was completely wasted, I remember the important parts. It was just a huge misunderstanding that I had to clear up."
"I'm really sorry Edward, I should have trusted you," Alice apologized. We all stood in the kitchen awkwardly and I felt like I had intruded, so I left back up to my room. I wondered how much Rosalie had actually told Alice. That she thought I was gay and tried to seduce me. I hope she kept it vague.
I showered was still in my towel, picking out clothes for the day when a knock came on my door.
"It's unlocked," I called out and the door slowly crept open as Rosalie stepped through and closed the door.
"Hey I just came to apologize for last night." She eyed my bare chest and towel wrapped around my waist as she entered, but she kept her distance.
"It's fine. Nothing happened," I assured her.
"Right, but I tend to get that way when…I've had too much to drink. I say things I don't mean. I didn't say anything serious last night did I?"
I thought back to when she said that she loved me. I didn't take it serious, but a small fraction of me wanted to believe what she said. I would have just been getting my hopes up if I chose to believe her anyways. "No. I think you called me gay a few times, but that was it."
"Oh good," She laughed. "I mean not that I called you gay, but 'Oh good, I didn't say anything else stupid.'"
I still hadn't put my clothes on. I was standing in my towel with Rosalie only a few feet away from me. I started getting ideas. Ideas like stepping closer to her. Ideas like pulling her waist against mine. Ideas like kissing her.
"Edward!" Rosalie stepped back. I hadn't realized that I was actually playing out my thoughts. "We're in your house! Your family is downstairs! After last night you should be more careful. This is getting too stressful." She went over to my drawer, searched for a t-shirt and sweatpants and threw them at me.
"What are you talking about?" I asked, while putting my clothes on.
"I'm talking about how I don't know how I can continue this!" She motioned her hands back in forth between us. "One day we're going to get caught, and then what? I can't keep stressing out about this." She sat down on the edge of my bed and I went to join her.
"So you're saying…?" I paused, confused where she was going with this.
"I'm saying we should stop. We can't see each other anymore. At least not like this – behind closed doors. Bye Edward." She sat up and quickly left before I could anything to her.
Christmas came and went in a blur. Only a few days ago I had planned to spend most of my time sneaking off with Rosalie, given that I'd break up with Bella when she returned. But none of that would be happening anymore. I hadn't seen Rosalie since our 'break up,' or whatever. I had got her a Christmas gift, which I'd never be able to give her anymore.
Maybe this 'break up' from her was good. What we had wasn't real anyways. I was wasting my time, right? But it was fun, and I thought I loved her. Maybe the love I thought I felt was just my dependency on her. I depended on her secret comfort. She made me feel wanted, desired, and belonged. I trusted her, so I trust her decision to stop seeing me.
The day before New Year's Eve, Bella arrived back in town. I was still on the fence about breaking up with her. I didn't need to break up with her now that Rosalie was out the picture. I should still tell Bella I cheated. If she'd forgive me then I'd stay with her definitely, and if not…well I guess I deserved it.
I went over to her house and Chief Swan answered the door. It was always awkward talking with him, especially now.
"Hello Edward, she's upstairs in her room, unpacking," He said to me, letting me in.
"Thanks," I politely responded and smiled back while heading up to Bella's room. Bella was there, unpacking just as her dad said.
"Hey! I missed you!" She stopped what she was doing to greet me.
"I missed you too," I went in and hugged her. I did miss her. I was lonely, well besides my loving family, there was no one there to hug me, kiss me. I liked the feeling of being needed.
"Come lay with me," Bella suggested as she grabbed my hand and led me to her bed. We lay side by side with my arm around her shoulder so that her head could on it. "So I've been thinking. We've been together for a really long time now…I love you," She paused waiting for me to respond.
"And I love you too." I squeezed her closer to me to show my point.
"I want you."
"And I want you too," I playfully said, squeezing her again.
"Edward" She said as she sat up, looking me in the eyes. "I mean, I really want you." This time she leaned down and kissed me.
I came here to break up with the girl, well at least tell her what I did and then give her the option of keeping me or not, and we're here making out. Bella started to take her shirt off and it then dawned on me what she really meant.
"Whoa, what are you doing?" I asked while resting my hand on hers so that her shirt wouldn't come off.
"I want you Edward. Don't you want me too?" She pleaded with her big brown eyes. I did love her and wanted her too, but not like this. She needed to know the truth about me before she decided to do something like this.
Bella stared at me waiting for a response and all I could do was nod. She proceeded to take off her shirt and I couldn't stop her. I wanted to. Everything was telling me not to do it, but I couldn't stop her, stop myself. She had her shirt off and she was all over me. What was I suppose to do?
On New Year's Eve, Emmett had hooked us up to go to some party. I had a feeling it was going to be some college frat party, but whatever. I needed to get out and have some fun. We all met at our place before we left, since I was the designated driver of the night. Since that day with Bella, our relationship seemed much better. I had a feeling she knew our relationship was on the rocks, but I never told her. I never told her what I had done and now I didn't have the heart to tell her. Rosalie showed up with Emmett and she didn't even say hi to me. When she meant we couldn't see other, I didn't know it meant going back to square one where we didn't talk and pretended to hate each other. It was a bit hurtful.
On our way there, we all caught up on what each of us got for Christmas. Rosalie still hadn't said a word to me. Whenever she talked it was always to someone else and never directly to me. I had a feeling something was up. This wasn't just about the 'break up' either.
When arrived at the party, it was just what I expected – a college party. Count on Emmett to find us one. I spent most of the night with Bella. We danced, talked, made out, and I even got her to have a beer. We were having a good night, but every time I caught of glimpse of any girl with long blonde hair I tensed up. I did see Rosalie a few times, and when I did I could tell something was up. I had to speak with her. When Bella went off to dance with Alice, I took the opportunity to find Rosalie.
"Hey," I said as I tapped her on the shoulder. When she turned around and realized it was me she rolled her eyes and turned back. I tapped her once more.
"What do you want?" She said dryly.
"I wanted to talk to you. You're avoiding me," I stated.
"Yeah so? When you fuck around with other girls, that's what happens." She rolled her eye again and turned away. Was she talking about Bella? How did she even find out about that?
"How did you find out?"
"Bella told me obviously. She didn't tell Alice though, because she'd thought it'd be weird since she's your sister, so she told me everything. She even asked me on tips! That's so fucked up."
"You know Bella's my girlfriend if you haven't noticed."
"When I meant I didn't want to 'see' you, that didn't mean go off and screw your frickin girlfriend." Rosalie said with resentment.
"Are you realizing what you're saying?"
"Are you realizing what you're doing? She shot back at me. "I thought what we had was special," she started to whisper as she looked around making sure no one could hear. "Sure it was wrong, but it was what we had. It made sense. I didn't know you'd go screw her!" She looked really hurt. "You were suppose to screw me…I bet she doesn't even know."
"Is that what this is about. You're jealous?"
"No I'm not. I just never expected you to go fuck her after what we had. I trusted you."
"Rose, what was I suppose to do?" I tried to innocently say, but it only seemed to anger her more.
"Don't ever call me Rose again," She spat at e and stormed off into the crowd of partiers. I didn't go after her. There was no point. If I ever thought she hated me before, I was wrong because I could definitely feel the hate coming from her now.
Of course I did a terrible thing by being involved with Rosalie, but having sex with Bella while she still didn't know about the things that happened between Rosalie and I, was just very wrong. And then I still had feelings for Rosalie. I loved her, I sure of that, but for awhile I had masked those feelings by being with Bella. It was a great solution till I realized how I was just hurting everyone.
The rest of the night at the party, Rosalie retreated to avoiding me and this time I didn't bother. I was dick, and deserved it. I felt a thousand times guilty whenever I was around Bella. I started keeping my space from her, but I don't think she realized anything was wrong. She was a bit tipsy.
I about had it with the party. After we all rang in the New Year, I wanted to leave, so I started looking for everyone. When I found Alice and Jasper I asked where Rosalie and Emmett where and they had no idea. I tried texting him, but got no response so I set off looking for them. I just had a feeling I'd regret doing this.
No one ever thinks to lock their doors at a party, unless they purposely want to get caught. When I opened the third door in the hallway, it didn't surprise me to find yet another couple being inappropriate. I took a double take this time because those moans sounded vaguely familiar.
"Emmett? Rosalie?" I asked, only to see Emmett peek his head up.
"Uh, hey," he said, as Rosalie turned around to look at me.
"We're leaving," I said and quickly left. I couldn't believe she'd go and do something so spiteful. Sure I did Bella, but that was different. I wasn't using it as revenge. This was just evil. It really hurt me, and I don't think I could ever forgive her for it.