Is there a sequel to Twilight?

Yes. I'm reasonably certain that by now you are all too painfully aware that there are not only one but three sequels to Twilight. Suckers. And you keep reading them hoping that they'll get better. But they don't.

Are they going to make a Twilight movie?

No. That thing they've been advertising starring Robert Pattinson is completely unrelated to Twilight. There is no plot overlap whatsoever, and any similarities to the characters of twilight are purely coincidental.

Can you get me an audition for a part in the movie?

If you're asking me this, I'm assuming that you're just a desperate fangirl, as opposed to someone with any acting ability whatsoever, so… no. Just boost my revenue by watching the movie 70 times whilst it's in the cinemas and then but the official DVD. Yay for money.

Did Edward bite Bella at the end of the book?

Well she's alive and human at the end of it, so I'll leave you to make your own judgements as to that.

Will Bella and Edward's story be a trilogy, or a longer series?

Well it was a trilogy, but then the potential revenue was so tempting that I'm drawing it out for as long as I can

What's with the apple?

They're yummy. Like Edward.

Why did you pick the title Twilight?

Because it was conducive of fan group names like twi-hards etc.

I'm confused by the preface; who is the Hunter?

Me. I am the hunter. I want to drink Bella's blood.

Why do all the guys at Forks High like Bella if she's supposed to be average-looking? Is she pretty or not?

They're boys. The moment the Y chromosome gets fired up it doesn't matter what the hell she looks like. If she's breathing, they'd do her.

Do you have any tips for aspiring writers?

No. Quit stealing my thunder, bitches.

What advice would you give to someone who wants to be published?

Fuck off. The revenue, actual or potential is all mine. I won't have you waltzing in and stealing my readers with your higher quality literature.

Got any recommendations for books I can read while I'm waiting for the next book to come out?

Anything written by me. Or the Hannibal books. There are lots of very oblique plot parallels.

How can I get a signed copy of Twilight?

You can't. Nor should you want to if you are a self-respecting humanoid.

What does Bella look like?

Short, brown hair, brown eyes… wait… that's me…

What do you mean you're switching narrators? Are you crazy?

If I were crazy, would you be reading my books, bitch?

In the outtakes, you described Bella's prom dress in so much detail. Do you have a picture of it?

No. Go do your freaky fangirl thing and find a picture of it.

Can you post Forever Dawn, or send me a copy, or give me a summary, or email me the outline...?

Only if you sell me your soul and one of your kidneys.

Can you come to my town on your next tour?

Probably not. I have normal non-tween-fangirl people to visit instead.

What CD is Bella listening to in Chapter Seven?

…And Justice For All by Metallica. She doesn't look like a metalhead, but inside, Bella just thinks about biting the heads off bats and getting a few of her lower ribs removed so that she can supplicate herself Marilyn Manson style.

Is there anyway to hurry the release of the sequel?

If there was, would I tell you?

Is Twilight autobiographical?

Yes. I fell in love with a vampire named Edward, and now all we do is meyerpire sex all day long.