One day, Carly Shay woke up and stretched her arms out as she smiled, looking like she just had a huge orgasm.

"Ahhh, what a wonderful day!" Carly mused. She was about to get up when she accidentally bumped her leg into a figure next to her.

Carly gasped in surprise. "H-Hello?" She observed the form of the figure hidden by the blanket. She lifted the blanket up and was prepared for shock, but only saw a gigantic vibrator in the shape of Ellen Page.

"Oh, just my vibrator!" Carly laughed as she turned her head in the other direction, then jumped.

"Hey, Carly!" Spencer Shay's face was inches away from Carly's. Then he added seductively, "What's for breakfast?"

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!" Carly shot up in bed in the middle of the night, awakening from her nightmare. She looked at the clock that read some time in the early early morning, and felt her forehead; it was covered with beads of sweat. Carly shuddered as she got out of bed and walked downstairs, the nightmare scarring her, forever.

"Oh, God, I need a drink," Carly said to herself as she opened the door to the freezer and was dumbfounded when she could not find her bottles of vodka. She heard snoring on the couch and looked to see her BFFLBLNLN(whatever) Sam on the couch, surrounded by bottles and cans of vodka, rum, beer, and other various alcoholic drinks. Carly walked up to Sam and kicked her in the vajajay (don't want to use too much profanity now!)

"CUNT PUNT!" Carly shouted as she kicked her BFFL in the crotch.

"HOLY MOTHER FUCKING GOD (OOPSIE!) OF THE ELVISH!" Sam cried in pain as she jumped up from the couch. She was surprisingly not drunk and didn't have any signs of a hangover! "What da fuck you want, bitch ass mothah fuckah?"

"I want your cunt, Sam!" Carly whined. "Me hadda nightmare."

"Go kill yourself," Sam replied as she fell back asleep, vomited all over herself, choked on her own vomit and died in less that half a second.

Carly shrugged and walked out the door in just her size 14AA bra and those 70's gym shorts that go up to your waist. She knocked on the door to Freddie's apartment, until she heard him having sex with what sounded like a dog. She shuddered and preceded to take the elevator downstairs.

Carly arrived downstairs and in the lobby. It was brightly lit, and she saw Lewbert sleeping with his head rested on the counter.

"Aaah, just what I needed!" Carly thought as she walked up to Lewbert and slammed his head against the counter.

Lewbert woke up and smacked Carly across the face. "WHAT THE FUUUUCCCKKK??!!" Lewbert cried. He then glared at Carly. "Oh, it's yOooOoOUuU..." Lewbert's voice cracked "a little" when he said "you."

"Yes Lewbert, it's me, Carly Shay." Carly stared at him right in the eyes. Why he wasn't commenting about her weird, revealing outfit, no one knows! Anyway, she continued. "And I want you, Lewbert. I want you to rub your sexy mole all over my body!"

Lewbert's eyes grew wide. Was this a dream come true? Ever since Carly had hit "puberty" (*cough**cough*not), Lewbert had had fantasies of plowing the girl into the next century. The disgusting fuck straightened his tie and cleared his throat. "Y-you want m-me?" Lewbert questioned as he felt his pants getting tighter.

Carly licked her lips and spat onto Lewbert's face. "Yes, Lewb! Now kiss me!" Carly then puckered her lips and leaned in.

Lewbert stared for a moment and mimicked Carly's motion. But they weren't puckering for just a little kiss, they both knew. There was much, much more to come.

Lewbert's mind was racing. Oh, the things he would do to Carly!

As the two were about to kiss, Carly then pulled out a giant zipper from her head and unzipped "herself", revealing none other than...

CHRIS HANSEN??!!

Lewbert opened his eyes in mid-pucker and halted, then screamed and jumped back, looking at the host with widened eyes.

"Been doing a doormannering-ing this evening, LEWBert."

"Urrrgghh..." Lewbert grimaced.

"Sit down, I would like to talk to you for a second," Hansen motioned Lewbert to a chair and table that appeared out of nowhere.

Lewbert sat in the chair while Hansen sat on the table, facing Lebwert. He then took off his pants and spread his hairy legs wide-open in front of Lewbert's face. He was wearing a red man-thong that complemented his hairy legs and the pubic hair poking out of his sexy underwear.

Lewbert frowned at the sight of Chris Hansen's man-thong, and sunk back in his seat.

With legs still spread wide open, Chris pulled a stack of papers out of his thong. "According to the security cameras and stats, you've been stalking Carly for some time now, and have been attempting to sodomize her constantly. And you have also raped children and are in possession of child pornography?"

Lewbert coughed. "N-no, I-"

Chris wrapped one of his legs around Lewbert's neck and searched through his stack of papers. He pulled out a couple of sheets.

"In this IM chat with you and Carly, you told her that you wanted to 'stick my mole into your pussy' and 'fuck you so hard, bitch.' In which she replied...'yes.' Hmmmm."

Lewbert shrugged. "I'm not the only one with a mole around here." Lewbert looked around as though another person with a giant-ass mole would come falling from the sky and land his/her sexy ass onto the floor.

Chis Hansen pulled Lewbert closer to him with one of his legs. He then forced Lewbert's face into his man-thong. "And also, you have been-"

Lewebert rolled his eyes. "UrrgGgGgGgGAAaaaahhh! Leave me alone! I didn't do none of that!" He then jumped up and ran out of the hotel.

"L-Lewbert, wait! I-!" Chris Hansen stared at the apartment's sliding doors after Lewbert left. He then started to sob. "I thought I was being obvious!" Hansen cried into his hands.

When Lewbert was outside, he attempted to run away, but a group of policemen caught him and arrested him.

Later on, Lewbert was questioned and arrested for charges of statutory rape, child pornography and blah dee blah blah.

Carly was raped by Spencer before he "accidentally" fell off a 10-story building. Freddie tried raping Carly but she refused and got a sex change. He then became depressed and eloped with a pig and moved to New Mexico, and Sam put a bug in her vagina (actually a penis) and contracted Hepatitis B.

And all those others kids died...from goats.

THE END! :)