A/N: This is, obviously, a bit corny and OOC. Bear with me as I get my kicks making everyone ship everyone else. Hahaha. Will eventually be K/S and Sulu/Chekov.
Disclaimer: I don't own Star Trek or anything affiliated with it. I am merely a poor, bereft college student.
Captain James Tiberius Kirk was on the bridge when it happened. A horrible, no good, rotten, very bad idea squirmed its way into his brain. Had anyone on the bridge seen the elated smile that graced Kirk's face, they might have had some vision of what was to come. As it was, everyone present on the Beta shift was performing his or her duties as usual. This meant they failed to catch the pivotal moment when Kirk had his diabolical epiphany. If only they knew; from that moment on, everything would change.
It was Commander Spock who first discovered Jim Kirk perched precariously on a somewhat ancient ladder, attempting to hang a plant on the ceiling.
"Captain. May I inquire as to what you are doing?" He asked, his head tilting slightly to the left as he watched.
Jim whipped around and wobbled on the ladder, catching his balance right at the last minute. "Spock! Hey! Uh…" He looked around conspiratorially. "I'm putting up mistletoe."
Spock raised an eyebrow.
Jim rolled his eyes and continued his ministrations, finally getting the mistletoe to stay. "It's an old tradition from Earth. When two people stand under the mistletoe, they have to kiss. It's a rule."
"Yeah. So I figured, why not, right? I mean, it'll be entertaining as hell, plus…" He trailed off, his eyes sparkling. "I sort of have a project and I think this will be exactly what it needs to move into the final stages."
"You are being intentionally vague, Captain." Spock replied.
"Enough of that 'Captain' stuff, we're off duty." Kirk laughed. "Anyway, I suppose I can tell you. You're not a gossip queen like Bones and Scotty. I swear, the two of them start half the rumors on this ship. Just last night they told me Nurse Chapel was having nightly trysts with Ensign Sanders from Security, which I know is a load of bull, considering Sanders is happily married and Nurse Chapel is head over heels in love with Bones..."
He rambled on, before catching a look from Spock and realizing he had gone inordinately far off topic. "Right, sorry. Anyway, I've got some valuable intel on our resident boy genius and helmsman extraordinaire that I intend to use the mistletoe to capitalize on."
Spock stared impassively. "I do not believe I understand."
Jim ducked his head with a grin. "They like each other, Spock."
"They do maintain an amiable working relationship as well as a close friendship when off duty."
Jim laughed again, finally climbing off the ladder. "No, you don't get it. They, uh, how can I put this? They like each other in a romantic sense, sort of the way you like Uhura."
Spock nodded. "I have observed them engage in extraneous acts of bodily contact."
"Exactly. So I figure, in the least, we'll get a good laugh out of this." Kirk said, gesturing up toward the mistletoe. "But ideally, it serves a bigger purpose."
"How can you be sure the crew will reciprocate your desire to participate?"
"I haven't quite figured that out yet." Jim said contemplatively. "But hey, if I have to, I'll just…make it an order!"
Spock moved back a few steps, allowing Jim to collapse the ladder. "That would be a direct abuse of power."
"Are you gunna tell on me Spock?" Kirk teased.
"I am certain there would be other members of the bridge crew more likely to protest than I." He replied, his voice just barely tinted with a lilt of amusement.
"You're tellin' me!" Kirk exclaimed.
Spock paused, raising an eyebrow. "I did, indeed, inform you of that fact."
"It's just an expression. It means I agree."
"I am aware of its meaning. However, I fail to see the purpose of such redundancy."
Jim just shook his head, hefting the ladder off his shoulder. "I'll see ya later, Spock."
"I bet you're all wondering why I called this meeting." Kirk said grandly, addressing his bridge crew and senior officers, unable to keep the smug grin off his face.
"Yeah Jim, we're all very curious. Now get ta the point and let us go back ta work. Some people on this ship actually have jobs ta do." Bones rolled his eyes, clearly recognizing Jim's expression. The kid was up to something, and it wasn't going to be pretty.
"Hold your horses, Bones, I'm getting there." Jim said placatingly.
"Anyway, the holidays aren't an easy time for crewmembers aboard any starship. That being said, we haven't had any shore leave in over eight months. I'm sure I'm speaking for everyone when I say we're all a little burnt out. So!" He rubbed his hands together excitedly. "I've devised a little something to raise the spirits of the crew!"
A silence settled over the room.
"Alright, I'll bite Captain. What is it?" Sulu asked tentatively.
Kirk smiled widely. "Mistletoe."
There was another pointed silence. Bones gave Kirk a deadpan look. "Mistletoe?"
"Mistletoe." Kirk countered happily.
"Are you out of your goddamn mind?"
Jim's smile lessened a bit. "What? You don't like the idea?"
"My family alvays put up meestletoe around ze holidays!" Chekov exclaimed. "Did you know zhat ze tradition of meestletoe vas inwented by a Russian bookkeeper?!"
"Ahctually laddie," Scotty added. "Kissin' under the mistletoe came about by the Greeks. Fine people, they were. Good liquor, too."
"Point is!" Kirk interrupted, trying to get back on topic. "I put up mistletoe right at the entrance to the bridge. Now, I can't order you to go along with this, but I would really appreciate your example. If you guys participate, the rest of the ship will too."
"Are you sure this is a good idea? Things could get…awkward."
"We're all friends here." Kirk said. "Right?"
There was a poignant silence. "Right?" He repeated.
"I can't believe I'm saying this, but I agree with Kirk." Uhura spoke for the first time. "It might be good for the crew. Plus, it's just a kiss. None of us can say that's a big deal anymore."
"Exactly!!!" Kirk proclaimed, shooting a grateful look at Uhura.
"Well 'ah don' enter the bridge too of'en, so do what ya want laddie."
"I zhink it vill be fun!" Chekov chirped.
Sulu glanced quickly glanced at Chekov, a small smile forming on his lips. "Alright, I'm in."
"Absolutely not." Bones stated, shaking his head. "No goddamn way."
"C'mon Bones." Jim whined. "Please?"
"No Jim. I'm a doctor, not an exhibitionist!"
"Well," Jim cocked his head contemplatively. "You're outnumbered. So, pucker up buddy." He clapped Bones on the shoulder and exited the bridge with a wink, leaving a sputtering McCoy behind.
"Isn't anyone gunna stop him!"
"Since you are the singular opposition to his proposal, Doctor, perhaps it is you who should reevaluate your opinion on the matter."
McCoy snarled, muttering about the 'green-blooded hobgoblin' as he also exited the bridge. The rest of the crew went back to work, efficiently picking up where they left off. Scotty shook his head. Things were about to get very interesting.