Okay inspiration just hit me with this one out of nowhere! And I decided to post this as my gift to chicomagnifico, not just for me losing the contest, but him and his "bumgorf" on the way!
Hope he enjoys it and hope you guys do too!
On with the story!
They say your life flashes before your eyes when you're about to die. But that's not the entire story.
In actuality your life only flashes before your eyes when you're about to endure something you're not ready for.
Something that is unexpected and usually comes with a great deal of pain.
This happened to me today. I wasn't in a battle and I wasn't in any real danger. But I came the closest to dying then I ever have been in my life.
I was scared out of my mind but strangely I knew everything would be okay. It was almost instinctual.
I knew what to do without actually knowing what to do. If that makes any sense which it probably doesn't.
I sound like I'm out of my mind, like I'm too doped up on anesthesia, but that's the only way I can describe it.
Many women before me know what I'm talking about and also know it's unexplainable.
All I can hope for is that I do the best I can without any real training, without any real guidance. But I know my mother's instincts will kick in.
Oh look, here I am going on about instincts and I haven't even seen the child yet. It's all well and good to talk about how I know I'm going to be a good mom, but that only looks good on paper.
Nothing compares to the actual thing. Or so I've read.
I didn't want to know the sex of the baby. At first I thought it was irresponsible to just have a baby and not plan for it's needs depending on the sex it is.
But I wanted to be spontaneous, call it my attempt to be daring.
I read there's supposed to be this special feeling when you first see it. You're supposed to have some sort of special connection but that hasn't happened yet.
I almost feel guilty for not seeing it when it first came out. Actually that was the part I was looking forward to the most.
This is a huge step forward since I rarely look forward to anything. But I wanted to see the child. I wanted to have that special feeling but I was too tired.
36 hours I've been in labor and it was the most painful of my life. But I knew it would be worth it to just see his or her face for the first time.
Unfortunately whatever my mind was saying my body wasn't listening. And then I blacked out.
This is the part where my mind decided to press rewind and view every detail of my life up to this moment.
It was like watching a movie in fast forward, but yet you're able to comprehend everything that's going on. Everything that was important in your life.
And almost like an oracle, it all had something to do with the baby.
For some reason my first thought was my mother. And it wasn't a positive one. I've realized that I've been fooling myself when it came to her.
I liked to think that she always loved me regardless of what I was, but now I know it's not true.
No one likes to be reminded of the mistakes they made, and that's exactly what I was to her. A product of a single stupid mistake she made as a teenager.
Nothing can change that. She can tell me as much as she wants that she doesn't care, but it's hard to believe that.
Especially when she never hugs you, and the extremely few times she does, she cringes. I know I shouldn't be having a pity party in my head, but I just gave birth. So forgive me if my judgment is a little off.
I can only hope that I treat this child better then I was treated. I made a promise to myself years ago, that I would never become my father. Now I know to remember to avoid becoming my mom as well.
For some reason my mind seems to skip over my father. As if he never existed. I guess that's my way of saying this day is too precious to taint with memories of him.
Next I think of the best thing that has ever happened to me up until today. When I met the Teen Titans.
I never in a million years would have thought I would make great friends like these. Each and every one of them has become the family I never had. I do feel jealous at times.
Each of them had someone to love them and be proud of them, but I'm the one who just came for a purpose and not a pleasant one. But here I go feeling sorry for myself again.
There are many people who will never experience the love from friends like I have. One of my friends I've received more love and attention then the others. Obvious to tell due to my predicament at the moment.
I never thought I'd find good friends and then later on get married to one then finally get knocked up by him.
This is the kind of thing you watch on TV or read in a story, but these things do happen in real life. Shocking isn't it?
I remember my wedding day like it was yesterday. Very cheesy line but I do remember it very vividly.
I remember the months of preparation, which at times I can say I've acted like a bridezilla. I remember the hours before the ceremony filled with people picking, probing and hugging me.
The hugging was the worst part.
Then I remember when the butterflies decided to spring out of nowhere in my stomach. I've always heard about this expression but never fully understood it.
I knew the definition of nervousness though when the double doors opened and everyone was staring at me.
Correction, that was the worst part.
I never really liked having all eyes on me, but when you're walking down an aisle it's tradition for all eyes to be on the bride.
I kept my eyes on him all the way down. I paid no attention to the people around me, or the robotic arm that was leading me down the aisle.
All I did was focus on him and tried to be focused.
It was hard to be focused when he has the stupid grin on his face.
I reach the end of the aisle. Well it was more of a long cloth on grass since we had our wedding outside. I told him being in a church would be slightly uncomfortable for me.
He understood, he always understood. He said he liked the outside anyway with the fresh air.
Anyway after the long sermon which I could tell he wasn't listening to most of it. I know this because if I couldn't pay attention then he definitely couldn't.
When the kiss came it was so awkward, I know how much I hate watching other people kiss, but it was then how much I realized how much I hate it when people see me kiss.
It didn't matter to him though; nothing ever really bothers him anymore. This I've noticed.
My mind makes another time jump and I remember the night my baby was conceived. It's hard to think back on this moment without feeling a little embarrassed.
This is another feeling I'm not familiar with. Even in the own privacy of my mind, I feel a little weird remembering the first time I made love.
This was another time I ran completely on instincts, he supposed to be the animal but I felt primal that night as well. Guess we do have some things in common.
Besides that, thinking back on that night still makes me short of breath. I'm not one to go into personal detail of my love life even with myself but I will say it was like being in heaven.
Every kiss every touch every whisper is unlike something you've never felt before. It completely caught me off guard. There was a lot of things I wasn't expecting, but that didn't mean I didn't like it.
I told all this to him and he just smiled and commented on how he knew I had a dirty mind behind all my sarcasm and supposed lack of emotion.
My mind does another fast forward play and I see all the months of pregnancy zooming by.
Man I really was fat.
I remember all the aches and pains, the weird cravings and the over active fetus kicking in my stomach.
This kid is definitely his. No paternity test needed.
Now I'm back here. Back to the room, I can feel my surroundings even though my eyes have been closed this whole time.
Reality is starting to come back to me and all my senses are kicking back in. I hear the beeps of the heart monitor next to me. I smell the hospital lunch near the foot of my bed.
Wonder how long that's been there.
But I feel something on the back of my neck. Air is continuously being blown on the back of my neck.
I slowly opened up my eyelids that have been sewn together with accumulated crud.
Sorry but my husband uses that word to describe it.
I realize I'm on my side and strain to turn around. It's then I come face to face with my husband.
He may be simple minded, but in some ways he still perplexes me. Like right now, I have no idea how he can fall asleep with a smile on his face.
He looks so peaceful lying there and as much as I want him to get some rest, I feel like kicking him.
Not very romantic, but how dare he fall asleep after everything I've been through in the last two and a half days!
But I settle for a slight flick on the nose. I raise my arm that is covered in tape and IV's and flick him.
"Ouch" I see his face cringe slightly and he opens his eyes with less difficulty then I did. "What was that for?"
"For falling asleep in my hospital bed." I'm not really upset of course but I deserve a little play time.
"I thought it was very romantic. Plus I kinda got used to sleeping with you." He smiles again with that fang sticking out. For some reason that I can't put my finger on, I love that toothy grin.
"Whatever" I say just enjoying his company.
"How are you doing?" He raised his arm and brushes my hair a couple of times with his hand. I close my eyes just feeling him then reopen them.
"I'm fine, disregarding the fact I just brought life into the world after hours of pain. You're so lucky you never have to go through pain like that."
"You're forgetting that through those 36 hours, I had to hold you're hand which was just as painful. Not to mention the names you shouted at me." He always did endure the many insults I threw at him.
Call me crazy but I find that very attractive.
"You're such a baby. Speaking of babies what is it?"
"Oh Rae, you should see her. She's so beautiful." He almost seems breathless while he says it. I can't wait to hold her.
"It's a girl? You must be happy; I knew you secretly wanted a girl." I didn't need to read his mind to find that out it was obvious.
"Yeah I did."
"When can I see her?"
"Right now if you'd like, they finished cleaning her." I closed my eyes and thought I'd give my eyes a rest while I waited.
I felt the bed shift as he got off and made his way to probably retrieve the baby.
"How long was I out?" I asked with my eyes still closed.
"Not that long, about an hour and a half."
"What does she look like?"
"Why don't you see for yourself?
I opened my eyes and there she was.
She was wrapped up tight in a pink and blue blanket. She made tiny movements as she fidgeted around in his arms.
He walked over and waited until I sat up.
In a few moments she was in my arms and it happened again.
My life flashed before my eyes, but this time it was different. It wasn't my past but instead my future.
Glimpses of our family flowed through my mind, but it was too fast for me to absorb them. But in every flash I saw us all smiling.
Every last one of us from our family to our friends to faces I didn't recognize. But something told me those unfamiliar faces would be apart of my family later on.
The warm gushy sentimental feeling filled me up as I watch my future flash before my eyes. I can feel myself tearing as I look down upon her.
Her face is my complexion and her eyes were green like his. She had his nose but thank God she had my ears!
"What should we name her?" He whispers in my ear.
I had completely forgotten. What should her name be? I want it to be unique, but something she can live with for the rest of her life.
"Gar what do you think of the name Cherie?"
"I like it, where did you get that idea from?" He's surprised how I came up with this idea off the top of my head.
"I don't know, but she's special and dear to me so might as well give her that name."
I look down on her and see her gurgle. Her eyes are starting to droop as she moves around some more.
She's tired, but she doesn't want to miss out on a second of this day.
"Hi Cherie, I'm your mom." I can't help it; I love my little girl and can't wait to watch her grow up. She's now officially part of my life.
I feel Garfield kiss my forehead. We're all a family now, and my family is my life.
They say your life flashes before your eyes when you're about to die.
But no one tells you your life flashes before your eyes when a new life has been brought in.
Well here is my extremely long one-shot! Hope you enjoyed it!
1. Hope Chicomagnifico enjoyed his one shot; he probably knows where I got this idea from. Congratulations on your new baby!
2. Even though I liked how this came out, I will write another one shot for him free of charge to congratulate him on his win and his soon to be child.
3. I purposely did not put in Raven's husband's name until the end though you guys probably figured it out a long time ago! I just did that for dramatic effect.
4. I literally spent an hour looking through baby names to find the perfect name. And I came across Cherie which is used toward a girl or woman who is dear to you.
5. Once again hope you enjoyed it and don't be afraid to review! Peace, love and animals!