Goodness, I had too much fun writing this.!! I hope you liikkee.
I stood next to Mello, where the hell are we??! It was a bright and colorful place, a monkey adorning boots was swinging from a tree. The clouds were smiling, as well as the bright yellow sun. The sun had sunglasses on. The trees had their eyes closed, it looked as if they were sleeping.
"Hi! I'm Boots!" The monkey hung from the tree, staring at us with a creepy goofy smile on his little disturbing gorilla face.
Mello growled at him.
'Boots' frowned, "Have you seen Dora?!"
"No I haven't seen a fucking Dora." Mello snapped, he started patting his jacket pockets, "Where is my gun?"
This was one of those times when I needed a cigarette, I looked and looked in my pockets, but the search was completely fruitless. I had no gun, no lighter, cigs, or anything else. All I had was my favorite striped shirt, and some pants. I even had no shoes, God, what the hell??!
"Now, we don't use that kind of language!! That's travieso!!" Mello and I turned in that slow motion only horror movies contained. There standing there, was a small chubby child.
"Travieso??" Mello asked, frustrated, "And who are you Big head??"
"Can you say Travieso?! That means, Naughty boy, in Spanish! Can you say it? Say it! Out loud!"
Mello and I exchanged incredulous glances.
Boots waved his hands around like a lunatic, "Louder, louder! Come on say it! I know you can!"
"I'm Dora!" She cried, turning around in a full circle and holding her chubby little arms out to the sky. As she turned we saw her backpack she adorned was smiling.
Boots spoke up, "And you must be lost!" He beamed.
My eye began to twitch, Mello pinched the bridge of his nose, "Yeah, we're pretty lost." I said.
"Well, if we all call for the magical map of wonders, we can help you find a way out of here!" She happily trilled.
Good God, "Uh... okay." I grumbled.
"Say map!" She screamed, turning her back to us showing her backpack, she hunched down as if she was taking a dump or something.
Mello ready to get out of psycho world, "Map!" He roared, "Just get the fuck out here, and help us!"
"Say map say map!" Boots danced around.
"I did!!!!!" Mello hollered.
"Say map! Say map! Say it! Louder, louder!" Boots began to chant, "Map, map, map, map!!!"
I needed an aspirin. Or better yet, my cigs. I screamed, "MAP!"
A piece of paper sprung out of Dora's smiling purple book bag.
And with an overly cheery voice, just like the rest of everyone in this crazed dimension, starting SINGING.
"If there's a place you got to go I'm the one you need to know I'm the Map I'm the Map I'm the Map If there's a place you got to get I can get you there I bet I'm the Map I'm the map I'm the ma-"
"Get on with it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Mello shrieked, covering his ears, his blond hair was becoming damp with sweat.
"We need to get to the whistling mountain!!! Then you can go through the portal and be home!" He squealed.
"Okay, how do we get there??" Mello asked excitedly.
"First, you go ooovveerrrrr the magical cupcake! Theeennn you have to cross the bridge of the grumpy old troll! Aftterrrr, you go through the snake infested foresssttttt!!!!!!!!!" And as he told us all this, his map spots lit up, and showed us where to go.
"C-Mon vamonos!!" Dora squealed.
"Fuck that!" Mello screamed, charging at the blimp-headed brunette, his fist collided to her face, she fell down and began rolling down a hill I didn't even know was there.
Mello grabbed my hand and began running through the new bright world. We came to the cupcake first, a blue bull was riding a tricycle around it. It was actually a huge cupcake. And to Mello's pleasure, it was all chocolate.
In five minutes, Mello finished off the cupcake, the blue bull-thing staring at him in awe. We started running again. We came across a rickety bridge, and a naked yellow dude was standing there in front of us.
"I'm the grumpy old troll! Who lives under the bridge! Hey!! I'm the grumpy old troll, who lives under the brriiiddge!! If you wanna come over all you have to do is this!! All you have to do is thisss!!! Solve my riddle and you can cross the bridge!!" He had a nasally voice, talking around his unnecessarily long orange beard.
"Move Grandpa Simpson!" I snapped, running right past him, he began hollering at us. Mello followed me, roaring wordlessly, as he elbowed the troll into the river down below.
We kept running and running until we came across a small forest. So small, you could see around it. Inside the bundle of leafy green trees, were smiling snakes.
Mello grabbed my arm, "Matt, let's just go around."
I nodded, "Sure thing."
The two of us ran around the forest, it took about two minutes tops. Easy peasy. We kept running until we heard whistling.
"What the fuck." Mello grumbled, looking around where the tune was coming from.
"Didn't the little map-thing say something about, a 'whistling mountain'?" My eyes flickered upwards and sure enough, a small stone hill about as tall as my head when you got to the very top, was whistling happily.
I grabbed onto Mello and pulled him up the hill, "Where's the portal!??" I cried.
"I dunno, but there's that chick." Mello pointed to Dora who was standing on the hill with us.
"You two aren't very nice." She said, turning her head to show us a swollen purple mark on her eye.
"Yeah well, we just wanna get home." Mello growled, stepping forward threateningly.
"Well, you need to apologize. Can you saayy, 'Lo siento?"
Mello crackled his knuckles and took another step forward, "No I can't, and if you don't let us out of here right now, you'll be the one saying sorry."
With a wave of her arm, Dora became some lady in a dress and big pointy wizard hat, "You can't hurt a princess!" She cried.
"Yes I can." Mello grinned evilly stepping forward.
Dora quickly jump down off the small mountain and in her place, was the portal. I sprinted forward and jumped through it head-first.
Mello dove after me, and we landed on our couch in a heap.
"We made it!!!" I cried, rolling around the couch and on Mello happily. I sat up and gave him a hard kiss on the cheek.
Mello all but pointed to the TV, "Yeah but look."
I lifted my head, to see us on television, running through the world, and punching Dora and all the other crap we went through.
"I'm going to bed." We both said simultaneously.
End note: Did anyone notice the LOVE between Matt and Mello? Eh... I hardly noticed it either.