Disclaimer: Y'all should know who wrote Moby Dick by now...

Author's Notes: This was a parody I had to write for my Studies of the American Novel class. If it helps, I got an A!

The Honor and Glory of Bullfighting

The more I delve into this enterprise, the more I am impressed by its antiquity and nobility, for not only is this profession pursued by the matador, that great archetype of the Spaniards, and the cowboy, that quintessential hero of the Wild and Wooly West, but also from walks of life such as artists, heroes, demigods, and even gods themselves. As such, I am honored and humbled that I myself belong to such a fraternity.

As that great artist of century past, Pablo Picasso—a foremost bull-man indeed—identified himself with that apocryphal Grecian king of the stars—the fearsome Minotaur born of an unholy union between cursed Queen Pasiphaë and the Cretan Bull, that haunted the Labyrinth of great King Minos and was the scourge of young Athenians—so I, the one named after the Grecian honeybee, identify myself with that most versatile of all the great monsters, the Chimera.

Then there is that Freudian story of that Athenian saint Theseus, son of Zeus' brother Poseidon, who with help of Minos' loveliest of daughters, Ariadne (whom Freudians call the anima), slew that taurine beast that scourged his people sevenfold and escaped that wretched labyrinth borne of that machinist Daedalus' cunning.

And let us not forget that most exemplary and prototypical of great heroes, Hercules, the son of none other than the King of Gods himself, who during the second of his twelve great labors slew that great bull of the sea—the same Cretan Bull who so enchanted Minos that he refused to pay proper tribute to Poseidon, and as reward allured his wife, and cuckolded him, bringing forth from his loins the aforementioned Minotaur—and have it reincarnate as Taurus, that bovine king of stars that governs those born under the emerald.

Akin to the adventure of Hercules and the Cretan Bull—indeed, it could very well be derived from it—is that founding story of Gilgamesh, hero and king of the Babylonians who, among other great tasks, slew that Bull of Heaven sent to plague him by that umbrageous heavenly yet hellish harlot, Inanna, scorned by the hero who refused to fall for her murderously seductive charms.

But none of these artists, heroes, and demigods compose this brethren of bull-men alone, for our grandmaster and grand-mistress are still to be named and are nothing short of divinities themselves. There is Zeus, that great King of Gods, who on one of his amorous adventures in virility, took the form of that handsome white bull that enchanted and abducted the beautiful Phoenician maiden Europa and through her fathered the aforementioned king Minos, along with the great warrior Sarpedon and the great judge of Hades, Rhadamanthys.

And then there is Hera, the great Zeus' wife and Queen of Gods—often attributed by the Grecians as being cow-eyed—whose bovine adventure consisted of scourging the unfortunate lover-of-Zeus-turned-cow Io with that scourge of pests, the gadfly.

Picasso, Theseus, Hercules, Gilgamesh, Zeus, and Hera! There's a roll-call for you…and that ain't no bull!