You might say the prologue for this was my E/O drabble from last week Ruminations of an Angel. I've been wanting to explore Sam's mental state for awhile. I have some ideas to make this a longer story but it could also be just this short one shot. I'll leave it up to you guys if I should continue.


Dean knew from the way Castiel was hovering he had something on his mind. Damn if he cared what it was. He pinched the bridge of his nose with one hand, pouring himself another shot of whiskey with the other and sighed. Best to get it over with. He wandered out toward Bobby's back porch. He could sense Castiel following him.

Once outside Dean rounded on the angel, "What the hell do you want from me, Cas? I'm not exactly in the mood for conversation."

"Dean, I know tonight didn't go the way we had planned."

"Didn't go the way we had planned? Is that what you call it, Cas? Is it just a minor setback to you?" Dean hurled the shot glass against the side of the house. He had a moment of satisfaction as the angel jumped out of the way of splintering glass. "I lost two members of my family tonight!"

"I did not know Jo and Ellen were….."

"Don't you say their names! Don't you even…..just don't. They were my family! As close as I'll ever have and I just walked away while they….while they……I just walked away."

Dean turned his back on Cas and drew in great gulping breaths. He knew he couldn't do this now….couldn't fall apart but God, it was Ellen….and Jo. He felt a hand on his shoulder and turned to find Castiel in his personal space again, finding that for once it didn't matter, was actually comforting.

"I'm sorry, Dean."

Dean nodded. "I know. It's just…..I feel like we can never win, you know? I mean, what are we supposed to do now?"

"I think right now we need to focus on Sam."

"What do you mean?" Dean's heart tripped in his chest. "Is there something else I don't know about my brother? Is there some other secret just waiting to spring itself on us because quite honestly, I think I might run screaming into the woods if there is."

"No secrets, Dean, but Sam is emotionally wrung out."

"Aren't we all?"

"Not like this. I can feel the despair coming from him. He's abandoned all hope."

"What does that mean?" Dean's mouth was dry.

"For us, it could mean the end."

"No." Dean shook his head in denial. "He'll never say yes."

"He's very vulnerable right now, Dean."

"No, he'll be fine." Dean headed back into the house, suddenly anxious to check on his little brother.

He found Sam still sitting by the fire with Bobby. Sam's head was in the older hunter's lap and both appeared to be dozing. Dean knelt in front of his brother, swept back the hair that had fallen into Sam's face and saw that he wasn't sleeping. Sam's eyes had a faraway, glassy look to them.

"Sammy, hey, you okay, bro?" Dean couldn't control the hammering of his heart. Sam had always been the strong one but what if he had no strength left? His brother had been hit with blow after blow in the last few months and Dean hadn't taken the time to wonder what it was doing to him. He was too caught up in the damn apocalypse. Now the look in his brother's eyes scared him.

"Sammy? Please, Sammy. Look at me."

Sam's eyes slowly came into focus and tears began to roll down his cheeks.

"It's okay, Sammy." Dean thumbed tears from his brother's face.

"Everybody dies," Sam whispered. "Everybody dies."

Dean swallowed the lump in his throat. "Not me, Sammy. I'm right here."

Then the tears came in a raging torrent. Dean pulled Sam from Bobby's lap and held him in his own. Sam clutched at his brother, great shuddering sobs racking his body. Dean thought the last time he'd seen Sam cry like this was after Jessica had died. Sam had collapsed into his brother's arms the night before the funeral and now, just as he had done then, Dean offered the only comfort he had.

"I got you, Sammy. I got you."


Continue or no??