Hey, hey, calm down. I'm here, everything's gonna be alright :]

Sorry, too many things going on to update sooner but I'm here now and wanted to thank everyone for their lovely reviews and I really just want to say thank you because I do really appreciate you guys and I don't think I say it enough!

Continued thanks go to XxDarkSarcasm1010xX for so much support since the beginning of this story! Love you to death! Sorry this chapter is a little random with the kissing just needed to get it out of my system and Hidan is a pretty good character to let it out on :p

-Sapphire

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of the characters used in this story


'98 bottles of beer on the wall, 98 bottles of beer, you take one down pass it around, 97 bottles of beer on the wall. 97 bottles of beer on the wa-'

'The heck is wrong with you?'

'Excuse me?'

'You've just been sitting there, singing that stupid song for like, forever'

'What are you talking about? I just now started.'

'For real? I feel like you've been doing that for two months or something…'

'Oh… sorry about that. I suppose I better talk to my current molester… I mean husband… BAHA! THAT WAS A GOOD ONE! Am I right?'

'… that was actually… that was pretty good... surprising, but good. Nice work.'

'Well-well thank you… I didn't think that you would acknowledge- oh my gosh, I said something funny!'

'I'm… I'm so proud…'

'I promised myself I wouldn't cry!'

"Sakura, bring me some fucking juice before that fucking tranny grabs it all."

'Gasp! Debbie?'

Well that just successfully ruined the moment.

'Oh Sakura… there are just so many things that you say that are wrong… just wrong.'

Sakura sighed and looked at her white haired husband exasperatedly, not sure whether she should correct him for being so rude or to get him the juice so she wouldn't die, "Excuse me, would you like to put 'please' in front of that sentence."

Aaaand there it is.

You would think she had a death wish.

Hidan snorted, "Like that would fuckin' make that shit more polite. Hell no."

'He's… he's so… hot… so… hooooot.'

Hidan's hair was loose from its usual gel and fell around his face lightly. His violet eyes were bright and shining and contrasted so perfectly with his masculine jaw line. He looked like an angel. A fallen angel.

'Probably got thrown out for cursing in my opinion.'

The pink haired woman placed her hands on her hips defiantly, "Hidan. Say please."

The man looked up at her and then returned to his project, his biceps flexing as he cleaned his scythe, "Hell. No."

Yeah. So she may have, perhaps, kind of… punched him in the face.

His body flew across the room and into a wall as she felt a tick appear in her forehead.

He leapt from his position on the floor immediately walking over to her and as she began to prepare her final wishes in her mind he just started making out with her. Well that was... random. Uh... yeah. Wasn't expecting that one...

The other men that she had been married to had kissed her, sure. They had even made out with her, once again, okay.

What Hidan was doing was something completely different.

'MOUTH RAPE! MOUTH RAPE! WHERE IS HE TOUCHING! THE HECK IS GOING ON! ITACHI, SASUKE, NEJI, NARUTO, TOBI- okay still a 'no' on that one- HELP ME!'

'This. Is. Awesome.'

His hands were everywhere at once and her shirt was coming off rather forcefully and she didn't know where his shirt was but it sure as heck wasn't on his body. His muscley body. She could feel his biceps flex around her as he pulled her closer to his well toned chest and… and… So many rippling muscles… What were we talking about again?

Sakura, almost beyond the point of reason, placed both hands on either side of Hidan's face and then… she kneed him where it hurts.

I did say 'almost', didn't I?

She pointed at him menacingly, "You little bastard. You're gonna be so dead when I get Debbie into this."

Hidan just rolled around on the ground grabbing onto places that hurt him… She didn't want to say the word, okay?

Sakura crouched down beside him, "You're going to wish you were a cabbage by the time he's done with you."

…..

Yeah. That just happened.

Sakura Haruno just told Hidan that he was going to wish he were a cabbage. We should all now accept this and move on.

He grunted out in pain, "Who. The. Fuck. Is. Debbie?"

Sakura promptly got up from her crouched position and skipped away from her husband.

'Why can't I be greeted by waffles like with Neji? Why!'

'Because Hidan is too damn sexy to care about waffles! Now go back and stand there. You won't even have to seduce him!'

'That… that's just an odd thing to say... to anyone. Don't do that again.'

'Sorry, I didn't think I was going too much over the line, that was my bad.'

'It's okay, I just think that sometimes there are boundaries that we need to- HOLY CRAP, HIDAN IS IN FRONT OF US!'

The white haired criminal smirked sexily at the pink haired girl in front of him, like he had not just been kneed in his manly parts... maybe that was part of the whole 'he likes pain thing'... ew.

"You know, you're damn sexy when you fucking pull shit like that." He slinked closer to her, making her wish that she had something to protect herself like… like… like a cabbage.

There it is again! Why does that keep popping up in her life!

The ways of the cabbage are mysterious.

She laughed nervously and backed away, "Heh, yeah, sorry about that I just… uh, thought there was a bug… I think I got it!"

'I have to do something I can… uh… PLAY ALONG!'

Oh Lord… this is just… this is going to be terrible.

"Well, you know, I'm just sexy like that and stuff and I'm really hot so it just kind of happens that way… Grrrrrrr."

'…Was that... Were you being serious?'

'Yeah? Why? That was great!'

'Oh my… oh my, that's just sad, Sakura... I… there are just no words.'

'You're just jealous, that was awesome!'

Sakura is many things; an actress is not among any of them.

Hidan raised an eyebrow at her, his arms folded across his- 'Sexilicious'- chest.

"Yeah, well fine whatever you say. Would you please get me the fucking juice now."

At the usage of such a polite word, even if it was paired with the repulsive cussing, Sakura smiled benevolently at her husband, "Of course."

He was all over her before she could blink, his tongue pushing past her lips and into her mouth as he ripped off her shirt.

'What the heck…'

'It's… it's happening… IT'S FINALLY HAPPENING!'

"Hidan."

Hidan stopped his over excited molestation for a moment to look in the direction that the cool voice had called his name.

Sasori no Akasuna stood in the doorway looking to Sakura like a kind demon who had decided to kill a malevolent angel.

'Sasori… I hate you… And yet, I'm starting to think you are kind of an awesome bodyguard.'

'Remember Tobi.'

'Sasori, you freaking bastard!'

Meanwhile, outside of Sakura's insane mood swings.

Hidan narrowed his eyes at the red haired Akatsuki member in front of him, "The fuck do you want, bastard?"

Sasori glided into the room like mist threading it's way through the air, never taking his eyes off of the white haired Jashinist in front of him but also taking note of the dazed Sakura that was currently slumped in Hidan's arms, "I do believe that Sakura does not want to be in your company."

"Like fuck you know what she wants." Hidan hissed, which promptly snapped Sakura out of her inner reverie. Too much hissing from too many men… just too much…

Sasori placed a hand on Sakura's brow his red eyes looking 'concerned'… CHIPMUNK/JAGUAR LOOK HAS RETURNED!

Before Sakura could open her mouth to tell Sasori to remove himself from her she was being flung away from his soothing wooden hand.

"Fuck off, you little shit. Sakura is mine." Hidan growled, putting himself between and Sasori and Sakura.

Sasori narrowed his eyes, "I think that she is beginning to regret that mistake."

Hidan suddenly straightened and turned toward her, and then he was kissing her once again. Differently this time like he was trying to be as gentle as he possibly could and everything in the room was getting hotter and her eyelids began to droop.

'He kisses you randomly... that's weird... this is like your life on crack in this future...'

And then he pulled away and she gasped for breath, as she might have momentarily forgotten how to breath.

"Is that enough for do want us to fuck in front of you too?"

'Yes.'

Darkness.

'What… what just happened… did Hidan just… did we just… Huh?'

'Screw you, Sakura! I pair you with very well the horniest man alive and you didn't even get it on!'

'And then he… and then Sasori was… tongue… there was tongue…'

'Ugh, there is no reasoning with you in this state. Onto the next hubby!'

"… I could get my bugs to bring it to you, Sakura…"

'Excuse me. Were you dropped on your head as a child?'


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