Hey, everybody! Look who's back!! Yeah yeah yeah, I know it's been a long time. But, no worries! I'm here with the rewritten version of that awful crap story I was writing like, two years ago.

Here's the thing with the rewritten version: the chapters are longer, better written (I think), and humorous (again, I think). Maybe. It depends on what you crazy cats think is funny. Oh, and if you don't like curse words and crap like that, then don't be offended. Bad language doesn't dominate this story, but it's still there. And you know how Ashley was just kinda pushed aside so that Brittanee can shine? Well, that ain't happenin' this time around. Ashley shines like the bright, glittering star that she is. I even gave her a damn personality, for Pete's sake! Really, who likes to have a little whiney girl (who is supposed to be like, 20, mind you) follow you around helplessly? Hah, RE4:TF Ashley is going to kick RE4 the Game Ashley's butt.

AND NO MORE MARY-SUEish Brittanee! YAAAAY! Clap, dance, do whatever it is that you do to celebrate. Because this little tidbit of information is worth celebrating over. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Woooo, there's almost too much excitement floating around here! Hah, you all are supposed to laugh at this. This is me trying to be funny and sarcastic. FAILFAILFAIL.

Why write a self-insert fic? Because I effing can. You don't like self-inserts? Then why the heck did you click on this story anyway?! It says "shameless self-insert fic" right in the summary! It's not my problem you can't read! Nah, I'm just kidding with you. I'm not being mean, really. But seriously, if you're annoyed by self-inserts, then just walk away. Grab a virtual cookie on your way out, they are rather delicious! For all you other rad-awesome peeps out there who enjoy reading self-insert fics, STAY TUNED. It's going to get all self-inserty up in here. And don't forget to grab a virutal cookie on your way in. Cookies are gooooood.

I know this is getting long, but I have like, two more things to say. Or type. Which ever. After you begin to read (or reread) this, you'll notice that I have changed some things, left things the same, and totally just deleted parts out in general. Believe me: I ripped this story to shreds and rearranged all the scraps so it'll look pretty and read better. I worked hard, dang it!

And I realllllly like reviews. They are like chocolate. I freaking love chocolate, man. So review and tell me what you think. I like constructive criticism. Hey, even if all you gotta say is, "HOLY CRAP AWESOME!" THEN REVIEW IT!!! Flames? Personally, I think flames are uneeded insults. If you don't like, don't read. If you have something to say about the story or the way it's written, offer some advice; just don't insult the writer. That's rude and unneccesary. It wastes the flamer's time and the writer's time.

So..now that all of that is outta the way, may I present to you the first rewritten piece of Resident Evil 4: Twisted Fate. The prologue is supa short, but I'm hoping to update the first chapter in the next few days. Maybe Wednesday? Let me know when you all wanna read it. ;)

Resident Evil 4: Twisted Fate

Prologue – Hot Pixels

"Oh yeah! Take that, El Gigante! You ugly ogre!" I pumped a fist in the air, excited that I defeated the plaga infested giant. Seriously, I was…addicted to this game. It was starting to feel like a crazy obsession or something. Especially playing as Leon, that adorable little agent.

"Brittanee!" My mother half-yelled upon entering my room. She could have knocked…. "Are you ready for school yet? You are going to be late if you don't stop playing that ridiculous game of yours."

I sighed. Mother could be so naïve at times. "I'm getting a ride with you, remember?" I told her, slightly rolling my eyes as I unpaused my game.

She made a slight 'tsk' sound with her tongue upon seeing me shoot a Ganado in the face. "That grotesque game will corrupt your mind, Brittanee." A pause. "But wow! That protagonist does have a nice-"

"Ass?" I interrupted "Yes, Leon does have a hot pixilated behind. I'm going to marry his butt one day."

My mom sighed heavily. "Can't you be normal and ogle real men for once? You know he's just a fictional character, right?"

"The only reason I'm not normal," I shot a random villager's foot, "is because you're the one who gave birth to me."

"How sweet of you, dear," my mother snipped as she rolled her eyes and left the room.

And excuse me for only liking fictional male video game characters. It wasn't my fault that real guys couldn't compare to the awesomeness. I had half the mind to go rip my mother a new one, but yeah, I decided against that idea because she would have probably chopped my head off. I rather enjoyed my head attached to my body, thank you very much.

"Brittanee! Let's go, NOW!"

I sighed, "Ugh, coming!"

School is such a drag.

After turning off my Playstation Two console, I traveled down the stairs and through the front door onto the porch. The sun was shining beautifully despite how early it was, but the chilly air still nipped at my exposed skin. I started hopping (yes, hopping, because I'm just that cool) down the stairs, basking in the sunlight, but soon remembered that I had forgot to grab my purse.

"Ehhh…so lazy," I mumbled, not wanting to go back inside to get the stupid thing. Of course I had to forget something! And knowing me, I was going to take my sweet time getting it. Then my mom could really complain about being late. Heck, she wasn't even outside yet, for crying out loud! If I hadn't forgotten my purse, I would have probably waited longer for her to get her butt outside than she had to wait for me!

Well, there was no use beating around the bush. So I shrugged lamely and turned on my heel quickly, stepping on the top stair. I, being the klutz that I was, had forgotten that one of the wooden planks making up the top step was loose and I, unfortunately, stepped on said loose plank. Naturally, with my bad luck, I tripped, stifling the scream that came with it.

Oh what a beautiful day this was ending up to be.

I started falling backwards, awaiting the horrible pain that would soon come from landing on solid concrete. You know, it would have been a lot easier to fall forward instead of backwards. That way I didn't have to break my back (exaggeration) and not be able to walk for a whole damn week (not an exaggeration). I could have fallen forwards on my knees and whined about it for a couple of hours and then be done with it. But noooo, of course not!!!

So when the pain never came and I kept falling, I knew something wasn't right. Where the heck was the sidewalk? Where in the world was my mother? Why wasn't my back broken yet?

Maybe it was because I was still falling backwards!

Holy colored pencils, I forgot the disclaimer! I DON'T OWN. ANYTHIIIIIIING!!!!

Okay, that's better. :)

Chat with ya later, my little readers.