Hearts Collide ~ Chapter one.

Collide ~ Howie Day.

The dawn is breaking
A light shining through
You're barely waking
And I'm tangled up in you
Yeah

I'm open, you're closed
Where I follow, you'll go
I worry I won't see your face
Light up again

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find
You and I collide

I'm quiet you know
You make a first impression
I've found I'm scared to know I'm always on your mind

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the stars refuse to shine
Out of the back you fall in time
I somehow find
You and I collide

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills your mind
You finally find
You and I collide

You finally find
You and I collide
You finally find
You and I collide

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ x ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The worst thing about growing up with your friends was realising you were in love with your best friend, and knowing he didn't feel the same way.

We came to summer camp every year as kids and returned as adult leaders ever since.

This year however I decided was to be my last camp.

We had all gone to university together, returning here each summer without fail.

We graduated and gained our first jobs, still managing to take the same weeks off to return to camp together as well.

It was grounding for us.

We had lived in the same building, girls in one flat, boys in another, and made a pact to have food & film evening every Friday.

But now things were changing.

Everyone was moving on...

Rose & Emmett were about to get married.

Jasper and Alice were just engaged.

Edward and I, we were best friends…

I needed it to be more.

But that's not happening.

We had shared our first kiss with each other, neither of us wanting to be bad kissers on any future dates. So we kissed...just to make sure.

It was all I expected and more.

We were the person each other kissed at New Years.

We were each one and another's back up.

We even went to Prom together...Just as friends.

Edward didn't know who to invite and no one invited me.

We were always acting as dates for work nights out now too, it was just how we were.

Always helping each other out with things like that.

Here we are now at 24 years old and I want more.

Of course I will never tell Edward this.

I could not look at him as he tells me he doesn't feel the same.

Why would he feel that way about me?

So I will apply for a job in Phoenix, and move away.

I will leave my heart here.

Broken.

Shattered.

Here.

I need to go.

But leaving Edward means leaving everyone else too.

They picked me up every time I fell down, and I fell down a lot!

It's not just the fact I am a Klutz, and could fall over nothing, but they were there to pick me up when my mother left to find herself, and forgot to come back for me.

Leaving me and Charlie alone and barely coping.

They picked me up when my dad fell in love with Sue.

I didn't see them getting closer till someone asked me about it at the store! How blind am I?

I am happy for them now, and love having Leah & Seth as step siblings.

Moving away from all of them will be so hard.

I have no doubt in my mind that I will never see anyone else apart from Edward as someone to love, if I see Edward every day, always wanting more.

So I have to leave.

Dawn is breaking and we are sitting round the campfire after an all night session of singing and story telling.

Tomorrow we go back to our own lives and I prepare to start a new one.

Every one is sleepy but enjoying the campfire too much to go to bed.

We are all wrapped up in our sleeping bags, the fire kept going, the flames hypnotising, and me sitting thinking.

Every now and again, someone starts singing a song softly, which keeps us all from giving into sleep.

Alice is talking about not being able to wait until next summer's camp already.

Do I say something now?

"What do you think Bella; can you wait till next year?"

Knowing I really can't keep this from her any longer?

I decide the time is now.

I need to say it out loud so I can start to make this change happen. I need to say it now.

"Actually Alice, I have been thinking, I might not be here next year, I am thinking about moving to Phoenix to be near my mum."

The music stops completely.

It had only been Edward and Emmett who had been left playing their guitars.

"What do you mean...move?"

Rose was mad with me but unable to shout due to the sleeping kids round about us.

Jasper started whispering at me too.

"Your mother...? You want to be near your mother? She is no mother to you! Why go now?"

I sighed, I knew he was telling the truth, but I had no where to go else to.

I needed a reason to leave Charlie, and this was all I could think of even if I knew it would break his heart.

Emmett was saying nothing, which was not like him at all. Looking up at him, I realised he was moving towards Rose, unable to look at me.

I didn't look at Edward, but I heard him, his voice filled with pain.

"Why?"

"Why? I need to see her. I need to ask why she left me. I have to find out things about her, about me about everything."

Alice was not so quiet…

"THAT'S what emails are for Bella!"

"Sshhhhhhhhhh!"

Alice quietened down quickly.

"There are lots of ways to communicate with her; you can tell her how you feel in lots of ways that don't involve going there to her!"

"Don't you see Alice, I can't! I can't tell people what I need to tell them. I can't take the risks that I should in life! I am so sacred of falling down I don't ever find the nerve to stand up & take the risk!"

"This discussion is not over Bella, we can help you, we can support you in finding what ever it is you need to with her, but you don't need to leave to do it!" Rose promised.

Alice was crying while Jasper held her tight. Rose was staring at me in a way I had never seen before.

Emmett was mouthing something to Edward, but I didn't know what he said. Edward just looked at me then looked back down again.

Rose, spoke up.

"We love you, you know that don't you, we all love you."

"I know, I love you all too. You have been everything to me. I am not doing this light heartedly, but I have to.

I want what you guys have." I whispered to them.

"What does that even mean?" Edward spoke with such pain in his eyes it broke my heart.

I looked at him.

It was now or never.

"I want to have a relationship with someone who loves me. I want to wake up with someone who needs me. I want to lie under the stars and see them shine with the person I love laying beside me holding my hand like I am the most precious thing in their life."

"And you can't find that here?" Edward's voice was clearer now. Asking me...asking me to tell him what I couldn't say out loud.

"I have tried, but it seems that the one I want to watch the stars with does not feel the same way. And I can not bear to stand by and wait for them to fall in love with someone else."

Emmett spoke, I knew he was upset with me, they all were.

"Alice and Jasper found it here. Rose found it with me… have you looked? Bella have you looked here?"

Emmett turned and went back to whispering to Edward who just dropped his head in his hands.

"It's not enough Em...no one sees me here; no one is looking back at me."

I was crying now, tears had started rolling down my face but I was unable to move to wipe them away.

I glanced around, relived to find the kids were all still fast asleep.

"I can look all I want but if the person I want to see me is not looking back...all I am doing is just watching alone."

"What or who are you looking at?"

Jasper spoke as he lent back to gather a few more sticks for the campfire.

"That's the thing Jasper, I can't tell you. "

"You used to be able to tell us anything Bella, what changed?" Alice whispered through her tears.

"I guess I did Alice, I guess I did."

"You haven't changed you are still the one we all love Bella."

I looked at Edward, and I knew my heart was breaking.

Say it, tell him. Just tell him!

"I Love you…all... I love you all too. But don't you want more Edward? Don't you want to have that someone?"

It was then I realised he had started playing again softly on his guitar again.

"Do you want more Edward?

I was asking him...in front of our friends who were my family in all but name, I wasn't sure I could do this.

The song was beautiful.

It was my favourite song, Collide, by Howie Day.

He knew this.

He used to play it for me all the time.

We would sing it together, when no one else was around, it became our song.

He told me every time he played it, how he loved when we sang it together and that we should sing it to the others sometime. But I was so shy I would never sing it when anyone else was around.

Just with him, it was our song, our secret, and I wished for nothing more than to wake up tangled next to him.

"The dawn is breaking, a light shining through.
You're barely waking, and I'm tangled up in you…"

I whispered with him as he sang the next word.

"Yeah"

He sang alone again.

"I'm open, you're closed. Where I follow, you'll go.
I worry...I won't see your face, light up again."

He was looking at me in a way I had never seen him do before, he was singing to me.

He was singing to my heart.

He sang with more passion than I had heard from him, I sang quietly with him.

"Even the best fall down sometimes.

Even the wrong words seem to rhyme.
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find
You and I collide"

Emmett had started playing his guitar softly now.

Rose, Jasper and Alice were looking back and fore between Edward and I, trying to figure out what was unfolding before them, but we saw no one now but each other.

Edward had stopped playing, one hand resting on his guitar, the other slightly raised as if he was scared to move from where he was sitting.

I sang to him alone, and just to him.

"I'm quiet you know,
You make a first impression,
I've found I'm scared to know I'm always on your mind."

Then he was up on his feet, standing in front of us all.

I stopped singing but Emmett kept playing as Edward walked towards me.

I looked down, and held my breath.

He knelt down before me.

I felt his hand under my chin; he lifted my face up to his.

Emmett stopped playing...

Time stopped.

Edward placed his hand on my cheek and looked at me.

"Bella.

I have only ever looked at you.

You are all I ever see.

You are all I think about.

It was always been you.

I want to wake up tangled in you.

I want to watch the stars with you.

I could not risk loosing you by telling you how I felt.

But now I am going to loose you if I don't tell you..."

His lips were almost touching mine now.

"I love you, I love you not just as my best friend but I love you with all my heart.

Be mine. Look here at me, and be mine, Isabella Marie Swan, be just mine forever.

'Till my heart beats no more."

"Edward…I love you with all I am with all I ever was, it has only been you."

"At last!" Emmett said laughing as quietly as he could.

"I thought you guys would never figure it out!"

Only then did I look at my friends and realise they had seen what Edward and I couldn't.

They knew, and now we did too.