8th of May 2009 – that's when this all started, HOTRS chapter one was typed up and posted and I haven't looked back since. Thank you for all the support over the past year and thank you for taking the time out to read. It honestly does mean the world to me.
Four years later
He was the guy who's girl I stole, he was the one that I had caused pain to and he was the one person that could only ever put doubt in my mind that Bella shouldn't be with me, that she should be with him, simply because I knew he had loved and cared for her so much.
Jacob Black, was standing about all of twenty feet from me in the wide open garden at the reservation in LaPush. His eyes were locked onto mine and you could see the uneasy feeling he felt.
It had been over fifteen years since I saw him last, fifteen years since I had him press me up against a wall and punch me in the face. I deserved that punch, I deserved so much more from him. Had he battered me to pulp, I would have been deserving of that too. He had caught me in bed with his girlfriend. And though he deserved to beat the living crap out of me, I would have accepted it without compliant because I got what I wanted, I got what I needed. And that was, Bella.
I felt a force batter into my legs and glancing down I saw a little girl with tanned skin and almost black hair, swing from my calf. She wore a little denim cut off's and a little pink t-shirt. She looked beautiful. Big brown eyes that reminded me a little of Bella's.
Peeling her off my leg, I knelt down to speak to her, on her level. "So, what's your name?"
Her doe eyes looked at me all confused and she wobbled on her legs before falling down onto her bottom that was padded by her nappy.
"Trying to steal all my girls, Cullen?" I heard the voice call from above me and looking up, Jacob stood in front of me.
I hadn't spoke to this man since I saw him run out of my apartment almost fifteen years ago, but he was right in front of me now and talking.
Looking back down at the little girl, she was Jakes. It was clear as day.
I didn't know how to react to his words. There was a party going on. I didn't want a scene. No one that was here deserved a scene.
From the window behind me I heard a bang and I presumed it was Bella and that she was witnessing this right now.
Standing up, I met his eyes a little better but he was still taller than me, Christ he was a lot bigger than me too.
"You know, its a common complaint..." I gave a tight smile, trying to ease any tension that was there. For this not to turn into something it wasn't, something it didn't have to be.
He gave a tight smile back, clearly having the same thoughts as me. "So you met Lenny?" he asked nicely as he bent down picking up the little girl that still held onto my leg.
I knew Jacob had a child. He and another girl from the reservation got together a couple of years ago but had never got married. I didn't know much except that.
"She's something..." I nodded as Lenny curled in to her dads side, her face burring into his long hair.
"You should see her mother..." he rolled his eyes and shook his head as if to tell me she was something to be seen, a fire cracker perhaps.
"Is she here..?" I didn't know what to say, so it was best to stay safe.
"Leah, yeah. She was helping Bella out in the kitchen." he shrugged so nonchalantly.
It was surreal, it wasn't comfortable, but it wasn't quite hell either.
I knew he would be here, it was inevitable one day that we would meet. Bella had saw him a few times in the past few years. Charlie was marrying Sue tomorrow so he was going to be there, and today was a small birthday party.
"Daddaaaaaaaaaaay." the little sweet voice called, as she pulled on my denim leg. She tugged at the material a few times before I could even reach down to pick her up.
"Hey, munckin, what the matter? Too much sugar?" She shook her head answering me, no, not entirely sure what I was even talking about. Holding her tight into me, she rested her head on my shoulder, shy of Jake.
"Lexie, this is an old friend of your mums, Jake and his little girl, Lenny. Jake, Lenny, this is my little girl, Lexie."
Lexie, yeah...where to start with that one...
That little tiny baby, the one that my father showed me, making me realize my choices, well she came back and she was perfect. She had gone for more surgery to help her along until she grew a little more and she responded well to it. She was doing so great. But checks had to be done, to prove this to us. She needed invasive tests. Simple, standard...
I had saw her come in, her pink cheeks a far cry from the blue I had saw on her the day my father took me to her.
It wasn't right. I had saw her rolling on her back as her parents tickled her stomach in the morning. She had been giggling away. The tests went wrong, the doctor caused damage and they had to open her up. But it was too late, the damage was done and she couldn't be saved.
I remember hearing about it, flashes of the little blue baby and the little laughing girl with the flushed cheeks. That made sense, we made her better. But then she was gone.
I felt for her parents, only imagining the pain that they must have felt at the loss. I couldn't even begin to comprehend it.
In the hospital, you see them come and you see them go. Babies too, they can be so strong, so unbreakable... And there is times that they just lose that battle. She had lost hers.
I though about Masen, the fact we still had him. I prayed to god every night that we would never lose him so tragically. I had been holding on so tight to not having a baby, to protect them from the world, when really, there is nothing you can do but let them live and hope that they see it through as far as possible and that they are happy and that they know that they are loved.
I wanted a family.
I had a family.
But I wanted more.
Seeing that life being taken away so cruelly...It was hard to watch. For anyone to go through that worry and struggle and to make it through, just for it just all to be snapped away from them months later.
So...I stopped living in fear. I stopped worrying about what could happen and worried that they were okay, right now, that they were happy.
But was I happy?
I was. I was deliriously happy. We had our good days and bad day just like everyone else. But I was happy. We were happy.
My condition passed by the time Masen was eight months and I had never had another attack again. I held no medication on me, I popped no pills to keep me from crippling attacks and I skipped out on breakfast more than the odd time and never suffered, well I never suffered too much. I was still a greedy bugger who loved there food, only it wasn't anything I could use now as a toy, to manipulate and worry Bella when I saw fit just because I felt like I was having a bad day.
I had learned that even though my condition had passed, I still worried. I still grew a little too anxious and there were times I felt low. But I got through it. I also learned that in general I was just really a huffy shit by nature. A hard week at the hospital and I snapped at them all. Bella, like the trooper she always has been, never took it form me, mostly because there was no excuse for it now.
We were still just as open and honest with one another, and after living like that for so long, I couldn't have changed it if I tried.
So, we were happy. I had the family I always wanted. Well, almost the family I always wanted.
I wanted a little Bella and I still wanted her to have those god damn little Bella shoes.
Taking this to Bella was hilarious. The confused look across her face as I began to explain. She was sitting down but I still thought she was going to hit the floor in shock. The one thing I had argued with her on till the end, I was giving her without question. If she wanted it.
She never questioned me on it. Minus my AIP, she took my words as what they were and didn't wait for me to make sure. She knew if I had went to her with it, I had though it through. I couldn't put her through any doubt again.
Let's just say, second time round was a whole lot easier. She carried to full term and them some. She was desperate to get Lexie out of her on the day of her due date and did every trick in the book to kick start her labour. Mostly trying to drag me into bed. Not that I was complaining...
So we had her, we had, Alexis Elizabeth Cullen.
Lexie's brown waves hid her face as she buried herself into the crook of my neck, so shy, much like Jakes little girl.
"So you're the birthday girl?" Jake spoke with ease to her, obviously comfortable around children now that he had his own daughter.
She nodded her head against me, not looking at him.
"You know, when I was younger, I made your mum a cake for her birthday." He made her cake? I had never heard that story. "It was made of mud and had worms in it." that was her, her attention snapped to Jake, her face all screwed up at the thought of it.
"That's not nice." She mumbled her tongue still not quite able to speak the words clearly.
He only laughed. "That's what your mum said, too. But least I tried..." I don't think I could have even of manage that one.
"Edward..." Bella's voice called me and almost instantly she was right in front of me with Masens hand in hers. "Can you help me please..." she hissed oh so gently that warned me I was in trouble for something I had no clue about. "Jake..." she greeted him with a warm smile before narrowing her eyes at me.
"Can you take him. I swear to god, if we lose any more food for tomorrow, there will be no one eating at all." She was stressed and even though the wedding was going to be about as big as this birthday party, she was feeling the heat at offering to help.
I looked between the clean, shy little girl in my hands and the boisterous mess that was Masen.
It was incredible how different Masen was from me already. My mother swore blind he was just like Emmett at that age. In fact he had been like Emmett from about six months. That wasn't to say he wouldn't become like me when he hit puberty. No one had any idea until that time came.
I remembered the sigh of relief I gave when I had found out I hadn't passed on my condition to Lexie, but she was still like me when I was younger, then again, Renee and Charlie said she was just like Bella too.
"Bella, Love, Just breath." I told her calmly. Her eyes narrowed at me instantly, clearly infuriated at my blasé words. I wasn't trying to piss her off, she was just a little stressed.
"Don't tell me to, just breath. Help me out here." She sighed and I could hear she was tired.
"Okay, Masen, do you want a game of football?" It was the best way to burn him out. It was like a secret drug. Take him to the park to kick a ball around and he was out cold without a fight by bed time. "Bella, can you take Lexie, I think she's tired." I asked as I reached for Masens hair, messing it up, knowing fine well it would do anything but sit down nicely.
"She can't sleep Edward, she's two. We need to keep her awake, keep her in her routine. I though you were the doctor." she snapped at me.
I knew we never let her sleep during the day, but she wasn't the best traveller in the world, and the car journey up here the day before had left her more than a little unsettled.
"Plus, its her party. We cant let her sleep, she has to get her cake." She reminded me.
"Cake." Lexie called out at the same time Masen and Lenny's ears pricked up too, all three of there heads snapping at Bella.
Bella screwed up her eyes tight, gritting her teeth. "Edward." she snapped at me again.
"Okay. Sorry. I'll pass her to Sue." Sue was Lenny's grandmother but I knew that she doted on Lexie just as much, I suppose she would be her step grandmother come tomorrow. "I'll call your dad over for a game." I told her. "You in Jake?" I did my best to keep the friendly atmosphere flowing as much as possible.
"Sure, I'm in." Jake nodded instantly. "Let me just settle Lenny with Sue. I'll Take Lexie over to her too." he offered and I nodded, passing her to him, his strong bulk having no bother at holding onto two toddlers.
"Masen, want to come help me?" Jake had just shot up in my book of estimations, he was officially a bigger guy than me. I don't know that even after fifteen years, I would be quite as forgiving. He knew I needed a moment alone with Bella.
The four of them disappeared as I reached out to Bella, pulling her into to me, holding her in close.
"I love you." I promised in her ear and she laughed at my words knowing it was and wasn't what she needed to hear right now. "Give it time, they will be knocking down our door to sign you up."
After she went onto maternity leave for Lexie, we spoke about her not going back to work. I knew she loved her job. But she was wanting more time with Masen and Lexie and whilst doing that, she wrote her own novel.
I always knew it was something she needed to do. Something she should have pressed forward and done a long time ago. But now she had and now she was waiting to hear back from publishers.
She nodded at my words but I knew she took no heed at them.
I cupped her cheek, feeling her skin, warm from rushing around. "Do you need me to do anything?" I asked gently. I really wanted her just enjoy today for what it was. Her little girls birthday.
Shaking her head. "No, I just need you to keep an eye on Masen. He's been through everything in that kitchen. I swear, if his eating habits are as much like Emmett's as his personality is, he's going up for adoption." I chuckled at her words.
Kissing her on the lips, I left her to what she needed to do and I headed to the others for a game of football.
Wakening up in at the hotel, I stretched out my muscles as I glanced around the room finding Bella sound asleep along with Lexie and Masen sleeping in the other double bed. The two of them were great when they were sleeping. They looked like little angels. Lexie was an angel when awake too but Masen, as soon as he was up, all hell broke loose and everything was pulled out, switched on or my ears were about to burst with the sheer noise that boy could create. I loved it though and would never want him any other way.
I shifted closer to Bella's sleeping form, trying to take advantage of a quiet moment and see that she was okay for today.
I knew she loved Sue as if she was a second mother, she loved her in the way she loved Billy, but I still worried about her, just in case she had any concerns about her father. I knew she loved him and only wanted the best for him, but she worried too much about things that a daughter shouldn't have to worry about.
Reaching forward, I placed gentle kisses along the length of her collar bone, heading up to her neck. She shifted below my lips and I could feel she was wakening up.
"Morning, beautiful." I let my lips trail up to her ear before grazing my teeth off of the soft flesh of her ear lobe. She giggled and tried pushing me away but she wasn't really trying.
"Edward, behave. Their only sleeping across there." she whispered out with a nod to the other bed.
"Such a dirty mind, I was only trying to waken you up..." I lied. I was happy to tease the hell out of her. We would never have sex in the same room as our children but a lingering kiss sent to tease her was totally acceptable...I think.
"Hmmm, you forget I know how your mind works, Edward." her voice was still sleepy and it was an incredible turn on. I had to batter the thought out of my head instantly.
"Maybe...maybe I'll show you later." I smirked across her lips as I kissed her deeply again.
She sighed contently and I knew if I didn't drag myself away from her now, I could possibly find myself being arrested for being indecent in front of minors.
I pulled myself away from her, harbouring my want deep down inside of me for another time as I headed for the shower.
Bella's breasts sat in perfection in the little summer dress she wore. It was as if Alice had created a little ledge inside the dress to show them off on some kind of display. I needed to remember to send Alice a thank you card.
God I needed her. I needed to let my hands glide around Bella's sweet curves, I needed to taste those plump lips.
I was snapped back to reality when Lexie started to shuffle around on Bella's lap, becoming impatient at the ceremony we were witnessing. The wedding was taking place in Charlie s back garden as Sue was planning on moving in after the honeymoon. It was a nice setting, the forest right behind us.
"I'll take her." I whispered to Bella. She gave a small nod just as Lexie began to cry. Every head in the garden looked towards us, even Charlie, Sue and the priest, looked
Bella blushed as she silently looked at me pleading to take her away, so not to cause to much of a commotion. I took her look and discreetly slid out of my seat, heading back into the house.
I closed the door behind me, stepping into the cool air of the house. I hadn't realized just how warm it was today. I had my suit on but I never wore a tie and my shirt was left open but I still felt it choke me a little.
"What's the matter, beautiful?" I asked her as I checked her over, feeling her skin warm. She didn't appearer to show that she was feeling unwell so I assumed it was the heat of the day becoming too much for her. She sniffled in my arms, her little tears drying on my shirt.
Taking off her shoes, I tried to get her to cool down as I got her out a cool drink.
She was like Bella, except she had my green eyes. Her little waves swooshed around her head, just in the same motion as Bella's hair moved.
Sitting on my knee, she took the little sip cup from my hand and began to swallow it down. Her eyes gazed up at mine, all the while her left hand pulled on the sleeve of my jacket, scrunching the material. It was designer and cost a fortune but I didn't care. All I was worried about that she was feeling okay.
"Are you feeling better?" I asked her, cupping her little cherub cheek in my hand.
She nodded with a little tired smile and I knew she needed to rest, routine or no routine, She had too much heat today and it had tired her out.
Her little lids were heavy, you could see them flutter as she struggled to stay awake.
Pulling herself up into me with the lapel of my jacket, she rested her head on my chest and I knew she was looking to fall asleep on me, so I let her. I took her empty cup from her little hand and smoothed down her hair and I could hear her breathing change as she nodded off.
I sat there, letting her settle before I attempted to move her. But before I could, Masen wasn't to far behind, calling on me.
"Dad, dad, dad." he shouted at the top of his lungs as he rushed into the kitchen. He was almost four and a half and I suppose it was too much too expect him to sit through that without the need to get up and run about.
"Shush, Masen. Lexie is sleeping." I tried to warn him but not tell him off. He had been so good when he was younger at keeping quiet when we asked him too. To tell a two year old that they need to be quiet so the baby could sleep was never easy, but Masen watched out for Lexie and tried hard.
He stopped on his tracks, bowing his head a little to see her sleeping face. He reached up and gave her a little kiss on the head and my hear exploded at the sight. It was so sweet.
"She okay?" he asked, his little face full of worry, the same look that Bella would wear when she was worried.
"I think she feels a bit yucky with the heat." I tried to simplify it for him and he gave a silent nod, understanding.
He lifted up my free arm, settling himself below it and into my side as he sweetly patted her knee.
These were the times that made it all worth while. The sweet sincerity of a four and a half year old showing affection to his sister like this was amazing. The feel of them in my arms was amazing.
I sat there for a few minutes just enjoying it, Lexie in my arms and Masen standing into my side.
"Edward..?" Bella's voice called looking for me, and though she wasn't as loud as Masen, he still turned to her and gently shushed her, just like I had done to him.
Walking up to me, she knelt down the in front of me, looking at Lexie, before giving me a questioning glance as to why she was sleeping.
"She had too much heat, she was burning up and she was sleepy." she nodded silently, leaning forward kissing one of Lexies bare feet.
"You should put her to bed, let her get some rest." Bella's hand swept across Lexies cheek with that same look of worry that Masen had.
I nodded, agreeing, before I stood up and headed in the direction of the stairs as I heard Bella speak to Masen. "Okay, big boy, you think you can help your mummy out in the kitchen." I could have laughed, I knew within five minutes he would be causing chaos around there feet but she always tried to let him join in.
Walking out of the bathroom, I was met with Bella standing at the top of the stairs, leaning against the door to her old room.
I smiled to her and she silently gave out her hand for me to take. Reaching for it she opened her old bedroom door, pulling me through it and pushing me up against it, closing it with a small click.
"Thank you." She mumbled up against my lips before she kissed me. I had no idea what she was thanking me, but if she was kissing me, I wasn't going to argue.
She kissed me full of passion and I wondered what I had done to deserve it, not just right now, but in general. How the hell did that little obnoxious runt of a teenager get her...and keep her.
Breaking away from me, her eyes gazed up at me, full of soul and passion. Those two brown eyes could break me so easily.
"What you thanking me for?"
"For being perfect." she told me, completely serious.
I laughed at her words. I was very far from perfect and she knew it better than anyone, or at least she should know it.
She pressed further against me, kissing me once more with all the same intensity.
"What did I do to deserve this?" I teased as she broke away from my mouth once again.
"For being perfect." her eyes rolled as if I was crazy. "For being so good earlier and helping keep Masen out from under my feet." Her stress levels had peak earlier as she fought to prepare the food with the others earlier.
It had been a simple day and they kept it that way by making food themselves but it had put a burden on Bella, no that she would ever think of it that way, she loved to cook and was happy to help. "How could I ever thank you?" She smiled sheepishly at me as she winked, that blush in her cheeks growing.
Instantly I had changed our positions and now it was me who had her pressed up against the door.
"Here?" she asked gob smacked, her face full of a shock as well as a smile.
I tried to keep my laugh low from the look on her face. "Why not?" reaching down, I kissed the top of her breast, desperate for them.
She only laughed as I felt her fingers run through my hair, her short nails scratching my scalp.
She breathed deeply and shook her head, composing herself. "No. We can't. It's not right."
"We're in your bedroom. And correct me if I'm wrong but I do believe you have had your way with me more than a few times in this place." she turned scarlet again and I knew I needed her, my trousers were growing tighter by the second.
She still looked hesitant, so I stopped, not wanting to push her and make her feel uncomfortable.
I rested my forehead against hers and I could see her bite down on her lip as usual.
"What are you thinking about?" She bit down on her lip when she was worried or her mind was churning away.
"How quiet we would need to be?" her eyebrows rose up at me, shyly and I chucked. She wanted to, she was just worried about the noise.
"Love, they have music on, and there outside." She considered my reasoning for a second before crashing her lips into mine and griping at my hair once again.
Breaking our kiss I trailed kisses down her throat and to her heaving chest. "Do you have any idea the things this dress has been doing to me today. Your boobs look fantastic in it." She laughed at my words as she rested her head against the door, allowing me to roam the top of her torso, kissing her.
My hand found the bottom of her dress, and I let my fingers trail along the smooth skin of her leg, gripping onto the back of her leg. Her dress was all bunched up at one side and bunched up the other, grabbing onto her other thigh as I continued to kiss her, reaching her lips once again.
Her fingers slipped out from my hair and went straight to my zip, unfastening me before she released me from my boxers. I quickly pushed myself inside of her as she let out a gasp and grabbed at the material of my shirt by my waist.
I kissed her furiously as she continued to gasp in my mouth, at my hard motions inside of her. Her grip only growing tighter as she held on to my side, pulling me in further to her all at the same time.
Her hands once again reached my hair and she began to tug on the ends of it, sending me closer to the edge. I didn't know if I could handle that right now also. It was doing something to me, something crazy. It was fantastic. I could feel her tensing, her hands gripping on to the back of my neck, tight.
I pressed right against her, right up against the door, while all the time trying to keep the noise to a minimum.
I could feel her shallow pants next to my ear as she hit that wall, sending it crumbling. She tighten around me, trembling, pushing me on as we both came at the same time. I felt my body convulse contently at what was happening.
I was done for. I gently dropped her legs before I quickly tucked myself away and catching my breath, my palm flat against the door, trying to stable me as Bella tried to fix her dress out, trying to stop the satin from creasing, and ultimately being busted.
"Have I told you how much I love that dress?" I breathed out deeply, still gasping for air.
Bella chuckled at me, shaking her head. "Yeah, but now it looks like I've been having sex in it." she motioned to the fine wrinkles that weren't to noticeable.
"That's because you did have sex in it." I reminded her pointedly.
She rolled her eyes at me before playfully smacking the back of her hand off of my chest.
"Behave." she warned, but her tone told me to do anything but.
Once she was content with the ways she looked, we headed back down the stairs, making our way outside to the others.
Finding myself a seat, Masen was climbing all over me, prattling away, talking non-stop nonsense that kept me laughing. He played with the pockets of my suit, pulling out my wallet and going through its contents.
My attention wandered to the grass, where the others were dancing. Bella stood in Jacobs arms, laughing.
It was good to see that after all this time, things had been left in the past. The guilt crippled me at the time we had been caught, because Bella had lost her best friend, Jake. I knew she never doubted her decision to be with me, to pick me. But I did worry that she sometime doubted the fact that she picked me over her best friend. They were the same person, I knew that, but she had lost so much with her choice and it pained me to see the pain she tried to hide at not having him in her life.
His hand sat politely on her hip. It didn't make me mad or jealous. I knew she would never want to change her life. I was sure of it.
"Daddy, when I'm a big boy, will I get one of these?" Masen held up my wallet to show me exactly just what he was talking about.
"Yeah, when you're a bigger boy." I promised him, tapping his nose as he shuffled on my knee once again.
"When I start school, mummy says I'll be a big boy. Do I get one then?" He looked at me so expecting. If he wanted a wallet he could have one. God, I'd give him the world, him or Lexie.
"I tell you what, I'll take you to the mall and we can buy one for you starting school. How does that sound?" His face lit up and his eyes sparkled at my words. He was a tad spoiled. I knew that. Bella tried her best to stop me. And most of the time she got her way. But he could have this one.
He kissed me on the lips before wrapping his little arms around my neck, silently thanking me.
I combed his hair with my fingers trying to tame the mess. Bella said she quite liked it, that it made him look like me. I didn't know if that was a good thing or not.
"Does aunt Alice's shop sell wallets?" he asked as he pulled back, looking confused.
"No, she only sells clothes for girls. I'll take you to the big boy shop and you can pick one." he smile again and nodded, still playing with my wallet.
Alice and Jasper were still together, still much the same. They hadn't had any children yet but they did plan on starting soon.
After finding out that they couldn't have children, Rosalie and Emmett decided to adopt. Offering a cute little girl a new beginning after she had been left abandoned. The process was long and drawn out but they got through it and both of them were excellent parents. Rosalie was going to have that girls just as spoiled as I was going to have Masen and Lexie.
My mum an dad relished more grandchildren. They loved to look after them and frequently did. They became a big support to us, letting Bella and I have some time to ourselves when we need it.
Masen grew bored with my wallet and left it on my lap as he slid down and rushed off to dance with Leah, Sue's daughter, Jacobs girlfriend.
Lexie smiled away as she sat on Charlie's knee, the ever proud grandfather. He tickled her sides and she looked like she was going to fall off, but I knew I could trust Charlie with her.
Placing my wallet back into my pocket, I headed to Bella and Jake. They were still dancing and talking away happily, but I wanted in, I wanted a dance with my wife.
I tapped Jakes shoulder and his head snapped round to meet my eyes.
"May I?" I asked as I glanced to Bella.
"Of course, she's all yours." He nodded, letting go of her and letting me move in.
"Thank you, Jake." Thank you for everything. This guys broken heart had gave me my family. I would always be in debt to him.
It had been another great day. The warm air still kept a heat in us even as night drew in and the festivities continued. It was a small group, but they made up for it in spirit.
Wrapping my arms around Bella's waist, she reached up and kissed my lips.
"You seemed to be having fun." She nodded with a warm smile on her face and it was nice to know it was related to Jake. It eased the guilt I had. I had gotten over my guilt, but seeing that, it really did make me happy.
"It was nice to catch up again. He's opening up a second garage in Port Angales at the end of summer." They had spoke a few times over the past few years and I knew that they were on level terms again but to see it, it was good. I had always felt jealous at the mention of him, but tonight, after he had been relatively welcoming to me, I couldn't be. He was genuinely a nice guy.
"Nice..." I told her not really wanting to talk about him any more. All I wanted was to hold her.
"Its been a couple of good days." It really had been, the weather had been great and the atmosphere was even better.
"It has. I'm sorry if I was ever pissy with you though, I...I was-"
"Just a little stressed." I finished for her. "You don't need to apologize, my pissy moods well out number your pissy moods, and that's not even talking about the AIP." She knew I could be a moody brat at times for no reason at all, Bella always had a reason so she deserved to be moody if she wanted too. She only smiled at my words.
"How are you doing anyway?" After all she had spent most of the day running around, organizing everyone else. She could have given Alice a run for her money after today.
"Good. It's been a great day. It would have been nice if my mum had been here but I understand why she didn't"
"We'll go visit soon." I promised. It had been too long since she had saw her mother. She deserved to see her and she could do with the holiday. We would have to drown Masen in sun protection but we would take care of that. His pale skin was so sensitive, he had layers of the stuff of for the wedding and had managed to keep him in the shade for most of the day.
She sighed contently, resting her head on my shoulder as we swayed gently to the music. "You're too good to me."
I laughed at her words, she was the one that was good to me. She had literally given me everything in my life that was worth breathing for.
Life couldn't be any more different from what I thought it would be when she told me she was having a baby. I was so glad for her own will and sheer determination to prove me wrong, because she had. I had been so wrong, but I was learning to accept these kind of things now.
There was a quote I heard once: The day the child learns that all adults are imperfect, he becomes an adolescent; the day he forgives them, he becomes an adult; the day he forgives himself, he becomes wise.
I wouldn't say I was wise, but I do forgive myself. I forgive myself for giving Bella a life of hell that I can't erase, I forgive myself for wanting the things I do in life and taking them, despite the risks. To forgive myself, I learned I had to be selfish and that sometimes its okay to be like that. Its okay to want things and have them, despite the arguments against them.
It's not wrong. And that feeling of guilt, the way I punished myself, it was my heart worrying, worrying about all the things that could go wrong. But just because they could go wrong, doesn't mean they will. The simple things we think are straight forward and we don't take a second thought on are usually the things that catch us off guard, the unexpected.
We cant sit around, avoiding the things we want, "just in case". Doing that only leads to a life that would be as well as gone. Keeping the odds at bay and never taking a risk isn't living, it's surviving.
And its not the way to exist.
Nothing is sure in life.
And sometimes that's the better way to live
Because, at the end of the day,
We cannot change the cards were dealt;
Just how we play the hand.
a/n: Please, one last time, or maybe the first time, Review. Help me get to a 1,000 reviews for the last chapter!
I would love to just thank everyone that has read this, the ones that started with me at the beginning in May last year, to the ones that began to read HOTRS only days ago.
I'd also like to give a shout out to Jadalulu, who pushed this for me and helped me get so many more readers after her amazing review of HOTRS and also everyone else that has pushed it onto there friends.
Please I beg, join me on 'The Saints are Coming' if you haven't already. I will be UD'ing within the next few days hopefully.
Thank again, you have been amazing. I know the errors in my stories are so distracting but you have stuck with me for the story I had created and that means a lot. None of my English teachers would ever believe this lol.
Author alert me for any oneshots and deleted scens to this story. And of course, ideas are welcome.