A/N: I watch Glee now. This automatically means I ship Puck/Quinn like a mofo. As soon as Quinn said she was preggers, I, being the genius I am who noticed Puck would go great with Quinn, said to myself, "If it's not Puck's, I will go apeshit." Then it was. Score.

You know, I think I've seen this ship before, and it was called Chair. Oh well. Puck's mind is a lot more fun to go into than Chuck's.

It's not like he hasn't done this before.

He's done this before. Many women. High school girls, college girls, even that one unfortunate run-in with a middle-schooler that he's not proud of. He's had cougars and kittens and, whatever else is out there, he's had it. So he's not like a virgin. At all.

She is. But it's kinda hot.

Okay, and so maybe he's really a douchebag. Because obviously it's unfair to her and unfair to Finn and, God, it's unfair to all of them. But he thinks it's kind of hot. Maybe he's masochistic.

He's probably just a douchebag because he really finds her appealing when she's crying. He finds her appealing when she's laughing. And smiling. And walking. And... breathing.

She's just kind of appealing like that. S'not like it's his fault, right? He's male. A football-playing, testosterone-pumping, muscular male. And teenage. He's a teenager. So he's allowed to feel attraction for the head cheerleader, even if it's his best friend's girl. Like, what's going to come out of it? He knows for a fact that every other guy in the locker room jacks off to her picture, so fuck it, he's allowed to, too.

But then, they also don't end up kissing her while she's crying and probably two drinks past tipsy. No, like every other respectful friend to the star quarterback, they remain their distance to her and jack off quietly in their rooms. Discretely. Like it's a secret, although everyone knows.

But he ends up kissing her and it's not like he planned it this way, or he actually purposefully got her drunk. Or that he gets off on the fact that she's crying. He actually finds it kind of sad, but then she's kissing him and it's no longer sad because now it's kind of good. Tastes good, feels good. It's just... good.

His head is pretty fucked up but that's okay because suddenly she's whispering, "Do you think I'm fat?" into his ear and he's kissing her neck and his hands are dragging underneath her dress. For a moment he actually pauses, stupefied.

He's kind of stupid. He thinks he is, anyway. He doesn't know what to do with a girl when she's crying and asking him sincere questions. Usually he'd reply, "No, I think you're porky, let's fuck." But he can't this time because... well, he doesn't really know why. It's kind of freaking him out.

So he says, "No, I think you're hot, let's fuck."

Not the right words to say at the moment, but they just tumble out and maybe they're the right words because she's kissing him again and unzipping her dress and - she's never gone this far with Finn.

It's sort of liberating that he's the first person to touch her. But obviously he's been touched before. And he said he was through with high school girls. They were messy and usually gold-diggers, and really just fucking annoying.

She's kind of different though. Like, she's Finn's girl. And he knows he should feel bad, but he kind of doesn't, because it's probably Finn's fault anyway that she ended up crying and kissing and touching him. So if Finn finds out, well, he'll probably just say, "Your fault." 'Cause it probably was, right? So he feels justified.

She doesn't look drunk. Kind of clear-headed.

He's probably a douchebag, because he doesn't care. So to make himself feel like he's not the worst best friend ever, he murmurs into her ear, "You're extremely beautiful." He doesn't know why he said it. Probably to make up for the fact that he's stealing her away from his best friend.

She doesn't answer and they kiss and touch and he feels kind of good about it. Kind of good about everything. Like the sun and the moon and global warming and ice and alcohol and - what's he even thinking about?

(She's not drunk, right? Is she seriously drunk? That would totally make everything that much less profound.)