standard disclaimer. warnings of awkward teenagers and AU, plus the end of the world. yay.]
It's the end of the world.
At least, that's what all the news reporters on the televisions and radios are saying. They're all panicked, with the hint of hysteria in their voices. There was no sign, they all say in hurried voices. It's just going to happen.
In some aspects, Allen is happy the world won't change all that much. They have no way of telling how it's going to happen, only that it will- like Allen really cares. To be honest, living is a tiring affair; maybe the after life will be better. Of course he's never actually told this to anyone, but it's not as if anyone was willing to listen to him.
School is cancelled, another thing Allen is thankful for. No more teachers, no more homework. No more bullies who will stuff him into lockers or kick his skinny british ass under the bleachers, no more people to snicker and point at him. It's hard being a teenager, especially when you have a deformed black arm and white hair and a bold red scar that is recognizable miles away. The only people Allen is friends with are Lavi and Lenalee.
Lavi disappeared the day it was announced the world would end, where no one knows- its as if the boy simply dropped off the face of the earth. Some have come to the conclusion that he's either a) hiding in a bunker somewhere [which is an unlikely event] or b) committed suicide [which is just as unlikely as the former]. Allen worries because he knows that's what he's supposed to do, and prays for his friend in the church [which is abandoned].
Lenalee, Allen knows, is holed up with Komui at their home. It probably didn't help that Komui, being a scientist, knew all along that some disaster of this magnitude was coming - everyone knows this because Komui had been in the background the day some suit with a hitler-moustache had announced it to the world. Allen walks past their house the day after the announcement, eyes gazing up at the magnificent home, and wonders what they were doing. He doesn't dare knock or even stay standing there for more than a minute, and continues on his way.
There are only two other people that Allen knows, well enough, but doesn't bother them. One is Cross, who also probably knew, the womanizing bastard, seeing as he worked with Komui [sometimes]. Allen gets a voice message on the home phone from the redhead, stating that he may be home next week, and to do the shopping and his homework, before hanging up with an, "idiot nephew!" and the giggling of girls in the background. All three of Cross' points are unlikely, as Allen's never going to be doing homework again in his life, and the shopping had been done the day before.
The second is Kanda, who is more an enigma in Allen's life then someone he knows. Hell, they only met because Lenalee and Lavi had insisted.
So when Allen finds himself walking up Kanda's driveway, hands stuffed in his pockets, he really doesn't know what he's doing or why he's even there. Kanda opens the door and stares at Allen with an impassive look, lips drawn into a firm line.
"Bean sprout," he greets.
Any other day Allen would have argued, but today - the second day of his last week, he is reminded - he can't put the effort into it, and instead sighs like he was having a hard day and asks, "can I come in?"
Kanda seems to be debating this at first, but finally steps aside and lets the younger boy in. Allen has to brush past Kanda, who is still impassive as ever, and takes a careful look at the lounge which happens to be the first room he sees.
The house itself isn't too bad- it's empty, save for Kanda, and when Allen asks about this Kanda simply shrugs and says, "I live alone".
It's kind of sad, how Allen has more in common with the older boy than he realizes. Every time they see each, which isn't very often in the first place, they end up arguing like an old couple. Slowly, Allen makes his way to the couch, where he sits down and, after a while, looks up at Kanda.
"The world is going to end," he says.
"I know." Kanda replies, shrugging like it wasn't that important. And maybe it isn't, at least not to the older boy, and Allen can't help but admire the way that Kanda doesn't care that everything he knows is going to be coming to an abrupt end in a weeks time.
After the second day of peace at Kanda's, they get into an argument that results in Allen tackling the older boy around the middle and tickling him, because Allen swore that Kanda laughing would be a funny thing, and Kanda had looked at him, offended, and insulted him.
Allen doesn't even know how they came to this stupid kind of argument, but they are and it's hilarious because Kanda has the weirdest laugh Allen's ever heard. It's loud and deep, and sounds more like wheezing than anything else. After wards, when Kanda managed to get him off somehow, complaining about how much stronger the bean sprout looked, they sat on the lounge floor, taking deep heaving breaths and starring at each other.
Then Allen leans forward and kisses Kanda. Just a simply press of lips, eyes closed and mouth open a little. He doesn't even know why, but he had the sudden impulse to, and it wasn't like it was going to be devastating if Kanda pushed him away and told him to fuck off. The world was going to be ending in a week, so it wasn't as if Allen had anything to lose.
Maybe this is what runs through Kanda's mind, too, Allen thinks when the older boy presses back and opens his mouth a little wider, and Allen copies him. Without meaning to, Allen finds himself crawling into the older boys lap, legs settled on either side of Kanda's longer ones. The excitement and rush of things fills Allen's whole body, makes him run his hands through Kanda's long midnight hair, and the feeling only excellerates when he feels Kanda's hand come to rest on his skinny waist.
It's at this point that Allen's stomach makes itself known with a deep growl that causes both boys to stop abruptly, and look at Allen's gut like it was a repeat sex offender who escaped prison again.
"Um," Allen says dumbly, flushing red. His hands are still in Kanda's hair, and he's still sitting comfortably on Kanda's lap, and the flush only reddens when he realizes that, yes, Kanda's thumbs were making small motions on his waist that felt really good. "I'm hungry."
Kanda rolls his eyes, takes his hands away from Allen's waist [which has to be the most disappointing part, really] and goes to haul himself up, giving a pointed glare at Allen that tells him to get the hell off. Allen complies, but only because he didn't actually want the older boy pushing him off - he reckons that it'd hurt way more, but not as much as the glare Kanda's still giving him.
Finally up, Kanda brushes off his pants, stares at his kitchen for a good minute, before staring down at Allen and saying, "get up."
Allen does so, the blush now dying so only his ears are red, and follows Kanda as the older boy yanks his door open and leads them outside into a world that Allen now, suddenly, wishes wouldn't end.
The next day, they go to the movies.
The theatre is empty, pretty much like the rest of the town. Allen doesn't even know why they're there, but then Kanda grumbles something about a movie he wanted to see but couldn't. Allen's kind of amused by the situation, as it appears the boy waited until the end of the world to see it.
Of course, with no one running the cinema, it's kind of weird. They waltz through the candy bar - where Allen jumps the desk and grabs all the treats he wants, plus two extra large sodas and a super-sized popcorn, which he makes Kanda carry - and they settle down in theatre one. Then they realize that there's no one to run the movie, and Allen can't help but laugh.
Half an hour later and after some theatre jumping, they figure out how to play the film without blowing up the projector [which was totally not Allen's fault]. They sit smack-bam in the middle of all the seats, totally engrossed in the movie, which is about some organization or order who are trying to save the world against demons or rather. Then the realization that, holy shit, they were pretty much on a date hits Allen, and he splutters and accidentally chokes on some popcorn.
After a good few thumps, thanks to Kanda, Allen's windpipe is popcorn free and he's taking deep breaths. Not just because he needs them, and he really needs them, but because the thought of going on a date with Kanda is just is absurd as the idea of kissing the boy!
But, wait, they've already kissed. So, maybe, the idea isn't all that absurd. But it is still absurd enough that Allen's probably making an ass of himself. So he smiles apologetically, and says, "sorry".
Kanda leans forward, pulling Allen's head closer by his fingers on the back of his neck, and kisses him sweetly. It takes Allen by surprise, eyes wide and confused, but before long he gives in to the feeling of excitement coursing through his veins and presses back against the older boy. He thinks, damn, because it was just that good.
Allen's kissed before, sure, but the way Kanda kisses him is different. Different in a way that makes the boy shudder; makes spit pool under his tongue. Really, he never thought Kanda would be a good kisser, with the way he seemed so goddamn frigid all the time, but he is and he's kissing Allen like there's no tomorrow.
Which has some truth to it.
Allen doesn't want to push Kanda, but really. He can't help it.
After four days of, er, 'hanging out' with the older boy, two of which they've kissed, Allen is rather confused. What are they? An item? Friends? Because Allen is sure friends don't kiss, at least, boys don't, or accidentally go on dates. However, if he'd known this earlier, Allen probably would've put some more effort into making them.
It's the day after the movies, which had resulted in Allen ignoring his own house and staying at Kanda's. The world is ending in three days.
Allen's realized that, in the past four days, he's lived more then before he knew about the apocalypse. He's kissed a boy, [accidentally] gone on a date, robbed a store and even stayed over at someone else's house. Hell, he's even learnt a few japanese words, one being 'moyashi', which Allen's sure is an insult since whenever Kanda says it, he smirks.
Which he only does after he's insulted Allen. Or after they kiss, but that's just been twice now.
What sucks the most about this end of days business though, besides the fact that Allen won't make it to sixteen, is the thought that he could've loved a boy that he barely knows, and could've spent his entire life getting to know him.
He doesn't even get to love, which is a shame because now that he thinks about it, looking at Kanda from across the room, Allen reckons it might have been nice.
They decide to have sex, because Allen accidentally yells out that he doesn't want to die a virgin.
Which, in itself is pretty embarrassing, but the way that Kanda stares at him, like he's not trying very hard to not laugh at him, makes it ten times worse. A hundred times worse. So Allen, red faced and fuming, dives beneath the blankets Kanda dragged out for him on the couch, and refuses to speak.
This lasts about ten seconds, before there's a foot prodding at Allen's side and a low, "Oi, bean sprout" being whispered to him. Pulling back the covers, Allen finds Kanda's face dangerously close to his. Close enough to kiss him, and this thought makes him blush.
"Well?" Kanda leans back, standing at his true height [which is a little intimidating, to be honest] and staring down at the younger boy. "Do you?"
Do you? Oh, God.
An hour later, after Allen's calmed down from the sudden direction of blood to his face and he doesn't feel like he's about to pass out, finds them both in Kanda's bed, the lights out save for the moon filtering through Kanda's half opened curtains.
And the situation is rather, um, awkward, to say the least, especially since it wasn't romantic or anything like that. If anything, it was like Kanda was doing Allen a favor. But really, it was hard to think when a certain japanese boy was kissing you gently, and just so happened to be lying on top of you.
This is where Allen realizes that Kanda might have been a nicer person then he ever thought before, but his thoughts are rudely interrupted when Kanda's bites at his neck.
"Kanda." Allen finally manages, holds the boy back a little to stare at him. He doesn't know why he stopped, what with the way his body had been responding to Kanda, but- "Kanda. What are we doing?"
Kanda gives him a look of slight confusion, as if he were the one who should be asking. "The world is about to end," he says slowly, like Allen was slow and an idiot. Which, at this point, Allen has to agree with whole-heartedly. "Do you want to die a virgin?"
Allen contemplates Kanda's worlds, feels Kanda's knee slowly wedging itself in between his thighs and has to try really hard not to be distracted by this. Sure, it was a fair point. But Allen didn't...didn't want this to be something he regretted, even if he was going to be dead in less than 42 hours.
Maybe Kanda can read this on his face, because he leans forward and places a gentle kiss on Allen's lips. Like the first time they'd kissed, only this time it means so much more and, at the same time, a whole lot less.
"Don't be a pansy, bean sprout," Kanda says, and Allen reckons this was really the only way for Kanda to express comfort in the form of words, even if it was an insult.
At some point Allen wakes up, body naked and flush against Kanda's, and checks the time to notice it says, 12:01 AM in bright red lights. He realizes that, shit- they have about 24 hours to live. And he's just had sex with the pretty japanese boy he barely knows.
The terror clawing at Allen's insides is horrible, and he can feel the regret slowly starting to fill him up from his toes up. It makes him curl up into a little ball of Allen, drawing away from Kanda just enough to startle the older boy, who feels Allen quivering just a little.
"Oi, sprout," Kanda whispers, in a voice that is undeniably tired and - to Allen - dead sexy. Which is something very inappropriate to notice considering he was bawling his eyes out. "Sprout. Brat. Whatever. Are you okay?"
His body shaking with every sob he takes in, Allen manages a 'no' and sniffs, willing the tears to go away. He doesn't want to cry in front of Kanda, it was too embarrassing and- and heartbreaking and god, Allen just wanted to not die for once.
Because it wasn't fair to maybe, kind of, without meaning to, accidentally fall in love with a boy you barely knew when you also knew there was going to be no future for you both.
Allen thinks that the universe is a sarcastic and over-all unpleasant bitch who was probably laughing at Allen right now, and just wishes it'd die. But, wait- it was. Shit.
This is what causes Allen's sobs to become reckless, taking deep heaving breaths that rattle his skinny body and- Christ. He can't think anymore, wallowing in his own sadness and pity. Then a pair of strong arms are wrapping themselves around Allen's, willing his sob-induced convulsions to stop.
Finally, when Allen's sobs have calmed down to quiet hiccups and the occasion sniff, he feels the steady rise and fall of Kanda's chest against his back and realizes that, yes - they were still alive. And maybe, yeah, if it weren't for the overall destruction and end of all humanity, Kanda would have put up a good fight and stood his ground to keep living.
This is the thought that comforts Allen the most, he finds. Whereas normally he would've pushed away all those who tried to comfort him, he lets Kanda because they've already shared something intimate and dark. And he's sure Kanda's letting Allen in because they have 24 hours to live, and maybe he wants to live his last hours not being alone.
And maybe Allen wants the same.
They wake up early, at 5:53, and sit out on Kanda's driveway - Kanda wearing only a pair of boxers; Allen wrapped in a sheet - to watch the sunrise. There isn't even the cheerful chirping of birds waking up to greet them, or the usual cool breeze that makes Allen shiver.
Instead, it's dead quiet, as if all life has already abandoned the dying earth and only he and Kanda are left, and warm. Too warm for this hour of the morning, but on the other hand its quite nice.
"I've never been to the beach," Kanda says quietly, so quiet that Allen would've missed it had it not been for the dead silence suffocating them. Allen looks at the older boy, awed by the little bit of information he lets slip, before taking Kanda's much bigger hand in his own and squeezes it.
"Don't worry. You'll see it."
The fight is starting to die in Kanda's eyes, Allen notices. It's still there, but its withering - like a dull sword that can still cut, but not kill like it use to. It makes Allen's heart give a rather painful ache, and he looks away - into the rising sun - because he knows if he keeps looking at Kanda, he'll cry again.
So they sit on Kanda's driveway, watching - for the last time - as the sun rises into what will be a beautiful clear blue sky. It's not right for the world to end on such a nice day, Allen muses, but cuts his thoughts off because he wants to make the most of it.
Pulling Kanda up the hand Allen is still gripping, he gives Kanda a watered down version of a sad smile, and says, "are you coming?"
And Kanda stares back, and Allen is delighted to see just a little bit of a spark of life in his eyes. "Sure."
The first thing they do is visit both Lavi and Lenalee's house.
Lavi, shockingly, answers the door, staring down at the duo in complete awe. It takes a second, but eventually it appears Lavi is thawed out of the shock of seeing Kanda and Allen - together - and pulls them both in for a tight embrace.
"I thought I'd never see you again," he whispers darkly, not daring to let go. "It's been...an insane week."
Allen kind of wants to tell Lavi about the 'insane' week he's had, but decides against it because this is Lavi's moment. Lavi's moment to say goodbye.
"Tch," Kanda mutters, adverting his eyes. "The sprout wanted to come."
Frowning at the older boy, Allen has half the mind to whack him but ignores the urge, instead turning to the redhead. He has a hard time sifting through the things he wants to say, and finally comes to a safe decision.
"I'll see you in the next life," Allen says boldly, with the kind of determination that Lavi and Lenalee had always found so admirable. Then he smiles, the kind of smile that radiates hope and faith and the promise that, yes, they'd definitely meet again. "I'm glad I was able to meet you."
Kanda doesn't say anything, but Allen is sure he hears a grunt of approval from his end. Lavi is staring down at him with a shocked expression, face pinched as if he were trying really hard not to cry.
They wave Lavi goodbye after a few more shared words, going on to Lenalee's. Lenalee doesn't answer her door, nor does Komui, so instead Allen decides on leaving the note he'd pre-written the first day and slipping it under the door.
Once they're on their way again, Kanda glances at Allen from the corner of his eye, and asks, "what next?"
To which Allen replies easily, "food."
Allen had come to the conclusion that, if he were going to die in about twelve hours, he was going to be well fed dammit. Kanda watches in awe as Allen scoffs down everything in sight, running off every so often to fetch a bottle of soda or water from one of the fridges that still works in the supermarket.
By the end of it, Allen is so goddamn full he can barely move, and just lays on the floor, burping every so often.
"Well?" Kanda asks, because there was no way Allen was going to be able to scoff down more food. "What now?"
The park is deserted, with a warm breeze pushing the chain-link swings back and fourth in the absence of the children who should have been there. Just staring at the empty playground makes Allen's eyes draw into a frown. This wasn't right.
"This was a bad idea," Allen sighs, but walks onwards towards the swings anyway. After he settles down into one, shifting a couple times, he stares up at the endless blue sky. "But, I'm glad I came here."
Kanda raises an eyebrow, settling into the swing beside him, and follows Allen's eyes upwards.
"Yeah," Allen's eyes scan Kanda's face for a moment, before gazing back up at the sky. "This is where we met for the first time, you know."
Maybe Kanda's taken aback, Allen doesn't know- his eyes stay transfixed on the sky. He takes in a deep breath, and lets out a light chuckle.
"You kicked my ass over there by the slide. I had a bruise on my leg for a month."
Allen finally turns to look at Kanda, who's staring at Allen in a way that excites and makes him sad, because these are the last moments - and memories - they'll have. So he leans forward, takes Kanda's face into his hands and kisses the boy as sweetly as he can- pours love and apologies and sadness into the kiss because there was no way Allen was going to be able to say them aloud.
They leave the park and head somewhere, where Allen doesn't know, but wishes he had the guts to take Kanda's hand.
Sunsets, Allen's discovered, are the prettiest when by the sea.
They're at the beach, finally, after a day of wasting time and doing nothing - yet, at the same time, doing as much as they can. They don't kiss again, and Allen's not at all disappointed by this, but he still wishes he could've held the other boy a little more.
The way Kanda looks now, staring out at the wide expanse of water, is a little childish and untamed. As if at this very moment, he was regretting a whole lot, too.
"I told you you'd see it," Allen says after a prolonged silence. "Didn't I?"
Kanda doesn't answer, instead grunting in approval again, not looking at Allen once. There's a whole lot Allen wants to say, a shitload, but he doesn't know how to word it and- Christ. What can he do?
Finally, he comes to the same conclusion he had before with Lavi, and opens his mouth to say it when Kanda shoots him a look that says, quite plainly, don't talk.
And maybe its better, because the silence that Kanda provides is warm and gently and better then any other words that Allen could've said. The silence speaks of promises of the future in another life, and of requited love and hopelessness.
Though Allen never speaks it, he knows Kanda can feel it.
I think I could've loved you.
As the sun sinks lower and lower into the horizon, casting a twilight glow across the ocean and against Kanda's face, Allen is taken aback by the older boys pure beauty. He feels his breath hitch, and knows that this boy- that Kanda- that he really could've. And maybe, he could've been lucky to have his love returned.
Allen feels the life slipping away from him, feels the icy grip of death dancing across his body, and thinks, don't be a pansy, bean sprout and reaches out for Kanda's hand, which is also turning an icy blue.
Maybe, Allen thinks, if they meet in the next life, he'd be able to love him just as much as he felt like he loved Kanda then and there. And without speaking, he knows what Kanda would be thinking.
I could've loved you, too.