Seven years, a few dreams that can't be remembered, and a relationship dies. A love leaves, nearly destroying the life he leaves behind. Another love returns, trying desperately to help restore the pieces.

Bella is having dreams she can't remember. What she does know is they are exhausting her. Edward becomes distant and leaves. What happens when Jacob returns? Can he help mend her broken heart? And what happens when Bella finally lets Jacob in, only to have Edward return? And just whose side will Jacob be on in the end?

An agsty story with New Moon overtones, in an All Human world.

This is a Bella and Edward story, but not without a whole bunch of Jacob. This story is 'New Moon'-centric, with a happy Soul Mate ending. Full of tears, heartbreak, angst, tension, and in the end, love. If you aren't a fan of Jacob, you should know....Jacob will redeem his ways in this fic. He will be the voice of reason, the comfort-without-agenda, the friend that doesn't push when Bella is confused. He is the Jacob I read that lead me to my penname. I just turned him out in this fic to be a grown up smart enough to realize when two people are suppose to be together. ( feel better, Shrew?)

Chapter One

Shit, my life sucks.

"Bella? Are you still there?"

"No, I'm still here." Though I'd much rather hang up and forget you ever called me.

"Sorry, you got really quiet there for a while."

"Mmm." Seriously, please let me die in peace.

"So, uh, I was thinking, maybe we could go to Port Angeles and maybe get some dinner - if that's ok."

Did I think my life sucked? Nope. Try a swirling vortex of terror or a black hole.



"What do you think?"

I think I want to try jumping off a cliff again. "Mike. Listen . . . I just can't."

"Jeez Bella, it's been like, what, a year?"

I finally understood, in that one moment, why Edward always had fantasies about hurting Mike Newton. No, it hadn't been a year. More like five months. And I still wasn't over it. "Mike, thanks for asking, but I'm just not ready yet."

"It's cool. It's not a no, I can live with that," Mike's voice sounded upbeat. Crap.

"I don't know that I'll ever be ready."

"If that Cullen were here, I'd kick his ass for you." Yeah, and he'd wipe the floor with you.

"Thanks, Mike. I gotta go."

"Sure, I'll call you later."

I hung up the phone and tried to shake off the feeling that talking with Mike Newton had caused. It didn't work. Maybe I needed a shower. It wasn't that he was creepy, it was just . . . well . . . okay, sometimes Mike was creepy. And it wasn't like I enjoyed the attention that was coming my way. In the past month alone, I'd had calls from a co-worker of Angela's, Tyler, and now Mike. Word was out and it was that I was finally out of my zombie state and acting like a functioning person once again. Sometimes I really got pissed at Charlie. I wasn't out of my 'phase', far from it. But there was only so much you could do when you didn't shower for days and you knew the take-away delivery people on a first name basis, including their pet's name's. Yeah, it had gotten that bad.

I pretty much hit rock bottom when Steve, the guy at the pizza place, had the order already on its way to me before I called. I knew I needed to attempt a return to the living, no matter how much I didn't want to.

So there I was, shopping the local Thriftway in my comatose state when I ran into who should have been my future mother-in-law. Brutal. She tried to smile, but I could tell what was running through her mind. I tried to offer a reassuring smile, but fell short when I felt the stinging in my eyes. All I could manage was a lopsided grin, a mix of forced normalcy and hiding the pain I still felt. I left the cart where it was and had Angela make the run for me the next day. Some friends don't need details, they just do what you ask and leave it at that.

I looked at the phone, shuddering at the thought of Mike calling again. Whether or not I had ever dated Edward, Mike was simply not my type. No one was. Well, ok. One person was. And he was gone. So just where did that leave me? Broken, that was obvious.

I still couldn't get my mind to understand what had happened. Things were great for so long, then they weren't. I'm not saying we didn't have our issues, but they were small compared to this. I started to replay all of it, the past seven years, once again. Just as I had done nearly every day over the past five months.

We met our junior year in high school and it didn't take long before I became a permanent fixture in his life and him in mine. The senior year started which meant college planning. I'd planned to go local. I didn't have nearly the financial resources he did. His father was a doctor and was a genius with investments. Well off, yeah, I'd say they were. So when I was told that Carlisle was going to foot the bill for both Edward and me at UCLA, I was stunned. He said it was a sound investment and he loved a sound investment.

Half way through our senior year, my personal hell broke loose.

I shook my head, thinking about it all over again finding that it still bugged me. When I was kid, I'd spent summers with my dad after the divorce. Since my dad, Charlie, didn't really know what to do with me outside taking me fishing, and really, I'm an indoor girl, he picked up that I was miserable. He decided to enlist his best friend and his son, Jacob, to help pass the visits. Jacob was the saving grace to the three weeks I spent in Forks each year. When I moved to Forks my junior year, it was harder to see him. He didn't go to the same school as I did and I'd met Edward so soon after getting to town, I didn't have much time to spend with him anyway.

So about a month after Edward and I started dating, he went out of town and I decided to hang with other friends and go to the beach one Saturday. That was when I ran into Jacob again. We talked and totally reconnected. It was like those summer all over again. When he found out Edward and I were dating, I could tell he was bummed out. I didn't once think it was possible that he wanted to ask me out. Yeah, so wrong about that. Charlie asked me if I was sure I didn't want to give Jake a chance instead of dating Edward. Yeah, I was very sure. Edward was fast becoming the air I breathed. And Charlie didn't like it. He made sure I still made time for my 'old friends', as he put it.

Irritated as I was, I couldn't deny that I did want to spend time with Jacob. Jake and I spent time together when Charlie went over to watch a game with Jacob's dad. We would sit in his makeshift garage and I would watch him work on his car and we'd talk.

One weekend, he told me that some of the La Push kids were going cliff diving and wanted to know if I wanted to go with him. I did, but when I mentioned it to Edward, well, he flipped. After several rounds of heated, yet reserved, discussions, he told me that if he ever lost me, he feared he would do something rash. Ok, seriously, who even talks like that? We fought over my friendship with Jacob, he felt I was spending too much time with Jake. I knew he was jealous, but I didn't care. I spent tons of time with his family and practically ditched my friendships with everyone else. He wasn't going to take Jacob away from me too, and that lead to us not being 'us' for a few weeks. I couldn't sleep, or eat, and I nearly lost what few friends I had outside of Edward's family. Only Angela stood by me. And Jacob.

It ended when Edward's sister, Alice, told me she was afraid that Edward was losing it and feared he would do something irreversible that I broke our silence. I drove to their house and was shocked by what I saw when I got to his room. He looked broken. Broken, lost, and in pain. It mirrored how I felt.

We talked through it, the Jacob issue and a few other base insecurity things. We became stronger for it. The only thing that really bothered me was that he still didn't understand why if I had him, I still needed Jacob. I tried to explain that Jake knew me before I became to complicated teen wreck that I was when he met me; I loved Jake, but I was in love with Edward. He caved and I got my time with Jake, but I knew it was hard for him every time I headed to La Push. Did he think that one day I would just magically fall out of love with him and in love with Jake? The only thing I could do to reassure him that wouldn't happen was to let him drive me to Jake's and pick me up. It was a small price to pay, but I got to spend time with my best friend. As far as I knew, Jake never had an issue with it.

When Edward and I finally went to college, Jake did everything he could to keep me from going. He said if I let Edward take me away, I would never come back and he would never see me again. He said I would be changed and never again be the same Bella. Standing in his garage, he told me that he loved me for the first time. Talk about awkward. I told him that I loved him too, as a friend, and he would always be a part of my life. Yeah, that didn't go over all that great.

Jake grew distant after that, and before I knew it, he'd stopped all communication with me. I'd heard from his father, Billy, that Jake went to Alaska for college and that was the last I'd heard anything about him. Edward had never been happier. Jealous much?

And here it was, five years later. Edward and I finished college. I decided my last year that I wanted to change my major which added two more years for me. We moved back to Forks. We missed it. I was going to finish my degree online while I worked freelance from the house that Carlisle bought us. Edward got a job right after graduation, as if I didn't see that coming, and jumped right in to using his economics and finance degree that came with a perfect 4.0.

The past year had been really good. Edward had been promoted, was making more money, and we were talking about the next step. You know, the big one. Ever the planner, Edward said he would make things official after I finally graduated. The countdown had begun, and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared in a good way.

A few months later, a new scared started to take over.

I hadn't slept well the past two nights and last night was no different. I couldn't remember any dreams, or fragments of dreams, nor could I think of what would lead to my restlessness. I reached across the bed to Edward only to find him gone. It wasn't unusual for him to be awake before I was; I viewed sleep as mandatory while Edward viewed it as a nuisance. Like he was being forced to do something that was unnatural to him. For me, sleep was needed and sought out as much as possible. I never could seem to sleep enough and waking up feeling as tired as I did was a sure sign today wasn't going to be a good day. Fourteen hours and I was back in bed. Maybe tonight would be different and I would finally sleep soundly.

I threw the down bedding back and reluctantly got out of bed. After taking care of the morning necessities, I made my way down the stairs to the kitchen. There were two things that could make me more alert than I was. Coffee and Edward.

I saw Edward at the table, coffee cup in hand, reviewing documents that I knew were work related. I hesitated approaching him, but decided he wouldn't mind.

"Good morning, handsome," I said, wrapping an arm around his shoulders, pressing my chest into his back.

"Hi." His voice was tense and distant. I had guessed wrong. Work had to come first. Oh well, there was always after work.

"Got a busy day?" I asked, sitting down next to him.


"Oh. I just figured. . ."

"I'm just not in the mood, Bella, alright?"

"Okay. Is something wro-"

"Honestly, Bella! I don't want to talk to you right now!" He hissed.

"Fine." I felt a stab in my heart at his words.

"I need to get out of here. I can't breathe," he growled, picking up his papers and shoving them in his briefcase. He shoved the chair back and walked so fast out of the house, he left a breeze in his wake.

I sat frozen at the table for long time after he left. I couldn't imagine what would cause him to act as he did. I knew he was prone to being a bit moody, but this was almost over the top, even for him.

I busied myself around the house cleaning both it and myself up before I went to the study to work. I hadn't pictured myself as a writer, but when the freelance job literally fell into my lap, I would've been stupid to not take it. I wrote for several publications about books and music. It was fun and easy. Not a bad way to make a living. Even when the books and music were terrible, I had to admit it was still fun to write about. I hadn't given up a better job though. I was finishing up my graduate school with the goal that maybe I could do more than just review things for a writing career. Maybe.

Around four, I got an email from Edward asking to meet me in the meadow. It was our secret place. It was the place he took me in the early days of our relationship, and I always knew being there with him meant change was on the way. I never in a million years would have guessed the change that was coming this time.

Chapter End Notes:

I hope y'all liked it. It's a bit different for me, but I just couldn't stop the muse. I think Jacob paid her off. ;)