"-Don't loose hope, Lallan, we'll find her." – were the words he had gotten used to hear after a new disappointment. Finding Sassi and having her back in his life was basically all he could think of.
The circumstances of their last separation made him wonder if he was going to win her back. This time it hadn't been the violence with which he hit her, the humiliation he put her through or his crime tendency that culminated in him being arrested. Those times she blindly or innocently forgave him and was willing to start a new life, again and again, subjecting many times to her family despise for her.
This last time jail hadn't come between them as they separated before that. He had left her, Sassi, the woman who had given everything for him, not once, but countless times.
Lallan knew why she had always come back to him. Despite how badly he treated her, she ingenualy believed that deep down he had a kind heart, that it was his brother's influences or his rough childhood and she could eventually change him and making him a better man, a better person. She believed in him and most important of all, she believed that he truly loved her, a sentiment she saw confirmed everytime he came looking for her as soon as he came out of jail.
When he assured her he would meet her at the train station, he saw that she knew he was lying. He imagined her waiting for him to enter the train. In that moment he knew he had broken her heart in a thousand pieces. Now, the unbreakable bound of love she strongly believed they shared had crushed and for that reason Lallan had his doubts about getting her back as easily as before, if he was ever to find her.
The day he had longed for so much finally came, they had manage to track her down. She was working in a kinder garden and was responsible for a class of fifteen children in a small town close to her parent's village. Lallan hoped to see her by the end of the afternoon when her class would be dismissed. He had stopped by during the day. The lady at the front door went inside for a few minutes and when she returned said to try by the afternoon, since Sassi was working.
His will was to argue with that lady for stopping him to see his wife. He was her husband and had the right to see her whenever he wanted, were his immediate thoughts.
"-Let's go." – said Michael, grabbing his arms and pushing him outside the kinder garden, leaving no time for Lallan to create any kind of mess. Now Sassi knew he wanted to see her, they should let her prepare herself.
"-He found me..." – Sassi said to Shilpa, the owner of the kinder garden. They had been best friends in school, but with Sassi's early marriage, their friendship had been on hold. When Sassi returned to her parents' village, her father threw her out, validating his words the last time Sassi had gotten out of jail. Shilpa took her in and supported her, giving her back her much needed self-esteem she had lost when she had fallen in love with Lallan and allowed him to mistreat her.
"-Sassi, please don't make the same mistake again. You know what will happen if you forgive him another time."
Shilpa could sense the hesitation in her voice. No matter what Lallan did, Sassi's love for this man was blind. If she was like this just for knowing he was in the same town looking for her, how would she face him later?
"-Remember those days you stayed at my house before you got your own place?" – Sassi nodded – "I want you to have present when you see him everything you told me and all the reasons why you said you would never going back to him again. He is lovingly and sweet when he's in a good mood, but when he's not he has no problem in mistreat you, that's not love, Sassi! You want to back to that?! You deserve better! - she paused for a moment and then continued - Guys like Lallan never change, babe, you've witness that thousands of times..."
Lallan entered the class room where Sassi was kissing goodbye the last child to be picked up. She got up and saw him. How she missed him! She wanted to run to him arms and hug him tightly to her chest, to feel his warm and scent, to kiss him everywhere, to say how much she had missed him all this time apart, curse him for abandoning her and rest in his arms forever.
Instead she didn't move or said anything and stared, mesmerized by Lallan's gaze upon her.
He walked closer to her, filled with warmth in his eyes and opened his arms to her. Sassi didn't move and he bent down on his knees and held her hands, kissing them with tears in his eyes,
"-I'm sorry, Sassi, I'm sorry, please forgive me. I can't live without you, Sassi. Please...Sassi!" – he broke down holding on to her legs and waist.
She couldn't, she had to resist, she thought trying to push him away and release herself. Sassi felt tears forming in her eyes. He looked at her pleadingly. She looked away, knowing that she couldn't bear to see him like that. Tears started rolling down her cheek; she still loved him more than herself.
Sassi let her weak fortress fall apart and hug him with all her strength, giving away to his spell, his power over her.
Sassi was back in his life, but she was different. He could see she was more self confident, more independent, she would stand firmly against him when she didn't agree with his actions or when he threatened to go back to his old self. This control was enervating; sometimes his will was to give her some hard slaps to put her back in her place, but at the last moment he remembered the conditions Sassi had defined to live with him again and stopped himself.
Their marriage would end if he beat her again, if he created some kind of stupid mess or if he deviated from an honest life. Back then he assured her he was a changed man; everything was going to be different.
The reasons why he had left her before were present in his mind constantly. Now, more than ever he felt inferior to her. Sassi incentivized him to study at night, to complete the basic education in order to give him more confidence, but for him that just reaffirmed her superiority over him.
At night he was somehow forceful on her, as a need to show himself he was still the man of the house.
Sassi noticed he was having trouble with her changes and that he was unhappy and did whatever she could to make things better, but she was not going back to be sub miss or admit lacks of respect.
Things were getting worse day by day and Sassi decided it was more than time for them to talk about what was bothering him. However the conversation she hoped would improve their relationship had an opposite effect and they broke in to a huge fight.
He threw out everything he thought about her and the person she had become. What he thought about her working with that friend Shilpa, that had always hated him and incentivized her new behaviour, Sassi's need to show she was better and superior to him, and kept screaming at her demanding her to quit her job and to never see that Shilpa again.
Sassi responded in the same yelling tone saying he wasn't her boss and she wasn't doing any of that, digging up old memories,
"-You don't own me! If it wasn't for Shilpa, I would have slept on the streets and maybe today I would still be there, or you've forgotten that you abandoned me with practically no money? You want me to quit my job? And we'll live on what? You can't keep a job for more than two weeks!
You think it's easy for me to take care of small children when I know one of them could be mine? Everytime I look at one of those faces I wonder, how my baby would be like...!"
"-You're blaming me for that? You killed my son! What kind of mother kills her innocent child?! You decided to abort without even telling me!"
"-You disappeared for weeks! You could be death or in jail! Never bother to give any kind of news. I was desperate!" – she screamed.
"-That doesn't justify it! Nothing does!" – he screamed back.
"-Nothing justifies you beating me neither! You know what was the problem with our child? It was that it was yours!" – she yelled.
At that point of time he couldn't control himself anymore and gave her a hard slap, throwing her to the ground.
It was like opening the gates of a dick in a flood season. All he needed was to get started and after that he couldn't stop, as Sassi's body became the getaway for all his accumulated rage, unhappiness and excess of testosterone.
Helpless before his strength, she tried to resist and fight back, but it was the same as nothing. Never had he been this violent with her. Sassi's screams didn't touch his soul as he didn't seem to see her.
While beating her, he ripped her clothes apart and violently raped her. With her body coved in blood and wounds she tried to talk him to reason, to bring it to an end,
"-Lallan...stop...please...stop...Lallan...stop..." – she kept saying with difficulty between her painful screams, as her tears mixed with the blood on her face.
"-Shut up!" – he screamed and grabbed her neck, squeezing it. Her hands grabbed his in a desperate attempt to breath.
His fingers closed even more around her throat. Sassi gave a last look to his distorted face with rage and possessiveness; her eyes moved to the ceiling and watched it became blur, and then black.
Her hands lost its grip and slowly felt on the ground.
Lallan held his head between his hands, as tears were streaming down his face, uncontrollably, and his mind remembered that faithful night.
He returned home after spending a couple of hours out drinking and wondering what was he going to do. Sassi had made it very clear that she would leave him if he ever beat her again.
He closed the door and called her, but with no response. Lallan searched the house before entering the bedroom. Then he saw her laying on the ground exactly where he had left her, with her eyes fixed on the ceiling. A cold shiver ran through his spine,
"-Sassi!" – he called.
"-Sassi!" – he repeated, running to her body. He tapped her face. Her skin was cold, her eyes were lifeless.
"-You've got a visitor" – said one of the prison's guards, bringing him back.
Lallan lifted his head and looked up. Michael was looking at him with despise in his eyes.
"-I believed you were changed" – he said aggressively – "You fooled me right, and that mistake cost a life. You will pay for it Lallan and you will see what justice is all about..." – he ended with a slight tone of treat and turned his back at him, leaving.
Lallan wasn't scared. Death penalty would be a blessing.