* * *
Puke and Babies
* * *
Silence reigned for a grand total of one second. It was, however, an abnormally long second.
Abandoning all pretense of condescending, benign amusement, Kakashi gaped, mask stretching to accomodate. "You had sex with yourself?"
"...That is so sad." Sasuke stared at the boy/girl in front of him.
"No it's not, it's actually quite a good idea." Kakashi disagreed. "I just want to know what's going on with it."
Eager to move the subject on, Naruko rushed to explain. "Well, since we're just growing a clone, it takes much less time. So I'm giving birth in two weeks." She then proceeded to recite a motherlode of technical and scientific technobabble, while Naruto listened patiently.
"I see." Kakashi nodded thoughtfully.
"...What?" Sasuke stared.
"How did you know all that?" Sakura scowled.
"Clones have photographic memory." Naruto sighed.
"Ah." Kakashi nodded, as if it had just occured to him.
Meanwhile, Sasuke was very much hoping that this new revelation didn't mean that Naruto remembered that time one of his clones had caught him...well, let's leave it at that.
* * *
"Now that is most certainly not normal." The medic declared.
"You expected it to be?"
"It's not even shaped like a baby! It's completely different!"
"...So, what? I'm giving birth to a mutant baby?"
"...Let's go with that."
* * *
"Hey, Naruto, why does your clone smell like puke and babies?" Kiba inquired, curious.
"She's pregnant." Naruto explained.
Hinata blushed crimson and Shino's eyebrows raised. "I find that difficult to logically accept."
"Well, think what you want. She's giving birth in ten days."
"How does that HAPPEN?" The dog boy's eyes were wide with astonishment.
Naruto gave him a Look. "Oh, please. Do I really have to explain that to you?"
Shino's eyebrow disappeared into his hairline, and Hinata giggled nervously as Kiba spluttered.
Akamaru, however, seemed to be having a marvellous time. He wagged his tail and barked happily.
"Shut up, Akamaru. That is
not true." Kiba scowled. "'Course you don't have to explain...that....to me. But seriously, WHAT? She's a clone!"
"You're telling me you wouldn't do the same thing if you had a sexy female clone?"
"I didn't say that," The boy defended. "I just meant--"
"Maybe Kiba is surprised that your clone could get p-pregnant, Naruto-kun." Hinata suggested.
The boy nodded, satisfied. "Exactly." Akamaru whuffed lowly, elliciting another scowl. "Akamaru, WHERE do you hear these things?!"
"If I might ask," Shino interjected smoothly. "How is it that your clone is ready to give birth so quickly? Generally, it takes nine months."
"It's not like most babies." Naruto explained. "See, when most people have kids, there's all this funky stuff going on with genes and things. They're growing a whole new person, so they have to start pretty much from scratch. Naruko is just growing a clone, so it doesn't take nearly as long. All the genes are already there."
"I see." Shino pushed up his glasses. "So the...baby...will be a solid clone of yourself?"
"Probably." Naruto shrugged. "It's not like this sort of thing has happened before. No one knows."
It was then that he noticed that Hinata was passed out on the ground. Akamaru was kindly nudging her prone form to a soft patch of grass.
"Hey, what happened to her"
"Her mind probably exploded at the thought of their being more than one of you running around." Kiba shrugged.
It was the truth, after all.
Naruto scowled. "Shut up! How many other ninja can say that they have two of themself? My clones aren't even twins---they're exactly the same as me...except when they're girls. And then they're exactly the same, except for that."
"Urgh! Well, whatever. I need to get me and myself to the hospital so me and I can find out if I'm going to have trouble giving birth. Bye!"
All three conscious figgures stared after him.
"That was probably the weirdest thing I've ever heard."
Kiba glared. "No, Akamaru! For the last time, I do NOT want to do the dirty with Naruto OR his clone! Let alone that!"
* * *
"It's a girl." The medic proclaimed dispassionately. "....I think."
"Hey, I'd like to see you try to tell the gender of a mutated child." The man defended.
"Mutated how, by the way?"
"....Just wait ten days and you'll see."
Two pouts assaulted the medic at once. "Aww, man!"
* * *
"What are we going to do once Naruto2 is born?" Sakura inquired nervously.
"Well, depending on how fast she grows, she'll either be clone raised by Naruto or will join our team." Kakashi concluded, smoothing his mask pensively.
"Are we even allowed four people in our team?"
"Technically, it'll still be three." Their teacher rationalised. "After all, Naruto2 is Naruto's clone. They're exactly the same person.
"That makes sense, I suppose." Sakura admitted. "But it still sounds unfair."
"Are you complaining?"
"On one hand, it's an extra person in our team who doesn't turn into gas when you hit her, and we get an advantage, so no. On the other hand, it's Naruto, so yes."
"Kakashi-sensei! Sakura!" Naruto screamed, erupting from a tree with eyes wide. "Come quickly! I'm being born!"
"You're giving birth?" The masked man questioned incredulously. "Already? Wasn't that supposed to be in nine days?"
"Yes, but it's happening anyway! Come quickly!" With that, he shot off faster than what could be considered possible. Apparently, being born was good motivation.
The pupil and student were still for a moment.
"...Come on then, sensei." Sakura said finally. "We need to go to see Naruto giving birth to herself."
* * *
NEXT TIME: Naruto is with herself as she pops herself out of her womb!