Summary: Dating Rachel Berry wasn't the easiest thing in the world but it did come with its perks, like her crazy, beautiful, horny mind. Up to 'Mash-up'

A/N: This is inspired and dedicated to the lovely ladies over that Ruckus thread who came up with the list in the first place, hopefully I do their imagination proud. This is suppose to a fun smutty story but I felt that the baby drama needed to be addressed before Rachel and Puck get pelvic with each other. In need of a beta for this one.


Noah Puckerman was bored, bored out of his mind as he shifted in his seat and wondered for the third time in the last half hour not only why they needed to learn History when history had already happened but also how in the world he'd been convinced to come to class, instead of being in his truck taking his daily nap.

A small warm hand brushed against his thigh reminding him. He looked over to the small girl next to him, her head down focused on her notebook as she scribbled furiously on it. The perfect picture of a straight 'A' model student, only the small smirk playing on her lips gave her away as she dragged her pinky over the zipper of his jeans.

Rachel Berry his crazy diva girlfriend. Sometimes he looked at her and still couldn't believe that they were together. He knew that the people around him looked at them like an exhibit at the Zoo or better yet the circus, looks filled with curiosity and confusion followed them everywhere. What they didn't seem to understand and what he still came to grips with everyday was how perfect she was for him.

When he had first approached her it really had been about making his mom happy for once in his life. He didn't have the greatest grades, his teacher called his house all the time, and he chased way to much menopausal tail for her liking and while he knew his mother loved him he had wanted to make her proud for once so when all she asked was for him to date a Jewish girl he figured he'd give it a shot.

Looking back he wonders why he didn't question the fact that the first and only girl that had come to his mind had been Rachel Berry. But then he was Noah 'Puck' Puckerman when did he ever really stop to think things through. Proof of that was currently under Quinn Fabray's sweater. So he'd gone after her in his Puck badass way and of course she'd all but creamed herself in her itty bitty skirts, except she hadn't. One week, they had lasted one week before she tried to put the brakes on it and then he really had to go to go to work. He had to become her friend and not the good 'with benefits' kind. It wasn't easy she talked too much, like never shut. Grammy's, VMA's, some guy named Tony, what she planned to wear, what she planned to say when she won. He heard it so many times he could recite her acceptance speech forward, backward and in pig Latin. He knew how she would handle Kanye West if he pulled his 'Swift' bit on her and all he knew was if Kanye valued his parts; he'd stay the hell away from Rachel Berry's awards.

She was annoying, aggravating and blunt. She could test the patience of a saint and that sure as hell wasn't one of his virtues. But she was also trusting and vulnerable. There was something about her big brown eyes that when focused on you made you want to be the knight in shining armor she seemed to think you were and you knew you weren't. So when the Quinn baby scandal blew up and she turned those eyes on him full of hurt it was pretty much the lowest shittiest moment of his life and it had sucked. More than Finn's punch to his jaw, more than Quinn screaming that the truth it didn't change anything, that she didn't want him as the father of their little girl. Her eyes, the low sniffle, her quiet voice as she asked 'why' had killed him. And he knew in that moment that not only had he somehow fallen in love with the queen of the gleeks but he had lost her before he even had her.

Only he hadn't. He looked over at Rachel again catching her quick smile before she continued to write in her notebook. His eyes washing over every inch of her lingering on his favorite parts, which honestly were all of them. She was his. When he was sure she was going to walk away from him she had stuck by him. Everyone in glee had chosen a side even when they didn't really want to and when everyone had thought she would choose Finn, take her rightful place by his side and live out the fairytale romance she had wanted since the beginning. She walked over to him and placed her hand on his shoulder, a silent sign of a united front. And for a moment he had feared that all those musicals he had been forced to watch in their weeks of friendship had turned him into a pussy because the relief he felt had all but brought him to tears.

In private she had railed at him, his stupidity and his lies. She had called him on each one of his craptastic moves. He still cringed when he remembered everything she had said to him, more than half going over his head and had made him want to pull out a dictionary just to keep up. When she had tired herself out and he had sat there silently feeling like the lowest turd she walked over and sat on his lap just as she had in the boy's bathroom, leaned in and brushed her lips over his brow before sinking her face into the crook of his neck murmuring his name sadly. He in turned wrapped his arms around her slim waist and held on not knowing if it would be the last time she would let him touch her. He didn't know how long they stay like that but when it was over they was become something different, something with no definition and no explanation other then in that moment they become each other's. He was hers.

Of course nothing would happen until after sectionals and the days that led up to it couldn't have been more awkward and painful if he had lit himself on fire. Quinn cried in corners because Finn wouldn't give her the time of day. Finn spend half his time acting like they were made out of air and the other half trying to start something up with Rachel, something that he had expected but hadn't changed the fact that he wanted to punch his freakishly tall ex-best friend every time he got near her. And the rest of the group, the rest of the poor group was stuck in middle trying to keep Glee afloat, while Mr. Shue had seemed on the verge of a nervous breakdown when his male lead started interrupting rehearsal with his dramatic male diva exits that but Rachel's to shame. How they had managed to win sectional and move forward he'll never know.

That night when he drove Rachel home, he'd taken in her wide smile, her first since baby gate, her shining eyes, the way her body seemed to vibrate with the energy of a humming bird and he'd lost it. He leaned in cutting her off mid sentence and took her lips with his, never giving her a second to react, he had ran his tongue over the stem of her lips, plunging forward when she gasped, tasting every corner of her mouth. When oxygen had become a problem he had pulled back, his body tight and hard from taste of her. He waited, their heavy breathing filling up the silence and once again Rachel Berry show him that she was anything but predictable, where he had expected her to yell at him, slap him, called him an asshole. She had giving him a smile that could only be described as sinful and if he wasn't hard before he sure as hell was after it leaving him fearful that he would come in his pants for the first time since he was thirteen and told him it was about damn time he made a move. After that things over a little blurry, all he really remembered was her crawling over the gear shift onto his lap working her lips against his neck and jaw and that he had indeed came in his pants that night.

The following morning the school was buzzing not with New Direction's surprising win, or the fact that Coach Sylvester was on the warpath because of said win but because Rachel Berry and Noah Puckerman had walked into the hollow halls of McKinley High holding hands. If Finn hated him before it was nothing compared to that morning when he saw Rachel lean over and brushed her lips over the corner of his mouth in the music room, as far as Finn was concerned Puck had not only taken Quinn but Rachel too. This time however when Finn threw the first punch Puck was ready with one of his own. No one stopped them, Mike and Matt looking like they wanted to intervene but the rest just got out of the line of fire.

Maybe they were too shocked; maybe they knew that the two friends needed to get it out of their system who the fuck knew. They had just let them go at it until they couldn't fight any longer, when they laid there tired and bloody Rachel asked them if they were finished leveling them with an icy glare that Puck dared the biggest linebacker not to wither before it. He had for once wisely shut up having already learned that a lecture was coming. Finn had proved his foolishness however; what idiot really though he could get a girl pregnant in a hot tub without having sex anyway? And question Rachel's loyalty, Puck had almost felt sorry for the poor bastard when she laid into him.

Everything had poured out of her in wave, the fact that Finn had no room to talk since he had used her feeling against her and use them to get her back to Glee, the fact that he had emotionally cheated on Quinn with her, giving her just enough to make her hopeful before going back to the pretty cheerleader. When Finn had tried to quietly tell her that they could be together now, Rachel had laughed softly while Puck had to stop himself from reach over and lay some more punches onto Finn's pretty boy face. What she said after still filled him with prided and warmth, Rachel had proven she was better then he would ever deserve. She had explained to Finn that it would never happen now. That she was with him and she was happy, she cared about Finn but they would have never worked not only cause she wasn't in love with him but that if Finn was honest he didn't love her either, in fact he hadn't stopped loving the blonde girl in the corner even when she hurt him. Finn shook his head but Rachel didn't let him get a word in, taking his hand in her, she looked at him seeming to forget the people around them that still remained silent taking the drama that was unfolding in front of them.

She spoke softly.

"I know they hurt you Finn, your girlfriend and your best friend I get that it's a deep cut, but they didn't mean to hurt you, they are hurting themselves, they made a mistake, one that we all wish could be taken back but it's done, and you don't hate them Finn. I know it would be easier if you did, it would be easier if I hated them too, but I don't. I care about them, Quinn, Noah and that baby who is completely innocent in this and you? You love them Finn, Noah he's your brother, Quinn she's your girl and that baby? That baby is going to have two dads because you love that baby just as much as Noah does. I'm not saying you have to forgive them now, but I know you will someday Finn, it's the guy you are and I'm so grateful for that because we need you, we need each other, this is Glee and we're a family, crazy and odd but a family nonetheless. This is who we are and have to stick together because we're all we have in this school."

By the end Finn was crying into Rachel's shoulder and he wasn't the only one, Puck would denied till the end of days but even he felt the sting behind his eyes when Finn walked over to Quinn and told her he didn't hate her. Watching the bitchy girl crumple into tears as she held on to his friend like a lifeline whispering how sorry she was and having Finn look over to him to give him a brief nod. A sign that it wouldn't be easy but slowly they could get back what they had lost. That's how Mr. Shue found them Quinn and Finn hugging, Rachel leaning into him, the rest on the sidelines, he didn't comment on the fact that both he and Finn had bloody faces and when he asked if everything was okay and Finn answered yes the relief on their teacher face was visible.

That brought Puck to now, months have pasted, Nationals were around the corner. He and Finn were becoming friends again, Quinn and he could be in the same room without her calling him a loser or him calling her a bitch, she was even letting him go to the OBGYN with her and Finn which was fucking awkward as hell but funny when the nurse asked who was the father and Quinn answered they both were.

And Rachel, well Rachel was still annoying half the time and she still never shut up but he learned that she like to use her mouth for things other than singing and talking him to death. You see Rachel was a lot of things trusting, vulnerable, loyal, beautiful and about a million other attributes that made him love her everyday more and made him her willing bitch, but the most important one; at least the most important one to a seventeen year old guy whose engine was always more than ready, was that behind that bookish, serious persona she show the world his girl was as dirty and horny as he was.

How else could she convince him to come to History class with her? When she had pushed him into the janitor's closet and had him half way down her throat he would have promised anything as long as she didn't take her mouth of him. When she wrapped her warm hand over the part of his dick that she wasn't sucking on like it was a lollipop and gave him a twisted of her wrist the pressure had settled on his lower back building and building until she took her hand off him and swallowed him whole, and he came with a shout, thanking her, god, David and her father's for all the vocal lessons that they had paid that allowed her to control her breathing in order for her to deep throat him. So when she tucked him back into his jeans an impish smile on her face as she gave him a small peck on the lips and told him that he needed to stop skipping classes, he followed blindly. Sitting next to her he even took out a book to write on, not that he actually took notes or even paid attention, he shared three classes with her and never did anything other then look at her, knowing that at the end of classes she would pass over a copy of her notes to him. So when the bell rung and she slowly got up putting away her books away except one sheet of paper he figured it was his notes of the day, what happened next made him wondered if he would ever stop trying to predict her actions. She placed the sheet of paper on his desk and waited with a look of challenge on her face. Confused he looked at it and saw a list.

Girl's bathroom, football teams locker room, behind the bleachers, janitor closet, Mr. Shue's office desk…..There were about a dozen other places on the list, and only the janitor's closet had a check next to it.

Looking back at her he felt his dick raise up in attention, that fucking smile of her, the one she always got before she let her inner freak get it on, not waiting for him to ask she simply told him, as if she was commenting on the day's weather and not giving him the holy grail of sex.

"This is my list" She said slowly into his ear. "The places I want to do it, think you can help me out with it, think you can keep up?"

And with that she picked up her messenger bag and walked out telling him she'd see him at Glee, leaving him in the classroom alone, rock hard and breathing heavy. Looking over the list again he started to laugh. His crazy girl.

Dating Rachel Berry wasn't the easiest thing in the world but it did come with its perks, like her crazy, beautiful, horny mind.