A/N This little two-parter is dedicated to Xandre. He gave me the premise, and helped me fix a rather glaring plot hole in Allies and Enemies. I don't think it's quite what you wanted, but this is the direction it decided it wanted to go in. and since I'm hopped up on migraine meds, I didn't fight it. Hope you like your present!
This can be considered an off-shoot of Allies, although I'm not quite at this point in the timeline. This is set just after Dumbledore is forced to leave Hogwarts in OotP. Allies won't be there for a bit, yet.
"U-Urahara-san?" Renji asked nervously as the geta-boushi muttered to himself. His arms were crossed and his leg bounced up and down. The former captain looked for all the world like a misbehaving child that had been placed in a time-out.
"Oi! Freeloader!" Renji tore his eyes away from Urahara to see Jinta standing there, brandishing a broom. "You're back."
"Need ta give a message ta Ichigo from th' old man." The red head glanced back at Urahra. "Wha's with him?"
"I'm afraid that's my fault," came a new voice. Renji looked up in surprise. He hadn't even heard the man coming. The source of the new voice was a tall, thin old man, with long white hair and beard. The man was oddly dressed (although, Renji would be the first to admit, he knew very little about real world styles) in long blue robes spangled with silver stars. He had expressive blue eyes that twinkled merrily behind his half-moon spectacles.
"Dumbledore-san," Jinta greeted the man reverentially. Renji looked at the boy in shock. He would never have guessed Jinta even capable of that tone. The lieutenant looked the man over once again. Despite the fact that this Dumbledore guy looked like a good stiff wind could break him in half, Renji could now sense the subtle strength emanating from the man, and he saw the keen intelligence in those blue eyes.
"I asked Kisuke to be, err, subtle with a certain message he sent," Dumbledore was saying, amusement on his face. "And I wouldn't allow him to send another, rather explicit message. I think he'd been rather looking forward to it."
Renji's mouth went dry. "Wouldn'…allow…?" he asked, gaping openly at Dumbledore. He looked to Jinta for confirmation, and the boy nodded, something akin to hero-worship on his face as he looked up at Dumbledore. "An'… an' Urahara-san listened?" No one could get Urahara Kisuke to do something he didn't want to do. Or not do something that he wanted to do, as in this case. Not even Yoruichi, his best friend and former captain, could claim that ability. Renji just couldn't wrap his head around the fact that this fragile-looking old man could have succeeded in doing the impossible.
"Well, the first message was to my school, and blood falling from the ceiling to form words would have rather frightened most of my students."
"Only the ones with no sense of humor, Albus-kun!" They could hear Urahara call out. It sounded petulant, cementing the image of a misbehaving child in time-out in Renji's mind. Urahara certainly hadn't gotten out of his chair yet.
"And the second one, meant for my government, contained something about it being run by idiots, made rather obscene allusions towards the Minister's parentage, and ended with something along the lines of 'haha, I've got Dumbledore and you lost him.'"
"Spent all morning wording that!" Urahara whined.
"It would have made more trouble for my students," Dumbledore replied serenely, though Renji could see a smile on his face. "You know I can't allow that."
Urahara didn't reply, but they could all hear his grumbling. Renji stared at the wizard with open admiration. "How- how'd ya stop him?"
Jinta grinned at that, and Renji prepared himself for some thrilling tale of the old man besting Urahara in battle, but Dumbledore simply shrugged. "I asked him not to. I was about to make some tea, would you like some?"
But Renji was currently incapable of speech. Dumbledore had asked and Urahara had listened. It was a miracle. It was beyond a miracle; it was utterly and completely impossible. There should be a tear in the universe. Bonnie-chan should be learning to fly. Aizen should be walking through the door all dressed in sequins, saying he wasn't evil, he just wanted to be on Broadway. Hueco Mundo should be opening a fast-food chain.
"I- I gotta go," Renji managed weakly.
"Oi, Freeloader!" Jinta called after him as he left. "Kurosaki's house is the other way."
* * * * *
Miracle or Complex Hoax:
Urahara Kisuke Listens to Reason
Seireitei Communication received report last night from none other than Abarai Renji, fukutaicho of the sixth squad, that Urahara Kisuke, former captain, founder of the research division, and current shop-keeper, has been completely tamed by a human from the real world. Abarai-fukutaicho claims to have met this man, a teacher by the name of Albus Dumbledore. When Abarai-fukutaicho arrived at the Urahara shop, Dumbledore told him a that he had persuaded Urahara to tone down his antics, simply by asking. While Abarai-fukutaicho has been known to partake in his fair-share of liquor, he assured this Communication reporter that he'd been on a mission assigned to him by Yamamoto-soutaicho, and had been "stone-cold sober."
Any Shinigami that has spent a significant amount of time in the real world has been acquainted with Urahara, and the shop-keeper's penchant for pranks is nothing short of legendary. And while this reporter would never accuse Abarai-fukutaicho of lying, he is convince that there is more to this story than meets the eye. Perhaps Dumbledore and Urahara are in cahoots planning an elaborate prank on Abarai-fukutaicho or the inhabitants of Seireitei. The next logical step would be for this reporter to interview Dumbledore and corroborate Abarai-fukutaicho's story. Whether or not Abarai-fukutaicho misheard or confused his facts remains to be seen, but if Abarai-fukutaicho is right, this could be a massive development for all Shinigami assigned to the real world…