Cat & Mouse OR Wolf & Spouse
Disclaimer: I own personalities and Kim's friends, and her little sister. Other than that, I've got squat.
I don't mind helping Mom design death contraptions after school.
I don't mind driving up to Port Angeles, an hour's drive, using my own truck and forking over the cash to pay for gasoline.
I don't mind picking up Lisa from the babysitter's.
I don't mind making dinner for myself and Lisa due to Mom working late.
I do mind however wearing a death contraption at Mom's party for her clients to oogle at. That's right, I said oogle.
I do mind wearing a poofy snowball death contraption with lots of layered silks and lace, wearing killer heels, AND wearing a fricken veil!!
Oh didn't I tell you? My Mom designs wedding dresses.
I am in one of them, modeling for the ladies.
"And you'll notice the lace against Kim's bosom, how her skin appears creamy and full. The corset type waistline brings the flair of the hips and hints to further venturing down south."
Why not just arrange my wedding night for all the ladies to hear and comment? Actually don't do that. I'd have to find the groom. That's too much effort.
Women twitter and whisper to each other, nodding their heads in agreement as Mom further described the finer points of my person.
Shoot me now. Bosom? Who says that anymore?
Oh right. Mom does now. Apparently.
The veil rests against my curls that had taken Mom a good 2 hours and a galleon of hairspray, draping down the floor and a good 3 feet behind me. Why anyone would want such a veil was nuts. Luckily I'm perfectly sane. Don't talk to Penny. She tells lies. Who's Penny? One of my best friends. You'll meet her later.
"Show them how slim your ankles are, Kimmy."
Damn matrimony to hell and back. I obligingly raise my many skirts to show my pinched toes and feet in death traps called high heels. I close my eyes, willing my night to end.
"Refreshments are in the next room ladies. Please stay and converse, I'll be with you as soon as possible." Mom breathed a sigh of relief as the group shuffled into the next room. "That wasn't so bad, was it? You should feed Lisa and take her home. I'll be awhile after everyone leaves."
I wrinkle my nose, straining to keep the veil from falling in my face again. "Mr. Thane said he was going to stop by tonight to fix the plumbing, remember?"
"Oh Kimmy, it completely slipped my mind!" Mom slapped her forehead. "He's coming by at 7:30." She glanced at her watch. "Kimmy, you won't have time to change. Grab Lisa and you should just make it home in time to show him to the kitchen sink."
"But Mom, I'm in a wedding-" I am not walking about in public! My reputation will be shot!
"Just make sure to keep the skirt white dear. I have to return to my clients. Thank you so much dear."
"Mom-" No, I refuse. You are not making me wear this a minute longer!! No cannot make me. Where are you going? Get back here missy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Drive safely!" Mom quickly straightened a manikin's pearl necklace before scurrying, more like running away, from me into the next room.
Damn you Mother!
"Arg!!" I stomp my foot childishly, earning my toes a good screaming. Serves me right I guess. Damn these contraptions!!! I want my sneakers!! I stick my head through a side door, finding a copper head busy over a colouring book. "Liz, lets pack it up."
Chocolate brown eyes sparkled at me. "Otay." A huge smile spread across her face, displaying two dimples. "You look like a fairytale princess!!" She raced to my skirts, lightly resting a hand against the lace. I grin down at her.
"Let's get going squirt, I've got algebra."
"Is Mommy coming wif us?"
"Mom's working late."
Lisa's face drooped as she threw her markers and colouring book into her Dora The Explorer backpack. I grimace.
"We'll head to the café later on. We'll get a double chocolate milk shake in you." Lisa faithfully grips my hand as we walk to my truck.
"Otay." Her voice is so small now. Out of the corner of my eye, I watch her glance over her shoulder, waiting for Mom to rush out behind us.
Don't get me wrong. Mom's great.
After Lisa was born, Dad took off one night and one week later, divorce papers were sent in the mail. I was 14 at the time. I was the one who watched Mom cry late at night and I always brought Lisa to Mom whenever she needed to be fed.
Mom decided to throw herself into her designing business. She expanded the shop and her work hours. Mom's 43 years old and could give the pink energizer bunny a lesson in energy. She's a whirlwind. Russet curls piled on her head, a few pencils holding it all in place, small dark brown eyes, and a quick smile.
Right now she's on a purple kick. Purple suits, purple pants, purple eye shadow, purple nail polish, purple underwear, you name it, she has it. She's such a kid sometimes. Last month, her colour was yellow.
That's still no reason to miss out hanging out with your 3- year- old. Lisa rarely gets to spend time with her.
I watch my speed as I drive down the highway. I pick up a tune on the radio and suddenly crank the volume. Lisa's face lights up.
"Shut up and let me go, this hurts I tell you so
for the last time you will kiss my lips
now shut up and let me go
Your jeans were once so clean
I bet you changed your wardrobe since we met.
Now oh so easily you're over me, gone is love
It's you that ought to be holding me
I'm not containable
This turns up, it's not sustainable."
Does Lisa understand what we're singing along to? Not likely. Do I care? No. She likes the song and she likes the beat and that's good enough for me. She's 3, she doesn't know any better.
"I ain't freakin', I ain't fakin' this
I ain't freakin', I ain't fakin this
I ain't freakin', I ain't fakin this
I ain't freakin', I ain't fakin this
Shut up and let me go, hey"
Don't worry, I'll tell her sooner or later.
I grin over at Lisa as she rests her head against the window, her lips mumbling the song and completely engrossed in her own little world. I grimace down at my snowball attire. I could definitely go for a double chocolate smoothie.
That's it. I'm never getting married.
Double chocolate shit.
Shitty- shit- .
I press my lips together in a thin line.
Guess who's at my house?
Mr. Thane. That is correct. Guess who's with him?
Nope, not Santa Claus.
Jared Ian Thane.
Do I know him?
Why yes I do. You are on the ball tonight!
I've known him since 2nd grade. We're acquaintances… that's putting it in a positive light. We know each other. We do not socialize with each other. We do not speak or so much as look at each other.
Yes, we sit together in English. How'd you know that? You creepy stalker! Get the hell away from me! I'll smother you with my many skirts of death!!
We barely acknowledge each other.
Yes he's attractive but I have a busy life. Work. Friends. School. Lisa. Not in that order.
I don't have time to talk to an attractive boy who sits beside me in class and who used to throw spitballs at my friends and me. He's nice on the eyes and that's as far as my appreciation for him goes. Much to the disgust of Lindsay, my best friend. You'll meet her later.
Why is my life full of shit?
Because Jared and his father are waiting on my front porch.
He and I sit together every day. He knows who I am, maybe doesn't remember my name, but he knows who I am. He'll gossip!!! I can tell he's a gossiper. I can always tell who a gossiper who gossips is. I have a built in radar for these kind of things.
Don't you roll your eyes at me! I'm screwed!
What do you mean why?
I am in a wedding dress.
A freaken wedding dress!
A… poofy… white… wedding… gown.
"Kimerly, why are you hitting your fore'ead on the s'eering wheel?"
Oh Lisa, Lisa darling. What am I going to say to the two men? Hey great you're here! I'll show you the kitchen as I am standing in a freaken wedding dress Mother decided to sick on me. No, I'm not getting married. No, I'm not eloping, I just like wearing wedding dresses for kicks. It makes me look like a fairy freaken tale freaken princess!!!! I'm gorgeous!!
I'm doomed. There is no way those two will remain quiet.
Let me know what you think! If it's not funny, let me know and I will fix this!! :D