Author's Notes: Today's chapter isn't actually a story at all - instead it's a blooper reel, also known as What Happens When Cynic Writer Can't Think Of Anything Useful To Write. It's basically silly stuff that I first wrote down when I couldn't think of what to write next and then deleted. Enjoy!

(You might want to reread chapters 1, 2, 3, 5, 6, 7, 9, 12, 18 and 21 for this…)


[Lancelot's] eyes met Gwen's and he answered her question before she could ask it.

"Gwen, we can never be together. Just think about it - what sort of a life would that be? Always moving, always fighting. You deserve better."

Gwen narrowed her eyes. "Who says I wouldn't like fighting all the time? Look, I've been training!" She carefully put her hands into battle position and the kicked a chair, screaming "Haa-yaaah!"

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[Gwen] unwrapped the object and found it to be a mirror with a heavy wooden frame in the shape of a heart. She looked up at Lancelot who gave her a sad smile.

"Someone as beautiful as you should be able to see their beauty."

Gwen sighed as she put down the present. Then she pointed across the room.

"Look, it was a nice thought, but I already have a mirror, see? I was looking at myself in it while I was waiting for Arthur in episode ten, remember?"

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"Sorry!" [Merlin] exclaimed when he realized he had yet again dropped what he was carrying. "I swear, those stones move under my feet!"

Arthur turned to look at him and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Funny," he remarked. "They never do when I'm walking on them..."

"Mmm, it's a mystery," Merlin conceded. "It must be your royal presence."

"Must be. Have you by any chance seen Gwen today?" Arthur said, changing the subject.

"Yeah, I think she was going to Morgana's rooms. Why do you ask?"

"No reason."

"It wouldn't have anything to do with her being your true love?" Merlin snickered.

Arthur reached for his sword with a calm face. "You had to go and mention that again, didn't you? Well, I'm sorry, but I said I would kill you if you ever did that. It's been interesting. Goodbye!"

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Morgana looked bereft.

"Is there really nothing at all that you can do?"

The man gave her a calculating look.

"Well, ma'm, I suppose I could arrange for some rods of steel to lead the warmth out of the fireplace, but that would only work for so long before it started a fire somewhere. And it would be very costly, ma'm. Seeing as the castle is so very old already, it would really be more cost effective to tear the whole thing down and rebuild it using wood. I have a cousin who does that kind of thing and I bet you could get it done for a very reasonable prize by him. I could talk to him for you if you'd like, ma'm."

Morgana frowned. "Prize? What kind of a prize? Do you mean like a golden cup with a bonnet tied around it?"

The man laughed. "Oh, sorry. No, I meant price. It's the stupid writer who can't spell properly."

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The new peace treaty was Uther's pride and glory. He had worked so very hard for it. He hoped it would be the one thing he was to be remembered by in times to come. It was that, or the good deed he had done after his wife had died by forbidding the use of magic. Well, either of those things would do just fine - as long as he wasn't remembered as the king who married a troll, Uther would be happy.

Thinking about that thing again made him restless. He decided that he would make an exception and practise his shooting. Damn the old war wounds. Today, he would imagine a troll's head in the place of the target.

Several hours later he was still on the practise field. Panicking stable boys were fetching new arrows as fast as they could, because Uther was using up a lot of them and it was not safe to fetch those he had already fired.

"Die! Die! Die! Die, you ugly bitch!" the king screamed as yet another arrow pierced the turnip head of the practise dummy.

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[Merlin is lying in his bed, trying to sleep while the great dragon is harassing him mentally.]

MERLIN! I know you can hear me! Come to me!

Merlin had had enough. He lifted his head and thought the way he had only done before when Mordred first came to Camelot.

Yo, man, can't a warlock get some sleep? The bags under my eyes will be scaring off the ladies soon! Dude, just let it go! I'm not, like, gonna let you out tonight!

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"What do you think it was?" Merlin asked him.

Arthur looked up, but didn't have time to answer before the king stormed in and asked the same thing. Arthur got up.

"The mother says it was a wolf, but the paw marks it left were much bigger than those of any I've ever seen. Must be one hell of a wolf."

"You are sure it's just a wolf?"

Arthur hesitated. Then he got a resolute look on his face.

"Look, of course it's not a wolf! When do normal animals ever cause trouble in Camelot? Nah, better just start looking up mythical creatures in books, it's bound to be one of them."

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Merlin was out in the woods surrounding Camelot, picking wood for a seamstress who had fallen ill. Gaius was treating her, but she was all alone with a baby to feed, so she needed all the help she could get.

Just as he was reaching for another snow-covered branch, a voice he recognized called out his name.

"Merlin!"

He spun around and faced his friend.

"Lancelot!"

They both had great big smiles on their faces and they stepped towards each other for a hug. Merlin rubbed his face into Lancelot's hair.

"Mmm," he said. "Are you using a new shampoo?"

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Merlin looked horrified.

"What? Don't people exchange presents at midwinter where you come from?"

"No. Why would they?"

"To celebrate that half the winter has passed and it will be spring again soon, of course!"

"No, we never did that."

"Really? No stockings on the fireplace?"

"Stockings on the fireplace? Why?"

"To put the presents in. And no decorated tree? No songs?"

"What songs would that be?"

" 'Midwinter spirit'?"

"What on earth is that?"

"Really? You don't know it? 'Come, woo me, woo me, for now I am in a holiday humour, and like enough to consent'?"

"Oh yeah?" Lancelot edged closer to Merlin with an intense look on his face. "Can I take that as an invitation?"

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Morgana lifted the trail of her dress and placed it better over the sides of her horse. She gave Uther, who was standing on the stairs watching her, a cold but polite smile.

"I will not be very long," she assured him. "I will definitely be back before nightfall."

"Make sure you are," Uther replied. His tone of voice was also polite but it had an edge to it. He hadn't quite trusted Morgana since she had answered back to him after the incident with the man who had stolen the crystal.

Morgana flicked her hair irritably.

"Look, Uther, you're not my dad and you can't tell me what to do, okay? I'll stay out late if I want to!"

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Arthur was walking along a corridor in his thoughts, when a sound startled him.

"Psst!" someone was whispering loudly from the shadows of a closet.

Cautiously, with a hand on his sword, Arthur edged towards the closet. His eyes hadn't had time to get used to the darkness before two pale hands grabbed his lapels and pulled him into the closet.

"Arthur, my love," the person whispered joyously. "Finally! I thought I would never see you again!" A mouth was pressed against Arthur's and he tried to pull back but the kisser was surprisingly strong. When he was finally allowed to breathe again, Arthur blinked in the darkness. That breathless smile, those blonde locks…

"Merlin, have you dyed your hair?!" he exclaimed.

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Merlin's thoughts were interrupted by a shy cough behind him. He turned around and briefly closed his eyes in horror, because standing there watching him were all the kitchen maids. One of them stepped forward.

"Erm, Merlin, we were wondering… Would you like to escort one of us to the feast?" Several of the girls were twisting strands of their hair around their fingers and smiling nervously.

Merlin groaned. "Look, sweetheart, I know you all find me irresistibly hot, but I'm more than just good looks, okay? Do you know how hard it is for me to find someone who actually cares about my personality?!"

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…yeaaah…

Anyway, thanks to everyone who read and reviewed this, I hope you have a great winter! :D