Disclaimer: Don't own any characters, but I do like to play with the Cullen boys a little. Preferabely with Jasper or Emmett.

A/N: This is the typical Edward leaves Bella and Alice leaves Jasper and Bella and Jasper are meant to be together, however there are a lot of secrets and things that will be revealed that make it different so please stick with me. Plus their relationship will not be meet back up and the next day they are in love.

A/N: Oh and the werewolves don't exist. Jacob will be mentioned briefly later, but he's not a part of the story.



You know the saying 'time heals all wounds,' well whoever said it never met Isabella Swan and had no clue what the fuck they were talking about.

Three years, that's how long it has been. Three years since that horrible fucked up birthday party that changed everything. Three years since the Cullen family started to and eventually fell apart. Three years to the day since I tried to kill Bella.

I thought back to that day and these subsequent three years as I watched Bella through the bookstore window where she now worked.

We had all been excited. Alice had been bouncing around getting everything ready to go. Carlisle and Esme had looked on with a smile on their face. Rose wasn't so happy, but it was Rose so no one expected any less. Emmett was beside him with eagerness to get the party started. He'd even made the decision to try the cake although I knew he'd me throwing it up later. I was sticking to the perimeter of the room. It had been a few days since I hunted and I had planned on going earlier, but Alice had begged me for my help and I put it off. By the time I had a chance to go it would have made me late. I would have still gone, but Alice had promised it would all be okay. Little did I or anyone else in the family know how wrong she was.

When Bella and Edward had finally come in I could feel she didn't want to be there, but she also didn't want to hurt Alice's feelings. In the beginning it was all fine Alice gave her the present myself, Emmett and Rosalie had chosen for her. Then it was Alice and Edward's turn and the excitement level had cranked up a notch and I drifted closer. And then it happened. The one thing I'd always dreaded happening while being around Bella.

It was just one drop and maybe if Alice had tried to talk me down I could have controlled myself enough to get away, but then Edward had to throw her back into the glass plates and with even more blood being spilt I was done. I needed it and I needed it right then. I was beyond help and it took all Emmett and Rose had to just wrestle me outside and into the forest. It took about a second of breathing fresh air before I realized what I had almost done. As soon as the weight of everything came crashing down on me I ran. I went straight to Alaska that night knowing the others would soon follow. Edward wouldn't let this go. It was what he always said would happen and it was always the plan to leave if one of us lost control with Bella.

Everyone, but Edward arrived in Denali the next day just like I knew they would. Everyone felt the same level of disappointment, but they all had other emotions going on as well. Carlisle and Esme had understanding and love and it killed me that they still felt that way, but it was something I should have expected. They loved unconditionally no matter what. Rose was smug and I knew she was just itching to say 'I told you so'. Emmett was torn. He loved Bella like a sister and wanted to stay, but he also knew with my attempt we were a threat and that it was probably best that we left.

Alice was the most surprising. She carried the disappointment but also guilt and then when Edward arrived two days later he was the same way. I didn't know what they had to feel guilty about after all I was the one who tried to fucking eat her. I asked a few times why they felt that way and received the same answer each time. They had been the ones adamant in bringing Bella into our lives. Although I could feel the truth in their words I always felt like there was something else. Something they weren't saying, but neither chose to confirm or deny it so I let it go.

We had stayed in Alaska for two months, and then made the decision to move to Montana thinking a change of scenery would do us good. It didn't.

The 4 months following our move, saw us all finally drifting apart. We had known it was coming and no matter how hard Carlisle and Esme tried to keep us together, we just couldn't make it work anymore. If someone laughed it was sporadic, no one smiled, and arguments broke out more and more. We all knew though that we had a home if we wanted to come back.

Edward left first, going back to Alaska. He said he needed space and time to deal with everything, but before I could call him on the lie he was gone.

Emmett and Rose followed quickly after Edward, going on a tour of the world for the millionth time.

Alice and I left on the same day, although not together. We'd been staying in separate rooms since the move so it wasn't a big surprise. It hurt, but there wasn't anything I could do about it. We both wanted different things. I wanted to just get away from people and she wanted to go to college.

I drifted around after I left never staying in one place for to long until after a few months I decided to pay a visit to Peter and Charlotte and ended up staying two months. Although they were human drinkers I kept up my vegetarian lifestyle. I don't know why it would have been so much easier to give into what I was, but something always held me back and for the life of me I couldn't tell you what it was. Peter suggested it was the family, but seeing as how I hadn't spoken to any of them in the months I'd been gone I knew that wasn't it.

By the end of the two months I was finally getting comfortable with my new life. That was until the day I received the phone call that took me back home.

I was out hunting when Carlisle called. It seems Edward had met someone. She was a vampire and he wanted us to meet her. Carlisle and Esme didn't want to go. They had loved Bella and according to Carlisle they still did, so it would be hard to see Edward with someone else, but they felt like they had to go since he was their son.

I was angry at Edward, but decided to go to Alaska as well, mainly because I wanted answers to questions that had been plaguing my mind.

Why had we rushed to save her from James? Why had he saved her from the van? Why bring her into our lives at all, if he was going to just move on when someone who wasn't as breakable came along? Why did he and Alice both feel guilty? And why in the fuck did he lie about leaving the family?

You know I always thought Edward would give in and go back to Forks that he would last maybe a month, two at the most and go back to the one he loved. I always thought I would one day be able to apologize to Bella for what I had almost done. For scaring her and taking away everything she wanted. I guess now though I'd never get the chance.

As I made my way through Canada I thought more on Bella and I came to the decision that I didn't want to go to Alaska; I didn't need answers from Edward. There was something much more important I needed to do, pus I could make sure she was okay since no one else could be bothered.

I told myself that if Bella was fine then I would just send her a note and then go back to my wandering. It's not the best way to apologize, but it would be better than seeing me and expecting to see everyone else.

I arrived back in Forks on of all days her fucking birthday. Gotta love the irony in that shit.

When I first saw her after a year I was shocked and if she hadn't come out of her house I wouldn't have recognized her. She was thinner than Alice was, she looked like she hadn't slept in months, her shoulders looked to be in a permanent slump, and her emotions put me to my knees. There was so much sadness and loneliness that I had to wonder how she dealt with it all. I only had one question now. What in the hell had we done to her? And with that running through my head on a constant repeat my whole decision to come and go quickly changed.

I started to watch Bella that day and for the last two years I've been here watching. So many times over those two years I thought about letting her know I was there, but every time I decided to I would receive a text message. There was never a name or a number I recognized, but it was always the same two words and I knew who it was from. NOT YET.

Sometimes, like when I just got bored standing in the woods alone, it wasn't hard to listen to Alice, but other times it was all I could do not to go to Bella.

Like when I figured out she was redoing her senior year since she'd pretty much dropped out after we left or when I would hear her yelling at Charlie that she wasn't going to Florida.

Those were tough, but the hardest time was when Charlie passed away from a heart attack. I was halfway across the yard before I received the text and there was no way I was going to let it go without a phone call.

Alice begged me to just trust her. That she would explain everything in time. That there was so much I didn't know and couldn't know yet. That all of this was happening for a reason and I would understand later.

As much as I didn't want to believe anything Alice was telling me I had too. She had never steered me wrong before and I had to trust in her.

So I stayed hidden and I felt the pain as Bella laid Charlie to rest. I stayed hidden and I felt the anger when Renee came to take her to Florida.

And I've stayed hidden and every day I feel the desolation because she thinks she's alone. My only consolation is she's not and that I am here to protect and watch over her. Maybe one day soon I can finally show myself and let her know that I've been here all along.



It was my birthday today. I am 21 and I don't care. Most people love the fact when they are legal. They'll go out with their friends and get drunk to celebrate their life, but I haven't had friends for three years and I don't plan on celebrating this shit of a life I have anytime soon.

That first year after the Cullen's left I didn't even leave the house. I failed school and had to retake my senior year. I couldn't even use a tragedy or an illness as an excuse. Nope I have to go with a broken heart and everyone knows I am just weak and pathetic.

The only person I had was dad. He's the only reason I didn't just end it. I knew it would kill him and in the end I think my being the way I was killed him anyway.

And then there was mom. I haven't spoken to her since she tried to make me go to Florida after dad died. She spouted out all this shit about how it would be good for me and that I would be happy. She said I wouldn't be able to take care of myself, but I showed her. I got a job even though I didn't need to with dad's life insurance policy that I had no clue about, but I like the bookstore. It gets me out of the house, not like I do anything else though.

Sometimes I wonder why I continue to stay. It's not like they are ever coming back, but something deep down always keeps me here.

It's funny how sick a sense of humor life had. When I moved here, all I wanted was to go back to the sun; now I couldn't leave the rain. I had lived in Phoenix for 17 years and Forks for 4 years. Forks was what was home to me. It held all my good and bad memories. It held them. And even though they broke me I had to be where they used to be.

Most days thoughts of them will just pop into my head and I try to get them out as quickly as possible. Those times are always the same and I wonder what they are doing or if they are happy. I wonder if they miss me. Today though is the only day I consciously allow myself to bring forth their faces.

As I stocked books on a shelf I let my mind drift recalling each one.

Carlisle, the leader of the family. The one I could call on if I ever needed him.

Esme, my second mom, who could make me feel comfortable with just her smile and always ready to give me a hug.

Alice, my sister and best friend, my little pixie who lighted up my life with her energy.

Jasper, the quiet brooder. Even though he did try to kill me and we were never close, I still missed him.

Emmett, my corny big brother. I miss his hugs and belly laughs.

Rosalie, who never let me in, but she was still a part of the family and I loved her anyway.

And then there was him. The one I thought loved me, but instead left me alone and took everything away. Do I hate him? No, I don't think I ever could, but I don't love him like I used too either.

What is so sad and probably the reason I am like I am is that even though I have not seen or heard from anyone of them in three years, if one showed up on my doorstep tomorrow I would go back in a heartbeat. Not as Edward's girlfriend, but as a sister because no matter what I still consider them my family whether or not they still think that about me.

Sighing I pushed the thoughts out of my head. I had done enough thinking on them today and I needed to do my work so I could go home.

I finished my eight hour shift a few hours later and then drove the 45 minutes back to Forks. I decided on the way home that I didn't feel like cooking so I stopped by the lodge for takeout, ignoring all the pity looks and whispers I usually received whenever I showed my face around town.

Once I got home and checked my empty answering machine, still don't know why I bother, I ate and went upstairs to take a bath before crawling into my bed.

Glancing at my clock I sighed. I don't know how much worse I could get. I was 21 and in bed on a Friday night at 9:00. As I drifted to sleep I realized just how pathetic and alone I really was and I hated it.


A/N: You know the drill.