It must be nice to be the sun, but the brightest light makes the darkest shadow.


Yuu was moping.

Two things: one, he had to leave his car at the hut and not get it back till tomorrow (tearful gasp). Two, I was going to invade his privacy for tonight (lustful purr).

"How the fucking fuck does one manage to forget his keys to his apartment when one is a fucking dude that usually remembers fucking everything."

I can't say, Yuu. It will forever remain a mystery to the world how I lost my apartment keys. At 4 am. In a forest. Shall I solve the case? It's elementary, dear Watson.

So Yuu and I decide to call it a night and go home. Together and have sex.

Heavens, say it ain't so!

Alas, it ain't so. And that's the problem. The issue! The crisis! Oh sadness, oh drama, woe is me and my cat!

So, like, I very politely and meekly asked if I could be allowed to stay at Kanda's for the night, "Hey Yuu, lemme' crash at your place!", but he denied me. "No," and the sky fell down and the world ended. So I - Lavi, moi, ese, boku - decided to come up with a master plan and seduce Yuu. Or, well… make him let me crash at his place, at least.

"Okay then, Yuu. I'll just... go over here. You go inside, don't wait for me," I said in a very unconspiring voice. (Unconspiring? I seem to have a problem with autonyms when I'm drunk.) And then I just hoped Yuu would be unwaiting. (As in not waiting, and fuck autonyms right now please)

"Grrrr what are you conspiring," he growled in a sexy way that was about to ruin my plans.

"I'm not conspiring! Have more faith in me!" I wailed and pushed him inside so I could conspire out here in secrecy.

So Yuu walked (was shakily shoved) inside, and I ran into the forest. And that sentence sounds kinna' like I'm planning a midnight murder but I'm totally not, honest.

When I was out of sight from the windows of the hut, I found my keys in my pocket and dropped them on the ground.

Then I thought about it a bit...

And then I realised that throwing your keys away in a forest was a stupid idea, so I picked them up and neatly put them on a branch instead. It was a branch sticking out from a beech in a 45 degree angle; it fit perfectly in the little crack between the branch and the trunk. I looked around, memorising the area, then the tree. It was like taking a picture. I'd be able to remember this tomorrow, no problem.

... now I sound like a fucking mental, don't I? So what if I'm a bit autistic? You're the one reading fangirl gay fiction on the internet, man, you're the weirdo here. Your mom would be ashamed of you. Hmph.

After breaking the novel's fourth wall, I walked back to the front door. I kept looking around; up to the tree tops, down at the ground, to the sides; everything here was sorted into little pieces in my mind, it all had its own system. A natural system I could decipher and rely on. I was glad nobody else was out here, because I must've looked like an idiot, glaring around almost like a paranoid. But this was necessary, and crucial to my master plan. Wherein "master" is in lowercase letters.

When I arrived inside, what little was left of the party members were in the kitchen. I saw Yuu, Miranda, Noise, Allen, Lenalee and another girl beside her with a flashy green dress. Her name was Susan, according to Allen.

She was very nice, but not too bright, according to Allen.

She had nice breasts, according to Allen.

I, being drunk and uncaring and homo, took my time to take a look at Susan's breast. Fist under my chin, in true Sherlock style, motherfucker. I decided they weren't as pretty as Lena's, but they were okay. Then I decided that Allen wasn't going to get any tonight, because he was a noob. Too-smooth charlatan, sir Walker; you can't pick up girls right. He always got the first steps right, he always got their attention, and they loved fawning over him. But after that he either didn't dare to take it any further, or he became too much of their friend. Like it happened with Lena. Yup, Al was totally virgin. "Sorry to break it to ya, Brit brat."

Noise noticed me in the doorway (he's half blind, but his hearing fails nothing, I tell you) and he said, "Hey Ruby, we were just about to go get you." Everybody calls me Ruby now!

"We were?" Allen asked, and I was like, whatever, virgin. Then Noise and Miranda went home (they oddly and conveniently enough take the same bus, hmmm), and when they did Al became super fidgety because should he follow Susan home, or should he not? To be, or not to be.

Virgin. Haha, this was fun.

But Lenalee, the steadfast Asian mommy in our lives, resolutely took both their hands and said "Let's sleep at Susan's place! She lives just up the hill!" Allen's face was both ridiculous and priceless, and Susan giggled crazily because she was so obviously in on this. Girls can be scary. I thought I was the conspiracy master, here.

Speaking of conspiracy; I had some serious Kanda-convincing to do.

"Hey Yuu, lemme' crash at your place!"

Wait, didn't this fail just five minutes ago.



"Yuu, you have to. I can't get into my apartment!"

He looked at me incredulously, "Why the fuck not, you have keys," he stated.

"No," I unstated, "I don't."

"Wake up Suman and he'll unlock the damn door."

"No, he's in Copenhagen this weekend, I thought I told you. I can't get into my flat!"

"Grrrr, you're lying, you have keys," he said distrustfully and pulled roughly at my hoodie. He put his hand in the left pocket, searching. Then the right. I held up my hands submissively, because as you know I'd made sure there actually were no keys. I also needed to clench my jaw a bit, because he was touching me aaaaaaaah don't stop searching I have more pockets in my jeans babe…

Kanda gave up eventually, because there can only be so much secret hidden space in the pockets of hoodies. Alas.

I patted my backside to show him there were no keys there either, where I normally kept them. As much as I'd want him to search my back pockets himself, I was sober enough to know that he would never.

Lenalee, Susan and Al moved past me out the door so they could take the rest of their things and get going.

I looked at Yuu with not-so-teary eyes, "Yuu, you really want me to sleep on the cold, cold streets tonight? Or go with Allen and ruin his one chance to get laid tonight? You don't do that shit to pals, man." His eyebrow twitched. Why Lena could go with them, and I couldn't, remained an unanswered question to me, I just hoped Yuu was wasted enough and didn't think too much about it. "Why would I be lying anyway?"

See, I should have a point there. Why would I even lie about my keys; what did I gain? It was only trouble for me having to sleep at someone else's place. There was no point if I could actually sleep at home or close by. Therefore, Kanda must trust that I quite simply asked him because I had no other choice. That was logic Kanda could follow, wasn't it?

He blinked once, twice… "Okay then. But you will shut the fuck up and sleep, and not steal my beer or smoke in my house."

"Dude, Kanda, I swear in the name of soba." I was good at Kanda-convincing! Profound, I'd even say!

And then Yuu started moping. I guess he doesn't like other people being within a 30 metre radius while he sleeps. It must be some… deep rooted samurai thing. Maybe. But he's my deep rooted samurai, rawr.

Or perhaps he was just drunk and tired.

"Hurrr, where did my hands go?"

Yeah he was drunk and tired.

"They're on your arms, right beside your hips, babe."

"Whatever you shitty heemmm— heeaah, hhhamster…"

Poor Yuu, he even ran out of offensive nouns. "We should get going."

And then we gathered guys and gals and left the building. And Kanda's car. He looked longingly after it all the way down the first road.


Our three comrades followed Yuu and I to the bus stop. We had to walk a little further because the only stop with night busses was five more minutes away. From there we'd have to take a bus to the station, then one to the district where Yuu lived, and walk another ten minutes or so. But no road was too long when you had company! I'd walk half an hour in rain and sleet in a city called Robyervitálity if Kanda was by my side. Fuck it if he wouldn't do the same.

He was walking beside me, only in his sweater. It must've been fucking cold, but he said he was sweating like shit. His jacket was in Lenalee's bag, which I carried. Besides, fresh air seemed to do him good right now. Okay, he was concentrating a bit too much on the ground before his feet to look hearty, but twenty minutes ago he couldn't even stand straight. I predicted that he would have an enormous hangover tomorrow. In retrospect, that would be my fault. Shh.

Lenalee, Susan and Allen were walking up front. Susan walked in the middle because she was plastered, and seemed to go oddly off course several times. Like, hu-humm, just taking a leisurely strollll- OH WAIT A FLOWER must turn 80 degrees! Lenalee laughed every time, and not once did Allen fail to grab her around the waist and pull her back. Hey, he was the sober one, this was his job. He enjoyed helping others, too. A bit too much, perhaps.

Though, right now, he was just exalted he got to grab Susan's waist. Tsk, tsk, little noob.

"Ohh! Look, it's a red bicycle! Oh my god, let me just -"

Lena and Al laughed brightly, and he once again reached out for her to right her course. I must admit, he was a noob, but he was a smooth noob. He had her charmed, that's for sure. Dayum, where ya get dat swagger from, boy?

If Kanda started swinging left and right, would it be okay for me to grab him, too?

"We're heeeere," Susan said, sounding a bit tired. I spotted the bus stop ahead of us.

"What's the clock," I asked and rearranged the bag on my shoulder. Lenalee said, twelve past five. Seems like, for once, timing wasn't a bitch; we only had three minutes wait. Three minutes of talking and listening and wondering how a group of just five people can be so noisy. At some point, Lena quite obnoxiously yelled: "Whipped cream ready to squirt!" and of course it was hilarious as hell, and of course I jerked forward clenching my stomach in laughter.

Three minutes of watching Allen's flustered and sober face every time Susan and Lenalee suddenly started dancing at random. Watching him laugh nervously when Susan came too close.

Three minutes to watch the stars.

To count how many cars passed by them, which was only two.

Just three minutes to watch Kanda stand off to the side, paying no mind to it all, flying around in his own little world. How must it be in there, in Kanda's head? What's it like to be Kanda? Oh, how beautiful he looked with his eyes contently closed, face towards the sky.

Three minutes to imagine the things I could do to him at night if only he'd let me.

Until the bus came.

"It's the bus!"

It became visible at the end of the road, driving towards our stop with a speed that seemed almost like that of a snail's. We said our bye byes and see you laters, and Lenalee hugged everyone, because Lenalee is Lenalee, and I got an extra big hug because I'm Lavi, and we almost lost balance and fell into some bushes. But hugging Lenalee is nice, so everything's okay.

I turned to Allen and said: "Get some taco, Al. Some taco, get it?" after which he - instead of flipping me off with his middle finger - gave me the little finger.

Because when Al flips you off, he does it with style.

"Bless your poor mother, Ruby."

"Fuck you, Brit," I smiled. Truthfully, we had been bitching at each other like that since high school. It all started when he wrote "supreme nerd" with waterproof marker on my pencil case. It's been a beautiful and rare rivalry ever since. "Tisbahe ala kheir," I said goodnight, gave Lena her bag back (which Allen immediately took, of course) and then Yuu and I got on the bus.

Lenalee smiled at us from the pavement, and I could hear her yell goodbye through the window, "Salaam Ruby, Kanda!" It sounded so weird hearing her say things in Arabic. It was probably the only word she could remember off the top of her head, right now.

Beside me, Yuu looked at me all weird and said: "…Lavi. Ruby?"

"Yeah. Nickname, I have it. But hey, Kandy -" Candy? I am so hilarious when I'm drunk, damn.

He punched my shoulder with unimpressive force, and I laughed and forgot what I was about to say.

The bus sped up, and the last thing I saw when we turned the corner was a defeatist looking Allen, and Lenalee and Susan waltzing down the street.

14th March, 2011 – Author's Rant:

Man, it's been a dickyear, a rebellion and a natural disaster since I last updated. My hearts and thoughts reach out to the Japanese and Libyans; keep fighting, brothers and sisters!

As for me, currently life's annoying because it's winter, but otherwise, 2010 has been good. The best year in a decade. I feel evolved. Like a pokémon! However. D. Gray-Man? Yeah. Basically everything past chapter 165 sucked. However I still like how Hoshino smears the line between good and evil, and therefore I probably won't stop reading it.

Oh, and that Susan gal is not important at all. I don't feel like she's an OC, but blah

Plugging: Im-a-tiger: The Little Mermaid. DO I EVEN HAVE TO ADVERTISE FOR THIS? IS THE TITLE NOT ENOUGH? CAN THIS EVEN TURN OUT BAD? I think not. I actually find it disastrous that if you browse "mermaid kanda" on there will only be one result with mermaid!Kanda. WHAT D: so go read this little pearl of FFN and be proud you're a member of LaviYuu Avant-garde Devotees (current membership: 1)

Critique (as well as mindless babble) reviews always appreciated.