CHAPTER 5: In Love
I stood and looked at my reflection in the mirror. Divorced. The word kept running through my head. It took me three year, THREE YEARS, to get her. Once Junior got married I knew I had her. I knew I was her second choice, but at least I had her. Junior had given up, I was the best man. I had won her. I was so stupid. I had the one thing in the world Junior couldn't have, and I blew it all away. God, I was so stupid. I knew she loved Junior, I had always known she had. Even more than she loved me. But she did love me.
"I love you, Matt. But this just proves to me that neither one of us are IN LOVE with each other."
"People make mistake. Please Kris, give me one more chance, I promise I won't ever cheat again."
That was the night she caught me cheating on her, in our bed. But she didn't catch me on the dining table, or the couch, or the shower. I shook my head and looked back in the mirror, I shouldn't be thinking about cheating on her. It's what tore her apart from me. I turned on the faucet on and put some water in my hands and rubbed it on my face. I noticed something shining in the mirror on my left ring finger. My wedding ring. I held my hand out and looked at the white gold ring and began to slide it off, watching the way the small white diamonds in it shone in the light from above the mirror. I pulled it off and looked at the inside of it.
I love you - forever
Kris and I both had the same thing inscripted in our wedding rings. I set my ring down on the counter and walked out of the bathroom and my hand felt so naked. I wouldn't have a ring on that finger for a long time. I saw Jenny laying in my bed, mine and Kris' bed, asleep without any clothes on. I hadn't been divorced for eight hours and I was already back with other women, no it wasn't cheating anymore, but this felt worse. I felt discust in my gut and I went back into the bathroom and got in the shower, trying to get clean.
I woke up with the sun shining into the window. I opened my eyes and saw the bare tree limbs whipping around fiercely, I sighed, knowing it was freezing outside. I felt the warmth of someone else's arm drapped over me, and one stretched out under my head. I recognized the tanned outline of the forearm muscle under my head and smiled. My Junior.
I turned over, facing him now. His eyes closed, and his sleeping smile on his face. He looked so peaceful when he slept, it reminded me of when we had just met, both eighteen and so much in love with each other. In Love. The thought ran through my head. I was IN LOVE with Junior, and when you were IN LOVE you couldn't get out of it. Why hadn't I realized that before now? I had always been in love with Junior. Even when I was with Kerry, I shuddered at the thought, with Matt, and here I was, still with Junior. I should have realized this six years ago. It would have saved a lot of heartache and pain.
I moved in and pressed my lips softly to his and saw his eyes fly open. He looked at me shocked then the look went away, replaced with a smile.
"Sorry," he gigled, "I'm not use to that yet."
"Sorry I scared you," I smiled back at him. "Shall I try again?"
He nodded with a boyish grin on his face. I leaned in and kissed him and got a bad pain in my stomach. I hopped up and ran to the bathroom, makig it just in time (A/N-I know what you're thinking. Just stay with me)
"Kris are you ok?" he heard him ask running in after me, holding my hair for me.
"I don't think so," I said throwing up some more. I felt awful. I moaned and leaned my head back against Junior's chest. I put my hand on my stomach and felt it rumble, but more than that, it was rumbling against my hand. "Junior feel this!" I said putting his hand against my stomach.
"That's what Laura's stomach felt like when the baby kisked," he said looking at me, then all of a sudden both of our eyes popped open super wide.
"I can't be." "You can't be" we said at the same time. I felt my stomach again, why hadn't I ever nothiced how hard it was before or the roundness of it.
"Have you noticed me getting bigger?" I asked him.
"I just thought it was because you haven't been riding the past few months, and the stress of the divorce," he told me.
"Except for last night, I haven't had sex in six months!" I said. "I would be a lot bigger than this wouldn't I?"
"I would think so. Laura looked like she had swallowed a basketball when she was six months along."
"I think I need to go to the doctor," I said tears coming to my eyes feeling a nudge in my stomach I had thought was gas for the last, I counted three times, three to four months.
"When was your last, you know, time?" he asked a little embarrassed.
"I don't know," I said looking at him, "I was on the pill and I got off of it, and I figured that I wasn't having on because of coming off birth control."
"Come on Kris. We're going to the doctor." I said pulling me up. "You think you're ok now?"
"Yeah, you go get Lee and I'll get ready, "I replied. We were in the car, headed toward the walk-in clinic in less than forty-five minutes.
I signed all my paperwork and turned it in to the nurse at the front desk and had to wait over an hour to get called back. The whole time I waited I had my hand on my sotmach. I didn't know much a pregnancy, just what I had learned from Laura, and I knew I would be a lot bigger than this by six months.
Junior came to the room with me, Lee asleep in her carrier, she was getting so big.
"Good morning, Miss Furillo," he said, my maiden name sounded so weird.
"Hi," I said shyly.
"So we are wondering if we are expecting?" he asked looking down at his chart.
"Yes," I responded.
"When was your last menstral cycle?" he asked.
"I don't remember," I felt stupid, "I was on the pill, and I got off about six months ago and I never had one. I thought it was from coming off the pill."
"I see," he smiled at my, genuinely. "When was the last time you had sexual intercourse?"
"Well," I bit my lip, "before last night it was six months ago."
"Ah, I see," he said. I looked at Junior nervously, he smiled at me.
"Why don't you lay back, we're going to do an ultrasound and see if there is anything in there." he said lifting my shirt slightly, I noticed that my belly was protruding more than normal. "Have you noticed any wieght change?"
"I thought it was just from not dieting anymore, I'm a jockey, and the stress from my divorce," I sighed. He placed some cold, blue, jelly-like stuff on my stomach and placed a wand on it, rubbing it around my stomach. He sflipped on a machine and all I saw was a black in white image, I looked over at Junior he's eyes popping open wide.
"Yeah, you are definately pregnant," the doctor said smiling at me, "by the looks of things you seem to be around 25 weeks along. YOu want to know the sex?" he asked. I was too in shock to answer. I had been pregnant for 25 weeks and I never knew it!
"How can I" I asked confused. "How did Inot know?"
"Well a lot of women don't know until late. This isn't uncommon. It is small, but it is developed very nicely."
"What is it?" I asked. I still was in shock.
"A boy," he smiled at me. I looked back at the screen where he pointed, sure enough, I could tell it was a baby boy. "I'll have to do some blood work to confirm how far along you are, but I'm pretty certain you due daye is going to be," he looked over at his calendar counting the weeks,"around February 23rd."
"Wow," was all I could say. The docotr finished telling me what I should expect, I would have to come back every three weeks for an appointment. He gave me a prescription for some vitamins and we left. Junior kept talking about how excited he was.
"It's Matt's," I said finally, looking over at him. The smile went from his face.
"Kris, no," he pleaded, "we just finally got to be together. Please don't go back to him," he said grabbing my hands, we were back at his house, sitting on his bed.
"No, Junior," I laughed. "I'm not getting back with Matt. Not even having his baby will make me forgive him and go back with him. But he is the father. He deserves to know. He deserves to have a part in the babies life."
"Ok," Junior said looking at me before kissing my forehead. "You wanna go alone?"
"Yeah, I think that would be better," I sighed kissing his lips. It was only lunch time, it seemed like it had been three days already. "I'll be back soon," I promised getting up and walking out of the bedroom and the house and to my car. It only took two minutes to get to Raintree from Davis Farms. I stopped the car in front of the bunkhouse, where Matt lived. I sucked in a deep breath and stepped out of the car making my way up to the front door. I knocked lightly. After a few seconds the door swung open. Matt stood there with jeans and his shirt on backwards. Oh my God. I thought to myself.
"We need to talk," I said, "In private. So who ever is in there might need to leave."
"Who is it MAtt?" I heard a high voice call from inside.
"Or we can talk on the porch," Matt said looking at me.
"It's really important."
"Give me a minute," he said going inside, shutting the door behind him. A few minutes later I saw the same girl he was cheating on me with come out of the house, her dress on crooked. "Come on in."
I walked in what use to be OUR house. It looked like a hurricaine had come through here. I turned around and faced him, "I'm pregnant, Matt."
"What?" he said back.
"Yeah. I was can't think of another way to tell you so I'm just going to say it. I'm 6 months pregnant, with your baby."
"So?" he said looking confused. "I'm going to be a Dad?"
"Yeah," I said smiling placing my hand on my stomach, he looked down.
"You don't look it," he said sitting on the couch letting out a big breath of air. "We just got divorced yesterday."
"I know. And I'm not coming back to you Matt. Let's get that clear first."
"Junior is NOT going to claim my child!" he stood up shouting.
"Oh would you hush! I never said he was! It's your child Matt. But we are DIVORCED! Now, I would love for the baby to have Junior's last name, but this is your child, I didn't get pregnant before I ever asked for a divorce from you. Now, if you want this child to have your name, then he can."
"He?" Matt turned and looked at me.
"Yeah. It's a boy." I said to him.
"I want him to have my name," he said not meeting my eyes.
"Ok, but I really don't want to go to court over thsi child, for custody. But if you are going to fight me for him, I will. I want you to be apart of his life. Here is my ultimatum. You can come see him while he is a baby, beofre he is ready to be away from me. The courts aren't going to take him away from his mother anyways, and consiering you cheated on me, then you aren't going to get custody of him anyways, but once he's ready to be away from me for less than 24 hours, you can keep him, or if I need a sitter, you can do that. And once he turns a year old you can keep him on the weekends, if you wish to do so."
Matt didn't say anything. He just looked from my face to my stomach. "One condition from me then," he replied after five minutes of silence.
"What?" I asked.
"He calls ME Daddy, not Junior."
"That seems fair," I responded.
"When are you due?" February 23rd."
"Well, thank you for telling me, Kris," he looked in my eyes, "I know I don't really deserve it."
"You don't" I replied, "but I'm not going to let him grow up without knowing who is real father is. But just so you know, Junior is going to be around him. All the time. He's going to be like his father, too. He just won't call him Daddy."
"I understand," Matt said, "it's my fault. I have to live with the consequences."
"Honestly Matt, I'm in love with Junior. I always have been. No matter if you cheated on me or not, Junior and I would have ended up together eventually. I'm just glad it's now, and not after this baby is already grow and use to us being togehter."
"I know. But maybe it would be better for him if his parents are together."
"Nice try, but no Matt. I still haven't forgetten you for cheating. And I won't ever be able to look at you the same way anymore. Junior and I belong together. And as much as I wish it weren't your child, it is. And I'm not going to take that away from you," I said before turning around and walking out the door.
"Wait!" he called behind me.
"Can I atleast help name him?" he asked.
"Sure Matt," you wanna go ahead and do that now?"
"Sure," he smiled sitting on the couch. I sat on the chair across from him. "But, I already know what middle name I want him to have," I said.
"What?" he asked.
"Henry," I said. "Your grandfather was the one person who believed in Wildfire and Me when I moved here, I want his name to be the baby's middle name."
I saw a tear come to the corner of Matt's eye, "Thank you Kris."
"Your welcome," I smiled back.
Later that night..
"I didn't wanna ask, but what too so long at Matt's?" Junior asked that night after we had already went to bed. He already knew about our agreement, not about naming the baby.
"He wanted to help name him," I said.
"Well, we had Lee's name planned out, and she turned out to be a girl," he laughed.
"I know," I laughed, "but I feel confident that this is a boy."
"So did you decide?" the happiness was out of his voice. I knew he wasn't happy about the whole thing.
"Yeah," I replied, "Parker Henry," I said.
"After Henry? I like it," he said. "I really wish you would add 'Davis' to the end of that."
"Me too," I responded. "I might."
"You should. There's no reason not too," he said.
"Other than the fact that we're not married." I felt Junior tiwst out from under me and dig in his drawer.
"We could change that," he said hloding an open box in front of my face. I gasped in shock.
"Junior," I said looking over at him.
"I didn't plan on doing it like this, this soon after your divorce was over. But why not? It's going to happen anyways," he said kissing my cheek.
"So your asking me to marry you?" I asked making sure I wasn't dreaming this. He popped out of bed and pulled me up with him. He got down on one knee.
"Kris, please make me the happiest man in the entire world. I love you and this baby. Please Kris, marry me. I love you."
I felt a tear slip out of the corner of my eyes, "Of course I will." He picked me up and spun me around. He sat me down and slid the beautiful ring on my finger. It was white gold with a four small diamonds making a square and diamonds going around the square and down the sides of the ring. It was so beautiful. It looked so strange compared to my old ring, with just one diamond popping from the middle of the gold band. "I love it," I choked out.
"And I love you," he said holding me close to him. "I'm so in love with you Kristine Nicole Furillo. Almost Davis."