iAm Gay

Summary: Sam keeps taking jabs at Freddie's masculinity. He does the only thing he could think of to make her stop. Seddie.

Disclaimer: iCarly not mine.

"What's the matter Fredwina?" Sam asked mockingly as we stood by her locker after the dismissal bell rang. Carly would be at the Yearbook Club's meeting until six, so it was just the two of us. Oh, joy. "Did your balls roll off somewhere? Oh, I forgot. You weren't born with any!" Some passing students overheard and started laughing out loud. Fortunately, they continued walking on. Unfortunately, they didn't stop laughing and pointing as they went.

"Shut up, Samantha," I hissed at her.

"Or what, Frederella, you gonna call Mommy?" She was being particularly hostile. And I had no idea why. All I'd done was greeted her and commented on how awful gym class was. Next thing I knew, I was being verbally attacked—an attack that came out of nowhere and was totally uncalled for. She was fine three hours ago when we were having lunch with Carly. And I really wished I knew what had changed between then and now. I was actually beginning to think that Sam's bipolar. Maybe I should voice that out.

"What is wrong with you, Puckett? Are you bipolar or something? You were fine just a while ago."

"Do I really need a reason to mock you, Frederika?" she continued, that cruel smirk never leaving her face. She was really starting to annoy me.

"Sam, must you really call me—

"What? Winifred? Freeda? Fredgina?" More people passed by, more people overheard, more people were laughing and pointing at me.

"Puckett, could we just get out of here, please?" Yes, I, Fredward Benson, had resorted to begging. No longer were there anyone in the hallways, but you never knew who might pop out from behind one of the classroom doors or who might suddenly come down the stairs.

"Why? Don't want others to hear my little nicknames for you?"

"Sam, let's just go," I said and started to walk towards the exit, forcing myself to calm down.

"Maybe you're so offended because they're true," she said loudly. Fortunately, aside from the two of us, the halls were still deserted. "That's it, isn't it," she continued cruelly, "You're offended because you're Mamma's little girl." I was having a hard time controlling my temper. Deep breathes were not helping to calm me down. "Just admit that you're gay and get it over with," she said.

All I wanted was for her to just shut up. Then an idea struck me. One thing about being the son of Marissa Benson was that after all the humiliation she put you through, you learned to be so comfortable with yourself and your sexuality that lying about being gay did not bother you. So I turned around to face Sam.

"All right. Fine," I said to her as I fixed a scowl upon my face. "I am. I admit it. I'm gay."

Sam's smirk vanished and was replaced by a shocked expression. Her jaw dropped slightly and her eyes were wide.

"What?" she asked softly. "You…you can't be….You love Carly."

"It was a cover-up," I lied coolly. "I never liked her, and I knew that she'd never like me back. I just pretended to love her so that no one will suspect that I'm gay." The truth was I never truly loved Carly. But I did have a huge crush on her—a huge crush that I got over with about a year ago without telling anybody.

"You wanted me to admit that I'm gay, and I did," I continued in the same cool tone. "So can we go now? My mom is probably waiting outside." With that, I turned around and continued walking towards the double doors. I must have really shocked Sam since I didn't hear her follow until about ten seconds later.

My tactic for getting her to shut up worked well. Too well, in fact. Sam was quiet throughout the whole car ride back to the apartments. After about a minute of Sam's lack of insults, I saw Mom furrow her eyebrows in concern. And she kept glancing at Sam's reflection on the rearview mirror.

"Are you all right, Sam?" Mom asked after five minutes of silence.

"Yes, Ma'am. I'm fine," Sam answered in a soft, distracted voice. Sam being polite totally floored me and Mom. She surprised us further when she thanked Mom for the ride after we pulled over in our designated parking spot. Mom and I watched as Sam quietly, yet quickly got out of the car and made her way towards the elevators, no doubt to get to the Shay's apartment.

A quiet, soft-spoken, and polite Sam was something I've never seen before. Who knew that one little lie could work so well in shutting her up? But then again, that just meant there would be hell to pay when she found out I was not gay. I really hoped all my limbs would still be attached and working properly when she found out. But for the time being, I was going to enjoy the peace and silence.

At around seven that night, I made my way over to Carly's apartment. I'd just finished all my homework and had gotten a bit bored. Plus, I had a great idea for the next iCarly episode. I stopped when I reached Carly's door and knocked twice. About three seconds later, I was startled as the door was suddenly swung open. Carly stood in front of me with a worried expression on her face. Then she suddenly grabbed the front of my shirt and pulled me in.

"Hey! Don't pull the shirt! You're going to break the buttons off!" I yelled as I stumbled into her apartment.

"Freddie," Carly started, completely ignoring my comment. "Something's wrong with Sam."

All annoyance at my missing buttons disappeared only to be replaced with worry and dread.

"What happened? Is she okay?" I asked frantically. "Where is she?" Then I turned towards the direction of the stairs.

"No!" she yelled. She grabbed my shirt from behind and spun me to face her. "You will not go up there and start another fight."

"I wasn't going to fight with her," I defended.

"Well, just leave her alone for now," she said. Then she made her way towards the kitchen. I followed after her, knowing that she wanted me to.

"So…what's wrong with her?" I asked tentatively as I sat down on one of the barstools. She pours some home-made smoothies from the blender into two tall, lime-green tumblers and handed one to me.

"When I got home," she started. "I found her in one of the bean bags in the studio. She hasn't really said much. But from the little she's actually spoken, I gathered that she's…heartbroken."

"What?" I asked in disbelief. Sam was heartbroken? As in, her heart was broken? But in order for it to be broken, didn't she have to be in love?

That thought—the thought that Sam was in love with someone—caused something in my chest to twinge.

"Who…who is it?" I asked, though I didn't really want to know. And truthfully, I didn't even know why I didn't want to know.

"She doesn't want to tell me yet," Carly replied. "It's the first time I've heard that she was into someone. I mean, really into someone." She sighed in disappointment. "I thought we promised there would be no secrets between us three." We were quiet for a few moments.

"Kinda ironic how we didn't find out that she was in love until the day she got her heart broken, huh?" I joked softly, with a sad smile. "Wait," I said as a thought struck me, "How did that jerk hurt her, anyway?"

"That's just it. He didn't really do anything bad. He just came out."

"Came out?" I asked in confusion.

"Yeah," Carly said with a rueful smile. "The guy she's in love with just came out about being gay."

"What?!" I said loudly in surprise.

"I know, right? Any girls' worst nightmare—To completely fall in love with the perfect guy, only to find out later that he's also looking for the perfect guy."

Carly obviously misinterpreted my little exclamation. But I wasn't going to correct her and tell her that the reason I was so surprised was because I was the one who came out about being gay…though it was only a lie.

"By the way," Carly said contemplatively. "Have you heard of anyone coming out? I mean, something like that is sure to hit the gossip network, but I haven't heard anything about it all day…not until Sam mentioned it."

"No," I said too quickly, and her eyes snapped at me. Why can't I lie to her?! It's seriously annoying. "Fine!" I said out loud. "I may have heard something. But I can't tell you. I've got to talk to Sam first."

With that, I stood up and ran towards the stairs before Carly could respond or stop me.

When I reached the studio's door, I entered quietly. And then I did a quick double take to make sure I was in the right room. A quick assessment of the area concluded that I was. But I was seriously surprised that the incredibly lively iCarly studio could look and feel so gloomy. And all because the lights were turned down to a melancholy low.

A soft sniff from the corner of the room caught my attention, and I saw Sam in one of the bean bags with a box of Puffs tissues on the floor beside her. I caught her watery, puffy eyes for a split second before she turned away. I walked towards her and then sat down on the bean bag next to hers.

"Did," she began in a croaky voice, then paused to clear her throat. "Did Carly tell you—

"Yes," I answered before she could finish her sentence. Then I sighed. Well, it was time to come clean. "Sam. Look. I'm sorry—

"You shouldn't be," she said quietly. I was going to continue explaining, but she looked me in the eye and I lost my voice. The low lights somehow made her features look softer, and the yellow light reflected off her eyes, making them look mesmerizing. "You shouldn't be sorry for being who you are."

"Sam, that's not it—

"So I guess you know that I love you now, huh?" she asked, purposely interrupting my explanation. "Well, don't worry about it. I'll…I'll get over you sooner or later." She gave me a sad smile that caused another twinge of pain in my chest. Then, I couldn't help it, curiosity got the better of me.

"How long have you…you know?"

"Loved you?" she asked. Again, with the sad smile. "I realized it about a month ago. But I could have loved you a lot longer than that without knowing it."

"So that's why the verbal abuse and physical beatings have been minimal lately," I stated with a small, genuine smile. She gave me a genuine smile back.

"Well, I try to stop pissing you off on purpose, but I couldn't help myself today. You look hot when you get pissed off, and I kinda missed seeing you like that. And I guess I was trying to make an effort to change—to stop hurting you so much—so that you might like me back." She looked down, but I caught the sadness that overcame her features before her hair slid down to hide her face from me. "But it was for nothing. You would never feel the same way."

"Does that mean you're going back to beating me up like you used to?" I asked jokingly, trying to get her smiling again.

"No," she said. She picked up her head, and I saw her roll her eyes. "I won't hit a fellow girl…unless, of course, she bugged the hell out of me."

That was my cue. It was time to confess.

"Sam…I have to tell you something," I began in my serious voice.

"Don't worry, Freddie," she replied. "This won't affect our friendship. I still want you around. I just have to force myself to stop loving you."

For some reason, the idea of her convincing herself to stop loving me caused panic to erupt in my chest. So I rushed on.

"Please," I begged, and she looked at me inquisitively, one eyebrow raised. "Just let me finish. No interruptions." She looked at me strangely for a second before nodding. "I…I lied to you."

"What do you mean—

"You agreed to not interrupt!"

"Right. Sorry." I gave her a look, and she rolled her eyes again and made a motion as if closing a zipper over her closed lips.

"I…I'm not gay," I said, then braced myself for the punch that I was sure would come. It didn't. I repeated myself. "I said I'm not gay. I lied to you. Why aren't you hitting me?!"

"Freddie," she started. That was the second time she called me 'Freddie,' and it was irking me. I couldn't believe I was thinking this, but I really wished that she'd call me 'Fredward.' I'd even take 'Freddork' right now. "Look, you don't have to lie about being straight just to make me feel better. In fact, I think pretending to be straight just to give me some false hope is kind of cruel."

"But I'm not lying about being straight!" I insisted vehemently. "I lied about being gay!"

"Freddie…." She was saying something. I knew she was because her lips were moving, but I stopped listening after she called me 'Freddie' for the third time. I couldn't believe how much I hated that name when it was coming from her mouth. She shouldn't be calling me that. She should be calling me names—silly names that were more like affectionate pet names, really. I was…I was getting angry. I was getting desperate. Someday, she'd stop loving me and move on because she thought I was gay. Then I'd lose her to some guy who she was positive was completely straight.

I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't lose her. I couldn't lose her love. All that mattered was convincing her that I was straight. That I liked girls. That I liked the girl sitting next to me going on and on about how sorry she was for forcing me to come out like that and how she was going to be a better, more supportive friend from now on. And in my panic, I thought of only one way of convincing her I'm straight.

I kissed her.

I actually jumped out of my bean bag and landed on her, making sure to aim my lips on hers as I fell. I kissed her as hard as I could to banish all thoughts about not loving me from her mind. I made my tongue convince her that I wanted her and possibly loved her as much as she loved me. I trailed soft kisses from her eyelids, down her cheeks, and down her neck, following the same path that her tears have taken. Then I kissed my way up towards her lips again. I gave her three soft kisses on her lips before pulling away to look her in the eye, though my arms were still holding onto her possessively.

"Sam, I'm not gay. I like you. A lot. And I'm almost certain that I love you, too."

"Almost?" she asked breathlessly.

"Well, I did just figure it out. But I really do think I do."


I couldn't stop my grin from forming. Had I really just kissed Sam Puckett into speaking only one-worded sentences?

"I stopped crushing on her about a year ago."

"Not gay?"

"No, I am not gay."

"Prove it again."

And I did.


A/N: I'm so proud of myself for writing my first iCarly story. I'm fairly new to the iCarly world, so I'm not sure how well I got the characterizations. Also, it was different for me to write in Freddie's POV since I'm a girl, but I hope I wrote a guy's POV okay. Anyways, thanks for reading. And please tell me your thoughts by reviewing.