Polly Wants A-Rosary?
Goody here! I'm too lazy to drag Sapphira out here to do my disclaimer cuz I'm on a hangover of cherry poptarts and am just gonna say it now and get it over with…
Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note or its characters but this role play thingy fic I do.
Happy now?! Enjoy!
Matt: "Hey, Mello?"
Mello: "Yeah Matt?"
Matt: "You know…my birthday is coming up soon…"
Mello: "Yeah, and?"
Matt: "Well, I thought you'd probably be interested in finding out what I wanted…"
Mello: "I guess you're wrong then."
Mello: "Hmm, what did you say?"
Matt: "I said 'That shows what a great friend you are!'"
-Insert glare and sarcastic voice-
Mello: "Uhh, thanks?"
-Insert disbelieving expression-
Mello: "I want some chocolate."
Matt: "Who cares?!"
Mello: "Wow, what's your problem?"
Matt: "What the-you forgot about my birthday!"
Mello: "No I didn't. I just chose not to celebrate it because one is an odd number."
Matt: "What the hell does that have to do with anything?!"
Mello: "Evidently, it means I don't do odd days, them are usually bad hair days anyways."
Matt: "Oh, nothing, don't mind me!"
Mello: "Are you…angry about something?"
Matt: "Oh noesss, don't think that! I'm just fine and-peachy."
Mello: "Why'd your voice just crack? Don't tell me you're finally going through puberty!"
Matt: "What the-NO! I'm just, er, disappointed…"
Mello: "What do you mean, 'exactly?'"
Matt: "Oh, I don't know…something I guess about unreliable, selfish, jack-assed friends…"
Mello: "Are you implying something?!"
Mello: "Oh! Let me guess! Now you're giving me the silent treatment!"
Mello: "Fine! I can do the same thing then!"
Matt: "Hmmm, hmmm, hmmm."
Matt: "Hmmm, hmmm, hmmm."
Mello: "Sheesh! Matt What do you want for your damn-darling birthday?!"
Matt: "Yayyyzzz, I wanna….uhhh…"
Mello: "You gotta be kidding me! You didn't think of anything?!"
Matt: "Well, yeah, I did! But, I forgot."
Mello: "Just dandy…"
Matt: "Peachy even."
Mello: "Ahhh…sweet as a damn lemon."
Matt: "Nahh, I was thinking along the lines of blueberries…"
Matt: "…Wrong fruit? How 'bout, grapes?"
Matt: "Mells? Answer me!!"
Mello: "Huh? What? I wasn't listening!"
Matt: "That's expected…"
Mello: "Think of what you want yet?"
Matt: "Yeah! I wanna pet!"
Mello: "Okay…if all you want is a pat on the head then fine…"
Matt: "No! I mean a pet like an animal! Something furry or something!"
Mello: "Hell noesss!"
Matt: "Why not?"
Mello: "Dude, we don't have the cash."
Matt: "Sooooo, we could jack one from the zoo or something…"
Mello: "You have got to be kidding me!"
Matt: "Nah, actually you just saw my serious side. I want a fackin' pet!"
Mello: "Like what?"
Matt: "Uhh, err, a…parrot!"
Mello: "A parrot. You want a god damn-fruit loop, shithead bird brain?!"
Matt: "Ummm, can we go now?"
Mello: "Are you gonna be damn responsible for it?"
Matt: "Sure, why not?"
-Insert shrugging of shoulders and questioning look-
Mello: "Oh, I don't know…you just seem to be a social recluse who plays video games obsessively and compulsively."
Matt: "I think that means its an OCD…"
Mello: "No dip shit."
Matt: "Oww, that hurts Mells…"
Mello: "Oh? My sarcasm hurts you? Tell me, does it burn Matt?"
-Insert very arrogant look and smug grin from Mello-
Matt: "As if you really care!"
-Insert fake anime tear-
Mello: "I said I'd get you your da-bird."
Mello: "You realize you just sounded like a four year old right?"
Matt: "Uhhh, I did?"
Mello: "…let's go get your bird I guess."
-Insert face palm-
-Insert childish grin and rolling eyes-
Matt: "Off we go to the yellow brick road!"
-Insert Matt skipping while trying to link arms with Mello-
Mello: "How are you my friend?"
Matt: "Hey! We're besties for life!"
Mello: "Yeah? Thanks Matt…I just adore having you as my buddy."
Matt: "Is that more of you scarring sarcasm?"
Mello: "See? Now you're catching on…"
-Insert Matt getting hit upside the head with a candle-
-Also Insert Matt falling unconscious-
Three Hours Later
Mello: "Damn bird…"
Mello: "Yeah, I'm talkin' to you ya jack ass crackhead!"
Bird: "Jackass crackhead! Bird."
Want me to show you a bird?! Well here!"
-Insert Mello giving the bird "The Bird"-
-Insert the parrot cocking its head to the side and whistling-
Mello: "Shit…Matt you better be conscious when I get there."
Bird: "Get there! Get there! Get There!"
Mello: "I GET IT ALREADY! SHUT THE HELL UP!!"
Bird: "Alrighty then."
Mello: "I've actually spent the last twenty minutes arguing and sustaining a conversation with a bird…unbelievable."
Mello: "Hmm, you tired, dumbass?"
Bird: "…kyahh, kyahh, kyahh…"
Mello: "Oh shit! It's dying already?! What the hell?"
-Insert Mello screaming and watching wide-eyed as the parrot continues to choke on his rosary-
-Insert funky bird suffocating sounds-
-Insert Mello's eye twitching and his hand moving toward his gun.-
Mello: "Die. You. Bastard. Bird!"
-Insert Mello drawing his gun and aiming to shoot at bird-
-Insert Mello pulling the trigger at said parrot and water come squirting out.-
-Insert Mello's 'WTF?' face and the drenched bird who is no longer choking-
-And insert Matt laughing his ass off on the stoop of their small apartment.-
Mello: "You-you planned this?!"
Matt: "I knew that if I pestered you long enough you'd get me a pet that I really don't want and you'd end up blowing its brains out before you gave it to me…that and, my birthday was yesterday."
Mello: "Damn bird ate my rosary…guess you planned that too?"
Matt: "Actually no, that was just a bonus."
Matt: "I love you Mells."
Bird: "Love ya Mells."
- Insert final face palm-
Yay! It sucks too? This is the second fic I've uploaded today. Yet another crappy oneshot I've had in my documents since whenever. I decided to make it into a role play 'cuz beloved Amethystte done so and I thought I could too. Wow, it took too long to scroll back up and fill in who's talking…gah, I have a head ache! Please review so all my hard work doesn't go out in vain! Goody is Outta here!