Polly Wants A-Rosary?

Goody here! I'm too lazy to drag Sapphira out here to do my disclaimer cuz I'm on a hangover of cherry poptarts and am just gonna say it now and get it over with…

Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note or its characters but this role play thingy fic I do.

Happy now?! Enjoy!


Matt: "Hey, Mello?"

Mello: "Yeah Matt?"

Matt: "You know…my birthday is coming up soon…"

Mello: "Yeah, and?"

Matt: "Well, I thought you'd probably be interested in finding out what I wanted…"

Mello: "I guess you're wrong then."

Matt: "…"

Mello: "Hmm, what did you say?"

Matt: "I said 'That shows what a great friend you are!'"

-Insert glare and sarcastic voice-

Mello: "Uhh, thanks?"

Matt: "…"

-Insert disbelieving expression-

Mello: "I want some chocolate."

Matt: "Who cares?!"

Mello: "Wow, what's your problem?"

Matt: "What the-you forgot about my birthday!"

Mello: "No I didn't. I just chose not to celebrate it because one is an odd number."

Matt: "What the hell does that have to do with anything?!"

Mello: "Evidently, it means I don't do odd days, them are usually bad hair days anyways."

Matt: "…"

Mello: "What?"

Matt: "Oh, nothing, don't mind me!"

Mello: "Are you…angry about something?"

Matt: "Oh noesss, don't think that! I'm just fine and-peachy."

Mello: "Why'd your voice just crack? Don't tell me you're finally going through puberty!"

Matt: "What the-NO! I'm just, er, disappointed…"

Mello: "Huh?"

Matt: "Exactly."

Mello: "What do you mean, 'exactly?'"

Matt: "Oh, I don't know…something I guess about unreliable, selfish, jack-assed friends…"

Mello: "Are you implying something?!"

Matt: "…"

Mello: "Oh! Let me guess! Now you're giving me the silent treatment!"

Matt: "…"

Mello: "Fine! I can do the same thing then!"

Matt: "…"

Mello: "…"

Matt: "…"

Mello: "…"

Matt: "Hmmm, hmmm, hmmm."

Mello: "Urghhh."

Matt: "Hmmm, hmmm, hmmm."

Mello: "Sheesh! Matt What do you want for your damn-darling birthday?!"

Matt: "Yayyyzzz, I wanna….uhhh…"

Mello: "You gotta be kidding me! You didn't think of anything?!"

Matt: "Well, yeah, I did! But, I forgot."

Mello: "Just dandy…"

Matt: "Peachy even."

Mello: "Ahhh…sweet as a damn lemon."

Matt: "Nahh, I was thinking along the lines of blueberries…"

Mello: "…"

Matt: "…Wrong fruit? How 'bout, grapes?"

Mello: "…"

Matt: "Mells? Answer me!!"

Mello: "Huh? What? I wasn't listening!"

Matt: "That's expected…"

Mello: "Think of what you want yet?"

Matt: "Yeah! I wanna pet!"

Mello: "Okay…if all you want is a pat on the head then fine…"

Matt: "No! I mean a pet like an animal! Something furry or something!"

Mello: "Hell noesss!"

Matt: "Why not?"

Mello: "Dude, we don't have the cash."

Matt: "Sooooo, we could jack one from the zoo or something…"

Mello: "You have got to be kidding me!"

Matt: "Nah, actually you just saw my serious side. I want a fackin' pet!"

Mello: "Like what?"

Matt: "Uhh, err, a…parrot!"

Mello: "A parrot. You want a god damn-fruit loop, shithead bird brain?!"

Matt: "Hmmm-yes."

Mello: "Yes?"

Matt: "Yep."

Mello: "Yeah?"

Matt: "Ummm, can we go now?"

Mello: "Are you gonna be damn responsible for it?"

Matt: "Sure, why not?"

-Insert shrugging of shoulders and questioning look-

Mello: "Oh, I don't know…you just seem to be a social recluse who plays video games obsessively and compulsively."

Matt: "I think that means its an OCD…"

Mello: "No dip shit."

Matt: "Oww, that hurts Mells…"

Mello: "Oh? My sarcasm hurts you? Tell me, does it burn Matt?"

-Insert very arrogant look and smug grin from Mello-

Matt: "As if you really care!"

-Insert fake anime tear-

Mello: "I said I'd get you your da-bird."

Matt: "Okayzies!"

Mello: "You realize you just sounded like a four year old right?"

Matt: "Uhhh, I did?"

Mello: "…"

Matt: "…"

Mello: "…let's go get your bird I guess."

Matt: "Yay!"

-Insert face palm-

-Insert childish grin and rolling eyes-

Mello: "Now."

Matt: "Off we go to the yellow brick road!"

-Insert Matt skipping while trying to link arms with Mello-

Mello: "How are you my friend?"

Matt: "Hey! We're besties for life!"

Mello: "Yeah? Thanks Matt…I just adore having you as my buddy."

Matt: "Is that more of you scarring sarcasm?"

Mello: "See? Now you're catching on…"

Matt: "Wha-…"

-Insert Matt getting hit upside the head with a candle-

-Also Insert Matt falling unconscious-

Mello: "Hee-hee."

Three Hours Later

Mello: "Damn bird…"

Bird: "Bird."

Mello: "Yeah, I'm talkin' to you ya jack ass crackhead!"

Bird: "Jackass crackhead! Bird."

Want me to show you a bird?! Well here!"

-Insert Mello giving the bird "The Bird"-

-Insert the parrot cocking its head to the side and whistling-

Mello: "Shit…Matt you better be conscious when I get there."

Bird: "Get there! Get there! Get There!"

Mello: "I GET IT ALREADY! SHUT THE HELL UP!!"

Bird: "Alrighty then."

Mello: "…"

Bird: "…"

Mello: "I've actually spent the last twenty minutes arguing and sustaining a conversation with a bird…unbelievable."

Bird: "…"

Mello: "Hmm, you tired, dumbass?"

Bird: "…kyahh, kyahh, kyahh…"

Mello: "Oh shit! It's dying already?! What the hell?"

-Insert Mello screaming and watching wide-eyed as the parrot continues to choke on his rosary-

-Insert funky bird suffocating sounds-

-Insert Mello's eye twitching and his hand moving toward his gun.-

Mello: "Die. You. Bastard. Bird!"

-Insert Mello drawing his gun and aiming to shoot at bird-

-Insert Mello pulling the trigger at said parrot and water come squirting out.-

-Insert Mello's 'WTF?' face and the drenched bird who is no longer choking-

-And insert Matt laughing his ass off on the stoop of their small apartment.-

Mello: "You-you planned this?!"

Matt: "Yes-ums."

Mello: "How?"

Matt: "I knew that if I pestered you long enough you'd get me a pet that I really don't want and you'd end up blowing its brains out before you gave it to me…that and, my birthday was yesterday."

Mello: "Oh."

Bird: "Ohhhh."

Mello: "Damn bird ate my rosary…guess you planned that too?"

Matt: "Actually no, that was just a bonus."

Mello: "Bastards."

Matt: "I love you Mells."

Bird: "Love ya Mells."

- Insert final face palm-


Yay! It sucks too? This is the second fic I've uploaded today. Yet another crappy oneshot I've had in my documents since whenever. I decided to make it into a role play 'cuz beloved Amethystte done so and I thought I could too. Wow, it took too long to scroll back up and fill in who's talking…gah, I have a head ache! Please review so all my hard work doesn't go out in vain! Goody is Outta here!