Spock walked to the Captain's quarters, where their captain was resting after going through a procedure of chemicals and flashes through the transporter, after alpha shift two days later. He was hesitant at first, worried what he would find. He finally opened the door and entered after a deep breath. He released it when he saw her.
Jim sitting up in bed with a lost sort of expression on her face. He walked over, noting she didn't even twitch at his presence, and sat on the bed next to her, facing her. Taking a silent breath, he reached out and set a hand on her hand. "Jim?"
She looked up, blinking. "Oh…Hey Spock…"
"Oh yeah, I'm great. Jim fucking dandy…"
"You do learn…" She deflated again before sighing. "I'm…stuck like this. I can't be a man again…I'm gonna be a woman for the rest of my life…"
"…Is that so bad?"
"You tell me." Spock blinked and Jim sighed, looking away. "A…am I still me? Am I still the person you…want to pursue? You said you fell for my manly self. So…"
Spock's eyebrows rose and stared at her before leaning in and using his hand to turn her face gently back towards him. Pressing his forehead to hers, he made her eyes focus on his. "It is you I, as you put it, fell for Jim. Man, woman, human, Vulcan, Andorian or Klingon, you would be you."
She stared before smiling a little and leaning into him again, reaching up to cup his cheek. "Vulcan sweet talker…"
"I do not see how words could contain any amounts of sucrose or-"
"Shut up." She kissed him to assure he would listen and was semi surprised when he immediately kissed back, leaning into her. Jim smiled into the kiss before pulling back and leaning against him. "I just…I kept thinking "This will all be over soon, I'll be back to normal eventually." Now that it's permanent, I…I'm actually at a loss…"
"I thought you didn't believe in the no win scenario."
She chuckled. "I don't, I'm sure I'll get used to it…but it's just…I've spent my whole life as a man. I know what to do when I'm a man. What to expect. I still think like me…I think. I still think of myself as a man, so I'm not sure what to do in certain situations. I…I was finally being accepted. Now…What's Starfleet gonna think? Will they take the Enterprise from me?"
"I highly doubt that, after demonstrating you are more than capable in your duties as captain in the last year and half, let alone the last month, they will do such a thing. And your…well known tactics down on Uriel with no real hindrance, save your collapse from your increased brain chemistry is in no way a poor reflection." Jim was quiet for moment and Spock instinctively reached up to pat her hair. "I am sorry, I did not mean to upset you further…"
"No, you actually comforted me. I just hope you're right. I don't want to have to leave here." She settled closer and Spock did as well.
"You will not. And if by some miscalculation on Starfleet's fault you are ordered to leave, you will not leave alone."
She blinked and sat back to look at him. "Spock…did you just say you would come with me if I was pulled off the Enterprise?"
"Indeed. I believe that is what I implied."
"Spock…" she smiled and hugged him close. "You're such a romantic, I swear…But you realize I would never allow you to." His eyebrow quirked and she smiled. "I'd rather have someone I trusted, someone I know, in charge here. Which means I'd want you to succeed me as Captain. Hey, maybe we could switch places and I'll be the first Officer."
"…I suppose that makes sense, though I have no desire to be captain. However, the crew and myself would...find our routine disrupted without your presence."
"You'd miss me, huh?"
"Indeed, your presence has become most…fascinating."
Jim laughed then, a real laugh that made Spock's lips twitch. "I'll take that as a compliment."
"It was meant as one."
She smiled and leaned up to kiss him again. He kissed back, lips still stationary but pressing back as well. Jim leaned further in, licking at his lips softly. Spock's lips twitched again and the Captain smiled slightly, tracing the seam between them. Hesitantly the Vulcan's mouth parted and she sighed happily, tongue winding in to start mapping his mouth. Spock's breathing through his nose remained calm, but his arms wrapped more securely around her. Her own arms wrapped around him and instinctively she climbed off the bed and moved to sit on his lap. He made slight noise but quieted down and wrapped his arms more securely around her.
Heat rolled off him in waves, making her shiver like she was melting. Being this close, kissing him, thighs straddling him, it all gave her a heady rush of pleasure as she tried to press even closer. When her pubic bone grinded against his thigh she gasped and pulled back, blushing shuddering.
Spock regarded her steadily, taking in her flushed appearance. "…You are aroused."
"Y-yeah…sorry, body went on autopilot…" She moved to climb off him but found herself seated again when his hands cam up to her hips. "Uh, Spock…"
"You are still insecure."
"What? No. I-"
"You are worried you will not know what to do when being intimate in this body?"
Her gaze flattened at him in annoyance. "Spock, I'm pretty sure I know what to do, even if the roles have been reversed on me."
"Then it is something else?"
She glared more. "Did it ever occur to you I'm just trying to respect your Vulcan traditions for once and not try and rush you?"
"I know you would not try to rush me, Jim. But you seem still…unconfident."
"Spock, I-Spock!" She gasped and held on to him tighter as he suddenly stood with her like she weighed nothing and turned, sitting her down on the bed.
"Jim…You are one of the very few people who can illicit a true emotional response from me, good and bad. I do not know how or why you are capable of this…"
"Uh, tenacity and a grating personality would be my guess…"
His lips twitched again. "Perhaps. Or perhaps you are simply someone I cannot ignore. Nor do I wish to." He leaned down and kissed her, the first kiss he initiated since their first overall and Jim kissed back after her initial shock. Pulling back, Spock kissed her cheek as well. "Vulcans…should not display affection so openly, even with those they are bonded with. Except possibly in private, but only after much time. Yet around you I find my defenses dropped. My desires peaked. I wish to display myself openly in order to give you as much as you give me. It is…unsettling. Yet at the same time, I find myself grateful for it…"
Jim blushed but smiled and reached up, stroking down his face gently. "I know. Even if others can't, I can usually read you. Vulcan or human, you are you."
"Is that enough for you though?" His mind turned back to his mother and he wondered, not for the first time, if the rigidity of Vulcan custom, being detached from emotions that were so freely given on Earth, was enough for her.
"That's the person I want. Be logical. Be stubborn. Deny your emotions if you want, I can still find them. It's like a puzzle, and I like puzzles. But I don't want you to try and be human if that's not what you want." She kissed his cheek before leaning up and nipping softly at the point of his right ear, making him draw in a startled breath. "I love your ears, you know. They're sexy. And they're you. You wouldn't be you if you didn't embrace your Vulcan self."
"…Perhaps…but when I am with you, I see no reason to keep my human sensibilities as tightly in check. In private only of course."
"Huh?" She gasped as he suddenly pushed her down, gently but firmly. Staring up, his face was as controlled as ever, no fall in his mask of indifference, but his eyes looked darker than usual. "S-Spock?"
"I will not initiate full sexual intercourse, but I believe I know of some alternatives to relieve your sexual frustration until such a point you would be ready for all that a bond would entail."
"…Is that your bedroom talk? If so…I must want you 'cause I found it damn sexy."
Spock's lips twitched again before he leaned down and kissed her. Jim kissed back happily, but gasped when his hand pushed up her shirt. His fingers skimmed over her skin, the tingle following and she gulped as she felt her body reacting. "S-Spock, you really don't have to-"
"It is my desire to, Jim. I wish to…become more intimately acquainted with your body."
"This, body, Jim." He kissed her neck. "You are James T. Kirk no matter the physical trapping."
Jim blushed and made a quiet sound, tilting her head to give him access. "Keep talking like that…you'll make me think I'm in an old romance novel…"
Spock kissed her neck further, trailing his fingers up. Growing bold, he skimmed the side of her ribs. She squirmed and he looked up, taking in the flush. "Is this acceptable?"
"Y-yeah, of course, just…I'm a little ticklish there."
"Yeah…sensitive nerves that make me want to laugh when they're stimulated."
"Indeed…" He stroked over her ribs again and she squirmed, a smile fighting her lips.
"I was under the impression laughter was a good thing," he said, stroking ever so lightly still.
"Y-yeah, but not when you can't control it…plus, my brother used to tickle me forever, till I almost couldn't breath."
"I see, so in moderation it is best."
"Yeah, basically-" her breath hitched when his fingers skimmed up higher, his thumb nudging lightly at her breast. It had only ever been her own hands to touch then, besides Bones when he did a physical (and looking away the whole time, swearing up and down in blue how wrong this was). Spock's hands were much warmer, their pads still tingling as they skimmed over her. Jim was glad she hadn't put a bra back on, moaning as he slowly wrapped his hand around the mound of flesh and palmed it.
"Fascinating…the mammary gland, composed of fat and soft tissue…meant for nursing young…housing several sensitive nerve endings which can elicit pleasure when stimulated…"
Jim chuckled, arching slightly into his hand. "Yeah, I know, it's weird…anything else?"
"…It is extremely soft…and cool to the touch. All of your skin is very cool to the touch…"
She looked up at him, gulping at his darkened expression she didn't recognize. "Is that…alright?"
"Indeed. It is odd…while I do not like the cold, I find the coolness of your skin most…pleasant."
Jim smiled. "Well, when you're very warm, sometimes something cool can feel very good."
"That is logical." She chuckled, but it turned to a moan again as he squeezed gently. "I believe further analysis is necessary," he said, trailing his hand down to the edge of her shirt. "If that is acceptable?"
Jim smirked and sat up. "You have to ask?"
"I believe it is only polite to ask." He pulled the shirt up over her head slowly and she lay back down as he did. His eyes took in her navel, the plane of her stomach, the edge of her rib cage and finally the soft mounds as they came into view naked and free. Jim blushed even more at his scrutiny and her nipples began to peak in arousal.
"That tends to happen to human women, and men, when they get cold or aroused…"
"It's the second one," she chuckled, reaching up to run her finger tips over the shell of his ear. Spock's face and ears turned green at the caress and Jim smirked before pinching the tips. The Vulcan gasped, eyes shutting. In retaliation he squeezed her breast again and brushed her nipple with his thumb, making Jim gasp then moan. Intrigued, he continued to thumb the nub of flesh as he leaned down for another kiss. Jim moaned more, continuing to play with his ears.
Spock's fingers toyed with her flesh, stroking and squeezing before pinching the nipple between his fingers and making Jim give a small yelp into the kiss. He pulled back immediately, looking down at his human. "Did I harm you?"
"N-No…felt good, just…surprised," she swallowed, obviously more aroused now. "Your fingers tingle…and when you pinch, it's like…it's a kind of pleasurable shock goes between them…I can honestly say it's a new one on me."
Spock felt a touch of satisfaction at that admission and tried it again; the satisfaction increasing at Jim's echoing moan and the slight twist her body gave into him. He continued to experiment, reaching up to toy with the other breast when he felt he had neglected it long enough.
The Captain's hand reached up and pushed at his own uniform top. "It's not fair that I'm the only one showing more skin than usual," she said breathlessly.
"You have a valid point." Sitting back, he pulled his shirt over his head, then his black undershirt after that. Jim looked over the pale, faintly green skin that was exposed with darkened eyes. She was dimly surprised to find Spock had layer of black hairs across his chest, tapering down to beyond the edge of his pants. Somehow she'd always pictured him hairless, to go with the tidy presence he exuded, but she smiled and reached up to run her fingers through the fuzz. She could swear she felt the Vulcan give a vibrating purr when she did, though she couldn't hear it.
"You do not disappoint, Mr. Spock," she smiled.
"I am…pleased you find my form satisfactory."
"More than satisfactory, Spock." She moved her own fingers over his nipples, a darker green than the rest of his skin, and smiled at the slight hitch in his breath. "You feel that? That's only part of how good what you're doing feels."
"Yep. Which means I gotta work extra hard to give as good as I get from you."
"There is no need-" Another hitch cut him off as she traced her nail over the more sensitive area of his skin.
"You were saying?" Jim sat up before he could retort, kissing his neck and licking over it, making Spock alternately tense and relax as he tried to get used to the caresses of her lips, tongue and busy hands over his body. His skin was salty, the new-woman realized, and faintly coppery, but there was an underlying flavor that was all Spock. Trailing down, her tongue flattened some of the hairs as she swiped it over one nipple, feeling the muscles in his back jump though he still remained still in her arms through his control.
"Jim…" he whispered harshly.
She smirked and did it again. "Fair is fair."
"I could…not agree more." The Captain gave a small squeak as he lifted her up again, a flash of annoyance at him before moaning and gasping as a hot Vulcan mouth descended on her breast.
"Fuck! Spock…" she moaned, arching back and gripping his shoulders to keep steady. Her first officer was thorough, and she had a feeling he was picking up from his contact with her just what she wanted from the way he needed no cues as he mouthed sensitive peaks. She didn't even notice when she was lying down on the bed again as she panted under him, hugging his head to her chest. She did notices however when one of his hands trailed down and tentatively rested below her navel, just above the region of her body begging for attention. She moaned, twisting under him. "Spock…don't stop…"
He pulled back, noting her moan of frustration. He took in her flushed and panting state, her body tinged pink and subtle red in some places, little dark circles growing where he sucked and bit markings, trailing from her neck to her chest, and committed the image to memory.
She twisted against him, giving a mewling sort of sound and blushing in the embarrassment of it. "Dammit, Spock, what's the hold up? You said you'd relieve the frustration, not build it to the point I feel like-" Spock kissed her to cut her off, feeling faint amusement. He shifted his hand till his fingers pressed against her through her hospital issued pants (no underwear in case she had changed back) enough to apply pressure to the desired areas. Jim moaned into the kiss, her legs spreading more as the Vulcan fingers began grinding into her pleasure spot. Her hips bucked against them, moving into them and making her breath come in heavy pants and gasps.
"What do you want, Jim?"
She shivered at the question before reaching down and guiding his hand under the scrub pants, swallowing at the heat against her skin. "Th-there…like that…p-please," she said the last quietly, trying not to beg or sound too needy, but she knew that was probably futile with his telepathy. Long, tingly fingers began to caress her fully and she moaned loudly, thankful for the fact rooms were soundproof on this ship. The inquisitive Vulcan hand moved up and down the slit, feeling the wetness. Spock buried his head next her neck and breathed in deep, as if trying to alternately let go of his control and retain it as much as possible.
Jim shifted her hips slightly and without warning one of the long fingers slipped inside. She gave a soft breathless, guttural moan. "Y-yes…please, Spock…" He took a deep breath, shuddering at the feel of her. Slowly he began to work his finger around her, making her moan and even whimper. Seeing his captain like this, prone beneath him and moving into his caresses wantonly, gave Spock a sense of control and utter gratitude he'd never felt before.
"M-more…" Jim gasped, hips moving into his hand. Spock paused a moment and then pulled his hand out. Jim looked up, moaning in frustration and confusion. Then she felt her pants being tugged and she lifted her hips, letting him pull them off. This time she did hear a deep, growling purr come from him and she smiled. "I take it you like?"
"Indeed…" he reached to her again and slipped two fingers in, making her gasp. He continued watching as she squirmed on his fingers wantonly. He could feel her inside with his fingers, pleasurable shocks going through his own system at the feeling, his own arousal hard and straining against his uniform pants. He'd truly let himself go by allowing this, but he couldn't bring himself to care. It was just the two of them, in the sanctity of Jim's room, and he knew to be with James T. Kirk he had to make sacrifices the same as he…she would. And he was willing to do this.
Reaching his other hand up and played with her breast again. Jim arched her back with a moan, riding his fingers in tangent with his movement in and out of her, fingers digging into his shoulders. His thumb ground into her clit and she cried out, writhing and whimpering and babbling nonsense. Then she came with nothing but a loud in drawn breath and her body shuddered. Her walls tightened around his fingers, messaging them until he gave a low guttural moan in her ear, blanketing her with his body as he panted.
Jim shivered at his heat seeped into her. "Damn…that was…"
"Yes…quite…" he slipped his fingers back out and she groaned at the loss.
"Y…what about you?"
"I require no reciprocation…"
She looked up and frowned. "You didn't get hard? At all? Well that's nice…"
Spock blushed slightly. "No, you misunderstand…I…no longer require reciprocation."
"…You came? From…" She laughed suddenly and he frowned down at her. "I-I'm sorry, I don't mean to laugh…hey, don't look so sour." She beamed up at him and reached up to frame his face, leaning up to kiss him. "I'm…happy. And proud that I could do that to you. I wanted to make you feel as good as you made me feel. And damn, with just your fingers?" She grinned lasciviously. "I think we won't have to worry about our sex life considering you can do that to me with just fingers."
He blushed again but then looked amused. "I concur…"
"I'm glad to see you are alright, Captain Kirk," Rangere said two days later when the finished negotiations and they were about to leave. "I had heard you were recovering, I was afraid you'd been grievously injured defending me."
Jim smiled, wearing her usual uniform of gold shirt and pants. "I was already…under a mild condition. I'm fine now though, really."
"I'm glad to hear that. And I must ask again, are you certain…?"
"No, Rangere. Not gonna happen, I'm happy in the relationship I'm in. You'll learn one day, playing the field too much isn't good. It gets old, lonely, and the more women you get the lonelier you are. Find someone and try a steady relationship. You'll be surprised how good it can be."
Rangere blinked, thin chuckled. "You sound like you know what it's like to be a man."
Jim regarded him a moment before smirking and leaning in to whisper, making her voice dark and husky and almost like her old voice. "That's cause I used to be one." She tried not to laugh at his expression, which resembled more fish than cat now, and turned to quickly walk back to Spock and the others.
"What did you tell him, if I may inquire, Captain?" Spock said as he looked back at Rangere coolly.
"Something that I hope will mean he'll back off now."
Spock's face didn't twitch but she saw the amusement and approval in his eyes. "In that case, we had best return to the ship. We have paperwork to finish, Captain."
Jim groaned but followed him to where they would be beamed up. "Yeah yeah…"
"And then perhaps we can play a game of chess."
She smiled more. "That sounds good." She almost jumped when Spock's hand reached down and pressed their fingers together, but then grinned. "Oh, that chess…I agree fully, Mr. Spock."
"I had thought you might, Captain."