Author: I was actually inspired to write this fic after reading part of another fic in which all the characters in Sweeney Todd were replaced with Kingdom Hearts characters. Tell me what you think.


Roxas turned to look at the window of the beautiful girl he had seen. He addressed the old woman to whom he had just given a coin. "Ma'am, could you tell me whose house this is?"

"That's the great Judge Turpin's house, that is."

"And the young lady who resides there?"

"That's Johanna, his pretty little ward. Keeps her snug, he does, all locked up…So don't you go trespassing there or it's a good whipping for you," the old woman said as she came closer to Roxas, "or any other young man with mischief on his mind…" The old woman suddenly breaks into song.

'Ow would you like a little muff, dear,
A little jig jig—

She stopped when Roxas burst into laughter. "I'm sorry," he said, trying desperately to stop laughing.

Larxene straightened up and took off her hat. She did not look happy. "I swear, Roxas, if you don't stop laughing, I'm going to make you wish you were never born!"

Axel cut in, walking onto the stage. "Strictly speaking, he never was born."

Larxene drew her kunai just as Xemnas shouted "Enough!" Everyone in the theater turned their attention to their leader turned director. Larxene put her kunai away. Xemnas sighed. "Let's try it again."

Larxene put her hat back on and walked across the stage and Roxas looked up at the window to his left. Larxene began to walk towards Roxas.

Alms! Alms!
For a miserable woman
On a—

"Axel…" interrupted Xemnas.

"Yeah, boss?"

"Get off the stage."

Axel, apparently only then realizing he was even on the stage, quickly removed himself. After a few seconds, he could her Larxene begin to sing again.

Alms! Alms!
For a miserable woman

"Um…Axel?"

"What's up, Naminé?" he said, not opening his eyes.

"I don't think you should be leaning on that."

Axel was going to ask "Why not?", but the reason was made abundantly clear when he fell backward, bringing Judge Turpin's house down with him.

When Naminé dared to open her eyes, she saw Roxas and Larxene standing in the window she had recently vacated. Axel was lying on the ground, moaning something about his back being broken. Larxene looked like she was ready to kill someone. Roxas, on the other hand, looked like he might've had a heart attack. If he had a heart, that is.

Xemnas had his head bowed and was holding the bridge of his nose. After a few moments, he looked up at Axel. "I have a feeling this would go a good deal smoother if you were elsewhere, Axel."

Axel looked at the wreckage that now littered the stage and caught Larxene's eye. Something there told him that if he wanted to keep breathing, he'd better leave.

Axel left the theater and started walking back to the castle. It wasn't long before he noticed that he was being followed. "Something wrong, Naminé?"

"No. I'm done rehearsing for tonight. I just thought I'd walk home with you."

"Why?" Naminé shrugged. They walked in silence for a few blocks. "Why are we doing this?"

"Doing what?"

"This whole Sweeney Todd thing. I mean, what's the point?"

"Hmm. I never really thought about it. But there must be some reason, right?"

"I guess…" he said as they reached the base of the castle.

Back in the theater, Larxene had finally been able to finish her lines without Roxas so much as snickering. They would worry about fixing the set piece later.

Roxas was now sitting in a chair, speaking with Saïx. "Yes, sir. The "Bountiful" out of Plymouth."

Saïx handed him a glass of brandy. "A sailor must know the ways of the world, yes? Must be practiced in the ways of the world. Would you say you are practiced, boy?"

Roxas seemed confused. "Sir?"

Saïx walked to a shelf of books and ran his hand across their spines. "Oh, yes. Such practices…The geishas of Japan, the concubines of Siam, the cata…cata…"

"Catamites," Larxene whispered from off stage.

"The catamites of Greece, the harlots of India. I have them all here. Drawings of them…" Saïx turned to Roxas. "All the vile things you've done with your whores."

Larxene headed for the theater's exit. At this rate, they would never be ready to perform on time. Sometimes it seemed she was the only one short of Xemnas taking the play seriously. That wasn't really fair, she thought, walking out into the night. She was just upset that Marluxia had been given the part of Mrs. Lovett. But there was no way in hell she would admit to that.

Deciding to skip the walk home, Larxene took a dark corridor to the castle. There she saw Demyx trying to help Marluxia remember his lines. If only Marluxia was blonde, she thought. Maybe then he could've been Lucy and she could've been Mrs. Lovett.

Then again, being Mrs. Lovett would mean she'd have to work with Axel a lot more than she had to as Lucy. The only Organization member she wouldn't rather work with was Vexen. Something about him just creeped her out. She supposed that was why he was playing the Beadle.

On the way to her room, Larxene passed Axel. He was reading a copy of the script. He was in trouble and he knew it. There was way too much for him to remember and nowhere near enough time. There was about a week between them and total humiliation.