Enter Mickey and Koschei

Mickey

Tush, never tell me, I take it much unkindly that thou, Koschei, who uses my money as if it were your own, shouldst know of this.

Koschei

'Sblood, but you will not listen to me. If ever I did dream of such a matter, abhor me.

Mickey

Thou told'st me thou didst hold him in thy hate.

Koschei

Despise me if I do not. Three influential men of the citadel, with a personal request to make me his lieutenant, raised their hats to him and by the faith of man, I know my price, I deserve no lower rank. But he, because he is proud and full of his own plans, evades them with a lot of important-sounding talk bristling with military jargon, and in conclusion denies my supporters' request.

For 'certainly,' says he, 'I have already chosen my officer'.

And what was he? Forsooth, a man who knows about things only in theory, one Jack Harkness, a Bo-shangtine – a man who is almost certain to sin and be damned every time he sees a beautiful woman who is someone else's wife – that never set a squadron in the field, nor the division of a battle knows more than a spinster, unless the theory learned from books, wherein the top civil servants can propose as masterly as he. All he knows about soldiership is mere talk – he has no experience. But he, sir, was chosen for the promotion; and I – whose military qualities his eyes had seen proof at Rhodes, at Barcelona, and on other grounds Christian and heathen – must have the wind taken out of my sails by a mere recorder of losses and profit. This counting clerk, he in good time must his lieutenant be, and I – god help me – ensign to the Alien in his great office.

Mickey

By heaven, I would rather have been his hangman.

Koschei

Why, there's no remedy, it is the curse of service, you gain promotion by academic qualification and favouritism and not by seniority, whereby every deputy is next in line for the top rank. Now sir, be judge yourself whether I am justly, rightly obliged to love the Alien.

Mickey

I would not follow him then.

Koschei
O sir, content you. I follow him to get my own back. We cannot all be masters, nor all masters cannot be followed. You shall mark many a duteous and contemptible person who bows and scrapes that obsessed with his creeping and crawling, drags out his life, much like his master's ass, for naught but food, and when he's old sacked. I couldn't care less about such dull and honest people. Others they are who, putting on a careful appearance of correct and dutiful behaviour, look after themselves first; and throwing but shows of service on their lords, do well thrive by them, and when they have made themselves a good fortune, give themselves the honours they used to give to their masters. These fellows have some guts, and such a one do I profess myself. For sir, it is sure as you are Mickey, if I were the Alien, I would not wish to be Koschei. In following him, I am looking after my own interests. Heaven is my judge, not I for love and duty, but putting on an act of love and duty for my particular and personal end; for when my outward action doth demonstrate my natural desires and character in outward behaviour, it is not long after but I will wear my heart upon my sleeve for scavenging birds to peck to pieces:

I am not what I am.

Mickey

What good fortune does the thick-lips have, if he can succeed thus!

Koschei

Call up her mother, rouse him, pursue him, poison his delight, denounce him in the streets, incense her kinsmen; and though he in fertile climate dwell, plague him with flies. Though his joy is real, yet throw such hints of trouble on it, as it may fade.

Mickey

Here is her mother's house, I'll call aloud.

Koschei

Shout aloud with the same terrible volume and tone of fear as is used when a large city is found to be on fire at night as a result of negligence.

Mickey

What ho, Jackie! Senorita Jackie, ho!

Koschei

Awake! What ho, Jackie! Thieves, thieves! Look to your house, your daughter, and your bags! Thieves, thieves!

Enter Jackie above

Jackie

What is the reason for this terrible summons? What is the matter there?

Mickey

Senorita, is all your family within?

Koschei

Are you doors locked?

Jackie

Why? Wherefore ask you this?

Koschei

Zounds ma'am, you're robbed; for shame put o your gown; your heart is burst, you have lost half your soul. Even now, now, very now, an old black ram is tupping your golden ewe. Arise, arise; awake the snoring citizens with the bell, or else the devil will make a grandsire of you. Arise I say.

Jackie

What, have you lost your wits?

Mickey

Most respected senorita, do you know my voice?

Jackie

Not I. what are you?

Mickey

My name is Mickey.

Jackie

The worser welcome. I have ordered thee not to haunt about my doors. In honest plainness thou hast heard me say my daughter is not for thee. And now in madness, being full of supper and drink that has made you wild, you come to disturb my sleep with malicious intent.

Mickey

Ma'am, ma'am, ma'am –

Jackie

But thou must needs be sure my spirit and my status have in them power to make this bitter to thee.

Mickey

Patience good lady.

Jackie

What tell'st thou me of robbing? This is Gallifrey; my house is not an isolated farmhouse.

Mickey

Most grave Jackie, in a direct and honest spirit I come to you.

Koschei

Zounds ma'am, you are one of those that will not serve God if the devil bid you. Because we come to do you service and you think we are ruffians, you'll have your daughter mated with a Barbary horse; you'll have your nephews neigh to you; you'll have race horses for cousins, and small horses for relatives.

Jackie

What foul-mouthed wretch art thou?

Koschei

I am one ma'am, that comes to tell you your daughter and the Alien are now having sex.

Jackie

Thou art a villain.

Koschei

You are a chancellor.

Jackie

This thou shall pay for; I know thee Mickey.

Mickey

Ma'am I will pay for anything. But I beseech you if it be your pleasure and most wise consent, as partly I find it is, that your fair daughter, at this dreary early hours of the morning, transported with no worse nor better guard but with a knave of common hire, a gondolier, to the foul embraces of a lascivious Alien – if this be known to you, and your consent, we then have done you bold and impertinent wrongs; but if you know not this, my sense of what is fair behaviour tell me we have your wrong rebuke. Do not believe that in contravention of all civilised behaviour I thus would play and treat you in a disrespectful way. Your daughter, if you have not given her leave, I say again, hath rebelled against you in a disgusting way, tying her duty, beauty, wit, and fortunes to a wandering and opportunist foreigner who goes where he chooses. Straightaway satisfy yourself. If she be in her chamber or your house, let loose on me the justice of the state for thus deluding you.

Jackie

Strike a light, ho! Give me a candle! Call you my people! This occurrence is not unlike my dream; believing it is true is already making me suffer. Light, I say, light!

[Exit above

Koschei

Farewell, for I must leave you. It seems inappropriate and threatening to my official position, to be brought forward as a witness – as if I stay, I shall – against the Alien. For I do know the government, even though this may change his reputation and his career, cannot safely dismiss him; for he's embarked with such clear cause to the Barcelona wars, which even now the action is about to start, that whatever they try another of his ability they have none, to lead their business. In which regard, though I do hate him as I do hell pains, yet for my needs of the moment I must show out a flag and sign of love, which is indeed only a show. That you shall surely find him. Lead to the Sagittary the search party Mickey will lead; and there will I be with him. So farewell.

[Exit

Enter Jackie in her night-gown with servants and torches

Jackie

It is too true an evil. Gone she is, and what's to come of my despised time is naught but bitterness. Now Mickey, where didst thou see her? – O unhappy girl! – With the Alien, say'st thou? - Who would be a father! – hoe didst thou know 'twas she? – O, she deceives me beyond what can be imagined. – What said she to you? – get more candles. Raise all my kindred. – are they married, think you?

Mickey

Truly I think they are.

Jackie

O heavens! How got she out? O treason of the blood! Mothers, from hence trust not your daughters' minds by what you see them act. Is there not charms by which the true nature of youth and maidhood may be abused? Have you not read, Mickey, of such things?

Mickey

Yes ma'am, I have indeed.

Jackie

Call up my brother – O would you have had her! – Some of you search in one direction, some in another. Do you know where we may apprehend her and the Alien?

Mickey

I think I can discover him, if you please to get good guard, and go along with me.

Jackie

Pray you lead on. At every house I'll call – I have influence in most houses. – get weapons, ho! And raise the night police. On, good Mickey, I'll make your efforts worthwhile.

[Exeunt