Insanity As It Plays 2: It's Double Trouble!

By Nichole (Neko-chan) Johnson

Disclaimer: Guess what?  I do own some of these characters!  So ha! all you mean lawyer people!  Pick on someone with money, why dontcha'?!  I work a lousy part-time buss-girl job; I need all the money I can make to afford, uh, anime and comics!  And gross amounts of junk food!  Oh, I guess I should get to the disclaiming part now…(big breath) Team Rocket and their affiliates (i.e. Giovanni, Butch and Cassidy) are owned by Satoshi Tajiri and Nintendo and all those Game Freaks, as well as Pokémon and characters such as Ash and his friends.  However, the characters of Neko-chan, Galaxia, Lesbian Seagull, Evil Bear-mon, the Black Ninja and any such other characters not appearing in the show or manga were created by me and me alone so therefore cannot be used by others for means of making money.  *smile*  Otherwise, feel free to poke them into your fanfiction as long as you keep them in character and give me credit!  Meaning, you can't just steal their names to use on characters of your own—that's just mean and painfully obvious!  (Gee, I think that's the longest disclaimer I ever wrote…)

Rating: PG13—this series focuses on adult relationships, situations, and humor…though, in a childish way.

Summary: The second 'season' of the first "Insanity As It Plays".  Jesse and James' short-lived affair has been discovered, so now the two have become a steady couple—why hide their feelings when everyone knows they belong together?  With old enemies reappearing and new ones emerging from the woodwork, it's a little hard for anyone to have a relationship though!  Not to mention having Meowth and company mysteriously go missing…

(9/4/00) Episode #1: Life In The Fast Lane—Caution: Speeding Vehicles!

CHARACTERS:

JESSE

JAMES

NEKO-CHAN

GALAXIA

ARBOK

BUTCH

CASSIDY

the Twerp Trio

PIKACHU

TOGEPI

BOB, THE CAMERA GUY

JAVA-BOY: works at the Cup 'o Joe's coffee shop

a STORE INTERCOM

and a STORE CLERK

Scene I

(Jesse and James are enjoying triple lattes at the coffee shop)

JESSE: I'm glad no one followed us here.  We use to be alone all the time and now we can never seem to get away from everyone!

JAMES: It's because we're so damn attractive.

JESSE: (sexy pout) Hey, don't hate me because I'm beautiful.  (sigh) I really shouldn't be drinking this much caffeine at this time of day.  I'll be up all night!

JAMES: And what's wrong with that?

JESSE: Is that all you ever think about?

JAMES: No.  In fact, just now, I was thinking about how much I want a donut…

JESSE: (eye roll) Figures!

JAMES: …and the thought of you with all your clothes off completely slipped my mind!  (shrug) It's amazing how much control I have!

JESSE: Yeah.  Sure.  James, buy yourself a donut and immerse yourself in its jelly-filled pastry-ness for the next half hour so I can keep my clothes on.

JAMES: Sure thing, Jess-chan!  (waving his arms for attention) HEY, WAITRESS, BRING ME THE PASTRY SELECTION TOUT DE SUITE!

(A familiar head pops up from behind the next booth)

CASSIDY: Ha!  I thought that donut-scarfing freak sounded familiar!

BUTCH: Hey, you got the triple latte, too!  Small world, huh?

JESSE: (groan) Grrrreeeeaaaaat…And what are you two blockheads doing here?

CASSIDY: Trying to drink our lattes in peace until your freak of a boyfriend came along…

JAMES: I AM NOT A FREAK!!

BUTCH: Yeah you are!  (akanbe)

JAMES: Well you're a dope!  (makes a rude face)

BUTCH: Lilac fairy!

JAMES: Indecent cad!

BUTCH: GAY GUY!!

JAMES: I AM NOT GAY!!

BOTH WOMEN: SHUT UP!!!  (hit their partners over the heads w/mallets)

JESSE: I knew we shouldn't have ordered the triple lattes.

CASSIDY: I should have heeded that warning on the menu stating: "May Cause Incessant Annoyingness In A Selected Few"…

JESSE: I find it a bit suspicious that you just happened to be at the same coffee shop as us, Cassidy!

CASSIDY: This is the only coffee shop in town, Jess.

JESSE: Oh, you're right.

CASSIDY: Of course I am, you twit!  I'm always right.  And you're just a bumbling failure who is a disgrace to the Team!  You and your queer of a partner!  We're the Boss's favorites, after all!

BUTCH: Yeah!  (blink) Wait a second, sis, I thought that—

CASSIDY: Shut up and drink your coffee, Butch!!

JAMES: I AM NOT A QUEER!!

JESSE: (upset) You can't be the Boss's favorite!  That's just not—WAIT A SECOND, YOU DON'T EVEN LIKE COFFEE!!!

BUTCH: Yeah I do.

JESSE: NOT YOU, I WAS TALKING ABOUT CASSIDY!!

BUTCH: Oh.

CASSIDY: Maybe I just like the smell!!

JESSE: You were following us, you sneak, admit it!!

JAMES: (whine) What's taking that stupid waitress so long?

CASSIDY: Alright, so I was following you!  Big deal!

JESSE: Ha!  Lousy stalker!

CASSIDY: You owe me a tombstone, bitch!!

JAMES: Do you want that with everything on it?

CASSIDY: NO, YOU IMBECILE!!!

JAMES: (huffy) Fine!  I'll hold the anchovies if that's the way you're going to be about it.

BUTCH: Wait, I like anchovies!  Leave them on my half!

CASSIDY: I DON'T WANT A PIZZA YOU QUEER, I WANT YOU BOTH DEAD!!!

BUTCH: (pout) Does this mean I can't have anchovies?

JAMES: (angry) I TOLD YOU BEFORE, I AM NOT GAY!!  STOP SAYING THAT!!

BUTCH: You look gay to me.

JESSE: No he doesn't!!

CASSIDY: Are you sure?  He's just so…(makes an 'iffy' motion w/her hand)

JAMES: NO I AM NOT!!  Now where's my donut?!

JESSE: Look, he's not gay, so just drop it!

BUTCH: Yeah, and how would you know?

JESSE: (pause) HE'S NOT GAY!!!!

CASSIDY: (gasp) Oh my God!  You…you guys "did it", didn't you?!

JESSE: What does that have to do with this?!

CASSIDY: (laughs) No wonder you're standing up for him, Jess!  You slept with him!  (evil grin) Was he really that good?

JESSE: NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS, CASSIDY!!

BUTCH: Eew, you slept with a gay guy!

(James leaps across the table and stretches Butch's face painfully)

JAMES: Try saying it now, Bowser!!!

BUTCH: (crying) Owowowowow!!  MynameisButch!!!

JAMES: Whatever.

CASSIDY: Jeez, Jesse, are you really so pathetic that you have to settle for a gay man?

JESSE: (haughty) I wouldn't talk, Miss Alternative Life-style!

CASSIDY: (fangs) WHAT?!!  What are you talking about you—

BUTCH: (aghast) You're a lesbian?!!

CASSIDY: Shut up, Butch!!

JESSE: (evil grin) Why Cassidy, are you really so hopeless at bagging a man that you have to turn to your own sex?

CASSIDY: You bitch, I'll kill you!!

BUTCH: Wow, my sister's a lesbian!  Awesome!

CASSIDY: Butch, I told you to shut up!  (hits him with a fan)

JAMES: (laughing) Ha, ha, you're gay; I'm not!!

CASSIDY: STOP SAYING THAT!!!

JAMES: I don't feel like it.  (akanbe)

JESSE: James, could you get your foot out of my latte please?

JAMES: Oh, sorry.

JESSE: And maybe you should get off the table, too.

CASSIDY: (snarl) I don't have to put up with this harassment!  Just you wait, Jesse!!  I'm going to come up with an ingenuous plan and then you and that pansy boyfriend of yours are going to regret this!!

JAMES: (muttering)

CASSIDY: (looming) WHAT WAS THAT?!!

JAMES: I'm not gay.

CASSIDY: Oh, just shut up about it already!  (stomps out of the coffee shop, dragging Butch behind her)

JESSE: Well that just ruined my peaceful latte break.

JAMES: Sorry.

JESSE: I was talking about Cassidy's interference.

JAMES: Oh.

JESSE: But now that you mention it…please go get me another latte.

Scene II

(Arbok is sitting in the living room, having convinced [as in, bribed] the camera crew into allowing him his own scene in today's episode)

*Pre-translated*

BOB, THE CAMERA GUY: Okay, you've got five minutes so make it snappy, Mr. Arbok.  We're skipping a police-chase scene with Neko and Galaxia right now for this so it better be good.

ARBOK: Stop complaining or I'll leave out the coupon for Fred's House of Waffles!  (clears his throat) Ahem!  Pokémon of the world, the time has come to throw off the bonds of human rule and create a democracy that is our own!  It is time we not only demanded our rights, but overthrew humans, for we are the rightful rulers of their miserable polluted planet!

BOB: Um, Mr. Arbok, do you think you could dispel with the insubordination campaigning?  I don't think you're allowed to do that.

ARBOK: Quiet, human!  Soon we will have destroyed your barbaric race and claimed this wretched planet as our own!  (lower voice) Besides, this airs on cable—I can say whatever I want.  (to camera) Fellow Pokémon, you see now how the human's treat us!  Not allowing us to form a democracy of our own—

BOB: You want to overthrow us!

ARBOK: —and live as a free peoples among others of our own kind!

BOB: You're not people, you're Pokémon!

ARBOK: Who are you to judge, lowly man?  You should be ashamed of yourself!  A chain-smoker, an alcoholic since age 12!

BOB: Look, I'm just a camera-guy!  I don't even own Pokémon!  If you guys want to be free, then that's alright with me, I just think that you're being a little drastic about this—

ARBOK: You cheated on your wife with your boss's secretary.

BOB: No!!  It's not true!!  Martha, don't believe him!!

ARBOK: Of course you cheated on her; for the last three years!

BOB: DO YOU WANT TO GIVE MY WIFE A HEARTATTACK YOU CRAZY SNAKE?!?!!

ARBOK: One less human to bother with during the rebellion.

BOB: You're sick, you know that?!  You're a crazy neo-Nazi, snake!!  You've watched way too many Hitler biographies or something!

ARBOK: Oh do shut up and just film me, you worthless barbarian.  I never asked for your dimwitted opinion on the subject.

BOB: You think I'm going to air this crap?!  You're preaching insurrection!

ARBOK: Do you really want me to rip up your coupon to Fred's House of Waffles?

BOB: (pause)…You drive a hard bargain, snake.  Okay, fire away!

ARBOK: (sigh) Finally!  Now, as I was saying—

BOB: Time's up!

ARBOK: What?!

BOB: Your five-minutes are up, Mr. Arbok.  Thank you for your time now give me my payment!

ARBOK: I didn't use my time, though!  You wasted all my time!

BOB: Pay me or I'll have your scene edited!

ARBOK: (hands him the coupon) Fine, damn you!  MAY YOU AND YOUR WAFFLE HOUSE BURN IN HELL!!!!

BOB: Yeah, yeah, whatever.  Okay crew, move it out!!

(Choppy edit to Neko and Galaxia.  The two dash on scene from around the street corner, panting for breath as a following cop car screeches after them, tearing off in the opposite direction…)

Scene III

NEKO: Whew!  That…was close!

GALAXIA: I need to go jogging more often!  (collapses against the building)

NEKO: You're tired?  I'm not even winded.

GALAXIA: Well that's because you're used to running from the cops!

NEKO: (defensive) Are you saying I don't know how to not get caught?!

GALAXIA: Neko, you're a cadet and your rap sheet's almost as long as Jess and James-chans'!

NEKO: (huffy) So?!

GALAXIA: (groan) I give up!

NEKO: At least I got away.

GALAXIA: Fine, I'll give you that.

NEKO: Thank you.

GALAXIA: Not even Butch and Cassidy can brag that and they're the Boss's top Team.

NEKO: (growl) Don't even compare me to those losers…

GALAXIA: Ah, don't be mean!  They don't seem all that bad.

NEKO: (getting fangs) YOU IMBECILE, THEY'RE TRAITORS!!!

GALAXIA: Nobody's perfect.

NEKO: BLOCKHEAD, THEY'RE JESS AND JAMES-CHANS' MORTAL ENEMIES!!!

GALAXIA: Stop yelling like that—it makes your face get all weird and deformed.  Very unattractive, you know.

NEKO: (groan) Ohhh, I need a latte!  (looks up) Hey look, a coffee shop!!

GALAXIA: Oh dear God, not more caffeine!

NEKO: What?  This will only be my fifth mug today.

GALAXIA: That's what I mean!

NEKO: (evil grin) And look who's inside…

GALAXIA: (happily) Jess-chan!!

NEKO: And James.  (evil giggle) Hee, hee, let's go scare the crap out of them!  I wanna' see James squirt coffee out of his nose!

GALAXIA: You wanna' see James do a lot of things…

NEKO: (in her face) AND WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSE TO MEAN, BITCH?!?!!

GALAXIA: Nothing!  (whisper) Your face is doing 'that' again.

NEKO: (haughty) Oh, stop it with my face already!  (quickly checks herself in her compact) Damn models and their perfection…!

GALAXIA: Are we going in yet?  And why do you need to check your face—it's fine now.

NEKO: (snappy) Maybe I've got it for the Java-boy, okay?!  Stop nagging me!

GALAXIA: I'm not nagging!

NEKO: (sticking her tongue out) You're a nag!  You're a nag!

GALAXIA: Eh, shaddup!  You're a bitch and that's the same as a super-nag.

(Both sneak in the coffee shop to order their coffee w/out Jesse and James seeing them)

JAVA-BOY: Welcome to Cup 'o Joe's, how may I help you?

NEKO: (hyper) I want a Super-deluxe Size Silk Irish Crème Delight Triple Latte with extra chocolate shavings and whipped cream, please!!

JAVA-BOY: (blink) Uh…

GALAXIA: Um, Neko, maybe you should try saying it with less syllables.

NEKO: (huff) Fine!  Be that way!  (to Java-boy) Give me a #9, please.

JAVA-BOY: Eh!  (face-faults)

NEKO: Watch my order, Galaxia!  I'm gonna' go save that booth behind Jesse and James before those old people get it!  (runs off)

GALAXIA: Okay.  (makes sure she's gone, then slips the Java-boy a twenty) Here!  Make sure it's a decaf, okay?  For the love of God.

(At Jesse and James' booth…)

JAMES: (leaning back casually) …And that is the many uses of vanilla pudding.

JESSE: I never knew Snack Packs were so versatile.  (sips her coffee) We should try some of those some time…

JAMES: And then, of course, there's whipped cream…

(Suddenly Neko pops up behind James' seat)

NEKO: (shoving his face into his coffee) DIVE, DIVE!!

JESSE: YEAAAAGGHHH!!!  (flings her latte into the waitress's face, burning her)

(James sputters a bit then pulls his face out of the coffee, whipped cream all over his nose)

NEKO: (innocently) Is that one of them?

JESSE: (laughing at the cream on his face)

JAMES: (glares) No, but this is!!  (grabs a whipped cream can and squirts her in the face with it)

NEKO: (licks her face) Yum.  Can I have the stuff on your nose?

JESSE: Don't be stupid, I get the cream on his nose!  (leans over and licks it off seductively slow)

NEKO: (makes a face) Well I wasn't going to be so 'a la porno' about it—I just wanted the damn whipped cream!  (grabs the can and starts eating the contents)

JAMES: (grabs the can from her) Hey, I need that stuff for later!

NEKO: Get your own can!

JAMES: That is my can!

NEKO: Well I stole it from you so now it's mine!

JAMES: Then I'm stealing it back!

NEKO: Fine.  Have your stupid can.

JAMES: (shakes it) It's empty!

NEKO: No it's not.  (squirts him in the face with it)  Ha ha!  James no baka, you're such a sucker!

JAMES: Well this 'sucker's getting some revenge!  (douses her with the rest of the whipped cream)  There!  (evil grin) A few bananas and you would make a nice pie.

NEKO: Shut up, James!  (slips from the cream and falls on her back)

JAMES: So I'm guessing that was a slip-of-the-tongue?

JESSE: (laughs) Get over here, mister, so I can clean you up!

JAMES: Yes, ma'am!

NEKO: Eew, stop getting kinky you two!!  I'm still here and I can't get up!

JESSE: I meant with napkins, you dolt!

(Galaxia walks over with the biggest damn latte you've ever seen)

GALAXIA: Hey Neko, what the hell are you doing?

NEKO: Waxing the floor. … WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE I'M DOING?!?!!

GALAXIA: Do you want me to help you up?

NEKO: (small voice) Yes, please.

JESSE: So you're here too, huh?  (sigh) I should have known.

JAMES: I feel like Princess Di.

(They all look at him)

JAMES: I meant because of the whole paparazzi thing.

(All blink and raise an eyebrow)

JAMES: What?!

GALAXIA: (sweat drop) Um, Neko-chan, I got your coffee for you.

NEKO: Ooh, yummy!  (hugs the huge cup)

JESSE: Whoa.  Big enough?

JAMES: You could bathe in that thing!!

NEKO: (kissing the cup like a crazy person) I love you, coffee!

GALAXIA: You need a support group.

JESSE: When we get home, remind me to look up the most local listing of the CAA Association.  What are you doing, James?

JAMES: Editing my shopping list.

GALAXIA: (reading) 3 cans of whipped cream, 6 boxes of Jell-O instant pudding, and hair gel?  Are you making a pie?

JAMES: Um…yeah…

NEKO: With hair gel?!

JAMES: No, I just needed more hair gel.

NEKO: Oh.  (pause) Could you pick me up a bottle, too while you're out?

JAMES: Okay!  (adds it to his list)

JESSE: (sweat drop) Hey Galaxia…Join me for a manicure?

GALAXIA: Sure, but I don't have money for a—

JESSE: My treat!  (hastily grabs her arm and quick kisses James) I'll see you later, James-chan!  (runs off, dragging Galaxia)

(Silence)

NEKO: You're not making a pie, are you?

JAMES: Just drink your latte.

Scene IV

(The bus station.  A bus has just arrived and a familiar trio hops off, looking around the quaint but unfamiliar town in curiosity)

ASH: I have a feeling we took the wrong bus.

MISTY: Possibly…

TRACEY: This doesn't look like the State Fair.

MISTY: Could that possibly be because it isn't?!

ASH: Then where the hell are we?

TRACEY: Ash, don't say 'hell'.

ASH: Why can't I say 'hell'?

MISTY: You just can't.  So don't say 'hell'.

ASH: But you both said 'hell'!

TRACEY: We were using it in context.

MISTY: So stop cursing and use the word 'heck' or something.

ASH: But 'heck' is such a weak word.

MISTY: Make up your own word then!  Just don't say—

ASH: Hell?

MISTY: Ash!!

ASH: What?

MISTY: (eyebrow twitching) Just shut up!

ASH: So I can't say 'hell'?

TRACEY: Nope.

ASH: Damn.

MISTY: Aaaarrrggh…!

TRACEY: Let's just not bother this time.

ASH: What were we talking about, now?

PIKACHU: Chu?

ASH: (jumps) Agh, Pikachu!  I thought I left you on the bus.

PIKACHU: (pissed look) Pi-kaaa…

MISTY: No, but you almost did.  Pikachu, you should get Ash one of those baby leashes.

PIKACHU: Pi, chu!

ASH: Hey!  I'm not a baby!

(His friends look at each other and burst into outrageous laughter)

ASH: Oh yeah?!  Well you're so stupid that Togepi just walked into the oncoming traffic lane while you were insulting me!

MISTY: (gasp) TOGEPI!!!

ASH: (snicker) Made you look!  HA HA HA, YOU BIG SUCKER!!

TRACEY: No, Ash, Togepi really did walk into oncoming traffic!!

TOGEPI: PRRRRIIIIIIII!!!!

(A speeding vehicle suddenly flies by, flattening Togepi)

ASH: (awed) Damn.  That was a big semi.

PIKACHU: Pi.

TRACEY: Uh, maybe it's still alive, Misty.

ASH: Are you kidding?!  That thing just flattened it!  It creamed the little bugger!  There's little Togepi pieces all over the damn street!

MISTY: NOOOO!!!!  (bursts into uncontrollable sobbing)

TRACEY: (irritated) You dumb-ass, I was trying to reassure her.

ASH: (blink) Oh.  Whoops.

PIKACHU: (shakes it's head) Pii…

ASH: (hopeful) Maybe it's not too dead, Misty…

TRACEY: Smooth, Ash.  Real smooth.

ASH: Well what else am I suppose to say?!  "Misty, maybe we can sew the millions of pieces back together or just wrap it all together with duct tape"?!!  You saw that thing hit it!!  The damn truck was going 90 at the least!

TRACEY: Of course I saw it, moron!  (thoughtful) Wait a minute, why was a semi going 90 on a rural street?

ASH: Uh, good question.

MISTY: (sob) STOP TALKING ABOUT IT YOU BUFFOONS!!!  And Ash, I told you to quit swearing!  (sacks him with her backpack)

ASH: Ow!!  Well at least she's not too upset.

(Misty begins to sob even louder)

TRACEY: …Big mouth.

ASH: So shoot me.

TRACEY: So…which one of us gets to scrape him off the pavement?

ASH: I'm not doing it!  Make Pikachu do it!  (shoves him out into the street)

PIKACHU: Pii!!

TRACEY: What if Pikachu gets run over too?

(Another speeding vehicle shoots past, splattering Pikachu)

ASH: Oh crap.  He did.

TRACEY: You lunatic!  Why don't you just shove Misty out into oncoming traffic now?!

ASH: Maybe it could get her to stop wailing.

TRACEY: I hope you get hit by a bus someday.

ASH: And I hope you get carried off by a giant bird of prey!

MISTY: (sob) I hope I get hit by a bus so I don't have to listen to either of you anymore!

ASH: That could be arranged.

TRACEY: You deranged freak, stop shoving people into oncoming traffic!!

ASH: I'm not a freak!

MISTY: Both of you just shut up already!!

(Silence)

ASH: So now what are we going to do?

TRACEY: Anyone up for Charades?

MISTY: I call first draw!

Scene V

(James and Neko come out of the grocery store, James carrying a shopping bag full of whipped cream and instant pudding.  Oh, and hair gel, too)

NEKO: Now what do you want to do?

JAMES: Try to find Jesse.

NEKO: (stern) You can hang out with your girlfriend later, mister!  Right now you're…(suddenly giddy) bringing me to the toy store!

JAMES: (groan) Not again!  Don't you have enough toys?

NEKO: (huffy) They're not toys, they're collectibles.  And no, I do not have enough!  I still haven't found a talking Squirtle!  (shaking a fist) Curse you Hasbro!!  Why must you torture me so?!

JAMES: Maybe they discontinued it.

NEKO: (weepy) But I want one!  Those scheming bastards!

JAMES: (moaning) Can't you just shop EBay like normal people?!

NEKO: (dragging him) We're going in the toy store, James.

JAMES: Ohhhhh…! (cries little rivers)

(The two go into the toy store across the street)

NEKO: Hey, let's go race the roadsters in the car and bike aisle!

JAMES: Okay, but this time I get the GI Joe Jeep!

NEKO: No, way!  I'm driving the GI Joe Jeep!

JAMES: I don't want to drive the Barbie roadster!

NEKO: Tough luck!  That jeep's mine!

JAMES: Get back here, bitch!  (throws a giant stuffed bear at her, knocking her down)

NEKO: So it's war, huh?  (grabs a Nerf gun and returns fire)

(Both start having a toy war with giant stuffed animals and Nerf guns)

STORE INTERCOM: Clean up in aisle 3, clean up in aisle 3.

JAMES: Quick, run to aisle 10!

NEKO: I can't, I'm stuck under this giant stuffed moose!!

STORE CLERK: Hey, it's you joker's again!  Didn't we ban you from the store last week?!

BOTH: Oh, that was this toy store…?

STORE CLERK: Security!!

NEKO: Aw, damn!

(Both make a run for it and hide out in the Hot Wheels aisle)

NEKO: (whisper) Are they gone yet?

JAMES: I can't see!  Your elbow's in my way!

NEKO: Well get your knee out of my side!

JAMES: Ow, I'm stuck between the shelves!

NEKO: I told you that you wouldn't fit!

JAMES: (whimper) Neko, help me out of here, there's a box corner poking me in the eye!

(A pair of familiar white boots walk by the pair, the owner leaning over to face them)

CASSIDY: What the hell are you doing here?

JAMES: (whimper) I'm stuck…

CASSIDY: (dryly) I can see that, dumb-ass.

NEKO: (very sarcastically) Oh great.  You're Cassidy, aren't you?

CASSIDY: And you would be?

NEKO: (loftily) I have many names, and yet just one!  I am many, yet a single being!  I am—

JAMES: (dryly) This is my friend, Neko-chan.

NEKO: Don't interrupt my monologue!

BUTCH: (peering down as well) Jeez, how many girlfriends do you have, queer?

NEKO: I'm not his girlfriend!

JAMES: (cry) I'm not a queer!

BUTCH: (sigh) It's no fair!  Gay guys get all the pretty girls!

NEKO: You think I'm pretty?  Cool.

JAMES: I'M NOT GAY!!

BUTCH: Whatever.

CASSIDY: Is there a reason you two are stuck between the shelves of a toy aisle?

NEKO: I'm not stuck.  Only James is stuck.

JAMES: (whimper) Could someone help me out, please?!  My legs are cramping!

NEKO: The real question is, what are you two doing here?

CASSIDY: (haughty) It just so happens that we're on a very important Top Secret assignment for the Boss.

BUTCH: (happily) We're buying him more Hot Wheels!

CASSIDY: (punches him) I said, Top Secret, moron!

BUTCH: Ow!  (whine) Stop hitting me, sis!  Mom told you to stop doing that!

CASSIDY: Mom's dead you half-wit so I'll do whatever the hell I want!

BUTCH: (eyes watering) MOMMY!!

NEKO: (eyebrow raise) How about we be on our way, James?

JAMES: (tiny voice) I need a chiropractor.

CASSIDY: Don't worry, we were just leaving.  Ta ta, James!  Tell your partner she's an ugly rotten bitch and I still want to kill her, okay?

BUTCH: Oh, and we're going to kill you too, of course.

CASSIDY: Of course.  Well, ja ne, you two!

BUTCH: (pointing to Neko) Wait, do we want to kill her, too?

CASSIDY: Nah.  Maybe some other day.

BUTCH: Okay.  'Cuz she's cute.  And the blonde from the Kohl's catalogue, too.  It would be a shame to kill them.

NEKO: Ooh, I'm cute, too?  Cool.

(Butch and Cassidy walk off, leaving them stuck between the Hot Wheels shelves)

NEKO: Those two are weird.  (climbing out from the shelf) Well, we'd better be getting home, James.  Jess and Galaxia-chan are probably wondering where we are.  (walks off as well)

JAMES: Neko?

(Silence)

JAMES: Neko-chan?!  (more silence) I'M STILL STUCK!!!!

Scene VI

(Late evening.  The whole group is watching TV in the living room, their Pokémon sleeping sprawled across the furniture)

GALAXIA: This is great banana cream pie, James!

JAMES: Thanks!  I made two of them if anyone wants more!

NEKO: I'm glad you didn't do what I thought you were going to do with all that pudding.

JESSE: (mischievous grin) Who said he used all the pudding?

GALAXIA: What?  Is he going to make a coconut cream pie with the rest?

JESSE: (snuggling w/James on the couch) In a way…

GALAXIA: Ooh yummy!  Save me some—I've never had coconut cream pie before!

NEKO: …And that's why you're a blonde.

GALAXIA: Neko, you're mean!  Are you really my best friend?!

NEKO: I think so.  (licks her fork)  Now where's this other pie…?

JAMES: You know, I feel like we're missing someone…

GALAXIA: Oh, that's Flareon!  She keeps hiding from me when I try to bring her to the PokéCenter.  She's probably under my bed somewhere.

JESSE: No, James is right!  Someone really is missing!

(There's a thoughtful silence)

EVERYONE: MEOWTH!!

JESSE: Oh my God, he still hasn't shown up!

NEKO: And Evil Bear-mon!  I haven't seen him for two days!

JAMES: Chan-saw's missing, too!

GALAXIA: (worried) Do you think something happened to them?

NEKO: Hopefully they didn't get run over by a bus or something.  That's been happening a lot in town lately…

JESSE: (sigh) I don't know, but I'm too tired to look for them tonight.

JAMES: Ditto.  My back still hurts from being stuck between those toy shelves!  (rubs his back sorely)

NEKO: You're such a dummy, James.

JESSE: (kisses his nose) I'll give you a back-rub later.

NEKO: Oh eew, I'm going to bed so I don't have to listen to you two and all your mushy talk anymore!  (goes upstairs)

GALAXIA: That wasn't mushy.  Neko must have a weak stomach.

JESSE: She probably ate too much pie.

GALAXIA: (queasy) I think I did, too!

JAMES: Not on the carpet!!

END EPISODE ONE