A/n: Hi! This was originally posted under the title "Can't Fight An Eclipse" and was supposed to be a full story but I lost my muse and got major writers block until then Lightning struck! Since Jacob is my favourite character I've decided to do a series if one shots in his name. I will be taking requests for any Jacob related story lines any scenes you'd like me to put in his point of view and so on but first of all I'm starting with the Letter he writes to Bella in 'Eclipse' what I think he's feeling and thinking as he's writing it. So I hope you enjoy, if you haven't already checked out my other 'Twilight' stories please do it'll make me smile! So here you go the first one shot for 'The Jacob Chronicles' x
I have never been an angry person before, but so much has happened and I am angry all the time, I hate it, it's all consuming. The anger is so strong it unnerves me, and I can't seem to calm down these days.
But there was one more emotion eating away at me, it ran through me much more deeply than this rage. I've heard the expression of people being heartbroken, but I've never before understood the power of it. It actually felt like tiny pieces of my heart were being shredded away from me every day since I last saw her. I now finally know what Bella must have gone through after Cullen left her, I understand why she was so broken.
There was a deep hole inside of me and it won't stop bleeding. Why did he have to come back into our lives and why would she choose him over me? Even after everything he put her through, how can she be so stupid?
I stepped out from behind the trees growing at the side of the Swan residence as I did every night in my wolf form. I would always watch over her to make sure she is safe. Of course knowing she is sucking face with that leech, it kills me that I can't guarantee that safety. He is still a vampire and he has blood lust, if he hurts Bella, by accident or slip up, I will kill him.
I looked up at her bedroom window, and as always that filthy bloodsucker was staring back at me his face expressionless. Stone cold. It was his way of telling me he wins. It was him in there with her looking out at me and not the other way around.
As I thought that, the corners of his mouth twisted up into a smile and he turned away from the window. It was all I could do not to barge in and wipe that smile off his face, permanently.
He had the one thing in this world I cared about, the only thing I had ever truly wanted.
I turned and ran towards home, I morphed back into my human form and slipped my cut offs back on and walked into my house. There was a letter left out on the table addressed to me and a note underneath it written by my dad saying 'Bella stopped by, she asked me to give you this'
I picked up the envelope and opened it almost ripping the letter inside and unfolded it and saw Bella's ridiculously neat handwriting. When was she just going to give up and leave me alone? She made her choice, why must she keep rubbing it in my face? I want so much to be friends again I do. More than friends, I loved her. But it was impossible. This is more than just not liking her boyfriend. I'm a werewolf, he's a vampire. We're mortal enemies. Why must Bella involve herself in dangerous things?
This was the forth letter now and it was basically the same song and dance as the last three, all of which ended up on the fire place, now just piles of ash.
'Jake,' it began.
'I can't begin to understand what you must be going through right now, I know it's hard for you but I need you to understand that I love him. But I love you too, you're my best friend and I don't want to loose you. Please, Jake, you promised.
I don't know what else I can say to you. I just don't want to end things, especially like this. I don't want you to be unhappy, Jacob.
Please call, I need to talk to you. I miss you.
I sighed, she was killing me, as much as I wanted to run to the phone and call her, even at this stupid hour, just to hear her voice. I couldn't ignore the fact that shes on side with the enemy, and it was tearing me up inside. This had to stop, it was getting harder for me, there would be no way I could speak to her on the phone without breaking down again, but she need to stop sending me these damn letters. I hunted around for a pen and found a piece of paper, it was the last sheet on the pad so I couldn't mess this up. No screwing it up, hurling it in the bin and trying again, I had one shot.
'Bella,' I started, how could I put this?
'I don't know why you're making Charlie carry notes to Billy like we're in second grade- if I wanted to talk to you I would answer the…'
No, I couldn't write it like that. She just wants to talk to me and this is the only way she get communicate with me since I'm not answering the phone. I needed to make her understand, I scrawled a line through what I had written and started again underneath.
'You made the choice here, okay? You can't have it both ways when…'
I paused again. She did make a choice and she made the wrong choice. She chose him, not me. I couldn't understand it. Why would she take him back? He left, does she even remember what a wreck she was? I felt that anger coming on again, I sucked in a deep breath and crossed out the last line and tried again,
'What part of 'mortal enemies' is complicated for you to…'
I obviously didn't rein in that anger enough, I didn't want to offend Bella, and that sounded too patronizing. Again I scribbled out the line.
'Look, I know I'm being a jerk but there's just no way around…'I was definitely being a jerk, but I had good reason to be. No, actually I hadn't I could be a grown up about this and call her and talk to her, explain to her properly about why I can't do this. The pack wouldn't allow me to spend time with her now the Cullen's were back, and I couldn't stomach being around that vampire stink… before thinking it through I had already scribbled out that line and wrote my next lame attempt,
'We can't be friends when you're spending your time with a bunch of…'
I was totally going about all this the wrong way, that would definitely push her away completely, make her hate me, I didn't want that I didn't want her to hate me, I just wanted her to understand. Why was this so hard? Oh yeah because my head is a complete mess. I couldn't stop thinking about her, and I'm trying to find a way to tell her I can never see her again as long as she's with him. It's breaking my heart to do this, she needed to understand that,
'It just makes it worse when I think about you too much, so don't write anymore…'
I stopped and scrawled out that line, I pressed down too hard on the paper tearing a hole in it and almost broke the pen in my hand, I wiped away my tears and re-read through everything else I had written underneath the ink lines. Bella would see all that too. She would see how torn I am, how hard this is for me. So I came to the conclusion.
'Yeah, I miss you, too, a lot. Doesn't change anything.
Before I changed my mind I folded it up and put it in the same envelope that Bella put my letter in and found a bit of scotch tape to seal it, I scrawled through my name on the front and wrote 'Please pass this to Bella' on the front, and left it out for my dad to see in the morning so he could pass it on for me. I stared at the envelope a few moments, mentally debating whether to rip it up now and call her instead or to just leave it. I reminded myself I would have the strength to keep it together if I called her so I sighed and headed to bed.
As hard as I tried sleep wouldn't come, I lay on my back staring at the ceiling. I exhausted I've been patrolling late every night, keeping an eye out around Bella's house, I want to make sure she safe from that red haired vampire. But my head was just full of thoughts.
Was I doing the right thing by keeping my distance from Bella? Did I have the strength to stay away?