Chapter 23 – New Feelings and Awkward Moments
I yawned and rolled over on the bed. I wearily opened my eyes and looked at the clock that was hanging on the wall, 5:14am. My heart did a flip when I saw the time and it took me a few seconds to know why.
It was morning. I could go see Nessie again!
I jumped out of the bed and ran for the bathroom, stubbing my toe along the way; last night's events replaying in my mind. My breathing hitched as I remembered how we had sat together for two hours on the floor at the end of her bed, barely saying anything at all as we held each other. I remembered the way her skin felt from when I had ran my fingers lightly over her shoulders, arms, and face. I could remember how I had been afraid to touch her at first, as though if I did she would disappear and I would suddenly wake up, realize it was all just a dream, then be back in reality where Nessie didn't tell me she loved me. But after swallowing hard I had finally managed to skim my fingers over the delicate skin under her eye and she didn't shatter or disappear at my finger tips. She stayed, sitting on my lap and leaned into my touch. From that point on my fingers never left her skin; still some part of me, still fearing that it was all a dream. But when I touched her like this; even though I have been touching her arms and face since before she was able to walk; now it was different. I felt an electric pulse zing up through my arm with a single brush of skin on skin. It was a feeling so amazing, I knew I couldn't dream it up in my most perfect dream. So I kept touching her, kept feeling that zing; knowing for certain that it wasn't a dream. Knowing that this was indeed very real.
I could almost feel it now; just thinking about her and the time that we shared last night, made my insides go crazy and my heart speed up. I couldn't wait to see her again.
So as quickly as possible I took a shower, threw on a pair of cut offs and a dark green t-shirt. I walked quickly from the bathroom, throwing my dirty clothes in my room as I passed by it's open door, and headed right for Nessie's room. But when I reached it, I paused. I could tell by Nessie's steady heartbeat that she was still sound to sleep, probably wouldn't wake up for another four or five hours. Which was fine with me. I loved watching her sleep; and her dreams. But still I pause.
I couldn't quite explain it. Nessie was only parted from me by this thin wooden slate, by this small obstacle. Something I could so easily remove. My hand shook as I brought it up to the doorknob. I wanted to see Nessie so badly it hurt, but I was also very hesitant; A lot could happen in one night. How would she be feeling now that it was morning? I knew that Nessie wasn't one to change her mind like most girls her age do; Nessie wasn't fickle. My Renesmee knew what she wanted and went out and got it.
But my hand still shook as I grabbed hold of the doorknob and pushed the door open. My heart stopped beating for ten seconds after I opened the door. All that hesitancy fled me the moment I saw her. Nessie was lying on her side, under only the sheet that was bundled about her waist, leaving her upper half for me to see. She was wearing a white silk night dress with very thin straps on her shoulders; it was very fine looking and had a deep V in the front and a matching one in the back. Her hair was spilling over the pillow that her head was resting on and the one next to it, in large waves. She looked like a sleeping angel.
For some time I just stood there in the doorway, watching her as she slept, as she breathed in and out slowly. After a while I decided to move closer; I was very conscious of my movements, making sure that I didn't wake her. It was much too early for me to actually wake her.
So, slowly, I made my way into the room. With each step, I could see Nessie even better, could breath in her scent even more, and her fluttering heart beat grew louder in my ears. When I reached the side of the bed I kneeled down, I lightly laid my chin onto the mattress, so that my head was next to Nessie's. I looked over her peaceful face, the light purple tint that touched her eyelids, her smiling mouth. My fingers itched to touch the tender skin under her eyes, but I was afraid I might wake her; so I held myself back.
I was very content to just sit there and watch Nessie until she woke up; but then I thought of something I would like to do even more than that. Something I hadn't done in such a long time. Smiling to myself, I slipped my hand into Nessie's, closing my eyes as I did so.
We were sitting on top of the bleachers at the school's stadium again. Nessie had her legs dangling over the back of the stone wall and was looking down.
Jake stood, leaning against the wall, facing to the other direction with his arms crossed over his chest. "I'm really sorry Nessie. I didn't mean to get you confused or anything. I should have been clearer of my feelings." Jake said, a sad look on his face.
Nessie sniffled and ran a hand roughly through her hair, brushing it away from her face. "Oh; well, I'm sorry too. I guess I just wanted it so bad that I read into things that you were saying and making them mean what I wanted them to mean. I should have realized that I was being silly to think that you would love me."
Wait what? Why would Nessie be dreaming of something like this?
"But I do love you Ness." Jake said earnestly, putting a hand on my shoulder blade.
Nessie finally looked up to the Jake. Her eyes were rimmed red, probably from holding back the river that was trying to stream down her face. "Jake, you know it's not the same thing; not at all. And you know it." Nessie whispered, before turning and hopping off the wall.
Nessie ran away from the stadium and then she was running through a forest. She kept running, tears falling down her cheeks. She ran for so long Nessie soon got lost and found herself turning around and around. Nessie screamed out, but no one was there to hear her. She was alone. And it was all her fault.
Finally I jerked my hand back, unable to see the images any longer. I put my hands firmly on Nessie's shoulders and shook her gently 'til she woke with a start; her eyes dark brown.
"It's ok." I said softly as Nessie whirled around on the bed, her head whipping back and forth, sending her hair in every direction. "It was just a dream." I said, moving swiftly to sit beside her on the bed.
Nessie's eyes locked on my face when I was seated and she took in a deep breath. I watched as she calmed herself and shoved her hair back out of her face with her hands; revealing a pale face. Well, paler than normal.
"You okay?" I asked. I hadn't expected that kind of reaction when I woke her up. It took me by surprise and I wasn't really sure what to do. Her eyes reminded me of a deer trapped in the head lights of a car.
She nodded her head and sighed heavily. "Yeah; I just didn't sleep well." She mumbled; dragging her hands through her hair again.
I knew that already; I had known she hadn't been sleeping well for a long while now. I just hadn't realized why. "Why?" I asked; almost afraid to hear the answer.
Nessie stared down at her hands that were now playing with the quilt that covered the top of her bed. She shrugged, still not looking up.
I sighed to myself; I really didn't like it when she didn't tell me things. "Ness," Putting my hand under her chin I lifted her face so that I could look her in the eyes. She looked so fragile. "what was your dream about?" I asked gently but firmly. We were past keeping things from each other. I mean look where it had landed us before. I also needed to know if this was really my fault. If I was the one causing her to lose sleep then I was the one who had to do something to fix it.
Sucking in a deep breath Nessie said. "I dreamed that we were back at school and I told you that I loved you." She swallowed loudly; making me reach out and take her hand. "But you told me that you didn't feel the same. You said that I had read into things that weren't there; you apologized."
I let her words sink in. So she was dreaming that I had turned down her love. "Nessie, it was just a dream." I said softly.
Nessie looked back down at the quilt and began to draw aimless patterns on the fabric. "I know. It just shook me a little, you know? I mean, that is, well was, my biggest fear up until a couple hours ago." She said softly.
I nodded. "But that fear is gone now; right?"
She paused. "I honestly don't know how to explain this. I know that you love me." She drew in a deep breath and looked up into my eyes, catching me in a way that I was sure that I would never be able to look away until she released me. I felt her small hand reach up and stroke my face and I couldn't help but lean into the touch. "But somewhere in my head I am still afraid. I don't know how I can be afraid anymore, but I just am." Her hand fell to her side and all I could think about was a way to get it back to my face. "I think it might just be fear of losing you in any way at all. I just love you so much, I don't know what I would do if you went away." She said with a sigh and looked back down again; releasing me from the hold she had on me.
I felt a sort of elation from her words. She really loved me. But at the same time I knew I needed to help Nessie get over this fear.
"Nessie, you aren't going to lose me." I told her gently. "In fact I am planning on never leaving you alone ever again. Trust me, soon you'll be begging me to leave." I said, hoping that I might get a smile out of her.
The corners of Nessie's mouth turned upward. She looked down at our hands. "Oh, I don't know about that." She said, her voice teasing. "I think I could get used to you with me all the time."
My heart pounded at the thought. "It's settled then!" I said happily. I quickly got to my feet, pulling Nessie to a standing position on the bed. With the bed's height, Nessie was only a couple of inches shorter than me. She looked up at me in surprise. Feeling impulsive I slowly wrapped my arms around Nessie's waist; watching her face as I did so. "Nessie, I love you." I stated. "I love you more than anything in this world. And I promise to never leave you. Ever." I said, staring deeply into her eyes. I saw her give the smallest nod and her eyes confirmed that she believed me.
I looked up at Jake in surprise. I was almost eye level with the bed under my feet. It was odd not having to look up so much to see his face. But he was also a lot closer and I liked that. Jake's eyes were soft and his face loving. I saw a question cross his eyes, a second before his arms started to encircle me into an embrace. His eyes never left mine as his arms tightened a little, as if he was searching for any protest I might have of him holding me. I almost laughed at the thought and made sure to keep my face light. I had no issue being in his arms.
"Nessie, I love you." Jake stated softly. I loved hearing him say that to me. "I love you more than anything in this world. And I promise to never leave you. Ever." He said, staring deeply into my eyes, seeing into my being.
He really did love me.
"Well, never to leave you, until you go the bathroom that is." Jake said with a smirk.
I laughed, feeling the weight of last night's dream fall away from my chest. I thought about wrapping my arms around Jake's neck and resting my head against his, but I didn't. Was that too much too soon? What was I allowed to do? What was okay and acceptable? Suddenly I realized I had no idea.
So instead I kept my hands to myself and said, "I love you so much." My voice coming out as a whisper.
Jake didn't seem to have the same dilemma as me and continued to hold me close for a while; not that I minded. I savored the feel of his large arms around my waist, the warmth of his breath on my neck, his wet hair that tickled my face. But after some time, my eyes grew tired.
"What time is it?" I asked, pulling back a little to look Jake in the face.
He thought about it for a moment. "About 5:30."
"In the morning?" No wonder I felt like I was about to fall asleep standing here.
Jake smirked. "Yeah," He looked down, he looked a little pink in the face. "I didn't mean to wake you up. I, uh, I just wanted to see you." He mumbled.
I felt a blush rise to my cheeks and a smile take over my face. "Really?" I asked. "You just wanted to see me?"
He looked up slowly and nodded.
He was so cute! I thought. I had never seen him like this. He seemed to have no idea what to do with himself. He looked so shy and reminded me of a little boy talking to his first crush. It was almost weird seeing someone I knew to be so outgoing and more than willing to take chances being so self-conscious.
I tried to bite back a little on my amused smile as I lifted my hand to Jake's cheek. I gently pulled his face up and looked him in the eyes. His brown eyes were dark and shown with uncertainty. "I love you." I said softly. I knew I had just told him this, but I couldn't seem to think of anything else. I just had to make him understand, I loved him more than anything I had ever known. More than mom and dad. More than anything. It almost scared me how deep this feeling was. How could I possibly feel something so huge. Yet somehow, I do. And it was for Jake.
Jake smiled. "I know that now." I said his smile widening. "I love you too. And I plan on telling you that every single day for the rest of our lives."
I smiled at the thought. We had the rest of our lives. Together. I liked the sound of that.
But my eyes were still feeling heavy. "Jake, I'm glad you're here and everything, but I am about to fall asleep here." I told him.
Jake's eyes widened a little. "I'm sorry!" He stepped away from the bed; holding me at arm's length. "Here, I'll leave and you go back to bed."
I nodded. Jake gave me a small smile and stroked my cheek lightly. "Sweet dreams." He said before disappearing from the room.
I sighed and snuggled onto the bed, savoring the warmth Jake's hand had left on my face. My thoughts swirled with happiness. I didn't know it was possible to be this happy.
I smiled and snuggled back into the bed and pulled the covers over myself.
I was half asleep when I started to enter the dream again. When I started to see Jake rejecting me all over again. I jerked myself out of the unconsciousness that was trying to take me and flew into a sitting position. I took in a couple deep breaths.
Jacob loves me.
Jacob loves me.
I repeated this over and over again in my head while throwing the covers off me and climbing out of the bed. I couldn't let myself sleep if I was going to be dreaming like that. I stood next to my bed, biting my thumb nail. Why couldn't I sleep? Why was this dream still haunting me? I had been having these kind of dreams, of rejection and of Jake leaving me for a weeks. But now was different. Now Jake loved me. I knew that. So why couldn't I shake away this dream.
I stood on the balls of my feet, debating what to do. Then suddenly my body moved; knowing what it needed before my mind caught up to what was happening. I passed through my door and the hallway in less than a second. I knocked lightly on Jake's door twice before I could talk myself out of it.
I heard Jake move behind the door and watched it open.
I looked up at his confused eyes and gave a little shrug. "I can't sleep." I confessed; my brain still catching up to what I was doing.
Jake looked at me, his eyes growing sad. "Come on in." He said, opening his door wide to let me in.
I walked through the door and heard it click shut a moment later. I went and sat on the bed, holding my hands in my lap. When Jake sat down next to me, the mattress shifted to bare his weight and I found myself leaning into his shoulder. I felt a tingle at the touch. It was almost nerve wrecking to be so close to him. Every part of me was acutely aware that Jake right there! I kept my eyes down, trying to get me baring, but even down was a bad idea because his legs were there. I could only see from the knee down because that was where his cut off's ended. But even with only that much in sight I couldn't help but stare at the lean muscle of his calf. Goodness, did every part of him have to be so perfect!
"You look really tired." Jake said softly.
I blinked hard a few times and shrugged, thankful for the distraction. "I haven't been sleeping so well." I told him truthfully. I couldn't remember the last time I had a decent night's sleep. Well besides the time that I had fallen asleep with Jake.
I felt Jake move and as quick as a flash of lightning and as smooth as a piece of silk I was sitting comfortably in Jake's lap, leaning against his chest; while he was leaning against the headboard of his bed.
"Not that I am complaining or anything, but what are you doing?" I asked, slightly taken back by the new seating arrangement. Now even closer my body screamed in awareness. Good golly my body felt like it was about to combust from sheer giddiness!
"You need to sleep. So you do that and I'll keep the nightmares away." He said as though it was a perfectly logical answer.
I smiled up at him and tried to ignore the butterflies messing with the inside on my stomach. I ducked my head down and rested it against Jake's chest. I thought for sure that there was no way I was going to be able to fall asleep, not with my body acting the way it was. But soon Jake's soft steady heartbeat in my ear soothed me like a lullaby and I found my eyelids closing over my eyes.
I don't know how long I slept. I have a feeling it was for a very long time, because when I opened my eyes again I felt completely and totally rested. I went to stretch and realized I was trapped. I was not in the same position I had fallen asleep in. Instead of being in Jake's lap I was now lying next to him (who was now sleeping) on his bed with one of his arms under my head like a pillow and the other wrapped securely around my waist; keeping me firmly pressed against his chest.
I couldn't help but smile at our closeness and how truly safe I felt in his arms. I knew for sure nothing could ever hurt me here. His warmth surrounded me like a blanket, so much so that we didn't even need one. I looked up at his peaceful face and my heart hammered in my chest. He was truly beautiful. Was it weird for a man to be beautiful? My earlier butterflies that I thought had gone now came back. I loved being in Jake's arms, it like coming home after an awful day. But it was like my body didn't know what to do with this happiness! I snuggled closer into his embrace and buried my face in the soft fabric of his t-shirt. But at I lay there, the questions that had swirled around in my head came back: was this okay? It wasn't too much too soon? As I laid there, in Jake's arms, I still didn't have an answer. How was I supposed to know anyhow? I had never been in this kind of situation before. After a few minutes of constant questions and no answers I decided that I should just go make Jake breakfast. It was a win-win. I could surprise Jake with breakfast in bed and I could maybe think up some answers.
So slowly I tried to wiggle out of Jake's hold. Only the more I tried to move away the tighter his arm became around me, holding me fast to him. I stop squirming and looked back up to his face. Still in a deep sleep. I tried to slip out of his hold, but still he wouldn't let me go! Huffing a little I stared up at his peaceful face. I tried to think of my options, but there were really only two: wake him up or not and just not make breakfast.
I thought these two things over in my head before deciding I really did want to make him breakfast. So gently I started shaking him. "Jacob, wake up." I said rather softly. Nothing. Not even his facial expression changed! So giving up on gentleness I called in a loud voice. "Jake!"
"Jake!" I heard someone call out faintly. Who one earth would interrupt such a wonderful sleep? Why would anyone want to do that to me? I was perfectly content to just ignore the person when they yelled out again. "JACOB!" And this time I recognized the voice: Renesemee.
I opened my eyes and sure enough there she was! Her hair was a little messier than when I had been awake earlier. Her cheeks had a pretty pink tent to them and her eyes were sparkling. "Good morning beautiful." I said without a second thought.
Nessie's cheek grew slightly pinker and a shy smile lit up her face. "Good morning." She said rather softly. "What would you like for breakfast?"
I shook my head. "You don't have to make me breakfast! It's really o-"
But suddenly a fierce determined look took over her face. "No. I woke you up, just because I wanted to make you breakfast. Now I will make you breakfast whether you tell me what you want or not!" She said sitting up fast.
I couldn't help but smile. It seemed like forever since I saw this determination in her. Because of everything that had been happening over the last couple of weeks, we had just been sort of dancing around each other. Neither of us acting the way we normally would around each other. I sat up with her, kissed her forehead and sighed. "I love you so much." I said, laughing a little.
Nessie's face soften some and her cheeks grew pink again. "I love you too." She turned away and slid off the bed. She was still wearing that white gown and seeing the deep V, that showed off the perfectly smooth skin of her back made my mouth go dry. She turned back to me and my mouth went impossibly dryer at the V in the front. "Now are you going to tell me what you want to eat or am I just going to have to guess?"
I opened my mouth to reply but all that came out was a kind of strangled cough sound. Nessie raised an eyebrow at me. I coughed once and tried to swallow a couple times before trying again. "Waffles." And that was all I could get out.
Still with one eyebrow raised Nessie turned on her heel and headed out my door.
Once she was out of my room I fell back onto the bed, slamming my head onto the backboard on the way down. Smooth. Luckily I didn't put a hole in it. Groaning I rubbed my hands over my face. I really had to get a grip.
After a few minutes I got up and headed for the kitchen where I could already smell Nessie's cooking. When I got to the kitchen I could remember times before where I would just stand and watch her from a distance, always wanting to step closer always wanting to be closer, but always afraid to. But not now.
I walked up to Nessie, who had her back turned to me, while she was fiddling with something on the stove. I stepped up right behind her and slid my arms around her waist, pulling her close to me. She froze for a second before looking up at me over her shoulder.
I smile. "Hey."
We stared at each other for a minute before I noticed a cloud of steam growing thicker around the stove. "I think the waffles might be done."
Nessie blinked, looked confused and glanced back down at the waffle iron. "Oh crap!" She opened the waffle iron then quickly and smoothly pulled the waffles onto a plate. Seeing that they were a perfect gold color Nessie sighed in relief. She turned in my arms and handed the plate to me. "Here you go." She said, a triumphant smile on her face.
"Good morning love birds!"
Nessie and I turned surprised to see Alice, Jasper, Rosalie, Emmet, Carlisle, Esme, Bella, and Edward standing in the doorway of the kitchen. Immediately I took a step away from Nessie. Somehow I had forgotten about the rest of the Cullens over the last day! Suddenly I wondered where they had all been over the last 24 hours.
Alice who had spoken stepped forward. "I am so glad you two finally got things fix!" She said throwing her arms around Nessie. "It was a LONG time coming!" I heard Emmet give a 'woot-woot' from the kitchen door. Alice then let go of Nessie and turned on me. "It sure took you long enough to get your acted together though! I was beginning to think that you never would! I mean after we flat out told you-"
I was standing there in a stunned silence, still wondering where the heck they had disappeared to when thankfully Jasper stepped forward and wrapped his arm around his wife. "Darling, even though I agree with you a hundred percent, can't we just celebrate that Jacob finally did get his act together in the end. I mean, this is a big day for them."
Alice seemed to think about this for a moment. "You're right."
Then Bella stepped up. She went up to her daughter and slid her arm around Nessie's waist. "Will you come take a walk down the beach with me?" She asked softly.
Nessie looked and met my eyes for a second and I shrugged. I had no idea what was going on.
So Nessie nodded and Bella led her away.
As soon as they were out of the house, I was starting to wondering if the rest of the family would start bombarding me with questions, which I was not looking forward to. But instead Edward, who looked more like Nessie's father than ever before, stepped forward. "Jacob, we need to talk."
Suddenly I was wishing for the stream of questions over whatever Edward could possibly have to say to me.
I walked out of Jake's room and headed to the kitchen. My heart beat wildly as I pulled out everything I would need to make waffles. I felt like I was in some sort of dream. Everything felt surreal. Jake was in love with me. Did that mean we were a couple now? What happened now? What did we do next? How were we supposed to act around each other? We were supposed to do anything differently?
Question after question circled around in my head, none of which I had an answer. I had never been in love before. Never felt anything like this; what was I supposed to do with it! I kept pondering these questions, searching for answers as I started to throwing ingredients into a large bowl.
I was so focused on my thoughts and putting the mix into the waffle iron that I didn't notice someone was in the room with me until I felt warm hands slide across my body. My breath caught at the sudden contact and my heart skipped a couple beats. I felt Jake pull me close, my back flat against his chest. I looked up over my shoulder and into Jakes smiling face.
"Hey." Was what came out of my mouth, though I have no idea why!
Jake just grinned. "Hey."
I stared up into his brown eyes, they held nothing but love and adoration. How on earth did he know what to do? It was like he had the "100 ways to make girls swoon" guild and was using every one of them on me!
"I think the waffles might be done."
I blinked, what on earth was he talking about? Jake looked pointedly at something in front of me and I followed his gaze. "Oh crap!" I cried realizing I had completely forgot that I was cooking! Quickly I opened the waffle iron and pulled the waffles onto a plate, mentally hitting myself for forgetting the waffles. I inspected the waffles and was pleased and relieved to see that I hadn't ruined them. I turned in Jake's arms and handed the plate to him. "Here you go." I said, smiling rather brightly.
"Good morning love birds!" I heard someone say.
Jake and I both turned to see the whole family standing in the doorway of the kitchen. Immediately Jake dropped his arms from around my waist and took a step away and stuffing his hands into his pockets; while I just stood there feeling completely dumbfounded. Where the heck did they come from?
For some reason the sight of them was completely unexpected and it took me a moment to figure out why. I hadn't seen them in a while... did I see anyone besides dad, mom, and Jake yesterday? Where had everyone else been?
I barely noticed Alice as she stepped into the kitchen and started ranting. "I am so glad you to finally got things fix!" She said throwing her arms around me. "It was a long time coming!" She then let go of me and turned on Jake. "It sure took you long enough to get your acted together though! I was beginning to think that you never would! I mean after we flat out told you-"
I was about to jump in on Jake's defense, it wasn't his fault! If anything it was mine, but just at that moment Jasper stepped forward and wrapped his arm around his wife. "Darling, even though I agree with you a hundred percent, can't we just celebrate that Jacob finally did get his act together in the end. I mean, this is a big day for them."
Alice seemed to think about this for a moment. "You're right."
Jasper met my eyes and I gave him a nod of appreciation. Then mom came up next to me and wrapped her arm around my waist."Will you come take a walk down the beach with me?" She asked softly.
Still feeling rather shell shock from the sudden reappearance of everyone, I did the natural thing and turned to Jake, silently asking him if he had any idea what to do? Because at that moment, I had no idea what was going on. Jake just shrugged with a look that seemed to say he was thinking along the same lines that I was.
So I nodded and let mom lead me out of the house and out onto the warm sand of the beach. We walked for a minute or so and I was really beginning to worry that she was going to give me the sex talk or something when she surprised me be asking.
"Renesmee you have grown up so fast." She said with a sigh, looking out over the clear waters. "I was a lot like you in that way. I may not have grown physically fast, but emotionally and mature wise. I sometimes wondered if I missed out on a real childhood. When Charlie and mom separated I just felt like I had to take the place of the missing adult." She stopped walking and turned to me. "And now I don't want you to rush into adulthood. I know our situations are different, I just don't want one day for you too look back and wish you hadn't moved on so quickly. And don't take me wrong, I am not by any means saying that you should wait to start moving on with Jake. If anything you guys were moving too slowly! You two are meant to be together. I just don't want you to feel that you have to start taking huge leaps into this new relationship." She paused and ran her hand through your hair. "Remember you have all the time in the world. Don't feel rushed."
I stared at my mother; beautiful, calm, and nearly perfect in every way. It seemed weird to think about her in any other way. I had very rarely heard her talk about her childhood and I had never really asked. Never really even thought about it. But now I did. I pictured my mom, small and impressionable, watching her parents' marriage fall apart. I could see her doing the best a little kid could do to fill in the missing gap that was now in the family. It made me sad for her. Maybe she didn't have the normal childhood. I know I didn't. And it was heartwarming to know she didn't want me to miss out on anything. But she right was in the fact that we were different.
I smiled up at mom. "But I don't feel like I have missed out on anything!" I took her hand in mine and gave in a squeeze. "You and dad have given me everything I have ever wanted. I have never once felt jipped out of anything. And now I am ready to start moving forward."
As I said the words, they became more and more true to me. Maybe it was because everything had suddenly, maybe because this change was so huge my mind moved slowly to grasp it, or maybe it was the way things had happened between Jake and I were such a shock that it had left me feeling a numb, but for whatever the reason, before that moment when I said the words out loud it didn't feel completely real. But now it all seemed to come back to reality. This was real. This was my life. And being with Jake was what I wanted to do with it.
Suddenly all those questions that were floating in my head earlier just seemed crazy and stupid. And I had the answer to all of them: Jake and I would figure it out. It wasn't something I needed to worry about. We would work it all out in time. And we did have all the time in the world.
I followed Edward out the front door of the house and onto the porch where he sat down on the steps. I stood a few steps away from him, feeling extremely nervous and not really sure if I should sit or stand. I slid my slightly sweaty hands into my pockets. This looked bad. Holding Nessie like that was not the way I wanted to tell Edward that I was now with his daughter. And I was pretty sure he was feeling the same way.
"Jacob you can sit. Please don't think I am about to interrogate you or something." Edward said, sounding very old and tired. This took me by surprise and I sat down a few feet away from him. He sighed before turning his eyes on me. "I just wanted to thank you. You have been a much better person than I have over the last couple of weeks. Through all this you kept Renesmee's best interest first. Even when it cost you great personal pain. And for that I have to thank you. I can't say the same things about myself." His gaze was steady on me.
I looked at him in surprise. "So this isn't you wanting to lay down the ground rules or something?"
Edward snorted. "No Jacob. Despite what you may think sometimes, I do trust you. I know you won't move to fast. I know you hold Renesmee with the respect and won't do anything that will hurt her in any way." He shook his head. "You know sometimes I think you just forget that I am a mind reader."
I gave a relieved laugh and relaxed some.
"But I should at least say once, if for no other reason just because it's my fatherly duty," Edward said all sarcasm gone from his face. "if you do ever hurt her, make no mistake, I will kill you."
I wasn't sure if I should laugh or not. I knew he was serious and grateful that he was. So instead I just nodded. He held my gaze for a second before turning to look off into the distance.
I followed his example and we both just sat on the front steps looking out at the path and the ocean beyond that. Edward didn't say anything else and I was okay with that. Instead I just thought of Nessie.
A few minutes later at the end of the path down on the beach Bella and Nessie came into view hand in hand. They started down the path while Edward and I watched as they got closer. Nessie was still wearing her peal white night gown and her hair was hanging around her face and shoulders, making me sure that she had just stepped out of heaven.
Both Edward and I stood when they reach us. Bella and Nessie shared a look between them before they let each other go, Belle going to Edward. Nessie followed her mother to her Edward, gave him a hug and kissed his cheek. They also shared a look, I couldn't help but wonder if she were talking to him through her thoughts, and then she turned from her father and came to stand next to me. I smiled down at her.
But then I remembered I had a question that I hadn't had a chance to ask yet. "Hey, where have you guys been?"
Bella gave a small laugh. "We thought you guys could use some privacy while you worked things out. We have been around, just out of sight, out of mind."
"Yes! But now we would very much like to talk to you about it all!" Alice yelled from somewhere in the house.
Nessie took my hand and smiled up at me. "Ready face the music?"
I gave her hand a squeeze. "Oh absolutely."
Hey everyone! I know it has been a LOOOONNG time! I really wasn't sure if I was ever going to come back to this story; but then the other day I just felt like I HAD to. So I did! Anywho, I hope everyone likes this chapter! Let me know what you think! I love feedback! I hopefully will get another chapter up soon! Love ya! God Bless!