The Office – by BandGeek99
Written to honor the members of the Mustang unit… :D Enjoy guys!
**cue inspirational piano music… then add guitar… drums… harmonica… and finish.**
It was the average day in East City headquarters. Despite the overcast weather, business carried on as usual. Children played outside in schoolyards, university students slaved away in classrooms, and military personnel patrolled the streets, greeting the civilians pleasantly as they passed.
Master Sergeant Kain Fuery was the exception to the content and normalcy of the day.
What started as an average day for him hastily took a turn for the worse when he saw First Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye approach headquarters on the street, her hair a downright mess, her clothes extremely wrinkled, and a scowl on her face.
"Morning, Lt," he said with a wave. It was unusual for her to look like a mess when she came to work, but he supposed that maybe she was just having a rough morning.
"Shut up and get to work, Fuery," she snapped, glaring daggers at him as she shrugged off her heavy black overcoat.
"Ma'am! MA'AM!" Hawkeye shrieked, slamming the door to the office behind her. "I'm not a stupid sexist pig! I'm a woman! A woman, damnit! Don't know why the bastards in this place keep calling me sir…" She trailed off and began muttering darkly to herself while Fuery gulped and took a seat at his desk.
"Morning, sirs," Heymans Breda called as he threw the door open and marched into the office.
"Good morning, Lieutenant," Fuery said politely with a nod.
"I'm not a sir," Hawkeye muttered.
Breda gave the female officer a startled look before heading over to his desk. "What's eating her?" he whispered to the dark-haired young man as he hung his coat over the back of his chair.
"Dunno. Bad day?" Kain suggested with an innocent shrug, picking up a stack of paperwork that had to be done.
Breda shrugged in response and sighed at the ever-growing stacks of paper littering his desk. "Think there's some way I could burn this stuff without her knowing?" he inquired a little too loudly.
A bullet whizzed past his ear.
"I-I take that as a no…" he gulped almost silently before turning his gaze to the evil piles of papers.
Warrant Officer Vato Falman's appearance in the office was silent, except with a quiet exchange of "good mornings". Hawkeye's mood seemed to have improved drastically until Second Lieutenant Jean Havoc appeared, nearly late, with a cup of joe in one hand and an unlit cigarette in his mouth.
"Gooood morning, everyone," he sang cheerily, grinning as he swiftly set down his coffee on his desk and whipped off his coat simultaneously. "And how are you all today?"
"Doing okay, thank you, sir. How 'bout you?"
"Yeah, you seem to be in a good mood today. What are you on?"
"I have a new girlfriend!" Havoc sang, pulling out a lighter from the pocket of his uniform and clicking it. "She's great, real pretty, too. Long brown hair, really curly, big brown eyes, pale, D-cups… The whole shebang."
Hawkeye visibly twitched.
"Dude! How's her ass?"
"Eh, average. Not much of an ass man myself, but she's real pretty, and a hell of a lot nicer than most of the girls I've dated. Really fun, too. We went bowling with a couple of her friends, and she decided that she didn't want to loose, so she dumped a plate of nachos over this guy Robert's head." Havoc grinned even wider as he lit the cigarette and took a deep breath before exhaling, puffing a small smoke ring that expanded and disappeared as he dropped into his chair.
"Well, it's good that you like her for who she is, not just her body," Fuery said diplomatically with a small laugh as he signed his name on his eighth piece of paperwork.
"Yeah, well, her body has something to do with it. I mean, those jugs…" Havoc gave a low whistle.
Hawkeye slammed her fist down onto her desk.
"I just hope that the Colonel doesn't get to her this time," the male lieutenant said with a laugh. More smoke escaped his mouth as he began on his daily workload as well.
The smoky haze got worse and worse as the hour wore on, and around nine, Hawkeye finally snapped. She stood up hastily, sending her chair careening backwards, as she whipped out her gun, cocking it. "Lieutenant Havoc," she said coldly. "Put. Out. The coffin nail. Or I will shoot."
Havoc gulped, doing as he was told.
"Hand over all of them," she demanded, holding out her arm as she strode towards him.
"A-all of them?" Havoc whimpered, staring at her with wide eyes. "But… how come?!"
"Because you're slowly killing us all with that awful habit. I'm done with you. Hand. Them. Over." She held up her gun higher, high enough that if she fired, a bullet would sail straight into her co-worker's forehead. "Or else."
Havoc took a deep breath and the other three men watched in wonder as he forked over his treasured cigarettes.
"Thank you," Hawkeye said stiffly, and then approached the window as she slid her gun back into its holster. She grunted as she lifted the ancient window open and tossed the fags out onto the sidewalk.
Jean's lower lip quivered violently as he watched the small carton fall, almost as if in slow motion. "My… my friends…"
Breda grinned, Feury smirked (which was unusual for him), and even Falman had to laugh at the Lieutenant's predicament.
Work went on silently as usual until Mustang finally swaggered into the office around ten. His hair was messy, as it normally was, and he wore a wide smirk on his face. "Morning, gentlemen, Lieutenant Hawkeye. Lovely morning, isn't it?"
Hawkeye glared up at him from her desk menacingly. "You're late, sir. Very late."
"Ah, yes, sorry about that, Riza," he said with a nonchalant laugh as he headed towards his desk. "I had a date last night, things got a little distracting, I lost track of time…"
Tears welled up in the blonde lieutenant's eyes as she fumbled for her gun. "G-get to work s-sir…" she said weepily. "Or I'll shoot!"
"Whoot! Way to go, sir!" Breda cheered almost simultaneously.
"How far did you get?" Havoc asked excitedly.
Hawkeye looked like she couldn't take any more of it. She fired a warning shot into the ceiling. "ENOUGH!" she screamed loudly, standing and knocking her chair over again.
The men complied.
"Get. To. Work. Now."
There was absolute silence in the office.
The second that Riza left for her lunch break, Fuery turned to the other, slightly older men around him. "What's wrong, do you think?"
"Her good friend Tom is visiting," Falman decided, still focusing on his paperwork. "Her mood fits perfectly."
"Tom?" Kain looked confused for a moment before recognition dawned on him. "Oh. Oh."
Yes, it was true. Riza Hawkeye, the trigger-happy sniper lieutenant from East City, was having her period.
Pointless little look into the everyday life of the office characters. I've read stories where Winry gets her period, but never Hawkeye, so I decided to take that and exaggerate it.
The whole "disheveled in the morning" thing has nothing to do with anything, other to accentuate the fact that she is in extreme pain, is irritable, and feels like crap.
Anyway. This will be updated somewhat sporadically, mostly when I have free time and need to channel my energy. Many bets and Havoc and Breda antics will be included :) Please give me any ideas you have by pressing that GORGEOUS green-and-white button that says "Review" right under this!!
Thank you so much for reading!