Disclaimer: Don't own them.
Bobby huffed as he rolled towards his front door. He had heard the impala rumble into the yard five minutes ago and the Winchesters had yet to enter the house. He may have convinced himself that they had left, except for two things. Even if Dean got his panties in a bunch and insisted on leaving, Sam would make him come inside for a few minutes first. The second reason was the awful noise coming from his yard.
"What's all the kerfuffle about? Ya trying to give an old man a heart attack or something?" Sam and Dean were in a full on UFC style brawl a few feet from the porch. Cas was actually on the porch watching the fight with much amusement. "You think you could explain what's going on down there, Angel Boy?"
Castiel turned to Bobby, "They're fighting." He then turned his attention back to the action on the ground.
"Really? I couldn't see or hear that for myself. Boys!! Get your asses inside NOW! You're gonna tell me what the hell is going on here."
Bobby's tirade had snapped both Winchesters out of their respective rages. They broke apart and walked into the house with their heads hanging in shame. Neither one was particularly excited about revealing the source of the argument. Dean looked at Cas and sighed, "Listen, this is your first Bobby Lecture, so let me and Sammy do the talking. Don't stare at him, don't laugh, don't smile. Look ashamed, stare at the floor and don't interrupt. He yells a lot, but it's just tough love or something like that. He means it, but he doesn't, ya know?"
"Dean! Get in here and start talking. Bring your angel with you, from the look on his face earlier I'm sure he's involved somehow."
Once all three men were settled on the couch in front of Bobby, he simply stared at them. Sam leaned into Dean, "Cas isn't gonna break under that stare is he?" Bobby crossed his arms over his chest and glared at Sam for a moment. He then shifted his glare to the member of the group he now deemed the weakest link: Castiel.
Cas blinked at Bobby and shifted uncomfortably. Bobby grinned, thinking the admission was seconds away. Cas looked at his partners in crime and back at Bobby. He was at a loss. Dean said he should stay quiet, but that stare was making him want to spill everything. What to do? "Gabriel did it."
"What?" Bobby was confused. "What did Gabriel do and what does it have to do with the mess in my front yard?"
Castiel struggled for a few minutes, trying to string together a story that would work out. Sam and Dean were trying not to laugh. Even Bobby cooled down as he listened to the 'reason' the boys were fighting. Apparently, Gabriel had done something that damaged the impala and caused Sam to lose one of his socks. Each brother had blamed the other and they came to Bobby's to settle the dispute. Cas was merely along for the ride. So really, it wasn't any of their fault. It was Gabriel's fault.
Bobby just shook his head and mumbled about only those two being capable of corrupting an angel. He then went to get a beer because he needed one after that story.
"Way to go, Cas. Nice to have your loyalty," Dean slapped his angel's shoulder.
"Wonder where he got the idea to blame his brother for something he did. Hmmmm...," Sam raised an eyebrow at his brother.
"Shut it, Sammy. Bobby might actually let this one slide, show a little gratitude to the heavenly host beside us."
"One angel does not make a host, Dean."
"How would you know? You went to Sunday school less than I did. Did they teach you how to calculate the exact number of angels there are in a host while you were at Stanford?"
"What?" Sam and Dean questioned at the same time.
"It takes 42 angels to constitute a host," Castiel stated bluntly.
"So it's more than one?" Sam grinned triumphantly.
"What if there are only 41 angels? It's not a host, so what is it?" Dean asked, ignoring Sam completely.
Cas shrugged and replied, "A lot."
"So there's a Host and A Lot?"
"No, 41 angels is just a lot of angels to be in one place at the same time. We don't fraternise much," Cas deadpanned even as Bobby pushed a beer in his hand.
"You fraternise just fine now," Sam mumbled under his breath. Dean slugged him in the arm and mouthed 'shut up'. Cas just sighed and looked heavenward.
"I'm gonna guess that Wings here did some fraternising and stepped on Sam's toes in the process and that lead to the fight in the yard," Bobby glanced from one to the other.
Dean glared at Sam, whose eye was now twitching as he turned red. Cas tilted his head and stated to Bobby, "I did not step on Sam's feet."
"Saaamm. Start talking," Bobby coaxed.
Sam huffed, "I saw her first!"
Dean groaned. "Dude, drop it. She didn't want you and it isn't Cas's fault. He didn't even tell Bobby what happened, he was gonna let it go."
"Whatever. She was diggin' me until he showed up and used his angel mojo."
"She wasn't 'digging' you, she was cutting you off. You had drank half the bar's liquor supply. It was Cas she was after the whole time. And seriously angel mojo? Get. Over. It," Dean had placed himself between Sam and Castiel and was ready to fight again.
Bobby surveyed the situation. Cas was peeking at Sam over Dean's shoulder. Dean was standing with his hands on his hips in an obviously protective stance, glaring at Sam. Sam had his arms crossed over his chest glaring at Dean and Cas. It was too much, Bobby burst out in laughter. "So this all started because Sam thought he got cock-blocked by Cas?"
It was only a few seconds before Dean joined the laughter. Sam grinned and looked embarrassed, "I guess that's about it. Dean got pissy because I was being harsh on Cas and it kinda blew up when we got here." Everyone relaxed and even Cas grinned at the admission. "I'm sorry Cas, I was being unfair."
"Well, Cas, did you take the girl up on her offer?" Bobby eyed the angel with curiosity.
Sam laughed even harder, "Really, Bobby? You think HE would do something like that?"
Dean and Cas both looked at their shoes and remained silent on the matter. "You didn't. Cas, tell me you didn't. Dean how could you let him?"
"Well, Sammy, she was kinda hot and I did promise that I wouldn't let him die a virgin."
"But, I saw her first!"
"You didn't see all of her," Cas retorted bluntly. "I did."
Bobby laughed so hard at the exchange he almost fell out of his wheelchair. "I think we officially have a third Winchester in the house."
Sam just gaped at Cas. "You went home with some random waitress you had just met?"
"That pleasure was mine," Cas nodded.
Bobby snickered at Cas. He was so very serious. "Well, I guess Dean taught you the ropes, so it shouldn't be a surprise."
"We did not use any rope. Dean said that was overkill on the maiden voyage," Cas was still completely serious.
"Dude, please stop talking now. I'm gonna be the one in trouble before long," Dean eyed Bobby with a little fear.
"Dean, maybe Cas should stay here and help me research for a while. I don't know if you're the best influence on him," Bobby motioned for the angel to come to his side.
Sam was beginning to show signs of worry himself. "I think Bobby's right. Cas should stay here for a while."
"Boy you better not be agreeing with me to increase your chances of getting some tail on the road," Bobby warned.
"I just think that turning him into a man whore won't exactly help us in any way."
"One waitress doesn't make him a man whore," Dean groaned. "You can't take my wingman. Ha! My wingman-get it? It's funny, Cas, 'cause you're an angel. You have wings. Okay, you don't get it. I'm not a bad influence, he's not staying here."
"I'm supposed to be your wingman," Sam mumbled.
"Dude! You are such a little bitch today."
All three hunters stared at Castiel for a long moment. Dean finally broke the silence, "Cas, you are freakin' awesome!"
Sam grimaced. "Maybe I should be the one to stay here for a while."