Title: First Ladies of the JLA
Author: Miranda Aurelia
Pairings: Chloe/Oliver, Lois/Clark, Bruce/Selina
A/N: I was procrastinating, since, hey, finals. And I love Chlollie which has resulted in this (even though I never update any of my other fics...). Hope you enjoy!
Summary: Lois, Chloe and Selina meet up and the conversation inevitably turns to talk about their significant others.
"What is SHE doing here?!" Never let it be said that Lois Lane didn't get straight to the point.
"Hello to you too, cuz." Chloe seemed unperturbed that her cousin was currently glaring daggers at the woman sitting across from her. "Wait, you two know each other?"
"Long time no see, Lois," Selina Kyle ran her gaze critically over Lois' visibly pregnant figure. "Seems like you've packed on a few pounds since I've last seen you."
"Don't remind me," grumbled Lois as she plopped down on the couch beside Chloe. "Thanks to Clark, I've been confined to desk duty for the last month. So, what are you doing here?"
"Queen Industries and Wayne Enterprises are collaborating on a project together-" Chloe started to explain.
"And I'm here because there's going to be a gala and Bruce needed a date."
"But is it Bruce or is it Bats?"
"It's Bruce. And right now, Ivy's safely tucked away in Arkham."
Chloe looked from one face to another. "Someone care to fill me in?"
"Selina tossed me off a tower because Poison Ivy had Smallville under some kind of thrall."
"I'm guessing it worked."
"Hey, I would have caught you if boy-scout hadn't snapped out of it in time. You know that, right?"
"Obviously - that's why I haven't tried to punch you yet." Lois relaxed a bit, "And as long as you don't try and throw me off a tower again, we're good."
"Punch me?" Selina laughed, "You're good, but you're not that good."
Lois leaned forward, "Whenever I get moody, I shoot lasers out of my eyes, so you don't want to piss me off."
"It's one of the benefits of carrying a half-Kryptonian child."
"So can you fly?"
"No, but I'm been pretty much impervious to injury over the past two months," Lois admitted.
Selina looked suitably impressed.
"Hello, you're married to billionaires! What are you two complaining about?"
Selina opened her mouth to speak but Lois cut her off, "You and Bruce are as good as married anyways."
But Selina didn't let that deter her, "Hello, superpowered alien! Last of his kind!"
"And he flies too," added Chloe.
"Your husbands swing around the city on thin lines. That's close enough, isn't it?"
Selina and Chloe looked at each other before they both shook their heads. "No."
"Think about it! What does Clark do after shit hits the fan?" Lois shared a knowing look with Chloe at this, "He spends days in his loft brooding! It's gotten better lately, but still."
"Bruce broods – he just beats the shit out of stuff while he's at it. One time, he even beat up Eddie after we had a fight. I don't get that! I don't beat up his business associates if he pisses me off!"
Lois and Selina looked at Chloe expectantly.
The blond just shrugged. "Ollie punches stuff too. That or he goes straight to angry sex."
"What are you, a teenage girl?"
"I'm pregnant and moody," Lois glared at Selina, "So I can sound like one if I want to! Besides, that's my ex-boyfriend you're talking about."
"Bruce does angry sex too," Selina commented offhandedly, "Does Clark?"
Lois rolled her eyes. "If he ever did it, we'd destroy the entire building."
"You're telling me you and Supes never put any of his powers to use in the bedroom?"
"Remember that time you told me about?" Chloe added.
"So we're floated a few feet above the bed. Big deal. Unlike you and Arrow, Smallville and I haven't tried to christen every rooftop in Metropolis-"
Oliver looked a bit concerned. "Clark, are you okay? You seem to be turning red."
"I'm fine! Really," Bruce and Oliver watched as Clark proceeded to take a huge gulp of water which led to a coughing fit as the water went down the wrong way.
"Right," was all Bruce said.
"-nor do we have to go through complicated role-play, or is that foreplay, before getting to the good part!"
Selina shrugged negligently, "You don't what you're missing."
"The so-called thrill of getting caught?" Lois placed up a hand, "Actually, no, don't answer that. What's your excuse, cuz?"
"It was a heat of the moment thing," Chloe protested, "Which kind of turned into tradition and before you knew it, Connor was conceived on the rooftop of Lexcorp headquarters…" She trailed off.
Lois blinked. "You never told me that."
"I'm fine," repeated Clark, "Just…."
Oliver raised an eyebrow.
"….on the rooftop of Lexcorp?! What were you thinking?"
"…You never asked."
"Great. Now you've got me wondering about the Gotham equivalent of the rooftop of Lexcorp HQ. Something tells me that making out of the roof of the ha-ha-hacienda is probably not realistic."
"I'm thinking that I'm missing something called context."
Clark ignored this comment. "Bruce, can you do me a favour?"
Bruce raised an eyebrow. "Yes?"
"Don't make out with Catwoman on the roof of the ha-ha-hacienda. It's probably bad for your health."
Clark saw the corner of his mouth twitch, "I'll keep that in mind."
"Speaking of that, you know how Bruce's arm was in a sling awhile ago? Sources tell me his fist met Clark's face."
Lois narrowed her eyes, "Clark never told me that."
"It was one of those days."
There was a noticeable pause. "I see."
"Do you know how disturbing it is when newspapers speculate about your husband's sex life every second day?" Lois was getting started on one of her favourite rants. "If the Daily Planet ever scooped that low, I'm resigning."
"It's only every five days," Chloe couldn't resist adding.
"Oh c'mon, it's not as though Oliver and I weren't splashed across the pages of the Inquisitor every day before we got married."
They looked at Selina.
"The editors at the Gotham Post know better than to rill me up."
"And the most infuriating thing of all!" Lois was just getting warmed up, "They keep on saying that Superman and Wonder Woman are in a secret relationship! And she eggs them on!"
Now that caught Selina's attention. "I know what you mean. One time, she even had the nerve to insinuate that Batman was the one chasing her!" Almost unconsciously, her claws unsheathed themselves. Seeing Chloe and Lois's wary gazes at her hand, she retracted them. "Sorry, habit."
"I guess I should be glad that she doesn't have a thing for blonds," mused Chloe.
"No, in your case, that problem's known as Black Canary," Lois said matter-of-factly.
Chloe's eyes narrowed, "There is that."
Meanwhile, Clark was getting the feeling that any more girl talk would result in him sleeping on the couch for the next two weeks. He stood up abruptly. "You know what, I think it's time I picked Lois up."
"I thought she was at home?" Oliver asked.
"Trust me, she isn't." Clark turned to Bruce, "Unless you want to come along as well?"
"To pick Lois up?"
"Lois is currently at Queen Towers, enjoying girl talk with Selina and Chloe!"
"And you want to get in the middle of that?"
"They're talking about Diana."
Bruce paled slightly, "I see."
Oliver just covered a laugh.
Clark glared at the blond, "And Dinah."
Oliver coughed. "I think I'll come with you two after all."
"-why do all men suck?" was the first thing they heard as they stepped foot into the Queen penthouse.
"Oh man..." Oliver glared at Clark, "You couldn't have told us about this conversation sooner?!"
"Bruce," The conversation stopped as Selina walked up and placed a hand on Bruce's chest, "Please tell me that there was no incident on Themyscira that would involve you trying to kiss Diana!"
"He is so dead," thought Oliver and Clark simultaneously.
As if he'd heard their unspoken words, Bruce glared daggers at them over Selina's head.
Lois' voice rang out. "Smallville, is that you?" Clark sighed and headed into the living room.
Meanwhile, Chloe walked up to Oliver and grabbed his tie. "You…"
She whispered into his ear before pulling his head down for a hard kiss.
"So how was your afternoon?" Clark took a seat beside his wife.
"It was interesting," Her lips brushed against his ear, "And I know you heard everything."