Disclaimer: I own neither Naruto nor the original series of this fanfiction.
Author's Note: This was a continuation of the mini-series done by sharingank. If you like this, make sure you give them credit too. So. About this. I made Naruto the spazz in this, so expect to see everything in this mini.
Credit to sharingank, for making a wonderful fic and allowing me to use it.
This Journal is Property Of:
Uzumaki Narutooooo! FUTURE HOKAGE, boiiiii :D
Dear Ooh, what do I do with this? The words are so sparkly, and shiny, and glittery and- no! Stop yourself, Naruto! Don't let Kakashi-sensei's plot destroy youuu!
I still can't believe I'm going along with this. Today Kakashi-sensei was in my house when I woke up (darn security system. I'm pretty sure what he does is illegal, though) and asked me about the ridiculous amounts of ramen in my possession. I tried to keep him away from the fridge but he got there first and opened it up and stared. You wanna know why? Because that's where I keep the whiskey(don't judge me! Water bills are expensive, so sometimes I just ask a bum to get me some cheap liquor from the convenience store down the street. Even though they smell terrible. When people say you smell like a bum, it's not a compliment. Trust me).
Wait. Where am I? Oh yeah; Kakashi. Then he started talking. " Alcoholism is a real problem, Naruto, blah blah blah-" followed by some other stuff I didn't really pay attention to. He talks a lot.
Him and Sakura.
Except that when he talks there aren't any boobs in my face to distract me or anything. Making for one very, very boring experience.
He finally left, which I was immensely relieved for(that's my word of the day), only to come back with the old man, which I was obviously not relieved for. They kept talking and talking and talking, and all I could do was stare at the old man's liver spots and try not to upchuck. Not that I don't like him or anything. He is the one who gives me free money and all, but sometimes it's your responsibility to use a little common courtesy and cover that stuff up. I mean honestly. Yuck.
The old man makes a lot of funny faces sometimes. His lips puff out and his cheeks kinda collapse on themselves and his eyes get all big and twitchy and sometimes he looks so CONSTIPATED I can't even breathe. Oh, oh, and then his chin starts jibbling and shaking and sagging and it's so hard not to laugh it's not even funny. Except when he fell asleep next to me once when he was visiting. His chin was oozing all over my shoulder and-I really do not even want to go there.
Do you know what they gave me when they finally got out of my house? A doctor's note. A GODDANG DOCTOR'S NOTE. Apparently they think my little 'thing' for whiskey is a "serious problem, you'll hurt people you love, blah blah blah" and now they've got me going to a goddang shrink. Maybe the meaning of 'manly pride' has changed since the dinosaur days, but you don't just give a guy a, like, freaking note covered in stickers and balloons because he can't take care of himself. Way to stick a kunai in my back guys.
….Hmm, no, a kunai in the face, because that hurts a lot more.
Eh, I'm hungry. Maybe they left some of that whiskey…
Ah! I got water on the page!
" Well, that was……interesting."
Snort. " Oh, come on. We all know you're feelings are hurt, Kakashi."
"I never said hurt."
"But we all know you're thinking it."
"Nice one, Sasuke-kun!"
"Instead of touching me, busy yourself with moving so I can finish reading."
"Nice one, Sasuke."
"Shut up, Kakashi-sensei."
"….back to the point. Am I the only one concerned with what he wrote?"
"Well, it certainly explains why he can't throw a kunai for his life."
"Yeah, the alcohol thing surprised you to, huh? I was actually pretty worried when I came in there."
"That's exactly what I'm talking about."
" What, Sasuke-kun?"
" Don't 'Hm' me, Kakashi. You! You go into people's homes and just…..mess around? What the hell is wrong with you?"
"You shouldn't speak to your sensei like that, Sasuke. Besides; I am a ninja, aren't I?"
"….just turn the page."
Dear Wuvvle Bunny Shas-ha (yes I named it! I don't care what anyone says, especially you, Kakashi-sensei! Because I hate you! BLEEEEH!)
Someone's going to die! I don't care who( DARNNABLESHRINKcoughcough)!
I went to the shrink today. He was some old guy with glasses and this long wrinkly nose that makes noises when he speaks, noises I tell you. It's goddang difficult to pay attention to something that someone says when there's a frickin' tyrannosaurus rex (noisy nose thing? I dunno) makin' weird noises in your ear.
So he tells me first to 'tell him about his problems'. What problems? I'm Uzumaki Naruto; God's gift to the world! How can I have problems? I DON'T HAVE PROBLE
Hey look a butterfly!
"Don't, Sakura. Don't. Even. Talk about it."
"Well that certainly does explain some things. Like last week's practice."
"Yeah, the one when we were at the zoo and he mixed the elephant bucket with your gel."
"Honestly. How did he mix that up?"
"How did you not figure out it was elephant poop?"
"I was….in a state of trauma."
"Trauma? From what?"
"…y'know. The…..ho-ho incident…"
"Darn it, Sakura! You got him started again!"