Hello there, folks. I don't have much to say soo let me just say this and you can get on with your reading. 1: I own nothing….literally. The opening line belongs to Ron White, the title is also the title of a book called It's Kind of A Funny Story by Ned Vizzini (I suggest you go read it; it's AMAZING!), and obviously all the characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. 2: I lied about owning nothing. The plot is mine.

Anyway, that's all. Enjoy:)



"….It wasn't just about that, but it was about NASA and how they're just not as thorough as you'd think they would be and they're always backing up and covering up their tracks – which, they are. I guess, because they're letting so many women into outer space, they've just allotted ten million dollars to see if there are any dangers in a woman suffering from PMS to have her menstrual cycle in zero gravity. I'm like hell yeah, there's dangers! In a weightless environment the psycho bitches can fly!" Laughter.

I think briefly about Rosalie being in outer space and admit I must agree. I would have nightmares about Rose on her period in zero gravity. I shudder as I shovel another spoon full of Ben & Jerry's Chocolate Fudge Brownie.

That would be Ron White…. Yes, the comedian. He and all of his other comedian friends have become my only source of enjoyment lately. Do they realize that they are all I've got to take my mind off of my heartbreak? Doubt it. They're just funny as hell. Besides that, the only other reason I watch them is because Jacob hated them. All he would ever watch was football, baseball (but, only if Seattle or Washington played) and South Park… and also porn. I hate all that shit.

I sighed. Again with the Jacob thinking. What the fuck is wrong with you, Bella? My inner voice – that I had named Flo – said to me angrily as I shoved another spoonful of B&J into my mouth violently. Ouch. Not doing that again. The spoon nearly took my tooth out.

Forget Jacob. He's a dick. He treated you wrong and now you're heartbroken, my inner voice told me. Easier said than done, I thought listlessly.

There was a loud banging sound at my door and then a shill voice. "Jesus fucking Christ, Bella. If you don't open the goddamn door, I will have Emmett break it down so I can beat your scrawny ass!"

Rosalie… must be Tuesday if she was angry. Tuesdays are when Rosalie has that douche monster, Mike, come into her store and hit on her. I bet the little prick didn't even like reading – but, then again, you wouldn't think Rose would with just one look at her, yet the beautiful bitch owns a book store that's always stocked with the most amazing books. It was my sanctuary. Was being the key word there.

"Hello, doll face. How are you today?" I asked flatly as I opened to door to Emmett and Rose's faces.

Rose pushed me out of the way and flopped down on my couch. Then, the bitch started eating my ice cream. Oh, it was on now.

"Hey, Bells. How've you been?" Emmett asked quietly defusing my anger for the moment.

He had always been like a brother to me and even with all my problems at the moment, I couldn't be mad at him.

"Same old, same old, Emmett." I muttered and flopped down on the couch next to Rosalie. I jerked the ice cream and spoon out of her hand and held it close to me. I imagined I looked somewhat like that thing in Lord of the Rings…. You know the one that's always saying "My precious." I felt like saying that now, just to add in cliché.

I heard him mutter something and then abruptly took my spoon and ice cream away from me. "Hey!" I protested when he walked over to my window, opened it, and proceeded to throw the ice cream and spoon out it.

"What the fuck, Emmett? Do you want to die tonight?!" I yelled outraged.

"We are staging an intervention, Bella." Emmett said walking back over to us. At least the bastard had enough sense to not get close to me.

Rosalie turned off the TV and said "Yeah, Bella, we're worried about you."

"I'm fine." I said angrily. No more ice cream and now no more Ron White. Did they really want me to start crying?

"You're not fine." Rose said crossing her arms over her chest. "You've been like this for a month now. Watching Comedy Central and eating Ben & Jerry's isn't going to make Jacob suddenly become the nice guy you deserve. So get the fuck over him and come out with us and get drunk. Get so drunk that you fuck a random hot guy and won't even remember him in the morning!"

This bitch is crazy.

Agreed. Flo said.

Thank you for agreeing with me for the first time in my life, I said back to Flo.

"Thanks for the kind words, bitch." I muttered angrily.

"Hey! Don't even pretend to go psycho bitch on me, Isabella Swan. You know better than that. I love you to death, but Jesus I'm tired of seeing my best friend turn into a shell of the Bella Swan that used to work at my bookstore during the day and become a complete party animal after hours." Rose said looking as if she was going to cry… or hit me.

Probably both. And I'd probably let her.

Because you're a pussy. And angry Flo was back. Maybe I'm crazy.

I sighed. "Rose, I love the shit out of you guys, but honestly, I'm fine. Maybe I'm just growing up and getting sick of our teenage ways." Lie. A part of me hoped she believed it.

The other part wanted her to slap me in the face so that I could go back to the things were… before Jacob. Heh. Before Jacob. I hate thinking of my life that way. There was Before Jacob and After Jacob; the after not being much fun. Although, the Jacob-By-Itself didn't end up being great either.

"That's bullshit and you know it." Emmett said from behind me. I turned and looked at him. His mouth was in a tight line and his eyes showed a mixture of shock and anger. "You can't honestly expect us to just pretend to believe that you're all fine and dandy when you're not! Bella, Jacob's a dick and he hurt you. The fucker is lucky to still own his balls because if you would just let me, they'd be–"

"No." I said flatly. No one knew what really happened with Jacob except for Emmett and Rose. My dad was probably sitting by the phone waiting to hear of our engagement. What a crock of shit.

"Look, we didn't come here to propose Emmett finally getting his revenge on Jacob." Rose gave Emmett a pointed look. "We came here because we are taking you out tonight."

"What? No!" I said starting to protest, but Emmett already had me lifted over his shoulder in a fireman's carry and walked to my bedroom.

"Don't fight us, Bells. It'll be worse for you in the end…. Besides, the more you fight, the sluttier she'll make you look." Emmett said jovially as he dropped me on my bed.

Rose was right behind us and closed my door and locked it. "Em." She said, she said something else to him in that weird talking-with-your-eyes kind of way and suddenly Emmett was beside the door looking like a club bouncer.

"What are you doing?" I asked them.

"We are getting you dressed for a night on the town. We are going to get so drunk that we won't remember what happened in the morning. We are going to get you some hot man-meat for the night so that you can finally get over the stupid two-legged dog." Rose said.

She pulled some red fabric out of her luggage bag of a purse and threw it at me. I held it up. Fuck.

"Rosalie Hale, I cannot and will not wear this." I said throwing it back at her.

"Of course you aren't. That one's mine." She said digging around some more, looking determined.

After a total of five minutes, she had produced two pairs of heels and another dress. This one was black…and shorter than the red one. Fuck.

"Rosalie Hale, I swear to God if you get near me with any of that I will rip your uterus out!" I said warily as I tried to get away from her.

"Empty threats don't scare me, Bella. You of all people should know that by now. We've been best friends for what – eighteen years now?" she smirked at me. "Now strip."

"What?" I croaked. In all the years I'd known her, I'd never have thought she make me do something as crazy as make me strip in front of Emmett – her fiancé – and she's been known to come up with some pretty crazy shit.

"Oh, come on, Bella. We all know what you look like naked!" Emmett said exasperatedly. Sadly, that was true. "Besides," he smirked, "I'll make sure you don't see my hard-on."

"Stupid pig." I muttered as I stripped off my tank top and sweat pants.

"All of it, Bella. I've got to get you into sexy underwear." Rose said, yet again digging through her bag. She could probably hide a body in there if she wanted.

I groaned. "Turn around, Emmett. Just because you've seen me naked once doesn't mean I'm going to allow that to happen again." He mock pouted, but turned around anyway.

I hated that it had been brought up – that night was so embarrassing to even think about. Emmett, Rose, and I had gotten drunk one night after a particularly nasty day at school (we were in our junior year of college at the time) and we all woke up the next morning hung-over, naked, and curled up together in Emmett's bed. We never really figured out what happened…. I think it's better we didn't, but I couldn't look Em in the eyes for nearly two months after that. I just couldn't get the picture of his junk on my chest out of my head after that.

I still shudder when I think about it.

"Put these on." She said tossing a ball of black lace at me. I pulled on the panties… which were so far up my butt crack that I wasn't sure if they could be considered legal thongs. Great, now I'm going to walk like I got a dick up my ass all night. I put the bra on next. This wasn't that bad… if you consider see through sexy black lace not that bad. Compared to the thong, it sure wasn't.

I put the dress on next. It wasn't really even a dress; I would call it a long shirt that barely covered my squish mitten. I definitely wasn't going to be bending over in any way tonight.

"Fuck, Bells, if I didn't have Rose, I think I would want to do you right now." Emmett laughed half an hour later when I was deemed perfect for clubbing in Rose's eyes.

"Thanks, Em." I muttered as I walked a few steps uneasily in the high heels. It was official: I now and forever hated Rosalie Lillian Hale. She was going to die an angry violent death. My hair was wavy and a little messy and my eyes were smoky and my lips were glossy and plump. Actually, she made me look like I had just been fucked. I sighed. My boobs also jutted out more than usual.

"And look, the little bitch has big ass titties!" Rosalie laughed as she finished fixing her makeup.

"Fuck you." I grumbled at her.

She smirked and leaned down to almost peck my cheek. I'd learned years before why she didn't just plant a kiss on my cheek; it was to keep her lip gross from smearing and my face from getting sparkly and sticky.

"Are we ready to go now?" Emmett asked impatiently as he pulled my bedroom door open.

"Yes." Rosalie said, grabbing her gigantor purse.

Twenty minutes later, Rose, Em, and I were climbing out of Em's giant yellow Jeep at some club called Breaking Eclipse. Weird name. I think it was new in town; I've never been there. And trust me, the three of us had been to nearly all the clubs and bars in the Seattle area. Ah, good times…. I think. I still don't remember them all. And one time waking up to Emmett wearing Rosalie's panties while I was half naked on the floor – no I don't even wanna go there.

The music was loud and after Rose had gotten a few drinks into my system, I was ready to dance to it. Rose and I grinded on each other while giggling like little girls the whole time. We stopped for more drinks and as I polished off my sixth drink… maybe it was my seventh. No! It was my eighth… I think. Honestly, I'm not really sure how many drinks I've had at the moment, but Emmett joined us on the dance floor and we made a Rosalie sandwich. Just like the good ole days. I missed this. Jacob and I went out to places like this much. Maybe the After Jacob is looking up for me.

Suddenly, I felt someone move up behind me and grind their crotch against my ass. Emmett and Rose were smiling and gave me encouraging nods as they moved away from me and my mysterious dance partner. In my nearly drunken stupor, I figured I liked the anonymity of this situation and completely ignored my partner but rubbed my ass against him. He seemed to like that as I could feel his arousal on my hind end.

"You know, you're a pretty good dancer." His velvety voice said in my ear and sounded like sex.

"You're not so bad yourself." I shrugged and decided to turn and face him.

Oh my! Fuck me sexy Jesus and send me to hell. This boy was beautiful; although he was much more man than boy. I could feel his toned muscles move against me as we continued dancing. His hair was epitome of sex and whenever the strobe lights hit it just right it glowed like fire. His eyes sparkled at me like emeralds. I have never in my life seen a man more handsome than him…. And that wasn't just the alcohol talking, either.

An hour and who knows how many drinks later, Mystery Man and I were making out at the table that Emmett and Rose had saved for us. His lips tasted of vodka and something completely him and I couldn't stop my tongue from licking the taste from him. He groaned lightly when I bit down on his bottom lip and pulled me closer to him. Maybe finding someone for a one night stand wasn't going to be hard. I'd have to thank Em and Rose in the morning…. Speaking of Em and Rose… where were they?

I pulled away from the hunk of man and looked around. I couldn't see them anywhere at all… or maybe I was too drunk to see them.

"If you're looking for your friends, they left about ten minutes ago." Mystery Man slurred.

I turned back to him and slurred "Well, then maybe we should leave, too. I feel like a square just sitting here while everyone is busy having sex on the dance floor!" We laugh.

"Maybe we should get out of here, then." He says seductively.

I smirk at him and we stumble out of the club together and he hails us a taxi and slurs out his address. Then, we are back to making out. Practically having sex in the back of a cab... which I would never do, it is highly uncomfortable in that thing just sitting there. Having sex will make things more… complicated.

"Oh, fuck." I muttered as I rolled away from the sunlight shining much too brightly in the windows. I scrunched my eyes as tightly shut as possible and dug my face into my hard pillow…. Wait a second. My pillows aren't hard! And they certainly don't move like that!

What the fuck! I thought as I pulled away from the human pillow.

"Can you keep your voice down?" the human pillow murmured pitifully as he covered his ears. "I have the hangover of the century."

Did I say that out loud? "You have the hangover of the century? I don't even fucking remember last night. And where the fuck am I?"

He opened his eyes briefly and closed them just as quickly. "Me neither. And you're at my apartment by the looks of things. And just so you know, I don't usually do things like this…. My friend suggested it because apparently I'm a downer and needed some ass." And then his eyes popped open wide. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that. I don't think you're just some ass…. Although, I'll admit, it's looking pretty good from here."

Fuck, I'm naked!? I looked down, but I was covered up. I guess that was okay. "It's alright. I don't usually have sex with guys I've just met, although technically I haven't even met you because I don't even know your name and all. But, my friends made me do this because they thought I needed some cheering up because I just got out of a bad relationship and I've spent weeks watching Ron White and that guy with all the dolls trying to make myself feel better and eating Ben & Jerry's."

"First of all, my name is Edward. And second, I'm sorry to hear that. What happened there?" he asked concerned.

"Pleased to meet you, Edward, I'm Bella. I walked in on my boyfriend of three years whom I thought I was in love with having sex with a girl that had been my friend since high school…. She always had been a bit of a whore, though." I said.

"Beautiful name for a beautiful girl. That's so wrong! What did you do?" he asked.

"Thank you." I smiled slightly. "I didn't have much time to say anything. I think I cried a little. And he told me it was nothing and she didn't mean anything to him. To quote him, 'I don't even like fucking that nasty loose pussy anyway.' Right in front of her, too! If I hadn't been feeling so sad and angry, I think I would've felt sorry for the poor slut."

"That's fucked up. What was her name?" he asked suddenly.

"Jessica. Why?"

"Because I vow to never have sex with girls named Jessica in honor of you, Bella." He said smiling gently, yet painfully. Probably due to the killer hangover we both had.

"That's sweet of you, Edward." I smiled.

"You're welcome. And now, how about we get up and you take a shower while I make a yummy breakfast of Advil and omelets?" he suggested as he climbed out of bed giving me a wonderful of his naked ass.

Forget yummy breakfast. Yummy toned white ass was more like it.

He walked over to the window and pulled the curtains shut, making my head hurt slightly less, but made it harder to see. I wonder what time it is. I looked around the room for a clock as he pulled on a pair of boxers (and I tried not to stare too long at his impressive package, bigger than Emmett even.... Shudder.)

"Come on." He smiled while squinting at me and holding out a hand for me to grab. I made sure his sheet was wrapped tightly around me and grabbed his offered hand. "The bathroom is here." He said leading me into a room that was a dark green color and dimly lit – thank god and Jesus and Mary and all of those other biblical people for that!. "I don't know how you want the water. So, turn the knob left for hot water and right for cold water. And just pull the knob out to turn the shower on. I'll leave towels out for you." He said and then left as I started fixing the temperature of the water.

I couldn't help but moan as the hot water cascaded down my back. Edward's shower was better than mine; it felt like I was getting a massage. Mine was either too hot or too cold and never in between. I wonder if he'd let a random stranger that he had sex with move into his shower. That would be a wonderful conversation, I'd bet. I can see it now. "Hey, Edward?" "Yes, Bella?" "Would you mind if I moved into your shower?" "What?" "It's not like you'd have to share your whole house with me… just the shower. Please?" "Are you fucking crazy?"

Yeah… so not gonna happen. Maybe I should just shoot myself in the foot or something because no matter how many ways you look at life, it completely sucks if you're not rich or impossibly beautiful. Or both. Edward was both. I was… just Bella. So, that kicked me out of both of those categories.

The sudden knock at the bathroom door broke me away from my thoughts and I realized I'd been in here longer than I'd thought.

"Bella, are you all right in there? You've been in there for over half an hour." Edward called from the other side.

Shit. Had I really?

"I'm fine." I called back as I shut the water off. "I always take long showers." I added as an afterthought.

"Oh… okay. Well, breakfast is ready." He said and I heard him walk off.

My stomach grumbled and it almost sounded like some grumbled organ's version of "bitch, you haven't fed me since last night's ice cream and I'm fucking hungry!" Actually, that sounded like something Emmett would say. Maybe in Emmett's free time, he liked to hide out and torment my tummy… it did like to randomly complain to me that it was hungry.

I got out and dried off and – Fuck!

I looked all around the large bathroom searching, thinking maybe they decided to play a little game of hide-and-seek. Nope. No clothes, not even my crazy illegal thong; fucking nowhere. Now, I'd have to walk through his house in a towel, which meant I might as well go naked.

I made sure my towel was tight around me – why I was deciding to be modest now, I have no idea; probably because I was too drunk to care last night – and opened the bathroom door. I took slow, calming breaths as I made my way toward the kitchen. This was going to be embarrassing, I just know it. Shit, shit, shit. Why couldn't I have thought to bring clothes with me?

Because you were too busy ogling that hot piece of ass, you big dumb bitch. I hate inner voices. They're always so negative… and rude.

And completely 100% right, dumb ass. Damn it! That's it, Flo! I'm done with you. You're annoying as hell and give me no helpful advice.

I heard the shuffling of dishes in a room nearby and followed that sound knowing that was where Edward was. I moved faster as if to try and outrun my embarrassment.

"Hey, Edward, we kind of have a problem." I said as soon as I walked in.

He had his back to me and said, "What kind of problem?" And then he turned around, his eyes going wide and his mouth popping open and he dropped the two forks that were in his hands.

I blushed. Apparently, you can run from mortification… but it'll always find you. If it was a person, it'd be Chuck Norris, I'm sure. I cleared my throat. "This kind of problem."

His eyes snapped back to normal size and he closed his mouth. "Um… what?" Very articulate.

"I didn't take my clothes to the bathroom with me and I don't remember seeing them anywhere." I said. No need to mention why the whole building could be on fire and I wouldn't have noticed at this point in time.

"Yeah, I can give you something to wear and I'll look for your dress and… yeah, your dress." He said and shot out of the room like a bat out of Hell. I followed silently.

When I walked into the bedroom he was pulling out a t-shirt from one of his many drawers and tossing onto the bed. I grabbed it and decided since his back was to me I could drop the towel and slip the shirt on quickly. Letting go of the towel, I grabbed the shirt and lifted my arms to put it on… which happened to leave all my girly bits in perfect view. Once the shirt was in place on my body, I looked up at him ready for the next article of clothing. Again his eyes were wide, his mouth open; well, at least he'd managed to hold onto the pants.

He coughed a little and blinked and was back to normal. "Uh, here you go…. I'll just. Go. To the kitchen. While you change." And again he was gone with a fire under his ass.

What was wrong with him? I wondered.

He may have slept with you last night, but you know he remembers just as much as you do. Flo said to me.

At least she didn't cuss me out or imply that I was stupid. Kudos, Flo!

Fuck you. She said back to me.

I quickly put on the sweatpants and pulled them all the way up to underneath my boobs in an attempt to keep them from falling down.

"You wouldn't happen to have a belt would you?" I asked as I walked back into the kitchen holding the pants up.

He grinned sheepishly. "Sorry no. I don't think I've owned a belt since the seventh grade."

I smiled back just because his grin was so infectious. "So, what's for breakfast?" I asked.

"Well, we've got bacon and biscuits and eggs. Oh, and gravy, but I don't think it tastes that great so I make the suggestion that you don't eat it." He said making a disgusted face at the bowl of gray goop.

I sat down in front of the empty plate and grabbed two biscuits and nearly twenty pieces of bacon.

Fat ass. Flo snarled.

Whatever. I was hungry. And I fucking loved bacon; I could never ever pass it up when anyone made it…. Except Jasper. He should not make bacon. I like it burned to a crisp, but not so much that there is nothing but burnt bacon flavored ashes, Poor bastard. I hope his most recent girlfriend was a good cook.

When the bacon hit my tongue, I think I moaned out loud – I'm not sure, really. But, Edward was looking at me with a funny little smirk.

"I'm guessing my bacon is good?" he laughed.

"You have no idea!" I gushed. "I love bacon so much; I think I could marry it. And burnt is the best way to eat it. You're amazing, Edward."

He laughed louder. "Of course, it's the only way to eat it. And… that's a little weird. How would you consummate your marriage?"

"I'd eat it." I said simply shrugging as I finished another piece of bacon.

"But, no real satisfaction for you." He replied.

"It's bacon… I'd eat the bacon. There's very few things that rank better than bacon." I giggled.

His smirk turned seductive. "Do I count as better than bacon?"

"Yes," I replied automatically. Dazed. Whoa, how did he do that?

You don't even fucking remember it! Flo yelled at me.

Edward leaned away from me and said, "Good because it's just sad if bacon is better in bed than me. It's also really embarrassing."

I giggled again. "Yep. Way embarrassing. Actually, I know how it feels to have sex with someone and rather be in bed with bacon. You didn't manage to make the cut. Sorry."

"I think I'll manage not making the Bella's Worst Escapades list." He grinned and stuck a forkful of eggs in his mouth.

The conversation lagged a little after that. We were both more focused on the nourriture than each wasn't an awkward silence, though; it felt more like the silence between two people who know each other so well that you both know every moment must be filled with meaningless conversation. It almost felt like we'd known each other forever. How odd. We barely even knew each other and yet here I was at his house, in his clothes, eating his food. It was probably nothing, though. The last time I'd thought it was something; it turned out to be the worst mistake of my life.

I thought I told you not to think about that lame fuck. Was that not the point of Em and Rose taking you out last night or not? Jeez! Leave me alone, stupid Flo!

"Um. I think I have to go." I said slowly standing after we'd just been sitting there for twenty minutes.

He jumped up. "You don't really have to." He said.

"I probably should. My friends will wonder what happened to me last night." I said almost sadly. I really didn't want to go.

Then don't. Stay here with Edward and have hot passionate sex that you'll actually remember.

But I couldn't.

"Oh, okay." He said sounding like a sad little child.

As I walked to his front door with my purse in one hand and pants held up with the other, I turned to him. "I'll give your clothes back as soon as I can."

"Keep them." He insisted.

"No, I really couldn't. I'll feel bad."

"Well, then how about this? You give me my clothes back when I find yours and give them back to you." He said.

"But, how will you–"

He shushed me by putting his finger against my lips. "Don't worry about it. If something is meant to be, just sit back and let it happen." He said cryptically. "We will meet again, Bella Swan." He smiled.

"Goodbye, Edward." I murmured in a daze and walked out of his apartment.

I don't remember getting home because my mind was in a fog. I never got his number, but what was the point of that anyway? I knew I'd never get the courage to call him…. He'll forget me soon enough as it is. That would just be weird. I could see the conversation now. "Hello?" his voice would say. "Hi, Edward?" I would say back timidly. "Yeah… who is this?" "Oh, I'm just the girl you fucked when we were both so drunk we couldn't even remember if it was good or not – I mean you were good – probably great! But, I don't really remember it and I woke up in your bed at your apartment feeling like I'd known you my whole life." Click. He'd hang up. Yeah, even I'm not stupid enough to believe that wouldn't not happen if the situation ever arose.

I walked in my front door feeling sad because I just knew I'd never see him again. Wasn't I supposed to be feeling great after just having sex last night? That was how I was supposed to feel.

At least you're not torn up over the dick that couldn't keep it in his pants for you. Ugh. Now was not the time for Flo to go about bugging me. Maybe I'm crazy. I have a voice in my head that talks to me named Flo and I just got home from a random stranger's apartment named Edward, whom I slept with last night after getting completely shit-faced. I sighed.

As soon as I walked into my apartment, I was attacked by big arms that wrapped me up against their body. "Bella!" the voice to the arms yelled in my ear. "I'm missed you this morning! I had to eat Rose's nasty bacon. I missed you so, so much!"

"Say one more thing about the goddamn bacon, Emmett, and you're sleeping outside from now on." Rosalie threatened from somewhere behind us.

I gasped for the breath that had conveniently decided to scram when Emmett picked me up. "Em… I – can't.... Air!" was all I managed as darks spots clouded my vision.

"Emmett McCarty! Put her down before she passes out! She can't breathe." Rosalie yelled from a far off place where I still couldn't see her.

He dropped me, causing me to land on my ass in the floor at his feet. A hand appeared in front of my face as he laughed. "Sorry, Bells. I didn't mean to almost kill you."

"Yeah, yeah, I'm sure." I muttered as I regained the air in my lungs.

Finally, Rose appeared as Emmett pulled me over to my couch to sit. She was sitting at my kitchen table lounging in one of my old chairs with a book lying in front of her, but it was closed. Her eyes were trained on me and Emmett – or should I say, just me?

"How did it go last night?" she asked finally after taking in a long look at my appearance.

"Great, I guess. I didn't remember a thing just as you asked." I said pleasantly.

"Really? Did you do the nasty with a random hot stranger?" she asked her interest aroused but she still had this look in her eye that said she knew something that she wouldn't share.

I blushed. "Yes."

"Was he good?" Emmett jumped in grinning broadly.

"I don't remember. But, with as beautiful as he was, most likely." I said, my blush deepening.

"Perfect!" Rose squealed and suddenly her arms were around me and I was being choked out by her blonde hair.

I didn't understand her sometimes. She was so… man-ish when it came to sex; she thought everyone (especially me) needed a really good fuck that they would never remember every once in a while. I sighed. "Will you please get off of me?" I asked bored.

She pulled away from me but didn't get off me; she chose to keep her bony ass planted on my lap.

"Well, I've got some good news." She said cheerily.

Oh, fuck. Flo said distraughtly.

Oh, fuck is right. Last time she had good news… well, let's just not go there.

"What?" I asked warily.

"Jasper is back in town with his girlfriend-with-potential-to-be-fiancé and they want us to come to dinner with them Friday night." she smiled happily. "Oh, and guess what's better! Her brother will be with them and he lives right here in Seattle. He's also single." She added coyly.

I smiled. Jasper was back. Maybe he could reign in his crazy ass sister… although; he did tend to wild things, too. And what was better was Alice was here. I'd never met Alice – or her single brother, for that matter – but, I'd heard plenty of things about her. I felt like I already knew her.

Friday night dinner. Yes, I think I could do that… even if Rose was already getting ideas into her head about me hooking up with Alice's brother.

Well, what do y'all think? No, I'm not finished. I just stopped here because I thought it was long . Plus, I'm really tired…soo goodnight! :)