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I had that feeling, like when you go do a report in school in front of everyone and you stumble through it like a major idiot. And when you walk back down to everyone, they all register how much of an idiot you are. For some reason I felt so publicly put out there now, so he kissed me, so what? I felt like my heart and everything inside had just been ripped open, and flooding out like a dam that is broken right up the middle.
"Sorry," he pulled away, "I really, really should not have done that," He kind of scooted away from me.
"It's okay, really. It just scares me," I wasn't good at hiding my feelings, always straight forward.
"Why would it scare you?" He asked all concerned.
"Cause, never mind." I muttered under my breath, "Because I know you feel it to."
"Feel what? I don't get it?" His face scrunched up in confusion.
Tears, for some unknown reason, started to well up in my eyes, "Nothing." I got up and started to walk towards the water. I slipped off my shoes and slipped my feet into the cool, wet sand. I sat myself down away from the tide and started to cry. He followed me, but not to close.
"Are you crying?" He asked, standing a few feet away from me. I heard the jacket's zipper being unzipped. He slipped it over my shoulders and sat down next to be.
"Why? Are you upset? I'm really sorry," the sincerity in his voice rang out.
"Just because," I spoke louder and clearer, "Now I know you feel it to."
"Feel what, Hannah? I don't understand?"
"The connection!" I turned to him, "The feeling that I just can't live another second without you for the rest of my life. That connection."
"For what? All you did was kissed me." I tried to sound sympathetic. It really wasn't my fault.
"But it is. You wouldn't understand, sorry but I can't explain to you right now. Maybe later this year, but for now I can't."
"You can't tell me why we have a connection?" I asked, so confused.
"All I can say is that for some reason, I know I love you."
This kid was bizarre. First he kisses me within an hour of knowing him and then now he says he loves me, "I think we need to leave."
"Okay, whatever you want. We can go back to my place to meet Quil and Seth and everyone else," He smiled, "Put the sweatshirt on and I swear I won't kiss you again," He laughed.
I giggled, "What ever you say." I slipped my arms though the sleeves and slipped the sweatshirt over my head. It was warm and nice. Just like Jake.
We got back into the car and drove off to his house. Even though we may have only been driving maybe twenty miles an hour, my head felt like it was going two hundred miles an hour with all the thoughts rushing through my head, how could it be his fault that there was that "connection" between him and I. I wanted him to tell me what he couldn't tell me before, I needed to know or this was going to be unbearable. I could tell he could tell I was thinking about it, I could also tell he didn't want me to. We pulled into his driveway and walked to the back where he introduced me to his dad. His friends elbowed him and one even mutter, "Smooth, Jake, way to get some." I felt embarrassed and I wasn't even sure if they were talking about me. We sat down on a bench around a fire pit and one of his friends, Quil I think, lit the fire, "So tell us more about yourself," His father, Billy asked me.
"Well," I didn't know where to start, "There isn't much to say. I'm pretty boring, just a normal sixteen year old girl." I pushed forward a smile and looked around. The one named Sam was eyeing me deep into my soul, "Really."
"What about your family?" A girl, maybe Leah said.
"Well my mom lives at home with two of my brothers. I have three brothers, all older then me. My dad, well he's away right now. We lived for a while on a reservation for Abenaki people but then when my dad, uh went away we kind of got exiled off the reservation. It was kind of harsh, lost a lot of my friends. Just because of a stupid little story," Before I could take it back, I realized I had just spit out a huge secret.
This time Jacob interjected with interest, "What story?"
It wasn't one I was comfortable telling, it was a lie and so stupid, yet it had ruined my life, "Well, I don't remember it exactly but one day my father came home, madder then hell about something and just stormed out. It wasn't until a week later until the council kicked us out, telling us my father was a werewolf and that he had some evil spirit in him. Well, I guess my dad didn't really leave. He," I stuttered a bit from the cold, or maybe because this makes me wanna curl up and die, "He killed himself because of this whole werewolf crap. It wasn't like it was true; he was just upset because we got exiled." They seemed intrigued.
"That's horrible," Jacob comforted, putting his hand on my shoulder, "I'm so sorry."
A wave of grief rushed over me, "its fine. Really, I'm over that it's my brother that I'm not over. It happened to him too. Everyone said he had turned into a werewolf too; he couldn't take it at school and was rarely at home, it was horrible. He couldn't take it so he ran away. A month later he killed himself too." Silence followed. "I guess I'm making myself sound like a freak, aren't I. It's all lies," I laughed, "Just silly rumors that drove a couple people mad. Man am I a downer or what, sorry." I kicked my feet in the dirt and made circles with my feet.
"No, not a freak," Jacob said, he seemed to be careful with his words, "We have Quileute stories too about werewolves. That would make since because our two tribes are closely related." He seemed to be trying to make a point very clear, but he smiled while doing it though, so I didn't mind.
After another hour of talking and joking he took me home. We talked about school and everything there was in Forks. He walked me to the door and hugged me goodbye. It was obvious he had something more important on his mind.
"Goodnight Hannah, I'll pick you up at seven am sharp," He smiled wide.
"Oh here," I started to unzip his jacket from my body, "I forgot to give it back."
"No, you can keep it. Your awfully cold," He smiled.
"Okay, thanks. I guess I'll see you tomorrow?"
"Of course." He seemed to linger there like he was waiting for something, and I knew what. I put myself on my tippy-toes and kissed him on his cheek. He muttered something under his breath that sounded like thank you.
I couldn't stop smiling. I told him goodbye and walked inside. After taking a shower I settled into bed before Bella even got home. All I could think about was him, and I would give everything and anything to know he was thinking the exact same thing.
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