Title: Motherhood is Stranger then Fiction

Author: PiperDreamer

Slant means thought.

Bold means Inner

Disclaimer: Do not nor ever will I own Naruto!!!

Warning: Mild language use!


"What?" Sakura said, staring at Tsunade as though the woman lost her mind.

"I said congrats, you're now the mother of three S-class criminals."


Chapter 1: Edible Toast


Sakura knew today was going to be bad. Why?

Because her toast was fit for human consumption.

Most people took different things a bad sign:

Asuma took a no smoking sign as a bad sign. Tsunade took a wining streak as a bad sign. Kakashi took Jairiya's writer's block as a bad sign. Ino took a shoe sale with no cute shoe's in it as a bad sign.

For Sakura's toast to be edible (who's toast was normally black and could double as a bludgeoning weapon and as a last resort, food) was a very bad sign.

The last time her toast was edible she had been made Chief Geriatric Practitioner for a year.

She still had horrible nightmares of wrinkly ugly old people. NUDE wrinkly ugly old people.

Pushing that thought as far away as possible, the nineteen year old continued her morning but at a cautious pace.

As the day wore on Sakura became more suspicious, thinking up horrible scenario's of how this day could end.


Tsunade looked at the stacks of paper in front of her, trying to comprehend what she was reading.

She received word that an old lair of Orochimaru's had been recently discovered by a few villigers from a nearby town. It was on the boarder of Sound and Fire and had sent a squad of ANBU's plus Naruto to investigate after the villigers disappeared when entering it.

That had been over two weeks ago and the squad had just return early that morning with a bizarre story.

Apparently Orochimaru and Kabuto had been there, experimenting on how to physically de-age a person when the ANBU were attacked by Itachi and Kisame who had brought a friend along in the form of the Akatsuki's resident cannibal, Zetsu.

During the battle one of the ANBU had knocked over the as of then yet tested serum as Kabuto had hit the lockdown button. As soon as everyone saw the rapidly building mist from the shattered vial one of the ANBU'S knocked out the protesting Naruto as everyone made a dash for the exit. The ANBU (who were carrying the unconscious Naruto), Itachi and Kabuto had escape before the doors sealed themselves. Itachi and Kabuto got away, but Kisame, Zetsu and Orochimaru were trapped.

The ANBU's split into two groups, one to take Naruto back to the safety of Konoha and the other to wait till the next morning before daring to reopen the hide out.

When the opened it they found the most unbelievable sight.

The three S-class shinobi were kid's, ranging between the ages of eight to five. Not sure what to do the remaining squad took the trio back to Konoha.

Tsunade took a deep breath before fixing the squad leader a stern glare, which proved to be a wasted effort as the man was busy trying to keep the now five year old Zetsu at arms length to prevent said child from chopping on him as the kid had proven to still have a taste for human flesh.

The one holding an eight year old Orochimaru also seemed to be having trouble with his arm-load due to the child attempting to talk his ears off. Never saw him as the chatty brat type, Tsunade mused.

The last one, a six year old Kisame proved to be the good child, as he sat in his ANBU's arm quietly, burying his face into the ANBU's vest as though to hide from them.

The three had been psychologically tested and proven to have the mind set of the age they took with no memories beyond said age.

But she still had no idea as to how long this would last, for all she knew they were going to return to the natural ages in a matter of seconds. But right now they were innocent children, and was going to need someone to watch them.

Tsunade wanted sake right at the moment but even she wouldn't drink in front of impressible children.

Impressible… that's it!

Tsunade smirked, causing the three criminals turned children to clutch there respective ANBU's tightly.

"Take these three to the lobby, and send me Haruno Sakura."


It was 5 o'clock in the evening and so far it had turned out to be a wonderful day; no deaths, crippling wounds, the hospital had gotten newer and better supplies, she had eaten with Team 7 and Naruto, who had just returned from a mission the day previous, had paid while Sai had behaved and only called her 'Hag' once.

It would have been a perfect day if it wasn't for the fact she was very paranoid which made her high-strung worse then caffeine did, causing her to nearly punch Yamato-sensei when he patted her on the shoulder.

Her shift had ended she had beelined her way home, hell-bent on reaching the safety of her home before something does go wrong.

The door knob was right within her grasp when an ANBU popped up next to her.

"Haruno-san, Hokage-sama demands your attendance immediately."

Fuck, Sakura thought.


Sakura walked into the lobby wondering what Tsunade wanted. If she puts me on urinal sampling duty I'll kill her. The young medic thought angrily. She should of just stayed in bed.

"Why do you wear that mask? How do you breathe? Are you ugly? Why does it look like a beaver? What's the capital of Fire country? Are you really a guy?"

What...?

Looking around Sakura found the source of the questions, and nearly had a heart attack. There was a little kid that looks exactly like Orochimaru only eight years old!

No, it couldn't be. The kid didn't have a malicious chakra and seemed obvious to what kind of shinobi was holding him. Plus he was waaaay too talkative.

Making her way pass the ANBU's holding children Sakura beelined to Tsunade's office, wondering the whole way who the kid was. Orochimaru's son perhaps?

THAT particular idea made her gag. The thought of Orochimaru reproducing ranked right up there with the thought of Gai having children. Something you never wanted to imagine. Ever.

Reaching the door Sakura gave a tentative knock. A muffled come in was heard and the young pink haired girl walked in, dread weighing heavily in the pit of her stomach.


Hope ya like it, I've been planning to put this up for a while.

I know this kind of story has been done before but I just couldn't resist, though I am sorry about how short it is.

Review please!

PD

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