DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE NARUTO MERCHANDISE, AND THIS FANFIC IS FOR ENJOYMENT PURPOSES ONLY FOR FANS AND BY FANS. DO NOT MAKE A PROFIT OUT OF THIS! OR TOILET PLUNGERS WILL INVADE YOUR DREAMS!
Summary: Sakura is in for a big surprise! Is she pregnant!? Whose baby is it!? What's a twelve year old girl to do!? Psych naw (sarcastic laugh).... the big truth is way more surprising than that.
Warning! This fic is pure crack! Rated T for some language, yaoi undertones, and wtf-ness. Read and Review!
On a sunny day in Konoha, the birds were chirping, the sun shining, the sky a nice blue, and a certain pink-haired kunoichi was screaming.
What was she screaming at? In front of her stood Sasuke and Naruto, looking at her with all seriousness. They eyed every little atom and thing making up her light body.... and its clothes of course. Sakura was cornered, and what reached her ears killed her Inner Sakura buddy in a flash. In fact, one could almost see inner-Sakura leak out of the traumatized kunoichi's eyes. Kakashi was nowhere to be seen, but one could assume that said sensei/jounin in question was reading his porn. But why should he, when it would be much more fun to relax, chakra hidden along with his person in a tree, and watch his cute little students and their unraveling drama?
Hyperventilating Sakura breathed in and out, in and out, like a mother struggling to breathe during labor. Naruto, despite the seriousness in his eyes, twitched his lower-lip, trying to fight back a smile. Sasuke on the other hand, was disappointed with Sakura's weak mental state.
"You're one annoying daughter," he said simply.
Naruto nodded but added, "She is cute. She is recollecting herself--"
"BUT TO THIS EXTENT!" Duckbutt's current glare was scarier then the Mangekyou Sharingan, and with that one look, Naruto twitched and shut up.
Sakura, finally able to speak, stuttered towards Sasuke. "Y-y-you two.... are my parents?" She couldn't help but feel betrayed. The idiot and the love of her life had a love child. To make things more awkward, the love of her life gave birth to her. Which broke many rules, considering that the three kids have recently graduated the Academy, each at age 12.
"Sakura-chan, it's okay. Let papa comfort you--"
"YOU TWO ARE IDIOTS!" She lunged to punch Naruto only to be restrained by Sasuke's grip on her wrist. Wait.. what? He's sticking up for Naruto and not letting me punch? This is Madness!
"This isn't Sparta, Sakura." Sasuke muttered into her ear as if reading her mind.
Shit, truth or not, Sasuke-kun's a hunk! This is so wrong in many ways....
Yet so right CHA! said her reborn inner.
"Right, you two. This isn't the truth! I have two perfectly normal parents who match me-"
"Genjutsu," Sasuke countered.
"You two are my age mates--"
"Time warp juutsu's and stolen scrolls--" sang Naruto with Sasuke harmonizing.
"AND YOU TWO ARE GOING OUT!? AREN'T YOU GUYS LIKE MALE!?"
"Oiroke no jutsu" Naruto also countered.
"Sakura, for a girl who looks in the mirror often, it's surprising you haven't figured it out." Sasuke said with a sigh.
Sakura stared into her reflection at a nearby water source, only to realize in shock that Sasuke-kun had a point. Her strawberry blonde hair could have been a blend of Naruto and Sasuke, the unnaturalness of its color perhaps resulting from how Naruto used Sexy Jutsu and how Sasuke could have possibly a hidden gene within his clan. Her bangs resembled that of Sasuke's, and her preference in bright color was much like Naruto. Yup. There were already way too many similarities to list, and this was all achieved by careful staring into the water. How splendid.
And speaking of genes....
"How did you two...."
"We could demonstrate," Naruto smiled kindly while Sasuke face-palmed.
"Not necessary!" Sakura screamed, covering her eyes. With this, Sasuke decided to take the opportunity to talk.
"Then listen up. There is no real synchronization technique to create you. It just happened. My jutsu and his juutsu combined..." Sasuke's voice became husky at the mention of this process, and Sakura was too traumatized already to be soothed by her sexy PAPA's voice. So she covered her ears, which allowed for her vision to catch a peek at Naruto smashing his lips into the darker-haired boy, moaning into the kiss the words, "You talk too much, smartaasssss...." the last word whispered more.
...and then she broke down and cried.
"Show some respect and dignity from this truth. Accept it and turn it into something that will make you stronger."
"Ugh..." Great. Now he was lecturing.
"Hn. Good. As expected of an Uchiha."
"Wha?" Sakura's split mind, both thrilled from being one of Sasuke-kun's family and scarred at the thought that romance was now forbidden could only watch as Naruto insulted his spouse, saying that she was meant to be an Uzumaki and Sasuke's duty of taking the role of the wife.
"THE UCHIHA CLAN IS AT TOP PRIORITY OF BEING RESTORED, USURATONKACHI!!"
"I DIDN'T HAVE A CLAN TO BEGIN WITH, AND AS FUTURE HOKAGE I'LL NEED ONE, DATTEBAYO!"
"Naruto, you selfish loser!"
"Oh, Sasuke stop being such a woman!"
"A woman!?" But before Sasuke could make a comback, Sakura's already scarred mind, its walls of rationality and protection reduced to rubble as if by Tsunade's fist, took in the sentence in a state of desperately believing anything that came to mind. It now made sense... to why Sasuke-kun found me annoying when I tried to flirt. Heck, she has multiple reasons.... But even with this twisted logic, Sakura wouldn't let the subject drop without a word.
"N-no, Sasuke-kun it can't be--"
"Sakura don't be ridiculous! Here, I can prove it-"
"Sasuke-teme that's crude! And you call your a prideful Uchiha--"
"It's all probably genjutsu anyway! Ha! Even I an idiot can figure out when you try to make yourself look sexier.... doing it for me, bitch?" Naruto smirked, Sasuke blushed...
....and then Sakura fainted.
Meanwhile, Kakashi and Jiraiya were watching the drama unfold. The pervy sage had his writing journal and began to draft the new book in his Icha Icha drama, anticipating and excited. Kakashi watched both his idol and students, failing to hold back the drool emmiting from his mouth at the juice of youth and an adult's world made one.
"Such emotion.... splendid.. why are your students like this, Hatake Kakashi?" Jiraiya asked as the two boys carried a fainted Sakura.
"Let's just say... Naruto and Sasuke's mission establish-a-family-bond-within-the-team was pushed a little too far."
Both men shared a smile.
A/N to conclude:
Thanks for reading!
This fic was born out of boredom and thinking. Sakura was the last main among team 7 to be created, making her seem young. As Team 7 has a family-like bond in it, I thought that Sakura resembles Naruto and Sasuke at a lesser and more feminine degree.
Think about it: the inferiority complex and wish to challenge Ino is kind of like a less extreme Sasuke and Itachi. (both parties have names starting with S and I) and like Naruto, she has been bullied/alone-like as a child (maybe not SHUNNED to his extent, but she was teased for that wide forehead.)
Yea.. I crazy. And I should really be working on my hmwk and other fic, but... meh. *gets shot*
And for those of you who are wondering, this takes place sometime in Part I. Think of it as some nonsensical omake of sorts.
I'd appreciate some reviews!