Summary: Edward goes to seek revenge on Carlisle and it doesn't quite turn out like he expected to. Make sure you read Oh Snap to fully understand this better.
After I awoke from my nap, I went to seek out my father. I saw him in the kitchen with Esme kissing and groping each other, almost desperately it seemed like. Ugh, nasty ass shit. My anger grew for him as he continued to cop feels at Esme, because I know he had those same hands on my own girl.
I started seething as I walked up to them, Esme finally noticed my presence after like 5 minutes and tried to get Carlisle to stop, he didn't he continued to grope her, I got even more fed up and grabbed him in a choke hold, he flailed around a bit before finally giving up. I tightened my grip and started to strangle him.
"Edward, what are you doing!!!? That's your father you are killing! Stop it this instant." I looked down to see a blue looking Carlisle and I let my grip slip a bit to allow him room to breathe. But I didn't like the satisfaction of him living so I tightened my grip back up. I acutely heard Esme screaming at me in the background, calling me names, me. "Skank Whore Cum Dumpster!" she yelled, "Sklut! (skank and a slut combined), VIGINA BITCH!" It just kept going till I stood up with Carlisle, and back slapped that hoe.
She screamed in agony and started to sob, I almost felt a little guilty, almost. I threw Carlisle on the floor and kicked him in the gut. He groaned in pain, I smiled in victory, then Esme came in. "Why Edward? "Why would you do this to your poor innocent father", she cried, and then I started yelling. "You don't know shit bitch! Shut your fucking trap before I fill it up! Dick sucking hoe." she whimpered. I looked back down at Carlisle and sneered. "Why the fuck would you touch Bella, Carlisle! You knew she was mine." I kicked him again.
Esme looked at me. "He touched Bella?" she asked.
"No, the fucking Easter bunny got her pregnant, Of course he touched her, but I killed that skank, and I'm bout to kill this one to." I raised my fist to lay one last punch to his face when Esme popped in.
"Fucking bitch! SKANK WHORE CUM DUMPSTER! SKLUT! VIGINA BITCH!" She yelled at Carlisle. "I knew your fucking dick tasted weird!" And she kicked him in the gut.
Carlisle groaned and tried to speak, "Edward, what are you talking about? I never touched Bella." He grunted out.
"So you're calling her a liar?" I asked.
"Fuck yeah; when in the hell did you ever hear another heartbeat?" I thought about it for a moment and Carlisle was right, I never heard another heart beat just one, Bella lied to me. I'm going to kill that sklut. Damn she's already dead. I'm going to be screwed when I get home too. Fuck it, I don't care.
I ran out the door yelling out, "Thanks dad, you're the best!" I hopped into my silver mini Volvo and headed back to Wal-Mart, I parked exactly where I was when all this happened. She was still under the van the only difference is that, she had random cats licking all over her face so it was kind of clean. I walked over to the cats and they didn't move, so I ran back to my mini and grabbed my paint ball gun. I'm bout to go 'Scar Face' on these bitches.
"Say hello to my little friend! I yelled, and shot all the cats in the head with the green paint balls, I heard a chorus of 'meows', and smirked. I think I hit Bella once on accident, I shrugged. So I yanked Bella up letting the dead cats fall off of her, one of them got guts all over her shirt, EW.
I stood her up and grabbed her cat licked face, and opened her eyes, I saw her pupils moving from side to side. How the fuck is she still alive? I shrugged again. I looked her dead in the eye and she suddenly came conscious, "Eddie!" she squealed, I pimp slapped that hoe. "Eddie" she whispered. I backed away from her. She looked hurt. "Why did you lie to me Bella?" I asked
"I wanted to get back at you for lying to me." She said.
I started at her, "When did I ever lie to you?"
"You promised me you would take me to chucky cheeses, and you never did", she began to sob.
I stared at her like she had three heads. "Um Bella…, I did take you to chucky cheese…"
"LIAR!" she sobbed harder.
"…Dude, you were drunk off your ass, and you went to play with the DDR machine and as soon as the thing said move, you fainted." I said
I could literally see the wheels turning in her head as she processed this information, then a look of understanding crossed her features. "Oh yeah, that's right." and she smiled and attempted to hug me. I never wanted to slap someone more than I wanted to Bella at this moment, but I didn't, because I'm a good boy, and instead, brought on the water works, and started to sob. "What the fuck happened to trust in this relationship Bella? I thought we could tell each other everything."
"We can", she whispered "I promise, let's start off on a fish plate"
I nodded and we headed to the mini. I let the engine purr and was about to put in reverse when all of a sudden she thrust her hips into my face.
"Little Eddica's been crying all day because of your horny ass, I think it's time for her release, I pushed her back on to the stirring wheel and it honked, a few pedestrians looked and I saw that same fucking hairy ass old lady looking at us again. "WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM LADY?!!!! YOU NEED TO SHAVE THOSE BITS!!!!" I screamed at her.
She started walking towards the car and showed me why she couldn't shave her lady bits. There was a mother fucking head… lodged between what should be called folds… not a human head no, a freaking real life wrinkly ass penis head. That was the worst sight to behold, and I puked. Bella looked horrified that I puked on her, and then she puked. The old lady seemed fine with this and I was almost ok to digest it until I saw blue on her fingers for pulling the head out her dirty hairy. I vomited again, which caused Bella to vomit; it was all on my head and freaking sick as mess. Ugh. I pushed Bella to her seat, she was about to gag again, and I couldn't take it any longer, I reversed, then put the car in drive to hit the old lady, she flew up in the air and landed on my wind shield, her dress was up and there were splats of blue and clear all over the wind shield. "DID SHE JUST FUCKING CUM ON MY WIND SHEILD!!!" I yelled.
I reversed to get her off the car, and she rolled off, I put the windshield wipers to work and tried to get the blue and clear goop off.
"EW, Edward what's that?" Bella asked, I looked to where she was pointing and saw the wrinkly head she had in her lady bits. I rolled my window down just in time to puke my guts out.
Ugh. I need a fucking doctor. I think I'm traumatized", I muttered, Bella nodded and we headed home to get in the shower. Tomorrow, I will set us an appointment with the therapist.
A/N: Lol so it will be good for me to say that I'm a bit disturbed with my own writing, lol, but you know the drill, read and review, :D lol and I'm writing another weather you like it or not, but I'm getting help on this one and its going to be simpler and make maybe a tad more since :D