A/N: Hey guys. This is a story I wrote soooo long ago for my teacher. So please forgive the crappiness. Anyways, Trent x Gwen. Sorry if their OOC, it was an original story before this. And I'm sorry if I forgot to change the names somewhere. Oh, and the lemon is old too, and wasn't there when I handed it in to my teacher.

If you could only see the way she loves me, maybe you'd understand

- If You Could Only See, Tonic

I'm not a bad man, I've made my mistakes, and Gwen was one of them. But I never regretted her, I never regretted it for a second. I paid for it all, I did my time. Now all that's left is moving on.

She was 13, and I was soon turning 30. My birthday was just around the corner, and me and a few of my buddies were going to the pub to celebrate. My girlfriend was even coming into town. I never expected anything to happen, but then again I never thought I might just find myself in Humbert Humbert's position.

Gwen was in my history class, and was by far the most talented, the brightest, and the prettiest student in the class -- maybe the entire school. But despite all of these positive qualities she was a mediocre student, who got mediocre grades, and had no friends whatsoever. I've seen her try to reach out many times, but every time she did try the kids shot her down and walked away, leaving Gwen in a deeper hole than before.

They say that students only tease because they are jealous, and I never believed it to be true until Gwen. The way she presented herself was already something to be envied. You can tell just by the way she walks, and sits down at her desk she knows exactly who she is.

I was always infatuated with her character, but not with her as a girl, and imagined that if I had been her age I would be the loser boy asking her out to a movie or to McDonalds. But since I was her History teacher I had no intentions of finding any bit of her sexually attractive. So I stayed intrigued with her as a being.

"Alright, now everyone get into pairs and then we can continue on with the lesson." I said over the class.

It took only a few seconds for all of the students to find partners, and after the few last stragglers everyone but one was paired up. Gwen didn't even seem to notice, she was busy reading the criteria, pushing her glasses up her nose, and brushing a few strands of blue hair out of her face. Her dark eyes scanning the paper carelessly.

"Aww, look who's all alone…again." Heather -- the popular ditz-- cooed mockingly.

The entire class broke out into hushed giggling causing Gwen to look up from the paper at the mocking faces of her peers. Though she did her best to hide it, I could see the hurt blatantly placed in her eyes. Searching the faces did no good, no student showed any sympathy, or a glimpse of pity. They all just laughed at her misfortune.

"Heather! See me after class!" I snapped, and her pretty tanned face snapped up at me with widened, surprised eyes. I glared at the rest of the class, scanning them with narrowed eyes, making sure they knew that I was not in the mood for their 'fun and games'. "I'm so sick of your stupid egos. If I hear another snide remark you'll be writing lines for the rest of the week." I said angrily, and any subsiding giggling came to an end.

After that little incident the class went as smoothly as it possibly could, there was no whispering or notes being passed. Everyone was too scared of the consequences that may occur because of their actions. I wasn't always watching, but I could feel Gwen's eyes upon me throughout the class. Whenever I looked at her though she was scribbling things into her red notebook; her secret notebook.

Twenty minutes later the bell rang, dismissing the class to their lunch break. All the students began filing out, I noticed Gwen lingering behind at the doorframe, I suppose she wanted to hear Heather's ego get taken down a few notches.

"So tell me Heather, why do you continue to pick on your classmate? What do you gain? The acceptance of others? You'd have to be a very insecure person to have to pick on others to make yourself suitable to live with, you know that?" I stared directly into her eyes, but she was obviously having trouble keeping eye contact.

"What did she ever do to you anyways? It's people like you who make this world a bad place, and I will not stand by and allow you to cause turmoil just because you're having a bad day." I spoke quietly, in a calm voice.

Heather gaped at me stupidly. "Now, if this continues I'm going to bring this up with the principal. And if you consider 'getting back at her' because you got yourself in trouble, I will see to it that you get suspended. Is that clear?" I hissed the last part, the venom in my voice was clear, and all she could do was nod before scurrying out of my classroom like a cheerleader with her skirt on fire.

My mind was in a frenzy at that time. One of my stupid qualities had me getting too involved in the student's problems. I had to right every wrong, and it was difficult work. It left me stressed out after work, and gave me headaches at night.

I sighed, and slouched back in my chair, staring straight ahead at the rows of desks so neatly placed. The classroom was a soul sucking place, but I had no choice but to stay inside, if I went out there, I'd only run into more problems.

"Mr. Ladner…" Gwen's voice broke my train of thoughts as she quietly entered my classroom and closed the door behind her.

I offered a smile and tried my best to wipe the stress from my face, "Gwen, what can I do for you?"

Gwen took long steps towards a desk and hopped onto it, eyes looked mine. "Why did you help me?" She asked quietly, cocking her head to the side.

Another sigh escaped my lips and I leaned forward so my elbows were resting on my desk. "You're my student, and I have a responsibility to make this a safe learning environment for you." The words I spoke were merely memorized, what all of us teachers are forced to say, though I do admit most of us are a little choosey when it comes to who to rescue or not.

"You're lying. If it was Heather being made fun of you wouldn't have responded so harshly." she stated the facts, and I had to hide my discomfort. "Why did you freak out for me?" Her voice became softer as she spoke, "I'm nothing special. I'm a lousy student, I hardly ever hand in any homework. I don't participate in class discussions. I'm pretty dumb. Ugly, too skinny…all of that stuff." Her eyes averted downwards,

I gaped, I couldn't believe the words that I was hearing from such a talented young girl. "Are you crazy Gwen? You're one of the smartest, and prettiest girls in the school." I said gently, causing her to look up with wide eyes.

"You're only saying that because you're my teacher."

I couldn't help but stand up from my desk and take a step towards her, gently placing my hand on my cheek. It was all stepping over boundaries -- but I really didn't care. Something took over me and I couldn't stop it.

"I really shouldn't because I'm your teacher." I said gently, words hardly a whisper as I kneeled in front of her and brushed back a few strands of blue hair.

Her eyes strayed down to her sleeved forearm and suddenly I seemed to be able to see right through the fabric, and look at the scars.

"Where do you do it?" I asked quietly, and her eyes widened even more. For a long moment there was silence, then she reached over and pulled up her sleeve, and on her arm there were a number of cuts, some small and shallow. Others were large and obviously deep. She held them out there, waiting for something, maybe approval, maybe disgust. But she held her forearm out to me, with tears streaming down her pale cheeks with an expression so empty it was painful to look at.

"I wanted to feel something real." she whispered and she stared at the drinking and driving posters on the wall.

"Do you feel this…?" I murmured and began kissing every cut and gash on her arm. She looked so scared for a moment I thought I had just pushed her away completely, but she never pulled away. Only stared at me with her dark eyes in shock. I could feel her pulse going wild from my grip on her wrist.

When I was finally finished I gently rolled her sleeve back down and rubbed my hand over the fabric clad forearm.

"I like you Trent…a lot." she fiddled with her skirt as she spoke, pushing and pulling the fabric.

"Look, I really…"

"Gwen…my name is Gwen." She corrected,

I sighed and started over, "Gwen, you're only 13, and I'm going to be 30 on Friday night." I reasoned and broke all skin contact with her, watching her expression turn painful. "Please don't be sad."

"I never feel anything anyways. It didn't hurt. Nothing does…not anymore." She whispered, the tears were flowing again from her eyes, and guilt overtook me.

"What can I do to help you feel?" I asked, maybe begged.

It was like I could feel every emotion that she was feeling, and I just wanted to break down myself, and beg someone to help me better. But I listened instead, that desperate look in her eyes kept me holding on, the way she held herself kept me from completely losing it.

"Kiss me…" If I hadn't been so close I never would've heard it, or the desperation in her voice when she said it. "Just once...Please…" She looked up at me with her bloodshot eyes, as if she knew exactly how to coax me into complying.

"Just once…" I murmured and began to lean forward, and tilted my head to the side just slightly so our noses wouldn't bump.

"I've never done this before.." she breathed, leaning forward as well.

"Just relax…" I said before our lips connected to one another, our souls, our bodies joining, everything combining into one.

Our lips moved together, in sequence, and I found myself licking her lips for entrance. Her lips were rather reluctant to part but she did on her own time, and I entered her mouth, slowly touching her tongue with my own so she could get used to it, and in a matter of seconds her tongue was sloppily returning my kiss. It lasted for about a minute, but when we pulled away it felt like I had spent a lifetime with her. She was intoxicating me.

It was the most beautiful, perfect kiss that could ever have been created by man. And it had come to an end. She stared at me with her big green eyes and I swear, the barest hints of a smile may have been on the corners of her lips, but I wanted to do more than that, I wanted to make her beam at me with her beautiful smile that was oh so rare.

Slowly, I traced my fingers along her jaw line, and brushed my thumb across her lips. She leaned towards my touch, and a moment later her hands were on my chest, searching for the buttons of my shirt. In seconds all of them were unbuttoned and her lips were pressed against my chest, kissing every inch of skin, sending shivers up my spine.

My fingers were entangled in her hair as she sucked gently on my nipples, and I let out a soft moan when she bit down. She began to trail down from my nipples to my stomach, and then her hands were brushing along the crotch of my pants, and I had to pull her away before she did anything stupid.

"Gwen…you have to be sure that you want this…" I said firmly, she nodded quickly, and pulled away from my grasp. She was going once more for my zipper but I pulled her hands away and gently bit down on her ear, she didn't make any moves to dominate the situation again.

I was very careful with what I was doing, I didn't want to damage her more. Experimentally I undid one of her buttons, and got no rejections. Once they were all off I moved my hands to her perky A cup breasts. One of my hands moved under the bra, and located her nipple, it hardened instantly from my touch.

Gwen's breathing became heavier than before; entire body tensing as I lifted her bra and put my mouth to her nipple. She gasped and moaned, her nails digging into my shoulders. My hand made it's way under her skirt, and rubbed her through her panties.

Immediately Gwen moved backwards, and I stopped, she looked completely frightened and lost, as if it were someone else she was looking at entirely. "I'm sorry Gwen," I said quietly, and reached my hand out towards her. She looked at it, then at me, and she came forward again. "That was stupid." I rubbed her shoulders, trying my best to make her feel safe again.

"Keep going…" She whispered, and looked up at me.

"But…you got scared…before…"

"I know…but I want this…I really want this. Please…" Her nails were digging into my shoulder blades, shooting pleasure throughout my body. I nodded,

"Alright…" I said, and kept one arm around her waist and stroked her back, as my other hand went back under the skirt.

I tugged down on her panties, and they slid off her legs easily, I could tell by the way her grip was tightening she was still scared, but she didn't run away this time. When I looked into her eyes she nodded, and I stuck a finger inside of her, it slid in easily.

Nails dug into my back, and she bit her lip, holding back the cry of pleasure. I moved my hand forward again, and she closed her eyes tight, and tilted her head back slightly. "I want you…" She panted between breaths. When I stopped she looked at me with eyes of steel. "I'm positive. I want you to be the one…" her voice was firm for the first time I ever spoke to her, and it seemed like she made up her mind.

I unbuttoned my pants and pulled them down slightly along with my boxers, until all that was left was my quivering member. Gwen moved herself closer to the edge of the desk, and I guided it into her, slowly, so she could get used to the feeling. She tightened around it instantly, and once I was fully inside I broke the little bit of skin that had kept her innocence in tact.

Tears were running down her face from the pain, and there was a bit of blood, but I proceeded anyways, because it's what she wanted. I was gentle and slow, trying my best to make sure she was always comfortable.

Her arms were wrapped around my neck, and she rested her head on my shoulder. I could feel the tears dropping onto my chest, but all the little sounds of pleasure she made encouraged me to keep going.

It wasn't long before she and I came, together, at the same time. And when I pulled myself out of her I felt like a completely different person. I felt like it was my first time. I brought her into a tight hug, and she clung to me like I was the only thing left in the world. She cried in my chest, silent tears escaped her eyes beautifully, and I felt myself tearing up as well.

We stayed like that for awhile, but when we finally did part, and put on all of our clothes, she slumped against the wall behind my desk, and closed her eyes. I joined her, and wrapped an arm around her shoulders, and she pressed her face against my chest again. No words were needed .

I never would have dreamed that Heather could be standing there as we cuddled like that…

She was taken away from me so quickly I never got to say goodbye. The principal fired me immediately, and thank god her parents didn't give a damn enough to press charges on me. My girlfriend came into town, and we broke up after three years of dating due to the excessive fights that happened because of the loss of my job.

Gwen was in my history class, and was by far the most talented, the brightest, and the prettiest student in the entire school. But despite all of these positive qualities she was a mediocre student, who got mediocre grades, and had no friends whatsoever. I've seen her try to reach out many times, but every time she did try the kids shot her down and walked away, so I tried to be her salvation.

And I will walk on water, and you will catch me if I fall

- Storm, Lifehouse

A/N: This one is dedicated to this girl -- well she destroyed me. But yeah.

Audrey, you've never read this and you never will. I'm sorry about that. When written I thought of you, when I reread it I thought of you, and even though you'll never know, it's still for you. Don't forget -- but don't remember. Le melon.