Hey All! Now don't worry! To those of you who care about my Kakashi story, I am not abandoning it! I thought I might put this story up too. I found it on one of my old USB memory sticks in a drawyer somewhere, and it had quite a bit written. So I thought 'What the hey?' and decided to put it up!
Hope you enjoy it as much as I did writing it at the time!
Well I suppose the best way of introducing myself to you is by telling you my name. Then again that seems so...typical of girls in stories like me. Well I might as well get it over with.
My name is Khristina May. Yes I am aware that it is an unusual spelling of the name Christina... get over it will you? Bitch about it to my parents, they're the ones responsible you big lumicks! Actually I much prefer the name Krissy, which is what friends and family call me. Don't like it? Tough for you!
Really there's nothing much special about me. I'm not overly pretty or ugly, brown hair and green-blue eyes. It seems pointless to give you a description because frankly I could be almost any other person you pass on the street..... so theres no point trying to stalk me, it won't get you very far.
I suppose the biggest thing I should tell you about myself is I like the anime Naruto. Note this: not obsessed. I don't live and breath it with every fibre of my being. I just watch it occasionally when it comes on the television, and have a few of the soundtrack pieces on my MP3 player. That's honestly as far as I go. I don't have posters planted around on my walls, any plush dolls or other merchandise I swear!
Oh yes.... and I have never been in love with Itachi Uchiha. I must expressively voice this! I am NOT a fangirl of his! Actually I always thought he was a bit of an annoying character... I mean he killed his family, even though I realise he was ordered to... and he practically turns his younger brother into a little mini ball of hatred who seeks revenge. Plus that monotonous, uninterested voice of his..... snooze fest. Honestly he never much appealed to me.
It's funny how life works isin't it? When some great gaping portal suddenly opens up in front of me when I'm watching the anime innocently at home and sucks me into the Naruto world like you have seen in so many stories before, then it would have been nice to be thrown into the arms of someone like Naruto, or Sakura. Hell, I'd even settle for the peverted Kakashi and his 'adult' books. Of course though, life wouldn't do that to me... no it had to send me flying into the arms of a certain fish-man Kisame, and the weasel Itachi.
Yay life.... -_-
I first realised something was wrong when the television stopped working. I was in the middle of watching the latest episode of Naruto, which on a typical New Zealand television was well behind the usual episodes of America or Japan, when KAPUT! Flopped over the couch, a bag of marshmallows in hand, after an incredibly long day of both mental and physical laps at school meant I was not in the mood to get up and fix it. Especially since I was not dying of desperation to watch it, as I already had seen the episode once before. So instead I chucked the remote at the screen. Believe me when I say it has worked in the past.
So really it was no big deal when the screen crackled and light shimmered across it. Still, it glowed oddly blue and gave me enough suspicion to roll from my position off the couch in order to inspect it. The screen was glowing, as I had already established, but the closer I grew to it the more I felt a tight tug at my skin.
Something sharply pulled me forward, and I didn't even have enough time to scream before a gushing wind ripped my voice out of my throat. There was a tunnel of flashing light, which seemed oddly cliche really, before bright natural light filled my eyes. Then I faceplanted, hard, into good old solid earth.
"Ow," I groaned. Faceplanting was never fun in the best of circumstances, but when flung from an opening in the sky and falling for a relatively large distance to the ground, I can only call it rather painful. Sitting up slowly, I rubbed my face with my empty hand, the other still clutched to the bag of marshmallows. It was lighter than before, I must have lost some in my unceremonius transport from the safety of my living room to.... where was I? Gees if it wasn't cheesy enough getting sucked through the so overly used great open portal in the TV set... everything seemed rather oddly quiet. Enter dramatic theme music here.
I was gradually going to open my eyes, cracking them open little by little in order to let the sunlight stream back inside. Unfortunately the sudden presence of sharp metal pressing against my windpipe and the feeling of someone directly behind me with an arm tightly gripped around my neck, caused me to snap the open faster than I would have intended to. "Ack!" I gasped at the burning of light on my retina's. As the burning stopped, I was able to see who had the knife to my throat. "Help!" I hate to say that I sound so much like one of those freaking annoying damsel in distress, but when you've got something crushed on your windpipe it's hard to yell more than one word. Cut me a freaking break!
"Stay perfectly still," said a cold voice. It contained almost no emotion, but at the same time I could very well hear the 'Make one false move and I rip your throat out' threat inside it. Cheery.
I tilted my head slightly, seeing part of the arm which was pinned about my neck with a tight grip. Lucky it wasn't strong enough to cut off air supply, but it did restrict the amount I could move. I felt the frustration build up in my mind when I saw the black sleeve patterned with red clouds that I recognised as the Akatsuki uniform. "Oh come on, your joking me. I'm not being kidnapped by someone in Akatsuki cosplay am I?"
The grip of the hand grew much firmer, and a hard shove suddenly had me thrown through the air for a second time in as many minutes. My back collided with the bark of a thick tree, which stubbornly had decided to meet with me with the same jolt of pain as the ground had greeted me with. Hey what do you know, again cliche, I must be in some sort of forest. This time at least the pain from colliding with a tree was balancing out the pain in my face.
There was the same hard feeling of sharp metal pressing into my windpipe, with much greater force than last time. The same cold voice met my ears, this time with an icier tone that could only speak 'Your walking on a thin line here' if I said something wrong, "Who are you? How do you know about the Akatsuki?"
I groaned, and the metal pushed further against my neck. I was about to remind the person that very well you can't answer questions well when you've jsut been thrown into a tree, or when you've got a knife practically slicing your throat open. My voice caught though, when my eyes opened to the face of someone I instantly recognised. I'd seen it in enough of the anime episodes, in enough pictures that popped up in Google, to know exactly who the two people who stood over the top of me were. Unless they were absolute costume geniuses too, then I doubted that they were cosplayers at all. My mind always jumps to these conclusions though, it very rarely looks for a logical explanation.
"Oh I'm in big trouble," I gasped. I'd meant for it to stay a thought, but I guess in my surprise that little thought decided to take a life of it's own. Actually my thoughts did go along the line of 'Aw fudgie pop' in lighter terms of swearing, but thankfully I at least kept that submerged.
Itachi, the one and only Itachi Uchiha, mass murderer of his own clan and good old member of a nice evil little criminal orginisation, had a kunai at my throat. His dark eyes flashed a little, thankfully no sign of a red sharigan, and he growled in that low voice, "I asked you a question."
"Actually you asked me two. Which one would you rather me answer?" I replied.
The kunai pressed into my throat even harder, obviously a statement that being a smart arse wasn't going to help, and I choked when I felt the warm dribble of blood begin to trickle down my neck. "Okay! Gees, sadistic much you psycho?" The kunai relaxed a little enough just to let me talk, though the gaze in his eye darkened just a little.
"My name's Krissy. I know about the Akatsuki because... well," How do you put 'your a television programme' in an understanding manner to a guy with the ability to kill you in the blink of an eye? "You guys honestly don't keep secrets all too well. It's rather common knowledge, so it's not hard to hear about you lot."
"You fell from the sky, and the chakra surrounding here is unusual," he commented, rather to his partner who was standing beside him than me. I gazed up, seeing the light blue hue of skin colour that could only belong to Kisame. Who else on Naruto resembled a fish so much? Kisame was gazing at me with mild interest. Itachi I couldn't tell whatsoever what he was thinking. "Where are you from?"
"Um, not here." Pathetic answer, but I couldn't just announce 'THE WORLD THAT CREATED YOU TWO!" That would lead to great awkwardness.
"Very far. Very very far indeed. You have to take the nearest road as far West as you can, until you've passed the big McDonalds, then a left, a right, a left again and continue a few thousand kilometres." Try a few million through a wierd rift in time and space. I wonder if I could call up the Doctor in Doctor Who while I was having a flit around TV programmes? I always liked his wit and humour.
The kunai pressed further against my throat, right up against the cut it had already created. That was attention grabbing, more so that shoving eels down ones t-shirt like a darling (most severly punished) friend had done once to gain my attention. Kisame noted it and said to me, "I would think it best you do not push your luck."
Itachi turned his face up to Kisame, and announced in that monotonous voice of his, "Kisame, we're taking her back with us."
"What?! Hey why the hell-?!" I yelped, but he ignored me. Kisame didn't looked surprised at the announcement. What, was this a normality that you didn't see in the anime? Kidnapping innocent girls that fell out of the sky? What good was I?.... oh please don't tell me they're secret perverts. Could they not come up with something less predictable in a storyline than kidnapping me? What losers!
What with the pain in my nose from a faceplant, my back from collision with a tree, and the overwhelming feeling that I'd just somehow ended up at the mercy of an anime character, I was not in the mood to be bullied. I batted his hand with the kunai away from my throat with a smack from my hand, "Do you mind?! I do not appreciate having kunai shoved at my throat, and I do not appreciate the announcement of my kidnapping like I'm not there."
"I suggest you do not try that again," Itachi remarked coldly. "We could easily kill you."
"Oh yeah, I'm sure the great Uchiha and Kisame could. But still, this is my personal bubble here!!" I growled at him, lifting my foot to kick him back. Both of them had leapt back before my foot came anywhere close to contact. Curse my sluggish human movements. I got to my feet, brushing dirt off my trousers, and told the two firmly, "Look, sorry if I fell on you. But I have no idea how the hell I got here, and I don't appreciate the whole kidnapping idea. I'm not going with you for whatever reason. If you could just point me in the direction of the nearest town, I'll be on my way."
Kisame chuckled. "You think it's that simple? You announce what you know of the Akatsuki and then we let you walk?"
I frowned at him. "Well um... yeah I was hoping for that."
Kisame said, "Your coming with us, whether you care for it or not. We will not risk you leaking information to others."
"Hey I told you, you guys aren't exactly being secret about yourselves. What with parading into towns in that garb, I'm surprised you haven't set off some whacked out fashion craze."
"Your lying." That was Itachi.
"Why would you say that?"
Shoot. I'd been told before I blink too much and my eyes move around nervously when I lie. "Bugger!" I spat. "Foiled by the eyes! Next time I swear I'll wear sunglasses!"
"I suggest you do not try resist."
The two of them took a step towards me. I panicked. Gees, there was no way I was going to be able to fend off two ninja....unless this was somehow just a dream or hallucination, and in said hallucinaton I could control whatever chakra I wished. I focused a moment, willing the earth to crack open beneath them and suck them down into the deep dark opening in the ground. Nothing happened. Curses. Foiled again by physics in a world where physics didn't work normally. Just my luck.
All I had to fend them off was what was in my hands and pockets. Frankly I didn't think pocket lint, an old dinosaur cellphone (my parents are total t-rexes on cellphones) trapped in one of the pockets on my lower leg of my trousers, or marshmallows were going to do much....unless.... did they have marshmallows in the Naruto world? I don't think they did! Instantly I thrust my hand into the packet of marshmallows, pulling one out in my fingers and holding it before me. "Stop right there! Or you both die!"
The two Akatsuki stopped where they were, which was a few feet away from me. They stared with mild curiousity at the marshmallow, clearly unsure as to what it was. Thank goodness, because if they knew it was just a marshmallow then this wouldn't work. I held the marshmallow for them to see. "This here is an extremely deadly explosive device. It contains a vast amount of explosive power, capable of destroying everything within a two mile radius, excepting a protection around the one holding it. All I have to do is squeeze it, and all that will be left of the two of you is a few splatters."
They didn't move. Itachi had a blank face, though his eyes became sharper. Kisame had a much more wary face, and eyed the marshmallow with a heightened alert. They had both seen the bag I was holding in my other hand, clearly aware that I had more than the one.
"Good, I think you understand. So I'm going to start walking, and if either of you tries anything then I squeeze my fingers." Cautiously I began to take a few steps backwards, heading into a depth of woodlands where I might just be able to hide until they gave up looking for me once they realised I was bluffing.
Unfortunately I forgot ninja's are sneaky with things like clones. As soon as I was inside the trees a kunai whipped past my fingers and knocked the marshmallow from my hand. I guess I didn't help matters when in my surprise I stepped back and accidentally crushed it beneath my heel. Wow, what a waste of a good marshmallow.... "You killed it! You duncewads, you made me squish my marshmallow!"
"It's harmless," Itachi told Kisame.
"Well um, yeah..." I said, pulling out a handful of them, "But have too many and you end up with an incredibly heightened chance of a heart attack!" When they took another step towards me I threw the marshmallows at them, but they bounced off harmlessly. Realising just how much trouble I was in, I finally gave up on the marshmallows and turned heel, spriting as fast as I could through the trees.
"HELP! HELP! THERE'S TWO PEVERTED NINJA TRYING TO KIDNAP ME!!" Well it wasn't exactly the truth, but if it got me outta trouble, then be damned give me a megaphone to scream into!
Curse those ninja and their amazing fast legs. I felt an arm wrap around me, lifting me up into the air as easily as if I were a pillow or something. The cold blue skin told me it was Kisame. I was rather adverse to being held in the grip of a fish man, so I kicked and squirmed, amidst the screams of, "GET OUT OF MY PERSONAL BUBBLE BLUE BOY!! This is abuse! Let me go you oversized piece of sushi! I'm going to sue your blue butt for harassment like they do in America!!
Clearly he did not appreciate a squirming captive, because I felt rope tightly wind around one wrist, and then the other binding them tightly together in front of me. It was better than my hands being trapped behind me, but it much restricted movements. The packet of marshmallows was ripped out of my grip, thrown to the ground.
"That is called littering," I told him. "You could get fined. Plus you owe me more marshmallows, I wasted a lot of them throwing them at you."
"I suggest you quieten down," he told me.
"Not until I get my new packet of marshmallows!"
"I have something better for you," he said. Then there was a clunk beside my head, and then my vision went fuzzy black.
As my sight grew darker, I grumbled in a low moan, "See this is why I freaking hate sushi..." Then I blacked out.
Tadaa! Review please! It makes me feel all fuzzy and loved!