This series is the story of Josh and Donna exploring their feelings for one another. They've been set up to fail in this one. It's purely indulgent on my part because I'm a firm believer in the concept of "sometimes love just isn't enough". The entire series is based on the Aimee Mann album "Live at St. Ann's Warehouse". If you don't know Aimee Mann or if you don't know the songs, I'd encourage you to buy the album, download the songs from iTunes or something because I think you won't get the full feel of the stories without the music in the background. None of the stories are long, they're written to be read within the timeframe of the song. I feel a very powerful connection to Aimee and her music which is probably why my versions of Josh and Donna do too. I hope you all enjoy this series as much as I've enjoyed developing it!


My feelings for Josh have a way of being all encompassing. It started out pretty benign, really, though I always had a bit of a crush on him. But in light of our lives as they have been this past year following the shooting, I'd have to say that things have really gotten out of hand. When he woke up in the hospital it was like we were meeting all over again. So much had changed; neither of us remained the same. This new Josh has such an amazing power over this new Donna – he can make her feel like her life's a Ferris wheel and her heart is caught up there in the top car.

I'm desperately in love with and infatuated by Josh. It's almost painful the way I feel when I see him or hear his voice. It can't be good.

I don't know if I'm strong enough to love him. Loving him, really loving him with him loving me back would almost surely be disastrous. Loving someone is supposed to feel good. Being in a relationship with someone is supposed to feel safe and supportive. But being in love with Josh is painful. And I think a relationship with him could only feel stormy and rough.

He has this habit of flirting with me. It's not just with me – it's with all women. But I'm so susceptible. I can't differentiate between what is real and what is pretend when it comes to him. I find myself seeking him out.

For whatever reason I feel like I'm this time bomb, just waiting to ruin his life. If I were to let something happen between the two of us, he'd be the one who'd reap the worst of the repercussions. He'd be the one who'd have to smash the whole thing to pieces. But I'd be the one that would have to pick those pieces back up and glue us back together. But I don't know if I could do it and get all the pieces back where they belong.

It's hard though. It really is. He's the most charming, sexiest, beautiful man I've ever known. He's also infuriating. He's also egotistical. He's also a lot of other undesirable things. But, I'm so far gone that I don't even care anymore.

Eventually though, even if we did get together, the whole thing would fall apart. I know he feels a certain sense of loyalty to me, as I do to him. And when he is through with me, will he be able to set me aside?

So maybe it's best that this whole thing is an abstract idea. Maybe it's best if he doesn't try to entice me. And maybe it's best if he hides those little parts of his personality that makes him so irresistible to me.

But I suspect that it could get worse. I suspect that the effect he has on me is just him in his natural state. I can't imagine what it would be like to have him turn that charm on at me. To flirt with me on purpose. To try to make me fall for him.

As much as I hate to lay this on him, he has to be the strong one. He's got to stop it or start it and hold it together. Because I'm just going to be a mess.

Nope. No way am I going to be able to handle this. If we don't get together I'm going to explode from the wanting of it. If we do get together I'm going to implode beneath the weight of it. Either way it's deathly. Definitely.


Lyrics:

Deathly

By: Aimee Mann

Now that I've met you
Would you object to
Never seeing each other again
Cause I can't afford to
Climb aboard you
No one's got that much ego to spend

So don't work your stuff
Because I've got troubles enough
No, don't pick on me
When one act of kindness could be
Deathly
Deathly
Definitely

Cause I'm just a problem
For you to solve and
Watch dissolve in the heat of your charm
But what will you do when
You run it through and
You can't get me back on the farm


So don't work your stuff
Because I've got troubles enough
No, don't pick on me
When one act of kindness could be
Deathly
Deathly

Deathly
Definitely

You're on your honor
Cause I'm a goner
And you haven't even begun
So do me a favor
If I should waver
Be my savior
And get out the gun


Just don't work your stuff
Because I've got troubles enough
No, don't pick on me
When one act of kindness could be
Deathly
Deathly
Definitely