"Damn it all to hell, Joshua Lyman, but I'm not going to live like this anymore. You're going to sit there and listen to me because I'm only saying this one time. For whatever reason, we're not tuned into each other anymore. We don't see eye to eye on anything and it's starting to get dangerous." His eyebrows shoot up at this. "Oh no you don't. Don't pretend that you think I think it's okay that you're abusing the hell out of the both of us."

I take a deep breath. "There's not much left of this anymore. We could cut our losses and just say good bye, right now. You keep telling me that it's my turn to decide what's next but for the life of me I can't figure it out. Petty answers don't get you off the hook for answering the question. They just piss me off more and more until I'm not here and I'm not willing to help anymore."

"There's no use changing, Donna. This is just what we are." He finally speaks.

"Like hell. This might be who you are, but this isn't who I am. Who I am is the person who's been here through all of it. I was here through your recovery and I'm here through the PTSD that has the beautiful side effect of the drinking. Which has, if you'll recall, on several occasions endangered my well being."

"Oh, fuck off, Donna. I'm not going to hurt you!"

"Really?" I fix him with a pointed stare and he merely shrugs in response. "There are things you can do Josh. There are things that will make the rage go away, things that will take the danger away. And I'm sorry if you're offended, but you've got to be nicer. It's not like you're going to lose something critical to who you were – who you are," I amend, "if you displace some of the emotions. And don't tell me – "

He cuts me off. "It's just what I am, Donna."

"I refuse to believe that. I knew you before. Remember." I throw my hand up in disgust. "I could talk until I'm blue in the face, I suppose. We keep coming back to this place of indecision. We haven't gotten anything done in weeks. You don't respect me anymore and where is that going to get us? You're just going on and on and I'm not even in the same race with you anymore. Maybe you're right. Maybe it doesn't get any better than this because it can't. Maybe I'm asking you to fix something that isn't broken because that's just who you are."

"That's what I've been trying to tell you."

"That's just what you are." I try it on again for size, still having trouble believing it. "I don't agree with this, but I'm yours and I love you – for better or for worse. I'll defend you through this, I will." I don't know who I'm trying to convince.

"I know you will."

"I'm just telling you the truth about yourself."

"And I find it offensive."

"I feel like it's dangerous to try to help you, but you're dangerous to yourself."

"That's just what I am."

I still refuse to believe this, but I latch on to what I can. "That's just what you are."


Lyrics:

That's Just What You Are – Aimee Mann

In our endeavor we are never seeing eye to eye
No guts to sever so forever may we wave goodbye
And you're always telling me that it's my turn to move
When I wonder what could make the needle jump the groove
I won't fall for the oldest trick in the book
So don't sit there and think you're off of the hook
By saying there is no use changing 'cause

That's just what you are
That's just what you are

Acting steady always ready to defend your fears
What's the matter with the truth, did I offend your ears
By suggesting that a change might be a thing to try
Like it would kill you just to try and be a nicer guy
It's not like you would lose some critical piece
If somehow you moved point a to point b
Maintaining there is no point changing 'cause

That's just what you are
That's just what you are

Now I could talk to you till I'm blue in the face
But we still would arrive at the very same place
With you running around and me out of the race

So maybe you're right, nobody can take
Something older than time and hope you could make
It better, that would be a mistake
So take it just so far

'cause that's just what you are
That's just what you are
That's just what you are

Acting steady always ready to defend your fears
What's the matter with the truth, did I offend your ears
You're like a sleepwalking man, it's a danger to wake you
Even when it is apparent where your actions will take you

That's just what you are
And that's just what you are
That's just what you are
That's just what you are