A/N: Another birthday, another drabble. This time it's YogaGal's big day.
Happy birthday, bb!!! I hope you enjoy this brief glimpse into
the mind of Edward from "All I Want For Christmas"!

As ever, I do not own Twilight.

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Risk

I hate these assignments.

They're an ugly part of my job, but one that needs doing. If it wasn't me, it'd be someone else.

No, I hate it, because every time I go on one, I risk my life.

I risk his love.

I know he hates when I'm gone so long, especially when I'm in danger.

I tell myself, "This is the last time."

Every time.

I can handle what happens to me, but the broken look on my Jasper's face when we say goodbye...

For him, I want to leave it all behind.

His pain, I cannot handle.

Hurt

I step off the plane, and I'm home, finally.

Alice is here, and I hug her tight as she whispers words of comfort.

She tells me about Jasper, assuring me that he's not alone. Mother is with him.

I'm glad, but I need to see him.

Now.

She understands, and we hurry home.

I rush to his side, wrapping him in my arms as he falls apart.

The consuming hurt he feels resonates in my soul, and I cry with him.

He has lost everyone now - not counting his sister.

Everyone he loves.

Everyone, but me.

And I cannot stay.

Divine

Divine intervention.

Has to be. Why else would our vehicle stall when it did?

If it hadn't, we would have been right behind them.

I would likely be dead.

Like them.

Instead, we are just far enough away to witness their demise.

I cry out in shock at the same time I feel my body being pushed out of the car - to safety.

To wait.

To witness more death and destruction.

It barely registers anymore.

I listen and obey, and finally I am safe.

Back at the base, I run to the latrines.

I throw up, cry, scream.

They're gone.


Candle

I light a candle for those who died, both those I counted as friends, and the soldiers who gave their lives to take the rest of us to safety.

There were too many.

I can't do this anymore. I want to go home.

I call Aro and tell him I quit. He begs me to stay, to give him time to find a replacement.

I agree.

I hate knowing that my leaving means someone else gets put in danger. But I have reached my limit.

If I don't leave soon, then I am not sure who'd return home to Jasper.

Breath

I'm home.

No one knew except Alice, who helped me get everything ready, made sure Jasper didn't give up hope.

Now I'm being as quiet as I can as I change into lounge-pants, foregoing everything else. I want comfort.

I start Christmas breakfast as I have always done, knowing that once he smells the food, he'll come to investigate.

I hear him as I plate the eggs. I finish up and turn around slowly.

The sight of him takes my breath away.

It always has.

"Merry Christmas, love."

I walk up to him, wrapping my arms around him.

I'm home.