A/N: Now we get into Sasuke's power of story-telling. Let's read.

The Apostate Castle, it smells so rotten...

In a far away, poor village in Spain's country-side, there was a large castle that stood glooming over everything in its sight. Where everything else was thriving and somewhat vibrant, this castle was painted in the darkest shades of red and green. Everyone who lived in the village was afraid of the dark building, in fact some of them who lived closer to it had moved out of town.

The reason?

It was a well-known fact that the castle, a few months after its new owner had moved in, began to emanate a horrid smell. It was a mixture of strange, foreign spices, poisons, and, finally, decaying flesh. In fact, in order to get things like food and supplies into the castle, one of the castle's few remaining servants would have to venture outside and come back.

Right now, though, no one was going anywhere. There was a large clanging, as if from some giant bell. Everyone in town and in the castle knew what that sound meant.

He was hungry again.

Kisame, the Apostate's chef, quickly made his way to the dining-table. He bowed reverently and asked, "What do your tastes desire today?" A hand slid over a scroll of paper and Kisame took it, bowed, and exited the room. He ran to the kitchen before daring to open the scroll and when he did, he instantly regretted it. However, he knew what he had to do.

A final meal begins again, it's never forgotten...

He called for the other servants of Apostate (Itachi, Deidara, and Sasori) and told each of them to do something. "Sasori, I need you to go to the graveyard." The red-head groaned,

"Ugh! Again?!!" Kisame nodded then said,

"Deidara, you have to go to the fisherman's market." Deidara sighed; he knew this wasn't going to be as pleasant as it sounded. Kisame finally turned to Itachi and asked, "Could you go get one of the lizards from his zoo?" Itachi silently nodded. They all went their separate ways and agreed to meet in the kitchen.


Itachi came first, holding a cage that held a large, vibrant, red lizard. The creature hissed and thrashed around in its prison. Maybe it knew what was coming. "Here" Kisame shook his head as he was cutting some unrecognizable roots and something that looked like a fungus and tossing them into a frying-pan.

"Itachi, I'm too busy. You have to do it." Itachi wanted to argue but he knew Kisame was right. He dug into one of the drawers and pulled out two leather gloves. After putting them on, he grabbed the cage and walked to what looked like a pantry. But when Itachi opened the door, there were splashes of crimson all over the walls. He picked up a knife that hung from the wall and closed the door.


"I'm back!" Sasori stated as he ran into the kitchen, holding a large burlap sack. His clothes were covered in dirt and he was visibly exhausted but he made sure to get the bag to Kisame. The blue-haired chef nodded and looked inside, immediately recoiling. He groaned,

"Sasori! Why didn't you separate them?!" The red-head choked before yelling back,

"I had enough trouble getting that," He pointed to the sack, "Out of the graveyard without anyone noticing! Cut me a break!" Kisame shook his head and sighed,

"I'm sorry. Look, I'll..." Sasori shook his head,

"No, I'll do it now." The red head grabbed the sack and a pair of gloves before sitting at a nearby table and getting to work. Before he tipped the sack over, he asked Kisame, "Do you have an extra scarf and knife?" Kisame had just finished checking what he had in the oven before he answered,

"In the drawer underneath the table." Sasori nodded and took them out. He tied the scarf around his face and once it was secure, he took the knife in one hand and opened the back with another, desperately trying to ignore the flies that buzzed out.


"Kisame!" Deidara called out, running into the kitchen while carrying a large pail. Kisame glanced over from what he was boiling and asked,

"Is that it?" Deidara nodded while panting heavily,

"Si, un. And it bit me five times on the way over here, un!!" Kisame sighed and shook his head before he asked,

"Could you get started on that? Just fill a pot with water and put it in there before you put it on the stove." Deidara sighed but nonetheless got the pot and filled it with water. Kisame was focusing on the stew, adding herbs here, mushrooms there, but he heard what Deidara was doing.

"Come on, un, into the pot you go--OW! -- Stop it! You'd better-- OW! Get in there, you little..!" There was a loud sound, and Kisame knew that Deidara had covered the pot.

"Thank you." He said.


Finally, Kisame had finished. Everyone was exhausted and wanted nothing more than to take a break for a minute, catch their breaths. But that clanging bell sounded again and they knew that they had to move. Itachi, Sasori, and Deidara followed Kisame as the chef pushed the cart that held four covered plates. Things moved horribly slow, it seemed, as the group moved things to the table and all was quiet as Kisame set everything on the table in front of one chair. It was then that Tobi, the bride of the Apostate Castle walked in. He stood by his designated chair and waited silently. When everyone, besides Kisame of course, was standing by a chair, a voice commanded, "Sit." And they did. The voice then said, "Uncover them." and Kisame bowed before uncovering the plates one by one.

Myriads of dishes, so wretched and so vile...

The first dish looked like a block of some unrecognizable muck dug up from some dismal swamp. And it smelled as such.

The second dish used to be some unfortunate creature. But as over decorated as it was with oleander and berries, and how it was glazed in some unrecognizable sauce, it only looked like a sick tribute to what had once been.

The third dish was a dark brown soup. It looked alright and even edible if it weren't for the cracking and splitting bones protruding from it.

Finally, there was a large bowl of stew. It was green and, hanging from one side, there was a tail swaying limply. There was a deep chuckle from the head of the table. "Toadstool and Swamp rot mousse, Roasted Monitor Lizard garnished with mistletoe and Weeping Willow sap, Cemetery Bone Broth, and Eel Stew." Everyone then looked as the owner of Apostate picked up a spoon and began eating the first dish.

A handsome youth eating it all with a smile.

This handsome creature was named Zetsu Conchita...

He was quite the cunning, young opsomaniac(1)...

In what seemed like thirty minutes, Zetsu was halfway finished with the final dish and he was thoroughly enjoying himself. Finally, Zetsu swallowed a sliver of green from the soup and sighed contently. It was quiet until Tobi asked, "Was it to your liking?" Zetsu smiled and replied,

"Quite." He licked his fingers and continued, "But now... Dessert! Chef?" Kisame discreetly sighed in frustration before answering,

"Si?" Zetsu raised up a glass and asked,

"A glass of my wine, if you please?" Kisame nodded and bowed before leaving to the kitchen. Once there, he put on a pair of gloves and went to the pantry that Itachi had walked into earlier, closing the door. He walked out a minute later, carrying a large, white ceramic pot spattered with red and a bottle of wine. One of Zetsu's favorite things was a special glass of wine after a good meal.

This is why he demanded that after anybody killed anything, the blood was to be collected. Kisame walked to the table and set the pot down. He took Zetsu's glass and filled it half-way with wine. Then, extremely carefully, he tipped the pot over and poured some of the blood in. Zetsu chuckled gleefully and swirled the liquid in the glass before sipping it. "Perfect." He commented and then drank some more.

He was always quite the picky eater,

But now it was something quite to fear...


"You respect and honor him...

He is our great Conchita!" The heads of the village would say to the common villagers when they would complain about anything concerning Apostate.

"But the castle makes everything smell revolting!" A woman cried. There were groans and mumbles from all throughout the crowd and they only seemed to increase in volume until there was a loud gasp. Slowly, everyone turned around and saw the very man that they were complaining about. Zetsu smiled and asked,

"Now surely all this fuss can't be over me, can it?" He chuckled and walked through the crowd until he reached the podium where the village heads were speaking. "Well, I'm sorry that you are all so uncomfortable. But..." Zetsu hummed, "I just can't find that I care! So, either learn to live with it or... leave." Zetsu then made his exit.


"Agh!" Kisame groaned as he scrubbed his hands raw in the kitchen late one night. "It... never... comes... OFF!" Kisame was thoroughly convinced that his hands were stained with all the horrible things that he was forced to cook for Zetsu. "I don't think I can take it much longer." He panted as he stopped. "I just wonder if I could..." Zetsu's bell clanged again causing Kisame to growl. He made his way towards the dining hall where Zetsu was leaning against the wall lazily. "What is it your tastes desire now?" Zetsu sighed,

"Nothing heavy. Just a cake made with poison ivy, fish blood, and cat whiskers. Nothing big." Kisame exhaled softly before asking,

All the things that exist in this world,

They were made for only him...

"How do you eat all of this, Maestro?" Zetsu turned towards Kisame and smiled before saying,

"I'll eat up everything, everything that's in the world...
Until I feel that the emptiness inside me is gone!
" Kisame raised an eyebrow at Zetsu's strange choice of words but then he said,

"I'll get started." As the chef walked off, Zetsu called over,

"The poison shining a sleek deadly blue
Is the very best spice to add to a delicious cake!
" Kisame flinched but kept on walking. Zetsu wanted him to make a cake using the animal poison in the kitchen? Why not? It's not like it would kill the Conchita anyway.


Zetsu, despite seeming to have an endless abyss for a stomach, had an appetite of steel.

Eating up all of every single thing to the bone...

Kisame served him a fried peacock that had been deceased for three weeks and Zetsu viciously devoured it, feathers, beak, bones, and all. Sasori had been forced to witness Deidara's vomiting after being forced to sit through such a sight.

If it doesn't satisfy me, then I'll bite into plates!

One day, Kisame served Zetsu a stew made with a mongoose and a cobra, which the Conchita devoured ravenously. However, when the dish was done, Zetsu commanded that Kisame make him something else. Kisame was walking to the kitchen to prepare the next meal when there was a loud crunching. He then heard Itachi's voice cry out, "Maestro, please don't eat that!"


This is how things went on for, oh, a couple of years. Zetsu's taste in food could be described as nothing short of disgusting. But what choice did everyone have? Leave? Once you lived underneath the rule of a Conchita, no other town or province would accept you without you paying a substantial… 'forgetfulness'-fee.

Also, it seemed with every few months, his appetite grew.

If it's a delicious meal, then my tongue is blissful,
But wait until I decide at the end of the supper…!


As for Zetsu, nothing was wrong in his sight. He was a Conchita for God's sake! Anything he wanted could be brought to his fingers just like that. It was a gorgeous life. Well, except that one pest.

Zetsu was referring to his black-haired… What was he again? Advisor? Zetsu scoffed as he walked across the stairway one afternoon in December. "Like I have any use for an advisor. I do what I want and if any doesn't like it, then to hell with them." Just then, as if by extremely bad timing,

"Maestro Conchita!" Itachi quickly made his way to the man. Zetsu frowned and sighed,

"What is it now, Advisor?" Itachi took a deep breath before stating,

"Maybe you should consider maybe… Actually listening to your subjects Maestro?" Zetsu's frown grew deeper.

"Why in the world would I do that?" Itachi flinched at Zetsu's sudden reply but continued on,

"Well… You see…" Meanwhile, Zetsu was drowning Itachi out with his own thoughts.

'Why must I be subject to this treatment every day? What did I do wrong?' Itachi was still speaking, which began to anger Zetsu. 'Why won't he be quiet?! God! I should…' He had to stop thinking, he was getting a headache. 'Oh great! Now I'm hungry and I don't have my bell! And he won't shut up!' Itachi saw Zetsu began to tremble slightly and back away slightly.

"Maestro? Are you alright?" Zetsu looked up and grinned.

"No. But…" He took a step closer to Itachi, trapping the brunette between him and the stair-rail. Zetsu's smile turned extra malicious as he muttered, "I will be." Silent but powerfully, he shoved Itachi, pushing the poor brunette over the railing.

Itachi's screams rang out throughout the castle until they ended with a sickening crack on the first floor. Zetsu's smile immediately dropped and he gasped, "Oh no!" He quickly ran downstairs and looked over Itachi. "Urm.. Advisor? Itachi? You're not dead, are you?" Itachi didn't respond, causing Zetsu to whine quietly. "Come on!" Zetsu kicked Itachi's body over onto its back. Itachi's eyes were wide but lifeless and there was a small trail of blood coming from his mouth. Zetsu was scared now. He had never killed anyone before; they would usually just succumb to his will before it came to that.

But suddenly, Zetsu's fear went away as if it never existed. He leaned down and moved his face closer to Itachi's. Then, with a second of hesitation, he licked at the blood that was on Itachi's lips.

Zetsu's eyes narrowed and a twisted smirk grew on his face.


Kisame, Sasori, and Deidara came back from a long week of shopping. It took a week because some of the vegetables that Zetsu ate had to be shipped in from foreign countries. "How long do you think all this will last, un?" The blonde was referring to the two carts that they were using to get the supplies and such back to Apostate. Sasori sighed,

"Our Maestro eats like a horse, Deidara. How long do you think this will last?" Kisame was ignoring them as he directed the horses towards the castle. When Itachi volunteered stay behind with Zetsu and Tobi, Kisame immediately refused. It was only when Itachi tried to assure the chef that he would be fine that Kisame agreed.

The three finally made it inside the castle gates and were shocked by what they saw: Smoke rising from the chimney. "Who could be cooking now?" Sasori asked. Kisame had a sick feeling in his stomach, he didn't know what caused it but he gave a quick whip of the reigns, forcing the horses into a swift gallop. "Kisame! Are you trying to cause our deaths?!" Sasori yelled as Deidara clutched onto him in shock.

Kisame didn't pay them any mind as they quickly made their way to the front door. Kisame rushed in silently but quickly and went straight to the kitchen, only to find that the door was locked. "Maestro!" He yelled, "Are you in there?" There was nothing but various sizzles and bubbling for a minute until Zetsu's voice replied,

"Si Chef. I'm in here, and so is Itachi. All is well, don't worry." Kisame's tension lessened only a little bit.

"May I... Speak to Itachi?" Meanwhile, in the kitchen, Zetsu was hacking away at something with a large, bloody machete. He stopped to say,

"He has a bit of a sore throat. You'll see him soon enough." Still a bit unsure, Kisame had no choice but to leave the door and help the others with the supplies they had just bought. And in the kitchen, as the chef left, Zetsu chuckled and took a long lick at his bloody hands. "You taste prettier than you look..."


It was a few, laborious hours but finally everything had been loaded into the Apostate storehouse. It was at that time, all three of the servants panting and catching their breaths from their hard work, that Tobi walked in and announced, "Zetsu commands that we join him for dinner." The servants sighed, but got up anyway. Who were they to refuse? But Kisame was still bothered about just who had cooked for Zetsu.

..And just what did they cook?

They all followed Tobi into the dining room and Deidara asked, "So, Amante (2), Maestro can cook?" Tobi gasped and stopped in his tracks. "Amante, un? What is it?" Tobi gulped and whispered,

"Let us go. I don't want to keep Zetsu waiting."


"I simply must thank all of you for doing my shopping." Zetsu smiled as everyone took their seats. Kisame, who was still standing, looked around silently. Itachi's designated seat was empty.

"Excuse me, Maestro?" Kisame spoke up. However, Zetsu stated,

"Sit down, Kisame.", pointing to a seat next to himself. Kisame shook his head,

"No. Where's Itachi?" Zetsu sighed,

"I do hope that my food doesn't get cold." Kisame narrowed his eyes and glared at the Conchita. Zetsu simply pouted and said, "When I start eating, I'll tell you. Now, sit." Kisame had no choice.

So there they sat, Zetsu at the head of the table, Tobi at his right, Kisame at his left, and Sasori and Deidara sitting on one side. There were also six covered plates on the table. The smell they gave off was of flesh and some hot spice. To Kisame, the smell was very familiar but he just couldn't think of what it could be. There was a quick sound. Everyone looked and saw that it came from Zetsu. The man chuckled, and moved his hand to the smallest plate, bringing it closer to himself. "Now, to eat!"

He uncovered it and revealed what looked like a bowl filled with cream and…

…Black hair?

"That hair was beautiful. I wonder if it will taste the same…" Zetsu mused before picking up his fork and beginning to eat. Sasori asked,

"Maestro, isn't that bad for one's stomach?" Zetsu stopped, almost finished, and replied,

"Normally yes, but, this person took very good care of their hair. So, I should be fine." Kisame's breathing was slowly increasing, from what he didn't know. And then, he remembered something:

"Itachi, your hair is always so beautiful, how do keep it this way?"

"My hair is one of my greatest treasures. I can't bear anything happening to it…"

"WHERE'S ITACHI?!" Kisame yelled. Zetsu finished the first dish and moved onto the second, sighing,

"I really did not need an Advisor. So this," He lifted up the plate and Deidara's screams rang out through the whole mansion. Sasori fell out of his seat and was dry-heaving in horror. "Is all I could use him for. Doesn't it look delicious?" Kisame stood there staring at the dish. It was made from Itachi's skin, some of his blood, and flesh. The only way they could all tell who it was, was because of the brunette's eyes resting on top, like a garnish. "Hm? Well, suit yourselves." Zetsu then began to eat his food. Kisame was speechless. He simply stood there, trembling and wide-eyed.

Tobi was looking away but silently shaking his head.

It went on like this until Zetsu bit into something. "Hm?" He took the piece that he was chewing out of his mouth and looked at it. It was a golden ring with red and black inscriptions on it. He shrugged his shoulders and tossed it to Kisame, saying, "I think this is yours." The ring fell to the floor with a clack. Kisame then slowly kneeled down and picked it up.

Itachi's engagement ring, he thought.

"Kisame, I'll always love you!"

The blue-haired chef slowly and very silently walked out of the dining room. Deidara was trembling but managed, "Maybe I should go with him and…" Zetsu snapped,

"SIT DOWN!!!" The blonde immediately shut up. Zetsu moved onto a dish that looked like fired fingers and whispered, "This will just be what will happen if I don't get my way…" Just then,

"AAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!" Kisame's anguished howl must have shaken the whole castle. Zetsu looked up and, after once again shrugging his shoulders, continued eating.


A month later they would lose Sasori.

This is what happened:

Due to the loss of Itachi and Kisame's deep depression, things went a lot slower around Apostate. However, Zetsu's appetite just seemed to increase. That cold day in January, Zetsu had rung his bell, calling for Kisame. The chef, lying down on the table, had been crying that whole day. Sasori, deciding to be a good friend, went to see what Zetsu had wanted.

"Where the hell is my chef?!" Zetsu snapped, throwing a chair in Sasori's direction. Dodging the onslaught, Sasori replied,

"He's… ill, Maestro. I can help you though." Zetsu sneered but nonetheless, held up his wine-glass. Sasori nodded and headed downstairs to the kitchen and to the bloody pantry. He pulled out the blood pot and a bottle of wine and gasped. "This is so heavy! Kisame, how on earth do you carry this thing?!" All he got in response was a groan. Sasori sighed and began the trek back up the stairs.

Unfortunately, the room that Zetsu was in was on the fourth floor of the castle. So Sasori struggled to bring the pot up, flight by flight and that had to be one of the most tedious things that he had ever done. He finally made it to the fourth floor and exhaled in relief. He finally thought that he could just push the cursed thing across the floor but as soon as he moved it an inch, he heard Zetsu's voice roar,

"YOU HAD BETTER NOT SCRATCH UP MY POT OR IT WILL BE YOUR HEAD!!!" Sasori whined but nonetheless, picked up the pot again. Carrying both of them was damned near impossible and unfortunately, when Sasori was passing by a window, Zetsu yelled, "BUTLER!!!" Shocking the poor red-head and making him drop both the pot and the bottle. Everything shattered to the ground in a mess of red and glass and ceramic. Sasori gasped, trying not to give himself away.

"Oh no. Oh no, oh no, oh no!" He sank to his knees and tried to wipe up the mess with his coat. Somewhere in the back of his mind he knew it was useless but he wanted to try. He was desperately trying to clean up when he heard heavy footsteps coming towards him. When the footsteps stopped and he saw the two black boots of the Conchita in front of him, Sasori choked back a sob.

Zetsu's face was contorted in anger and his yellow eyes fierce as he screamed, "What the hell did you do?!" Sasori stood and replied,

"Maestro, I'm so sorry!!" As Sasori tried to plead his case, there was a deep growling growing from Zetsu. Finally, the green-haired man roared as he grabbed Sasori's shirt at his chest and dragged him towards the window. "PLEASE MAESTRO!!!" Zetsu didn't listen and kept on until he was at the window. He then gave that eerie smile and stated,

"I can't wait to taste you!", then gave a powerful shove. Sasori's yells were heard all the way to the village until they ended in a wet thud when he finally reached the floor outside.

Zetsu had no remorse about killing people anymore. Instead he stated, "He deserved it.", licking his lips. Then he looked at the mess on the floor and, grinning wildly, he got on all fours and began licking up the mess like an animal.


With Sasori gone, Kisame had to take full responsibility for the kitchen. And Zetsu would not take no for an answer. One stormy evening in June, Zetsu had demanded a salad made from weasel and scorpion. As the poor chef prepared the dish, he couldn't help but think that it was some sort of twisted joke. Nonetheless, he finished and prepared to take the dish to Zetsu. He held the plate in one hand and walked out of the kitchen. He looked up to see Zetsu sitting at the table, alone.

As if sensing the question, Zetsu commented, "Tobi is ill and the Maid claims to be." Kisame slowly nodded and walked over to the table and set the plate in front of the man. Zetsu immediately began to eat and held up his glass, commanding, "Wine." Kisame nodded but when he went to take the glass it slipped and fell to the ground, shattering. Zetsu growled and slammed his fists to the table. He yelled, "What the hell is wrong with you?!!"

Kisame sighed heavily and rubbed his hands, his exhausted hands. Hell, everything about him had become exhausted since Itachi's death. He then looked up and locked gazes with Zetsu before stating,

"My hands… Maestro,"

The poor man who cooked the wretched food was in his dire straits,

One night in June, the chef made a true deadly mistake

"Maestro Conchita, could I please take a break?"

When Zetsu heard Kisame's request. He blinked a few times. Then a wide, sharp-toothed grin stretched across his face. "A break?" Zetsu laughed. "A BREAK?!" Zetsu was in pure hysterics. "He wants a break! Did you hear that?! HA HA HA!!!" Kisame shook his head. He had known, since that day with the bird, that Zetsu wasn't stable. Yet, he had to be stubborn. He sighed and said,

"Yes, a break." Zetsu immediately stopped laughing and said,

"Really, what were we doing, making the same useless mistake?" Kisame raised an eyebrow,

"Maestro?" Zetsu began growling and soon he picked up the butcher's knife that he had at the table. Kisame backed away a few steps.

"Heh heh heh…" Before Kisame knew it, Zetsu was behind him and the floor was slowly being stained with blood. Zetsu licked at his now-bloody butcher's knife. Kisame slowly looked down and gasped. His left hand was gone! All there was now was a bleeding stump. He turned and saw Zetsu holding his severed hand in his mouth like an animal. Kisame wanted to scream but he just couldn't. So he managed to ask,

"Maestro? Could I have my hand back please?" Zetsu smirked and shook his head. "Come now, please?" Zetsu muffled,

"No!" Kisame screamed,

"Zetsu!! Quit being stubborn and give me my hand this instant!" Inwardly as he clutched at his wrist to slow the bleeding, Kisame sighed. It was like dealing with a child: A spoiled, demonic little child with too much power. Zetsu was quiet and stared at Kisame for a minute.

"Kisame…" He began softly, removing the hand from his mouth. "I'm hungry…" Kisame gulped and backed away again, saying,

"You have food on the table, Maestro." Zetsu whined,

"It's probably cold by now…" Zetsu opened his mouth, revealing needle-sharp teeth, and then ate a finger off of the chef's hand. Kisame grimaced as the crunching noises rang out through the room until his hand was gone. Zetsu then grinned wildly and said, "I think that I'm in the mood… for Chef!" At that moment, Kisame bolted from the room and into the hall. "KISAME! COME BACK!!" Zetsu screamed, giving chase.

The hunt must have lasted only a few minutes because when Kisame reached the third floor and the door to Tobi's room, he keeled over from blood-loss. Slowly like the predator that he was, Zetsu walked up behind Kisame and cooed, "You must be so tired, Kisame… Don't worry, I'll make this quick." He rose up the butcher's knife and had his eyes set on the back of Kisame's head.

He knew what was coming but Kisame wanted to look back for some strange reason. Maybe to see the face of his killer or something but he looked back.

The chef's last sight was of Zetsu's face smiling madly but tears streaming down his eyes.

Then the knife struck down.


"Always respect and honor him, pay tribute to our great Conchita,
Anyone that dares betray him, they will end up paying the greatest price…"
Tobi mused as he lay in his own bed. Deidara was there too; the Maid had been crying his eyes out the whole day and he only trusted Tobi to hear him out since Kisame seemed to only be half-there now of days. Deidara looked up when Tobi said those words, and Tobi continued, "I remember when Zetsu first married Tobi. The Queen of Spain had given me a gorgeous parrot from the tropics as a wedding present. It used to sing so beautifully. But, for some strange reason, after Zetsu came back from a hunting trip one day, Zetsu didn't like it as much." Tobi sharply inhaled, holding back a tear, "He took it to our old basement and… Tobi never saw it again."

"Why does he do this, un?" Deidara whispered. Tobi was going to answer but suddenly, they heard something:

"I'll eat up everything, everything that's in the world,
Today, the menu is to be made especially special!

Tobi gulped and told Deidara to get up. They walked over and opened the door to a gruesome sight.

Zetsu was simply sitting there, with a jar of pepper, some lemons, and his knife. The Conchita was covered in blood which increased in amount every time he hacked off a piece of Kisame's body. Then he would sprinkle on some pepper and squeeze it with lemon juice. Finally, he cut off some of Kisame's hair and placed it on his morsel, saying,

"The hair that's shining a sleek wonderful pale blue,

Is the perfect topping for delicious Chef Ceviche!"

"Why Zetsu?" Tobi murmured. Deidara had passed out from the sight of his last colleague being devoured. Zetsu chewed and swallowed, blood still running down his lips, and replied,

"Because, dearest wife, I can.", before hacking off another piece.


Deidara was panicking. He was the last servant left and it hadn't even been two weeks since Zetsu ate Kisame. But every time the Maid would go about his duties, he could help but notice the hungry look that Zetsu's yellow eyes would give him. But that afternoon in June, Deidara would find that he wouldn't have to worry about it much longer.

Zetsu had rang his bell, demanding a poison-ivy salad and Deidara went to work immediately, coming back with said product after hours of collecting enough of the leaves for a large enough dish. He came back and set the food in front of Zetsu and the man began to eat.

However, his eyes would never leave Deidara's face. Deidara shivered and asked, "Is there something that I can help you with, Maestro?" Zetsu shook his head silently and kept eating. "Bueno, then I will just leave now and- Ah!" The blonde tripped on a stray bone in the dining room. Zetsu raised an eyebrow, to which Deidara replied, upon standing up, "I'm fine, Maestro, just-Ow!" Deidara winced as he saw his finger. There was a long cut along it and it was bleeding.

Now, usually a cut wouldn't be that much to worry about. But Deidara whimpered, "Oh no…" When he saw the predatory smile grow in Zetsu's eyes. Before the blonde could run away, Zetsu had grabbed onto his wrist and was staring at the bleeding injury. Deidara was helpless as he watched Zetsu wrap his lips around his finger and suck on it like some sort of sweet. "Maestro…? Could you stop, please?" Zetsu amazingly let go, not because Deidara asked him, oh no. It was because the cut wasn't bleeding anymore. The green-haired man whined softly but went back to his salad. Deidara bowed and tried to walk away but Zetsu commanded that he stay put. As Zetsu ate, he commented,

"I must say Maid, that your blood is simply delicious…" Before Deidara could respond however, Zetsu had seemingly disappeared from his chair and was behind him. The poor blonde Maid was trembling uncontrollably and it only grew worse when he saw the thin, sharp knife that Zetsu had with him.

"Maestro..?!" Was the last thing that Deidara said before the knife whipped across his throat, sending waves of crimson onto the wall.

"It would be sinful if I did not drink it all!" Deidara could only cough twice before his body fell lifeless to the floor.

Hours later, Tobi would scream in agony as he found his husband licking up blood from the walls and floor and his last friend's body lying on the ground.


The Apostate Castle was silent; deathly so. No servants, no speech, nothing. Well, except the barking of a dog and the laughing of its master. On a sunny morning in August, Zetsu was currently outside playing with his pet hunting-hound, laughing and carrying on without a care in the world. Meanwhile, Tobi was sitting in the main room doing needlepoint. Or rather, moving his trembling hands across the fabric. He was all alone now, Zetsu had devoured everyone. He whimpered when he heard the door open and turned to see Zetsu smiling down at him.

"Buenos Dias, mi Amor." Tobi nodded silently in response. "It's a beautiful day, isn't it?"

"Yes..?" Zetsu chuckled and sat down on the couch across from Tobi. Things were silent as Tobi continued his work and Zetsu looked out the window. It was eerily peaceful and when Tobi looked up, he caught a glimpse of the man that he had fallen in love with.

The Conchitas had always been mean, it was a well-known fact. Orochimaru had a keen habit of only employing servants whom he had absolutely miserable, his wife Kabuto played out his dreams of becoming a doctor on unfortunate orphans from nearby orphanages, and then there was Zetsu… Originally, Zetsu was just a spoiled young man who only ate certain foods and only tolerated certain types of things.

In fact, some say that the only reason that Zetsu chose Tobi for his bride is that out of the fifty potential brides that he had, Tobi irritated him the least.

But for now, Tobi's thoughts were interrupted when Zetsu silently stood up and walked towards the kitchen. The small brunette gulped. He must be hungry again, he thought. When the green-haired man came back with a jar of millipedes, Tobi got his answer. Tobi closed his eyes but could still hear the crunches and soft hissing that were produced.

This went on for about an hour until the jar was finally emptied. Tobi dared to look up and saw Zetsu staring intently at him. "Yes Zetsu?" The next few seconds passed by like a fog.

Tobi blinked.

Zetsu shook his head.

Tobi trembled a bit.

Then Zetsu licked his lips.

Abruptly, Zetsu jumped at Tobi, the small male barely getting out of the way, causing both the Conchita and the couch to tip over. "Zetsu? Are you okay?" Tobi asked carefully. Zetsu slowly rose up and then growled out,

"No…" He then looked up, yellow eyes fierce and teeth sharp, "I'M STARVING!!!" Tobi gasped and ran away from the room, not so much as looking back. He could tell that the man was close on his heels so Tobi kept on running, not even thinking so much as to where he was heading. But suddenly, he saw an open door. Tobi sped up a bit and once inside the room, shut the door on the approaching menace. "TOBI!! Let me in, Mi Amor!" Zetsu screamed, kicking the door once. Tobi back away from the door, slowly shaking his head. It was when a certain smell passed through his nostrils that Tobi figured out where he had found sanctuary: The kitchen.

The smell of rotting flesh was almost unbearable here, but Tobi stayed put; he had nowhere else to go at the moment.

"TOBI!!!" Zetsu's voice roared as the door shook from being hit a few more times. The onslaught of noise went on for what seemed like forever until Tobi cried,

"STOP IT!" The noise slowed and then stilled. "Tobi can't take it anymore, Zetsu!" The brunette sobbed to the man on the other side of the door, "It's too much and now… There's no one that Tobi can go to!!" The small male stood there and sobbed and cried, effectively soaking his face and making a mess. Abruptly, a quiet voice said,

"Tobi? Mi Amor, I… I'm so sorry. Really, I…" A sharp inhale of breath, "I never wanted to make you unhappy." Tobi's crying softened a bit.


"Tobi, you know that I love you right?" Tobi gasped, his brown eyes widening.

"Zetsu… loves Tobi?"

"That's right. Now, just open this door so that I can wipe those tears away from your pretty face." Tobi beamed and immediately (against everybody's better judgment) opened the door. Zetsu calmly walked in with a warm smile on his face. After that, Zetsu wrapped his arms around Tobi in a tight embrace and kissed him on the cheek before moving to his soft lips. When they parted, the elder turned Tobi around so that the younger's back was to his own front. Between passionately licking, sucking, and kissing his wife's neck, Zetsu whispered various things like, "I love you," and, "You're mine, always," and finally, he stated,

"Honestly, if anything happened to you, who would cook for me?" Tobi sighed and chuckled softly, saying,

"Tobi can't cook." All movements from Zetsu stopped. "Zetsu?" Tobi asked upon feeling his husband still.

"What was that?" Zetsu asked, his hands discreetly going towards Tobi's neck. Tobi licked his own lips before replying,

"Tobi can't cook." All was quiet until Tobi heard a chuckle from the man behind him. Zetsu began,

"Oh my dearest and most beautiful bride…" His hands tightened around Tobi's neck and before he could do anything, Zetsu swiftly snapped the small male's neck to the side. When Zetsu removed his hands, Tobi's body fell lifeless to the floor. Sighing, the Conchita walked to the oven and started up a fire and then asked, "If you cannot cook, then what is it that you're good for?"


In the Apostate castle around September, if one was crazy enough to go near the building, they could hear a faint whistling. The whole castle was quiet and still except for that sound. No one was around, not even animals. Zetsu walked around his home, whistling and looking for something. "Here boy!" He called out, trying to find his hunting-hound.

He walked inside and then looked down onto the floor. There was a leather collar that seemed to have a huge bite-mark in it. Zetsu picked it up and groaned. "That's right, I had him for breakfast a few weeks ago. Damn it!" He placed the remains of the collar in his mouth and began chewing on it. Ever since that day that he had eaten Tobi, things weren't as easy as they used to be. In fact, there was hardly anything to eat in the whole castle now!

After he ate all he did, his castle was quite hollow,
There was no one or anything left for him to swallow…

Zetsu groaned out, clutching his stomach, "Oh… I'm starving…"

Even then, he still wanted more, even if he ate so crude,
The ultimate level of the most horrible food…

Zetsu walked around the castle in a daze, looking for something to eat even if it was a rat or an insect. He walked along a certain hallway that had various paintings on the wall. He went to the one of Kisame and Itachi and noted, in an increasingly manic voice, "You two were delicious! I wish that there was some of you left, Chef. Or even some of Itachi's delectable hair!" The pictures were silent but then Zetsu picked up a stray pen that still had ink in it. He wrote, in fine strokes, "6/17 for the Chef… and 12/6 for my sweet-tasting Advisor!"

He rushed to another painting and saw, "The Butler and the Maid. Hm, Sasori, you had a bit of a smoky flavor but we relished it nonetheless. And Deidara!" Zetsu picked up his pen and began to write again, "Your blood was like liquid Ambrosia on my lips!" When he was done with that painting it had the dates 1/13 and 6/25. Zetsu laughed giddily and moved onto the last painting. It was of himself and Tobi. He grinned again and said,

"Tobi, Mi Amor! You were sweeter than any cake both in life and on my tongue!" He wrote '8/21' on Tobi. After he did that he broke apart the pen and drank up what was left of the ink. He threw down the pieces and walked on. "Still, I'm so hungry..!" He yelled out. It was then that he passed by a large mirror. He looked into it and saw himself. Zetsu stared at his reflection for a long, long time. Then he licked his lips and laughed wildly.

I'll eat up everything, every bit that's in the world,
When there was nothing left, He happened to look at his hand…

Zetsu saw his hands and body in a whole new light right about now, grinning like a madman.

Just in time to save me, He thought and gave a grin…

"There's still something left that I haven't eaten yet!" He exclaimed joyously as he ran to the kitchen. Upon getting there, he…

"Hold on a second." Sai spoke up. Sasuke stopped telling his story and replied,

"What is it now, Sai?" The artist said,

"You know that that's impossible, right?"


"Eating yourself is impossible. I mean, you would die from blood-loss before you even got to your wrist." Sasuke scoffed and stated,

"Just because your story sucked doesn't mean that you have to criticize mine." The two cousins started arguing again, not at all taking the time to notice the shivering blonde in front of them.

"Damn it. They did it again, I won't be able to sleep for months now and…" Just then Naruto looked up behind the two arguing teens and screamed bloody-murder. Sasuke and Sai immediately stopped arguing and turned around. However, the only thing that was there was an old man with gray hair and old clothes.

"Well now, what do we have here? A couple of travelers?" Sasuke stood up and extended his hand, saying,

"Yes. Um, we're so sorry for trespassing, we were traveling and then a storm just caught us by surprise, and…" The old man held up a hand and said,

"It's no problem. It has been quite a while since this place has had visitors so make yourselves comfortable.

That's exactly what everyone did. Sasuke, Sai, and the old man were talking away about the castle and this part of Spain. However, Naruto was still scared the whole time. There was just something about the old man that he didn't trust.

A few hours later, the old man said, "You kids must be hungry. If one of you would accompany me, I have some food in the kitchen. Sasuke volunteered and followed the old man to the kitchen.

The old man went in first and then told Sasuke to come in.

It all happened so fast that navy-blunette didn't even hear the axe blow to his head.

A few minutes later, Sai and Naruto heard Sasuke's voice call out,

"Hey, Sai! Come here a second!" The artist shrugged his shoulders and walked to the kitchen, leaving Naruto alone by the lantern.

"Hey Sasuke, what is it?" The pale brunette walked in, looking for his cousin.

He never felt the knife slitting his throat.

Naruto was still sitting by the lantern, upright and awake. There was no way in hell that he could get to sleep right now. However, soon he hear both Sasuke and Sai's voices call out,

"Hey Dobe!"

"Koi, are you going to eat or not?"

Naruto took a deep breath before standing up and walking to the kitchen. He made it to the door and slowly opened it. "Teme, Sai, is everything okay…?" Blue eyes widened and the scream started off as a choke but soon grew into a blood-curdling yell of horror. Sasuke's body was being cut up into pieces by the old man and Sai's body was lying on the ground, quickly losing blood. "SASUKE! SAI?!" Sai had a little bit of strength left and he used it to whisper,

"Run… Na..ruto." However, before the advice could be followed. Naruto found his mouth and nose covered by a damp rag. Every time he panickly breathed in, his mind felt foggier and foggier. Until he finally passed out.

"I must tell you…" The old man began as he sat down at the table. There was a wide array of covered dishes there and on the side opposite him, Naruto sat naked in a metal tub with apples and strawberries. The blonde as tied up and gagged but his eyes were left uncovered. "It has been so long since I've had dinner company. And even longer since I've had such delicacies on my table." He lifted up a plate and revealed a salad, tossed with vinegar and the eyes of the two teens. Naruto howled through his gag, even if it sounded muffled.

The man paid him no mind as he began to eat. "You're probably wondering why." He spoke. Naruto slowly opened one eye back up and saw the man talking to him. "Well, let's just say that your little boyfriends' story wasn't too off the mark of what truly transpired here. However, Zetsu wasn't always such… a connoisseur.

One day, before he got married, Zetsu Conchita went on a hunting trip. There, he encountered a truly strange creature. It was a fox, but unlike any other foxes he had seen, this one was the color of fire and it had nine tails.

Happy to have discovered such a find, Zetsu immediately went to kill this creature.

But I had other ideas…

As the man spoke, his body transformed into that of a human-sized fox. His eyes were red like blood and his fur the color of fire from his head to his nine tails. The fox chuckled deeply and finished off his salad before moving onto the next dish: A soup made with Sasuke's blood.

"You see, I am a type of parasitic-demon. Anyone who tries to harm me, I'll just possess and feed off of. It's quite the life." Naruto couldn't believe what he was hearing, was this really happening?! "I have possessed some of the greatest names in history, kid. Jack The Ripper, Sweeny Todd, Vlad Dracul… And I'll have you know…" He drank some of the soup, "They were all delicious!" Naruto squirmed around in the tub, trying to see if he could turn it over or something before this demon finished eating.

Suddenly the demon walked over and removed Naruto's gag. He smirked, asking, "aren't you even going to ask my name?" Naruto decided in that moment that it was best to keep this monster talking.

"Who are you?" The demon walked around the tub and stated,

"Kyuubi no Kitsune is the Japanese name." The Kyuubi picked up a bottle of brandy and poured it all over Naruto. The blonde coughed and shook his head, to which Kyuubi replied, "Don't do that! The liqueur will never set that way. Naruto calmed down and asked,

"Well then, you must know what really happened to Zetsu. Right?" Kyuubi roared as he sat back down,

"That little brat! I told him to go into the village and demand that they feed him but no! He was too selfish and lazy!"

"There's a whole village down there, Zetsu…" Kyuubi growled, causing the man to have another headache. Zetsu shook his head,

"I'm hungry now!" The Conchita was in the kitchen and he picked up a large axe in one hand and put his other hand on the table.

"Zetsu!" Too late. Zetsu had swung down and his wrist was now pouring blood. But the Conchita was too far gone to notice. He picked up his hand and began eating.

The most vile food in the world food is a Conchita,

"Eating it fresh, oh yes, I don't care that I'm eating me!" Zetsu murmured through his chewing. Meanwhile, Kyuubi growled,

"This idiot is going to kill the both of us!" At that moment, Kyuubi left Zetsu's body. All of a sudden, Zetsu felt somewhat empty. He stopped his feeding and looked behind him. Kyuubi looked down on him and growled. "I wonder how you taste right about now…"

Zetsu's screams were the last things to come from the Apostate Castle.

"So…" Naruto began again, "Those were your marks on Zetsu's picture?" Kyuubi nodded, knocking one of the now empty plates to the ground. "You finished it all already?!" Naruto gasped, the fear returning. Kyuubi smiled, walking over,

"I'm a growing demon." He then poured another bottle of brandy on Naruto.

"What are you doing to me?!" Naruto asked.

"Making quite the delicious dessert." Naruto yelped in fear and exclaimed,

"You don't want to eat me! I'm full of sodium and not good for you at all probably!!!" Kyuubi chuckled as he lit up a match.

"Cute. I wonder if I added enough fruit." The fox tossed in an apple. "There we are! Now, let's flambé!!!" He roared, about to toss the flame into the tub. Naruto clamped his eyes shut and screamed,

"STOP, I'LL DO ANYTHING!!!" Everything stopped. The petrified blonde was trembling and hyperventilating as he sat, waiting for his demise. However, he heard the fox chuckle again.

"Anything, huh?" Naruto looked up at the fox and nodded tearfully. Kyuubi smiled wide, his bloody, sharp fangs showing.

A few months later...

A young college student by the name of Sakura Haruno was walking around her university one evening. She was holding a bag of food from some random restaurant and was humming and thinking to herself. 'I wonder if Naruto's even home right now?'

Oh yes, while the blonde teen was in Spain with his two boyfriends (who happened to still be the heart-throbs of the school), they had all been abducted and the two Uchihas murdered. The Spain police arrived just in time to rescue Naruto from the raging psychopath, the details went.

When the blonde got home, everyone was there for him to get him through his tough times. However, Naruto seemed to be more reclusive since coming back from that ordeal.

'And who could blame him? That experience must have been so traumatic...' Sakura thought. However, looking down to the bag she had, she smiled sadly. 'He hasn't been eating much either...' This is why she was here in the middle of the night trying to get to Naruto's dorm-room. From the distance, she heard barking and gave a sad sigh.

Coincidentally, a few months after Naruto came back, various pets and animals had been going missing all over the dorms and the surrounding city. Sakura's pink-dyed French Poodle, Mochi, was one of them. 'I'll have to ask Naruto if he's seen him around lately.' Finally, the pink-haired girl made it to Naruto's room. She knocked on the door, "Ne... Naruto-kun?" There was no response. "Hm? Hey, I know that you're in here!"

The door slowly creaked open. "Oh, well. I guess I'll just go on inside." Sakura walked in and noticed that the dorm-room was more of a dorm-suite. "Well, I guess that's what happens when you share a room with two other people." Also, there were the most... peculiar smells coming from the kitchenette. "Hey! Naruto!"

The blonde had been stirring a pot that was boiling away on the stove but when he heard his name called, he immediately went to the main room. He blinked and asked, "Sakura-chan? What are you doing here?" The girl replied,

"I've been worried about you, silly! You haven't been eating lunch lately, and don't try and act like I wouldn't notice! So I brought you some food." She handed the bag to Naruto. The blonde gulped, a bit uneasy, and smiled,

"Thanks a lot! I'll be, um, sure to eat it..." He absent-mindedly sat the bag down.

"No problem!" Sakura smiled and turned towards the door when her foot kicked against something that made a bit of a jingling noise. "Huh? What's this?" She picked it up and saw that it was a shiny red cat's-bell. Naruto gulped,

"Um, it's nothing! But you probably should be going, ne Sakura-chan?" Sakura wasn't listening but she commented,

"This looks like the bell from my neighbor's cat's collar." She looked down at the ground and saw various random items. "Huh? This is... The collar from one of Professor Hatake's dogs. And this is the key to Professor Umino's aquarium. The studded collar from Ino's pot-bellied pig..." As Sakura went on, she didn't notice how angry the blonde was getting.

Or the growling coming from his stomach...

"Sakura... I'm kind of in the middle of something, so if you could go..." He seethed out. Sakura looked up and mistook the blonde's growing flush to be a blush.

"Oh, I see! You finally took my advice and have started playing the field! Let me see the lucky fellow!" And the pink-haired girl walked into the kitchen without so much as a nod from Naruto.

"Sakura, no!" Naruto tried to protest. But Sakura had already walked in and said,

"Hi there, I'm Sakura and... and. . ." Her eyes widened and she clamped her hands over her mouth as nausea tried to take over. There on the counter next to a boiling pot, was bloody bits of pink fur and the remains of a red tortoise-shell. "No... No, it can't be..." She whispered out as she subconsciously walked to the pot. The pink-haired girl looked into it and a few seconds later, a dog's head floated up.

"MOCHI!?!" She screamed. Silently, Naruto walked up behind her and commented,

"That 'Bubble-Gum Hair-Dye' doesn't taste like bubble-gum at all." She whipped around and saw Naruto holding a bloody butcher's knife that he randomly took licks from.

"Naruto..? Wh-What is this? M-Mochi and Kame-chan?" Kame-chan was her boyfriend, Lee's pet tortoise.

"Heh heh... I was hungry?" Naruto offered, licking up some more blood.

"What the hell is your problem?!" Sakura screamed. "You're the one who's been taking all the animals?! WHY?!" Naruto blew one of his bangs out of his face and replied,

"Like I said, I was hungry. And it's not really my fault..." He pushed Sakura out of the way and stirred his pot. "Everyone let's their pets and animals go free at random hours of the day. Something's bound to happen to them." He tasted the stew and asked, "Want some?" Sakura held back vomiting and walked away, saying,

"I'm calling the police!" In a flash, Naruto was at the door, locking it. Sakura backed up a bit when he stated,

"I can't let you do that Sakura-chan." Then Naruto looked up and Sakura saw the most horrifying blood-red eyes. "Besides, that stew needs something... And I think I just found it."

The last thing Sakura Haruno remembered was as Naruto's hands cut of her supply of oxygen, she heard Naruto's voice whisper, "I'm sorry..."

Meanwhile, deep inside Naruto's stomach, Kyuubi chuckled. "That's it my boy..." He relaxed in his new home and cackled,

"Now I know the taste of everything that's in the world,
But nobody will ever know what it is that I taste like...!

(1) Opsomania- An obsession in which a person will only eat one certain type of food. Often bordering the line of madness.

(2) Amante- Mistress

A/N: Hey guys...

Deidara- I thought this was supposed to be for Thanksgiving.

TG- Do you know what I've had to go through at school?! I still have two essays due soon and then finals! Plus, this story took forever! It was even longer than the first one! But, peoples... Please tell me what you think. Was it awful? Was it freaky? I needs to know! So please Review if you have the time! Until next time ( I don't know when that will be because I think that I'm taking a bit of a break from the Akatsuki Horror Series until after I finish ASUE and put out a KisaIta one-shot),

-Tyranno's girl.